Neely's  Library  of  Choice  Literature 

It  ETA  11^  5O  CEXTS.     Entered  as  Second  Class. 


The  Princess  of  Alaska—  Richard  Henry  Savage. 

In  The  Quarter— Robert  W.  Chambers. 

The  Man  in  BlacH— Stanley  J,  Weyman. 

The  Anarchist;  A  Story  of  To-Day— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

A  Rented  Husband—  Voisin. 

Hawaiian  Life;  or,  Lazy  Letters  from  Low  Latitudes — Charles 
Warren  Stoddard. 

Love  Affairs  of  a  Worldly  Man— Maibelle  Justice. 

Love  Letters  of  a  Worldly  Woman— Mrs.  W.  K.  Clifford. 

On  a  Margin — Julius  Chambers.    416  pages. 

For  Life  and  Love— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

The  Passing  Shoiv— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

Delilah  of  Harlem— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

The  Masked  Venus— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

Prince  Schamyl's  Wooing— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

The  Little  Lady  of  Lagunitas— Richard  Henry  Savage. 

Nance— A  Kentucky  Romance— Nanci  Lewis  Greene. 

Madam  Sapphira—Vdgea  Saltus.    A  Fifth  Avenue  Story. 

Are  Men  Gay  Deceivers  ?— Mrs.  Frank  Leslie— with  Author's  Por 
trait. 

Miss  Madam — Opie  Reed,  Author  of  a  Kentucky  Colonel. 

The  Fallen  Race — Austyn  Granville.  A  strange  narrative  of  the  in 
terior  of  Australia.  Beautifully  illustrated  with  half-tone  en 
gravings. 

When  a  Man's  Single — J.  M.  Barrie,  Author  of  "The  Little  Minis 
ter." 

A  Young  Lady  To  Marry,  and  other  French  Stories — Claretie  Mai- 
ret,  Guy  de  Maupassant,  Coppee,  Noir,  and  Greville.  320  pages. 

The  Adopted  Daughter— Edgar  Fawcett.     His  most  powerful  book. 

Stveet  Danger — Ella  Wheeler  Wilcox.  Beautifully  illustrated  with 
half-tone  engravings.  320  pages. 

Bitter  Fruits—  Madam  Caro.  Illustrated  with  beautiful  half-tone  en 
gravings  320  pages. 

L'Evangeliste— Alphonse  Daudet*;  320' pages,.  nius^rfcteci  with  beau 
tiful  half-tone  engravings. 

Remarks  by  Bill  Nye— Edgar  Wilson  frY^.  5QO  pages,  150  illustra 
tions. 

Hypnotism — Jules  Claretie. 


For  sale  by  the  trade,  or  will  be  mailed  by  the  Publisher  on  receipt 

of  price. 


F,  TENNYSON  NEELY,  PUBLISHER, 


NEELY'S  POPULAR  LIBRARY. 

RETAIL.,  25  CENTS.    Entered  as  Second 


The  Major  in  Washington  City— Major  Randolph  Gore  Hampton. 

(Second  Series.) 

Rose  and  Ninette— Alphonse  Daudet. 
The  Minister's  Weak  Point— David  Maclure. 
At  Love's  Extremes — Maurice  Thompson. 
By  Right,  Not  Latv—R.  H.  Sherard. 
Ships  That  Pass  in  tlie  Night— Beatrice  Harraden. 
Dodo;  A  Detail  of  the  Day—&.  F.  Benson.     213  pages. 
A  Holiday  in  Bed,  and  Other  Sketches— J.  M.  Barrie.      180  pages. 
Christopher  Columbus;  His  Life  and  Voyages— Franc  B.  Wilkie. 
In  Darkest  England  and  the  Way  Out— Gen.  Booth.    375  pages. 
Uncle  Tom's  Cabin— Harriet  Beecher  Stowe,  with  Author's  Biogra 
phy.     512  pages. 

Dream  Life—Tk.  Marvel  (Donald  G.  Mitchell).  234  pages. 
Cosmopolis—Paul  Bourget.  350  pages. 

Reveries  of  a  Bachelor — Ik.  Marvel  (Donald  G.  Mitchell) . 
Was  it  Suicide  ?— Ella  Wheeler  Wilcox.  Author's  Portrait. 
Poems  and  Tarns— James  Whitcomb  Kiley  and  Bill  Nye.  Over  100 

illustrations.    230  pages. 

An  English  Girl  in  America— Tallulah  Matteson  Powell. 
Sparks  from  the  Pen  of  Bill  Nye—lW  pages  of  Bill  Nye's  beet 

stories. 

People's  Reference  Book— 999,999  facts.     208  pages. 
Martha  Washington  Cook  Book— 352  pages,  illustrated.     600,000 

sold. 

Health  and  Beauty— Emily  S.  Bouton.    288  pages. 
Social  Etiquette— Emily  S.  Bouton.     "Manners  Make  the  Man."     288 

pages. 

Looking  Forward— An  imaginary  visit  to  the  World's  Fair.     Illus 
trated.     250tpages.  ,..,«,• 


For  sale  by  the  trade,  or..wi|i-be  mailed  by  the  Publisher  on  receipt 

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THE    LYNCHING. 


See  page    1 24 


SECOND  SERIES  OF 


THE  MAJOR 

I  N 

WASHINGTON  CITY. 


M/SOOR?  FiANDOLPKr  GORE  HAMPTON. 

•'''.'     :  *  >-  *' 

SOME  AMUSING  AND  AMAZING  LETTERS  FROM  A 
SOUTHERN  STANDPOINT. 


F.  TENNYSON  NEELY 

Publisher 

CHICAGO  NEW   YORK 

1894 


COPYRIGHTED,  1894, 

BY 
JOHN  A.  COCKERILL 


INTRODUCTORY. 


THE  success  which  attended  the  publication  of 
"  The  Major  "  in  the  columns  of  the  MORNING  AD 
VERTISER  and  subsequently  in  book  form  has  in 
duced  me  to  present  the  public  with  a  second  series 
of  these  casual  letters. 

For  the  benefit  of  those  unfamiliar  with  the  first 
volume,  into  whose  hands  these  pages  may  chance 
to  fall,  it  may  be  said  that  Major  Randolph  Gore 
Hampton  is  a  peculiar  but  not  altogether  rare  type 
of  the  Southerner.  Born  in  Alabama  in  the  slave 
period,  he  came  into  possession  of  his  father's  estate, 
near  Tuskegee,  in  1858.  His  father,  Colonel  Cal- 
houn  Hampton,  had  lived  in  careless  luxury,  as  did 
most  of  the  slave-owners  in  that  period,  and  his  only 
son,  "  The  Major,"  as  we  know  him,  grew  up  as  most 
Southern  youths,  with  little  or  no  taste  for  educa 
tion,  but  with  boundless  capacity  for  sport  and  out 
door  amusement.  His  father's  estate  when  he  in 
herited  consisted  of  1,500  acres  of  cotton  land,  a 
strong  force  of  slaves,  and  the  horses,  mules  and 
machinery  incident  to  a  plantation  of  that  period. 
At  the  breaking  out  of  the  War  of  the  Rebellion  the 
Major  had  so  mismanaged  in  his  prodigal  way  as  to 

(7) 


8  Introductory. 

reduce  the  plantation  to  1,000  acres,  heavily  mort 
gaged. 

A  firm  believer  in  the  South  and  its  institutions, 
he  promptly  enrolled  himself  in  the  Eighth  Alabama 
Regiment  and  rose  from  Captain  to  Major  before  the 
close  of  the  War.  He  served  in  the  Army  of  North 
ern  Virginia  with  marked  bravery  and  devotion  and 
was  at  Appomattox  when  the  surrender  of  Lee  prac 
tically  closed  the  terrible  contest  between  the  sec 
tions. 

In  the  Spring  of  1865  the  Federal  General  Wilson, 
marching  ruthlessly  with  cavalry  through  Tennessee, 
Alabama  and  into  Georgia,  called  at  the  Major's 
plantation,  designated  as  "The  Juleps,"  Briar  Root 
P.  O.,  and  left  it  in  desolation.  Thirty  of  his  negroes 
followed  the  Federals,  as  did  a  number  of  his  mules, 
and  all  his  cotton  was  given  to  flames.  Returning 
in  bitterness,  he  became  an  Implacable  and  a  leader 
among  the  Unreconstructed. 

The  election  of  1892  resulting  in  the  complete 
triumph  of  his  party,  he  felt  that  the  time  had  come 
when  the  South  could  assert  itself  as  the  potent  and 
dominating  force  in  the  Union  and  he  interpreted 
that  victory  as  a  guarantee  that  all  the  wrongs  of  his 
beloved  South  would  be  righted  and  all  the  damages 
growing  out  of  the  War,  which  he  held  to  be  un 
constitutional,  promptly  adjusted,  Having  a  claim 
against  the  Federal  Government  for  $50,000,  interest 
included,  he  was  induced  by  a  few  of  his  neighbors 
to  go  to  Washington  City  in  August,  1893,  to  urge 
the  complete  fulfillment  of  the  Chicago  platform 
and  the  prompt  payment  of  the  Southern  War 
Claims. 


Introductory.  9 

He  arrived  in  Washington  full  of  hope.  He  final 
ly  took  up  his  residence  in  Hominy  Hall,  a  board 
ing  house  kept  by  Sylvester  Toombs,  a  venerable 
Georgian  who  had  gone  to  Washington  some  years 
previous,  to  urge  a  War  Claim,  and  who  was  forced 
to  maintain  himself  by  entertaining  such  of  his 
Southern  friends  in  the  Capital  as  desired  the  com 
forts  of  home  and  congenial  Southern  society.  The 
chief  boarder  in  this  Southern  retreat  was  ex -Judge 
Fairfax  Carter,  of  Virginia,  an  attorney  for  Southern 
claimants,  with  whom  the  Major  established  pleasant 
relations  at  once.  He  soon  found  that  his  faith  in 
President  Cleveland  was  misplaced  and,  despite  his 
heroic  efforts,  he  discovered  an  unwillingness  upon 
the  part  of  Congress  to  pay  Southern  War  Claims,, 
re-establish  the  State  Banking  system  or  curtail  the 
pensions  of  Union  Veterans — all  of  which  the  Major 
solemnly  believes  to  be  the  religious  duty  of  the  said 
Congress.  The  hopes,  the  disappointments,  the  dis 
couragements  and  the  vicissitudes  of  The  Major  are 
set  forth  in  his  frank  and  disingenuous  letters.  He 
is  presented  as  an  exaggerated  type  of  a  class  of 
fierce  Sectionalists  now  slowly  passing  away.  He  is 
the  natural  result  of  environment,  false  education  and 
unbridled  prejudices.  Unaccustomed  to  writing,  he 
expresses  in  a  crude  way  the  thoughts  and  impulses 
which  rise  as  events  unfold  around  him.  His  chief 
points  are  his  seriousness  and  the  fixed  belief,  under 
all  circumstances,  that  he  is  a  chivalric,  high-keyed 
gentleman.  He  is  proud  of  his  birthright,  of  his 
State  and  his  Cause,  and  entirely  unconscious  of  the 
weakness  and  irregularity  of  his  orthography.  A 
superficial  student  of  politics,  he  manages  to  express 


IO  Introductory. 

some  trenchant  thoughts  and  is  the  unconscious 
channel  of  some  homely,  vigorous  truths  which  it  is 
just  as  well,  perhaps,  that  the  country  should  hear  at 
this  time. 

And  such  as  the  bibulous,  aggressive  Major  is,  the 
country  is  welcome  to  him. 

THE  AUTHOR. 
NEW  YORK,  April,  1894. 


THE  MAJOR  AND  THE  BATTLE  FLAGS. 


HE  REBUKES  A  CONNECTICUT  YANKEE — HOW  A 
MEAN  YANKEE  LIVES — A  CARD  SHARPER  INVADES 
HIS  POKER  ROOM — A  CALL  FROM  AN  EX-UNION 
SOLDIER. 


"SEE    HERE,    OLD    NUTMEG,    SEZ    I." 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Oct.  7. 

I  see  that  the  survivors  of  a  Mississippi  ridgement, 
C.  S.  A.,  are  to  return  the  colors  to  the  Fifty-third 


12:     ••  v    Th'e^MajpK.in  Washington  City. 

Illinois  which  our  boys  captured  at  the  battle  of 
Jackson,  Miss.  Considerable  friendly  correspondence 
has  taken  place  between  our  gallant  boys  and  a  G.  A. 
R.  post  in  Bloomington,  111.,  the  home  of  our  noble 
Vice  President,  and  the  formal  transfer  of  the  colors 
will  soon  take  place.  Personally  I  am  not  in  favor 
of  givin  up  so  much  as  a  cussed  rag  that  we  captured 
from  the  Northern  hirelings/ and  for  that  reason  I 
have  my  keen  objections  to  these  proceedins ;  but  I 
think  my  sober  Southern  intellect  has  penetrated  a 
neat  disguise  here.  From  what  I  know  of  the  feel- 
ins  of  the  people  of  the  South  I  am  willin  and 
anxious  to  make  a  solemn  affidavit  that  this  isn't  a 
genuine  battle  flag.  And  that  reminds  me  of  an 
incident.  When  the  glad  tidins  spread  like  wild 
fire  through  the  South,  endurin  Mr.  Cleveland's 
first  term,  that  he  proposed  to  return  our  stolen 
flags  there  was  a  skin-deep  feelin  that  we  ought  to 
reciprocate.  And  I  am  the  individooal  that  told 
them  how  to  do  it.  One  evening  in  Brackenridge 
Blackburn's  saloon  in  Tuskeegee  I  spoke  to  the 
boys  to  this  effect : 

"  If  we  have  to  send  back  any  battle  flags  for 
appearances'  sake  let  us  send  'em  'fake'  battle  flags." 
[Sensation.]  "  Keep  the  battle  torn  and  blood 
stained  trophies  to  hand  down  to  our  children  as 
evidence  of  our  patriotism  and  prowess  and  fix  up 
some  counterfeit  colors  for  the  sneakin'  thieves  up 
North."  [Cheers.]  "  We  can  do  it  easy  as  rollin'  off  a 
log.  Yankee  flags  is  damd  cheap  down  here."  [Laugh 
ter.]  "  I  may  say  that  they  are  a  drug  on  the  mar 
ket."  [Continued  laughter.]  "  There  is  nothin'  that 
I  can  recall  that  goes  a  beggin'  for  customers  as  they 
do."  [Screams  of  laughter.]  "  Therefore  when  you 
want  to  send  a  battle  flag  back  to  our  hated  adver 
saries  go  to  a  grocery  store  and  buy  one  for  fifteen 


The  Major  and  the  Battle  Flags.  13 

cents,  shoot  it  full  of  holes,  drag  it  in  the  mud,  pour 
coffee  over  it  and  send  it  along  with  friendly  and 
fraternal  greetin's  C.  O.  D." 

You  bet  the  suggestion  was  cheered  to  the  echo, 
and,  carried  away  by  the  exuberance  of  the  moment, 
Colonel  Virginius  Jackson,  a  relative  of  "  Stonewall," 
ordered  the  drinks  and  paid  for  them.  If  Mr.  Cleve 
land  had  not  been  thwarted  in  his  noble  intentions 
— probably  the  best  intentions  the  feller  ever  had — 
we  would  have  met  him  half  way  in  the  battle-flag 
business,  and  the  above  is  the  way  we  would  have 
done  it. 

It  would  tickle  me  half  to  death  to  learn  that 
these  old  sap-suckers  of  the  Fifty-third  Illinois  are 
to  get  a  "  salted  "  battle  flag.  I'm  goin'  to  write 
down  to  Mississippi  and  find  out  about  this. 


I  was  introduced  to  a  slab-sided  cider  maker  from 
Connecticut  the  other  day,  who  grasped  me  by  the 
hand  and  said  he  was  always  "  glad  to  greet  a  man 
from  the  New  South."  If  there  is  anything  that 
makes  me  chafe  in  the  harness  it  is  to  hear  flap 
doodle  about  the  so-called  "  New  South."  I  was 
hot  in  "a  minute.  "  See  here,  old  Nutmeg,"  sez  I, 
drawn  myself  up  to  my  full  hite,  "  you  will  obleege 
me  by  makin'  no  allusions  to  the  '  New  South.' 
There  ain't  no  *  New  South/  and  if  your  blue-nosed 
children  live  to  be  centipedes  they'll  never  see  one. 
The  South  is  the  same  dear,  old  blessed  South  she 
was  afore  our  Second  War  for  National  Independ 
ence.  This  she  is  to-day,  old  Nutmeg,  and  ever 
shall  be,  world  without  end,  AMEN!"  and  I  ejacu 
lated  the  last  word  with  such  vehemence  that  old 
shad-belly  from  Bark  Hampsted  sunk  into  his  shoes. 
I  won't  have  any  of  this  "  New  South "  nonsense 


14  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

around  where    I  am.     I'd  as  soon  hear  of  a  town 
down  in  my  State  called  Sherman. 

#•  *  * 

In  the  Metropolitan  bar  yesterday  a  miserable 
red-eyed,  shabby-genteel  man  approached  me  and 
introduced  himself  as  Colonel  Hoke,  from  Tatnall 
County,  Gawjah.  He  said  that  his  people  had  in 
duced  him  to  come  to  Washington  and  assist  in  the 
work  of  securing  recognition  of  their  War  Claims, 
and  knowing  that  I  was  the  pioneer  in  this  work  he 
wished  to  co-operate.  I  saw  at  oncet  that  he  was  a 
base  fraud.  I  told  him  that  at  first  I  supposed  that 
Washington  City  had  phillypeened  Tatnall  County 
and  that  they  had  sent  him  on  as  a  present,  but  he 
growed  somewhat  indignant  and  sereus.  So  I  said 
to  him:  "Colonel,  I'm  right  here  and  doin  all  that 
can  be  done  to  secure  justice  for  the  impoverished 
South.  I  think  I  have  as  much  influence  with  this 
Administration  as  you  are  likely  to  have  and  every 
thing  pretty  much  rests  with  Grover  Cleveland.  I'm 
with  you  very  much  like  the  nigger  that  was  ridin 
along  the  road  one  day  on  a  mule  and  fell  asleep. 
The  mule  was  strollin  quietly  when  he  stopt  to 
scratch  some  flies  off  his  stummock  with  his  hind 
foot.  In  doin  so  he  caught  the  toe  of  his  shoe  in 
the  stirrup  and  had  to  stop  still  on  three  legs.  The 
nig  woke  up  an'  lookin  around  and  seein  the  mule's 
foot  in  the  stirrup  he  hollered  :  '  Looky  hyar,  Mister 
Mule,  by  golly,  ef  you're  gwine  ter  git  up  I'se  gwine 
ter  git  down ! '  Now  Mr.  Mule,  from  Gawjah,  ef 
you're  goin  to  get  up  and  run  this  business  of  mine 
here  in  Washington  I'm  goin  to  git  down.  They 
ain't  room  for  two  such  Southern  patriots  as  us." 
The  old  slob  pertended  to  be  hurt  but  I  smoothed 
him  down  with  the  loan  of  a  dollar.  I  found  out 
afterwards  that  he  had  been  hangin  around  Wash- 


The  Major  and  the  Battle  Flags.  15 

ington  for  eight  or  ten  years  and  that  he  come  from 
somewhere  on  the  Eastern  Sho  of  Maryland.     If  he 
interferes  with  me  and  my  work  I'll  make  him  wish 
he  was  located  on  the  Eastern  Sho  of  Pattygony. 
#•  •*  * 

A  party  of  us  Southern  gentlemen  was  discussing 
the  other  evenin  the  sad  condition  of  some  of  our 
folks  who  are  here  waitin  for  office  and  the  straits 
that  some  are  reduced  to  are  really  heart  renderin. 
It  is  as  much  as  we  can  do  to  keep  our  Hominy  Hall 
boardin  house  runnin  on  Southern  patronage. 
Couldn't  do  it  if  it  wasn't  for  my  makin  close  col 
lections  from  the  boarders  for  the  Widow  Toombs. 
One  of  the  gentlemen  in  the  groope  referred  to,  by 
way  of  explainin  how  little  is  required  to  sustain 
human  life  after  all,  said  he'd  heard  of  a  mean  Yankee 
man  here  in  town  who  was  livin  on  fifty  cents  a 
week.  He  said  this  man  had  a  married  sister  livin 
over  in  Georgetown  that  he  visited  and  took  dinner 
with  every  Sunday.  He'd  eat  enough  then  to  last 
him  till  Tuesday,  On  Wednesday  he'd  go  downtown 
and  buy  a  quarter's  worth  of  tripe  which  he  cooked 
in  his  room  over  a  coal  oil  lamp.  Tripe  always  made 
him  deathly  sick.  He'd  gorge  himself  with  this 
tripe  and  that  would  put  him  to  bed  and  destroy  his 
appetite  till  Sunday.  Then  he'd  repeat  the  George 
town  visit,  etc.  Everybody  laffed  over  this,  and 
one  man  wanted  to  know  what  the  Yank  did  with 
the  other  twenty-five  cents,  but  that,  of  course, 
went  for  rent  and  incidentals.  While  this  anneck- 
dote  created  some  merriment  it  set  me  to  thinkin. 
I  said  to  myself,  just  think  of  us  Southern  Cavaleers, 
generous,  whole-soled  and  improvident,  tryin  to  live 
in  a  Government  with  a  race  of  Puritans  that  can 
produce  such  a  man  as  the  one  referred  to.  But 
that's  been  our  trouble.  While  we  live  in  the  most 


1 6  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

fertile  and  luxurious  section  that  the  sun  ever  shone 
on,  we  give  no  thought  to  saving.  We  live  luxoori- 
ously  and  extravagantly,  while  these  skinflint,  thrifty 
Yankees  save  all  they  get  holt  of  and  then  go  round 
talkin  about  their  industry.  It  ain't  industry,  it's 
meanness  that  makes  them  appear  prosperous.  But 
what's  the  use  grumblin  ? 

#  #  •* 

At  our  poker  parlor  last  evenin  an  incident  oc 
curred  which  pained  me  greatly.  A  young  gentleman 
from  Southern  Maryland  named  Brutus  Tarquin 
Cockey,  which  I  had  known  for  several  weeks, 
dropped  in  at  the  place  and  introduced  a  Mr.  Rogers, 
of  Savannah,  Ga.,  who  appeared  to  be  as  fine  a  man 
as  ever  was.  They  got  into  a  game  of  draw,  and 
Cockey  won  about  $800.  I  was  surprised  at  his 
luck,  but  after  he  and  his  friend  had  went  out  a 
smart  chap  come  and  told  me  that  Rogers  was  a  pro- 
feshional  card  sharp  from  New  York  and  that  he  used 
to  know  him  in  Lowell,  Mass.,  where  he  was  raised. 
By  the  spirit  of  Calhoun,  but  that  did  rile  me  !  To 
have  our  place  invaded  by  a  skin  gambler  was  bad 
enough,  but  to  have  honorable  Southern  gentlemen 
(three  of  them  M.  C.'s)  robbed  by  a  sneakin,  taller- 
faced  Yankee,  made  me  paw  the  earth.  I  grabbed 
my  hat  and  started  for  them.  I  hunted  the  town 
over  but  couldn't  find  hide  nor  hair  of  'em,  and  it's 
providential  I  didn't,  I  reckon,  for  there'd  been 
mournin  in  at  least  two  families.  To  think  of  that 
young  Marylander,  belongin'  to  a  good  Southern 
family  related  to  Lord  Baltimore,  travelin  around 
with  a  Yankee  card  thief.  What  is  this  generation  a 
comin  too  ?  Has  honour  been  drove  out  of  the 
Southern  people  by  contact  with  the  sordid,  unskru- 
pulous  Yankees?  I  fear  that  the  war  not  only  ruined 
us  financially  but  that  it  degraded  our  Southern 


The  Major  and  the  Battle  Flags.  17 

character.  I  was  so  mad  about  this  eppersode  that 
when  I  got  back  to  the  house  and  old  Colonel  Vesu 
vius  Doswell  bantered  me  for  a  single-handed  game 
of  draw  I  got  out  a  deck  of  marked  cards  and  done 
him  out  of  $250,  all  he  had — a  thing  I  haven't  done  for 
some  time,  as  I'm  gettin'  too  old  to  see  the  marks 

well  now. 

*  *  * 

I  was  called  on  yesterday  by  a  impudent  Captain 
Hector  Bruce,  who  introduced  himself  by  sayin  that 
he  was  from  Wisconsin  and  that  his  ridgement  was 
with  General  Wilson  when  his  cavalry  raided  through 
Tuskeegee  in  the  spring  of  '65.  He  merely  wanted 
to  gaze  on  me.  I  said,  "  I  suppose  you're  one  of  the 
dirty  mob  that  robbed  my  plantation,  takin  my 
horses,  cattle  and  chickens  and  burnin  my  cotton 
and  fence  rails?"  He  said  he  personally  had  never 
harmed  any  sivilian  in  the  South,  and  he  tried  to  be 
right  pleasant,  but  I  wouldn't  have  it.  He  told  about 
Tuskeegee  bein'  a  great  place  for  schools  and  how 
when  General  Wilson  was  goin'  to  burn  the  printin 
office  of  a  rebel  paper  a  widow  woman  come  up  and 
said  that  the  property  was  hers  and  that  it  was  this 
printin  office  that  printed  all  the  bibles  and  school 
books  for  that  part  of  the  South.  She  said  that  she 
was  loyal  and  she  took  a  solemn  oath  not  to  let  any 
more  rebel  newspapers  be  printed  on  her  press  and 
the  General  let  her  go.  I  said,  "  That's  all  right,  no 
doubt,  but  I  was  just  leavin  Appomattox  for  home 
about  the  time  you  mounted  robbers  went  through 
our  helpless  section.  If  I'd  been  there  you'd  a  had 
something  besides  a  loyal  widow  to  deal  with.  You 
left  me  with  a  claim  for  $50,000  against  the  Govern 
ment,  which  I  mean  to  have  paid,  but  if  I  had  been 
at  home  some  of  your  folks  that's  now  drawin  pen 
sions  would  have  never  got  a  chance  to  receipt  for  a 
2 


1 8  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

cent.  I  suppose  you  think  it's  funny  to  talk  to  me 
about  your  military  exploit  in  Alabama,  but  I  want 
you  to  know  that  I  don't  forget  and  I  don't  forgive, 
and,  old  as  I  am,  I'd  like  to  be  one  of  a  party  of 
Southern  gentlemen  to  ride  through  Wisconsin  right 
now."  My  cold  shoulder  didn't  please  Mr.  Captain 
and  he  sneaked  away.  I  mention  this  as  an  example 
of  how  all  these  Northern  merauders  should  be 
treated  by  Southern  gentlemen  of  real  honour. 
#  *•  •* 

Glory  to  the  Lord  of  hosts,  as  our  old  army  Chap 
lain  used  to  say,  our  boys  of  the  Weighs  and  Means 
Committee  are  at  work  up  in  a  coal  hole  in  the  Cap 
itol  knockin  the  stuffin  out  of  the  Yankee  Robber 
Baron  tariff.  As  Moses  said  to  Aaron,  or  somebody 
said  to  somebody  else,  mine  eyes  have  beheld  the 
glory  of  it,  but  your  servant  ain't  goin  to  depart 
until  he  sees  a  Committee  of  Southern  gentlemen 
settin  in  open  daylight  and  auditin  and  payin  our 
just  War  Claims  as  boldly  as  they  deal  faro  down  at 
Hot  Springs,  Arkansaw.  And  that  day  is  comin  Mr. 
fat  Grover  Cleveland,  settin  there  in  the  White 
House  enjoyin  your  wealth  and  your  power,  with 
your  hairy  ears  stuffed  with  cotton,  while  poor,  foot 
sore  and  weary  Justice  from  the  dejected  South  lays 
sobbin  on  your  back  doorstep  with  nobody  to  give 
her  even  a  cold  potato.  (I'm  writin'  in  a  little 
higher  key  to-day,  havin'  just  helped  Lem  Tolliver 
to  empty  a  quart  of  bourbon  whiskey.) 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


ODIOUSNESS  OF  FEDERAL  COURTS. 

THE  MAJOR'S  POKER  ROOM  A  GREAT  SUCCESS- 
HOW  THE  SOUTHERN  IMPRESS  IS  SEEN  AND  FELT 
IN  THE  CAPITAL — A  DEGENERATE  SON  OF  MARY 
LAND — NOW  FOR  THE  FEDERAL  ELECTION  LAWS. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Oct.  9. 

I  see  in  one  of  the  Democratic  newspapers  up 
North  a  suggestion  that  the  powers  of  the  Federal 
courts  be  enlarged  so  as  to  give  them  jurisdiction  to 
punish  train  robbers.  Doesn't  this  fool  editor  know 
that  he  is  advocatin  somethin  that  is  directly  agin 
the  policy  of  the  Democrat  party  ?  Instead  of  en- 
largin  the  scope  of  these  Federal  courts  the  whole 
odious  system  should  be  wiped  out  slick  and  clean. 
And  I  am  in  a  position  to  tell  this  editorial  ninny 
that  a  sentiment  is  rapidly  growing  up  in  the  South 
which  will  do  this  in  spite  of  all  the  power  of  the 
stars.  There  has  been  no  institution  that  has  so  re 
tarded  its  growth  and  interfered  with  the  comfort 
and  happiness  of  the  South  as  has  this  outrageous 
system  of  dispensin  so-called  justice.  The  people 
of  the  South  has  come  to  recognize  this  fact  and  the 
time  is  rapidly  approachin  when  a  United  States 
Judge  or  Marshal  will  have  to  walk  as  softly  in  the 
South  as  a  nigger.  If  I  had  my  way  I  would  sup 
press  and  confiscate  any  cussed  newspaper,  be  it 
Democrat,  Republican,  Populist  or  Methodist,  that 
preaches  sech  hideous  treason  as  this.  Not  only  this, 
but  I  would  string  up  the  imbecile  editor  by  the 

C'9) 


2O  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

thumbs  and  give  him  the  thirty-third  degree  with  a 
hoss  whip. 

•x-  #  * 

I  am  free  to  say  that  I  am  strongly  in  favor  of  any 
thing  that  will  increase  the  amount  of  currency  per 
capita  and  do  it  suddent.  The  latest  figures  issooed 
by  the  Treasury  Department  place  the  amount  of 
money  in  circulation,  per  capita,  at  $25,  though  if  the 
state  of  my  finances  was  disclosed  occasionally  to 
Secretary  Carlisle  he  would,  I  opine,  strike  a  consid 
erably  lower  average.  But  while  this  is  important,  it 
is  personal,  and  we  will  let  it  pass.  At  the  same  time 
our  poker  parlor  is  doin  a  right  smart  business,  and 
I  am  really  flyin  higher  here  in  Washington  than  I 
have  done  since  befo  the  wa.  I  doubt  if  the  repeal 
of  the  Silver  bill  will  help  us  much  and  as  a  matter 
of  solemn  fact  I  am  not  carin  much  which  way  that 
cat  jumps.  It  is  a  frequent  sayin  of  Judge  Carter 
that  there  is  a  tide  in  the  affairs  of  men  what,  if  taken 
at  the  flood,  leads  on  to  fortune,  and  it  wouldn't  sur 
prise  me  if  I  was  on  the  top  wave  pintin  for  the  Isles 
of  Plenty.  Tolliver  and  me  has  divided  as  much  as 
$80  as  the  result  of  one  night's  business,  and  I'm  a 
coyote  if  I  haven't  seen  the  time  in  recent  years 
when  I  have  failed  to  collar  that  much  per  month. 
There  is  only  one  thing  that  casts  a  shadder  over  my 
path.  Some  of  the  miserable  curs  that  come  into 
our  place  and  make  a  losin  squeal  like  pigs  and 
threaten  to  make  trouble  for  us.  My  social  position 
would  be  sadly  injured  if  anything  like  this  should 
happen  and  I  am  livin  in  more  or  less  constant  dread. 
I  spoke  to  Lem  about  this  last  night  and  he  laughed 
my  fears  to  scorn.  He  said  that  political  influence 
here  in  Washington  would  avert  any  kind  of  a  catas 
trophe,  except  an  earthquake,  and  it  was  largely  on 
account  of  my  friendly  relations  with  the  President 


Odiousness  of  Federal  Courts.  21 

and  Southern  Congressmen  that  he  took  me  into 
partnership.  I  didn't  want  Lem  to  know  that  my 
relations  with  Grover  was  a  trifle  strained  and  so  I 
deftly  changed  the  subject  to  the  yot  race — a  subject 
that  I  know  as  much  about  as  I  do  about  the  mys 
terious  science  by  means  of  which  Daniel  interpreted 
the  dream  of  Nebuchadnezzar,  or  made  His  Nebs 

believe  he  did. 

•*  •*  * 

I  hardly  know  what  to  make  of  the  statement  of 
George  Gould  that  he  is  in  favor  of  an  Income  tax, 
though  I  suppose  my  writings  on  this  subject  hasn't 
been  without  their  influence.  I  am  strongly  in  favor 
of  an  Income  tax  myseif,.but  at  the  same  time  since 
I  have  been  able  to  keep  a  dollar  bill  in  my  posses 
sion  long  enough  to  determine  the  color  of  money 
once  more,  I  find  my  views  gradually  softenin  on 
this  subject.  Still  I  have  no  doubt  it  will  be  some 
little  time,  even  if  business  keep  up,  before  an  In 
come  tax  will  cut  seriously  into  my  resources,  and 
so  I  will  cling  to  my  original  opinion  that  such  a  tax 
will  be  a  good  thing  because  it  will  fall  largely  on 
the  hated  money  lenders  and  Robber  Barrens  of  the 
North.  I  am  glad  to  find  Mr.  Gould  fallin  into  my 
way  of  thinkin,  and  if  he  ever  comes  to  Washington 
I  will  be  glad  to  have  him  look  me  up.  I  may  be  of 
use  to  him  some  time  in  procurin  some  wise  rail 
road  legislation. 

#  #•  -x- 

I  am  proud  to  state  in  writin  that  one  of  the 
things  that  sofens  my  old  gizzard  is  the  fact  that 
Southern  influences  are  being  felt  in  Sassiety  here. 
It  would  do  you  good  to  see  how  our  Southern 
beaus  are  received  by  the  ladies  in  Washington. 
Southern  gentlemen  was  always  chivalrick  and 
high-toned  in  the  company  of  ladies  and  they  have 


22  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

always  been  favorites.  I  notice  now  that  lots  of  the 
young  men  here  are  wearin  soft  felt  Southern  hats, 
and  I  think  it  won't  be  long  before  tight  boots  with 
high  heels  will  be  the  fashion.  Nearly  every  young 
man  I  see  around  the  hotels  now,  is  tryin  to 
imitate  the  Southern  dialeck.  They  tell  me  these 
nincumpoops  used  to  try  to  talk  like  Englishmen, 
but  sence  Washington  has  become  the  great  South- 
ern  soceal  center  they  are  adjustin  theirselves  to 
the  change.  One  of  the  most  popular  Southern 
Society  gentlemen  is  Speaker  Crisp's  beautiful  son, 
who  is  really  the  assistant  Speaker  of  the  House.  I 
think  it  safe  to  say  that  two-thirds  of  the  belles  of 
Washington  are  smitten  with  Mr.  Crisp.  He  is  the 
most  charming  type  of  Southern  gentleman  I  have 
seen  sence  the  war.  A  lady  of  my  acquaintance  in 
forms  me  that  in  a  few  weeks  Sassiety  will  be  red 
hot  here,  and  then  the  grace  and  beauty  and  wit  of 
the  South  will  come  to  the  surface.  Our  young 
ladies  are  not  only  more  beautiful  than  the  Northern 
women,  but  they  have  been  reared  with  such  delicacy 
that  it  shows  in  all  their  manners.  The  Yankee 
women  are  intellectooal,  while  ours  are  treated  as 
pets  and  doll  babies :  loved,  praised  and  coddled. 
It  always  made  me  sick  to  see  a  woman  readin  a 
highfalutin  book.  I  expect  to  cut  a  little  dash  in 
Sassiety  myself  this  season  and  am  havin  a  new  suit 
of  broadcloth  clothes  made  for  that  purpose.  I  still 
stick  to  the  peg-top  trowsers. 

•*  #  # 

A  gentleman  informed  me  to-day  that  Mr.  Cockey, 
the  young  Maryland  reprobate  who  brought  a 
Yankee  card-sharper  into  our  place  the  other  night, 
had  sent  word  from  Bladensburg,  where  he  is  hidin, 
that  he  would  like  to  submit  his  matter  to  a  Court 
of  Honour.  I'll  be  the  Court  of  Honour  in  this  here 


Odiousness  of  Federal  Courts.  23 

case  myself,  and  if  that  blackguard  knows  what  is 
good  for  him  he  will  not  come  nearer  to  Washington 
City  than  his  present  lair.  While  I  respect  his  family 
and  his  State  of  Maryland  I  will  certainly  make  an 
example  of  him  if  he  falls  into  my  clutches.  It  isn't 
that  I  care  much  about  his  cheating  at  cards,  for  I 
do  a  little  of  that  myself  at  times,  but  he  has  hurt 
my  business  with  the  members  of  Congress,  and 
when  my  business  is  interfered  with  the  ragean  tiger 
of  the  jungles  is  a  mild  pussy  cat  compared  to  me. 
*  *  * 

As  I  indict  these  lines  preparations  is  bein  made 
up  in  the  House  to  take  a  vote  on  the  repeal  of  the 
infemous  Federal  Elections  law.  When  that  event 
takes  place  I'll  take  several  drinks  and  a  loo-gun 
saloot  will  be  fired  at  Briar  Root  on  my  order.  Not 
sence  the  Declaration  of  Independence  was  declared 
at  Macklinberg,  North  Caroleena,  has  so  important 
a  event  occurred  as  regards  the  South,  I  feel  like 
givin  a  wild  whoop  right  now.  I  lived  to  see  the 
last  dam  cyarpet-bagger  kicked  out  of  the  South  and 
I  intend  to  see  the  last  infernal  Superviser  and  Mar 
shal  dumped  into  the  byoo. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


THE  NEGRO  IN  ALABAMA. 


HOW  HE  .IS  PERMITTED  TO  CELEBRATE  —  WIPING 
OUT  THE  FEDERAL  ELECTION  LAWS  —  LITERA 
TURE  IN  THE  SOUTH — PRESIDENT  CLEVELAND 
LOSING  THE  RESPECT  OF  SOUTHERN  PEOPLE  — 
A  SLANDER  ON  LINCOLN  REVIVED. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Oct.  12. 

My  cousin,  Boabdil  Hampton,  over  in  Panther, 
Bullock  County,  Ala.,  has  sent  me  a  copy  of  a  town 
paper  containin  an  interestin  account  of  the  recent 
celebration  of  Emancipation  by  the  niggers  of  that 
section.  This  is  one  of  the  pleasin  fictions  our  local 
newspapers  indulge  in  once  a  year  when  this  glad 
anniversary  for  the  colored  people  rolls  around.  You 
see,  the  editor  doesn't  describe  what  actually  took 
place,  but  what  might  take  place  allowin  that  the 
nigs  had  everything  their  own  way.  For  instence,  it 
is  related  in  detail  how  the  blacks  came  in  for  miles 
around  ;  how  the  streets  were  handsomely  decorated 
for  them  by  the  whites,  just  to  show  that  there  was 
no  hard  feelin's ;  how  they  paraded  and  was  every 
where  cheered  by  the  noble,  true-hearted  Southern 
ers  ;  how  the  white  ladies  waived  handkerchifs  and 
showered  bouquets  upon  them  from  windows  and 
piazers ;  how  the  best  elocutionist  in  the  county 
read  the  Emancipation  Proclamation,  the  noble  sen 
timents  of  which  was  cheered  to  the  echo  in  the 
meantime,  etc.,  etc.  Then  the  outline  of  the  speech 
of  General  Somebody,  late  of  the  C.  S.  A.,  one  of 
(24) 


The  Negro  in  Alabama.  25 

the  leadin  white  citizens,  is  given.  In  it  he  calls 
attention  to  the  prosperous  condition  of  the  colored 
man ;  the  fine  churches  and  schools  which  are  pro 
vided  for  him  and  his  children  ;  how  the  black  man 
is  protected  by  society  and  the  courts ;  how  he  can 
sow  and  reap  and  come  and  go  at  his  will  and  in 
every  way  enjoy  the  most  beautiful  and  perfect  free 
dom.  The  account  closed  with  a  lovin'  benediction 
on  the  colored  man  and  brother  askin  that  he  might 
live  long  and  prosper  and  his  tribe  increase. 

I  need  hardly  say  that  the  above  beautiful  account 
of  the  celebration  of  Emancipation  is  what  is  called 
a  journalistik  "  fake."  The  nigs  did  not  celebrate 
the  day  in  Panther,  or  elsewhere,  and  had  they  at 
tempted  to  do  so  there  would  have  been  more  fun 
than  you  could  shake  a  stick  at.  I  haven't  been  in 
Panther,  Dadesville,  Sandy  Ridge,  Society  Hill  or 
Raifs  Branch  for  some  time,  but  I'm  bettin  large 
amounts  of  money  that  there  wasn't  a  nigger  showed 
his  woolly  head  on  the  streets  of  any  of  those  towns 
on  the  occasion  named.  The  nigs  down  our  way 
begun  exercisin  the  grand  prerogative  of  liberty  some 
years  ago  by  celebratin  Emancipation  Day,  but  they 
soon  got  over  it.  The  grand  prerogative  of  liberty 
cost  about  twenty-five  of  'em  their  woolly  pelts  in 
Tuskegee  one  gladsome  day  and  it  hasn't  been  pop 
ular  there  with  them  since.  As  a  rule  the  niggers 
know  when  Emancipation  Day  rolls  round,  and 
that's  the  day  they  remain  under  the  bed,  for  the 
reason  that  their  appearance  on  the  streets  has  a 
tendency  to  excite  race  prejudices,  to  the  great 
detriment  of  the  colored  population,  particularly 
since  the  burnin  of  niggers  has  become  more  or  less 
customary  with  us.  I  can't  dwell  on  this  painful 
subject  of  the  emancipation  of  our  slaves  with  any 
kind  of  patience.  That  high-handed  piece  of  busi- 


26  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

ness  was  the  crownin  infamy  of  the  century.  In 
the  gradual  unfoldin  of  the  scheme  of  civilization 
under  the  grand  old  Democratic  party  there  will  be 
a  tremendous  reaction  against  this  outrage  on  the 
rights  of  property,  and  I  expect  to  live  to  see  every 
Lincoln  monument  and  statue  in  this  country  lev 
eled  to  the  ground.  That  I  will  participate  person- 
ally  in  the  levelin  of  several  of  'em  myself  goes,  I 
trust,  'thout  sayin'.  Old  Abe  is  on  top  just  at  the 
present  moment,  but  the  clouds  are  lowerin"  about 
his  head,  and  if  he  hasn't  use  purty  soon  for  a  mack 
intosh  I'm  no  weather  prophet. 

•*  #  •* 

There  has  been  joyousness  in  Southern  circles 
here  since  the  House  so  gallantly  passed  the  bill 
which  is  to  restore  to  the  Democrats  of  the  country 
the  right  to  control  elections  without  any  interfer 
ence  from  Federal  authorities.  Of  course  the  thing 
don't  mean  so  much  to  us  down  South,  for  we've 
taken  control  of  elections  down  there  and  we  manage 
them  to  suit  ourselves.  But  in  the  big  Democratic 
cities  of  the  North  it  will  count.  I'm  told  that  Tam 
many  of  New  York  will  be  able  to  about  double  its 
vote  when  we  get  this  odeous  law  scraped  off  the 
statutes  and  dumped  into  the  hole  along  with  other 
Republican  war  legislation.  That  the  Senate  will 
rip  this  repeal  bill  right  through  you  can  bet  high. 
The  Democrats  ain't  divided  on  this  issooe  as  they 
are  on  silver  and  there'll  be  no  tomfoolery.  The  re 
peal  will  go  through  if  we  have  to  resort  to  revolu 
tionary  means,  so  one  of  our  Congressmen  tells  me. 
I  am  just  whoopin'  happy  over  the  way  we  are  pro- 
ceedin'.  The  janitor  of  the  secret  room  in  the  Cap 
itol  where  our  boys  under  Mr.  Wilson  are  fixin  up 
the  new  tariff  bill  tells  me  that  the  work  is  goin  on 
nicely.  There  is  a  dread  that  it  won't  be  quite  radi- 


The  Negro  in  Alabama.  1J 

cal  enough  to  suit  us  Free  Traders  of  the  South  but 
it  will  be  a  substanchial  beginnin'.  It  will  be  notice 
served  on  the  Robber  Barins  of  what  is  to  come. 


Some  of  us  were  loungin  about  our  poker  room  yes 
terday  afternoon  when  an  argument  come  up  about 
literatoor  in  the  South.  A  member  of  the  old  Aiken 
family,  of  South  Caroleena,  said  the  people  of  our  sec 
tion  were  not  keepin  up  in  modern  literatoor.  He  said 
that  a  gentleman  in  the  South  considered  it  a  dis 
grace  to  have  a  book  in'  his  library  fresher  than 
Walter  Scott's  stories.  He  said  that  the  "  Scottish 
Chiefs  "  and  "  Thaddyas  of  Warsaw  "  was  still  popu 
lar  with  our  readin  people  and  that  nobody  hardly 
in  the  South  knowed  about  "  Ben  Her  "  or  Sir  Edwin 
Arnold's  recent  works.  He  said  he'd  seen  a  state 
ment  somewhere  that  the  Century  Magazine  sold 
only  thirty-six  copies  a  month  in  New  Orleans  and 
3,000  a  month  in  Boston.  A  smart  chap  in  the  party 
spoke  up  and  said  that  as  most  of  the  literatoor  in 
this  country  was  manufactured  in  the  North  he  was 
glad  to  know  that  it  wasn't  bein*  much  read  in  our 
section.  He  said  that  the  last  novel  he  read  was  by 
Augusta  J.  Evans  and  he  never  expected  to  read  an 
other  until  the  South  developed  some  ekally  talented 
writer.  It's  as  much  as  I  can  do  to  read  a  few  news 
papers  and  I  have  no  yearnin  for  Yankee  trash.  I 
only  mention  this  incident  to  show  that  we  do  have 
people  amongst  us  who  can  talk  on  litterary  subjects. 
•*  •*  # 

I  was  called  on  last  night  to  go  down  to  a  police 
station  and  bail  out  a  young  chap  from  Virginia  who 
was  arrested  for  lickin  a  Yankee  who  abused  Presi 
dent  Cleveland  in  a  bar  room  on  F  street.  I  put  up 
a  little  cash  bail  for  him  and  commended  his  good 


28  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

work,  but  I  cautioned  him  not  to  be  too  handy  with 
his  fist  when  he  heard  people  commentin  unpleas 
antly  on  Cleveland.  I  said  that  recently  our  South 
ern  folks  were  beginnin  to  speak  very  disrespeck- 
fully  of  the  President,  and  that  if  he  didn't  show  a 
little  more  disposition  to  cut  loose  from  the  Eastern 
gold-bugs  and  carry  out  the  demands  of  the  Demo 
cratic  party  he  would  be  cursed  by  Democrats  from 
Dan  to  Bersheeby,  and  in  no  part  of  the  country 
more  than  the  South.  The  young  man  promised  to 
keep  his  eyes  open  hereafter.  The  fact  is,  Mr.  Cleve 
land  is  growin  more  and  more  onpopular  every  day. 
He  is  not  in  touch  with  the  South  as  we  had  all 
hoped.  Why,  a  man  bet  Captain  Huger  five  dollars 
yesterday  that  if  Congress  passed  a  Tariff  bill  now 
Cleveland  wouldn't  sign  it.  What  do  ye  think  of 

that? 

*  *  # 

I  was  speakin  about  Abe  Lincoln  in  the  fore  part 
of  this  letter.  I  am  glad  to  see  that  the  facts  are 
comin  out  about  him.  Several  of  our  Southern 
papers  are  publishin  the  particulars  about  his  bein 
the  illegitimate  son  of  old  Abraham  Enloe,  of  Jack 
son  County,  North  Caroleena.  It  seems  like  Enloe 
had  a  servant  girl  in  his  family  named  Nancy  Hanks. 
He  sent  her  to  Kentucky  to  get  shet  of  her  and  she 
gave  birth  to  a  boy  child  soon  after  arrivin  there. 
She  afterward  met  and  married  a  man  named  Lin 
coln,  but  she  called  her  son  Abraham  after  his  true 
father,  Abe  Enloe.  The  Greenville  News  says  that 
all  the  pictures  of  Abraham  Lincoln  look  like  the 
Enloes.  I'm  glad  to  see  that  this  sereus  matter  is 
bein  talked  about  in  the  interest  of  truth.  The 
North  worshipped  old  Abe  Lincoln  for  years  and 
now  that  the  facts  are  out  they  won't  feel  so  proud 
of  him.  This  is  only  one  out  of  about  a  thousand 


The  Negro  in  Alabama.  29 

things  in  history  that'll  be  straightened  out  before 
we  get  through.  Lincoln  was  one  of  the  worst  men 
we  ever  had  in  this  country,  and  it's  the  duty  of  the 
South  to  see  that  his  place  in  history  is  what  it  ought 
to  be.  Old  Grant  is  another  man  to  be  tended  to  in 
due  time.  A  lot  of  fools  in  the  South  think  he  was 
a  great  and  magnanimes  man  because  he  was  mighty 
glad  to  let  us  go  at  Appomattox.  The  South  don't 
owe  him  anything,  and  they'll  execrate  him  when  I 
make  publick  all  I  know. 

•Jf  •*  #• 

The  funniest  thing  of  the  period  is  the  perpetooal 
session  of  the  Senate.  I  was  up  to  see  the  old 
snoozers  last  night.  I'm  bettin  on  the  Silver  boys 
for  the  most  of  'em  are  poker-players  that  can  set  up 
thirty-six  hours  hand  runnin  when  in  a  game.  Its 
more  fun  than  a  nigger  cake  walk  to  see  these  old 
fellers  tryin  to  wear  each  other  out  in  a  long  distance 
jawin  match. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


HIS  VIEWS  ON  FREE  SPEECH. 


THE  GROWTH  OF  DRAW  POKER  AND  SPORTING  IN 
THE  CAPITAL— A  COCK  FIGHT  OVER  IN  VIRGINIA 
—THE  HIDDEN  HAND — THERE  IS  NO  SUCH  THING 
AS  THE  "  LOST  CAUSE." 


THE   COCK   FIGHT. 


HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  D.  C,  Oct.  14. 

The  failyer  on  the  part  of  old  Cleveland  to  coerse 
his  party   into  financial  legislation  to  please   Wall 
street  gold-bugs  has  turned  out  just  as  I  predicted. 
(30)  .—  .    , 


His  Views  on  Free  Speech.  31 

I  told  him  he  had  better  join  in  with  the  majority  of 
his  party  the  last  time  I  seen  him,  but  the  truth  is 
he's  under  influences  of  an  evil  character.  The 
Eastern  bankers  have  got  him  right  around  the  neck 
and  onless  he  changes  his  company  purty  soon  his 
party's  goin  to  go  back  on  him.  Sometimes  I  think 
he's  a  biger  fool  than  old  Andy  Johnson.  The  Dem 
ocratic  party  is  for  free  coinage  of  silver  and  every 
body  knows  it.  What  the  old  party's  in  favor  of 
we're  goin  to  have.  At  the  "  Hall "  this  mornin  at 
breakfast  young  Mr.  Fender  exprest  the  idee  purty 
well  when  he  said  that  the  Democratic  party  was  for 
Free  coinage,  Free  Trade,  Free  speech,  Free  love, 
Free  lunch — everything  free.  I  took  exception  to  free 
speech.  We  have  too  much  of  that  now,  though  it 
turned  out  darned  well  in  the  Senate.  We  don't 
believe  much  in  free  speech  in  the  South,  and  that's 
right.  What  business  has  a  man  goin  around  talkin 
against  the  interests  of  the  community?  There's 
nothin  sacred  about  free  speech.  If  a  man  don't 
like  the  way  that  things  is  done  in  a  certain  locality 
let  him  hold  his  jaw  and  get  away  as  soon  as  he  kin. 
If  he  don't  hold  his  jaw  down  with  us  he'll  have  to 
get  away  right  soon.  But  I'm  for  free  coinage  of 
silver,  and  we're  goin  to  have  it  before  we  quit. 
*  *  * 

It  is  gratifyin  in  the  extream  to  notice  here  the 
growth  of  poker-playin  sence  the  Southerners  re 
gained  the  Capital.  Poker  was  the  National  game 
in  the  Confederacy.  It  was  invented  in  the  South 
and  it  is  fast  becomin  the  gentleman's  game  of  the 
whole  country.  Mr.  Fender  tells  me  that  Sassiety 
here  has  taken  hold  of  it.  At  all  the  evenin  recep 
tions  now  there  is  a  room  set  apart  for  the  gentlemen 
to  enjoy  a  game  of  draw  up  stairs,  and  poker  parties 
in  which  ladies  take  hands  are  quite  fashenable. 


32  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Thus  do  we  see  how  the  gentle,  suttel  influ 
ences  of  the  gentry  of  the  South  are  stealin  over 
the  land.  Our  games  and  our  aristocratic  pastimes 
have  always  been  popler  in  the  North.  There 
was  a  time  when  nobody  ever  heard  of  a  horse 
race  outside  of  the  South.  Now  the  great  racin 
centers  are  found  in  the  North  and  under  the 
auspices  of  our  great  Democratic  leaders,  such 
as  Richard  Croaker,  the  sport  of  kings  has  be 
come  the  sport  of  the  People.  Of  course  the  South 
will  always  raise  the  racers.  That  there  game  of 
base-ball  which  they  have  up  North  could  never  take 
hold  with  us.  Our  climate  does  not  admit  of  it  and 
it's  too  much  like  work  anyhow.  A  few  of  our  nig 
gers  try  to  play  it.  I  expect  to  see  the  day  when 
cock-fitin,  which  is  the  noblest  of  all  gentlemen's 
amusements,  will  be  popler  all  over  the  land.  I  have 
never  failed  to  keep  a  good  strain  of  chickens  on  my 
plantation.  In  the  darkest  hours  of  our  hewmiliation 
and  poverty  I  could  always  pick  up  a  few  dollars  with 
my  birds.  I've  got  four  Spanish-bred  fouls  on  my 
place  now — that  is,  if  my  boys  haven't  fit  em  to  a 
stand-still — that  I'll  pit  against  any  chickens  in  this 
country,  bar  none. 

*  *  •* 

Speakin  of  cock-fightin  I  may  mention  that  a 
party  of  us  went  over  one  day  in  the  early  part  of 
the  week  to  see  a  private  main  on  the  Virginia  side, 
near  Leesburg.  We  was  the  guests  of  Colonel  Pen- 
dragon  Penruthers,  who  has  a  fine  place  which  he 
calls  "  Takachaw,"  and  where  he  devotes  hisself  to 
chickens,  horses  and  rasin  mules.  Judge  Norval 
Osborne,  his  neighbor,  does  considerable  in  the 
game  chicken  line  and  the  rivalry  between  'em  is  so 
very  great  that  they  fight  a  main  about  every  two 
weeks  in  the  season.  We  had  in  our  party  Captain 


His  Views  on  Free  Speech.  33 

Huger,  Major  Houston,  a  young  Mr.  Randell,  of 
Mississippi,  and  old  General  Jay  Jackson,  of  Tennes 
see,  as  fine  an  old  sport  as  ever  drawed  a  card. 
After  a  few  toddies  and  a  luncheon  we  proceeded  to 
the  barn  where  a  pit  was  found  with  all  conveniences. 
The  Osborne  party  to  the  number  of  ten  or  twelve 
was  on  hand.  One  of  his  sons,  a  nice  young  fellow, 
was  called  "  Sag."  I  ast  him  what  his  name  was  and 
he  said  it  was  Saggitarius.  He  explained  that  his 
father  had  started  out  to  name  all  his  boys  by  the 
signs  of  the  Zodiack  that  they  was  born  under.  He 
said  he  had  one  brother  named  Capricornus  and  an 
other  named  Cancer.  We  fought  six  chickens  a  side 
and  Penruthers  got  four  of  the  events.  Considerable 
money  changed  hands.  I  won  about  $20.  Durin 
the  afternoon  a  young  Mr.  Tarleton  dunned  Capt. 
Hector  Hamilton  for  a  balance  of  $2  due  on  some 
previous  wagers  and  there  was  quite  a  rumpus.  The 
Captain  slapped  his  face  and  they  both  drawed,  but 
I  put  a  stop  to  the  performance.  I  was  elected  as 
arbitrator  and  I  settled  the  dispute  by  reprimandin 
Tarleton  for  astin  a  gentleman  in  public  to  pay  a 
debt  and  directin  Hamilton  to  pay  $1.50  to  square 
the  business.  There's  hot  blood  between  these 
young  chaps  and  the'll  be  trouble  yet. 
*  •*  # 

After  bein  at  the  theayter  the  other  evenin  with 
some  friends  we  stopt  in  an  eatin  house  to  get  some 
oysters,  and  the  boys  got  to  talkin  about  old  plays. 
One  of  'em  told  a  story  I  thought  was  rayther  good. 
He  said  that  a  few  years  ago  an  actor  named  Ned 
Thorne  was  advertised  to  play  a  piece  in  Memphis 
called  the  "  Black  Flag."  For  some  reason  he 
changed  it  to  "  The  Hidden  Hand,"  and  he  was 
anxious  to  know  how  the  people  would  take  the 
change.  He  was  gettin  his  boots  blacked  in  the 


34  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Gayoso  House  next  mornin  when  he  noticed  that 
the  old  nigger  bootblack  was  very  talkative.  He 
said  to  him: 

"  What's  your  name,  Uncle  ?  " 

"  My  name,  sah,  is  Thomas  Jephson." 

"  Lived  here  long?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  sah,  was  borned  and  raised  right  hyar." 

11  You're  purty  well  posted  about  things  in  town  I 
supose  ?  " 

"  Deed  I  is,  sah ;  knows  everything  been  going  on 
hyar  since  I  was  ten  yars  ole.  Golly,  guess  I  knows 
dis  ole  town  !  " 

"  How  long  has  it  been,  Uncle,  since  the  '  Hidden 
Hand '  was  played  here  ?  " 

"  Lemme  see.  It  was  eight  yars  ago  dis  fall.  ,  I 
remembers  all  about  dat  case.  I  waited  on  'em  an' 
it  was  right  in  dis  hotel — room  36." 

"  Tell  us  about  it,  Uncle." 

"Well,  dey  was  six  ob  'em  sot  down.  One  ob  dem 
I  know  was  a  nashernal  statesman  from  de  Norf,  but 
I  disremember  his  name.  Dey  dole  de  kyards  an*  I 
seen  ole  Jenul  Waxem,  dat  use  ter  be  in  our  army, 
a  suspichnen  dat  Norvern  gemmen  right  peart.  Dey 
hadn't  been  more'n  foh  pots  won  befoh  de  gemmen 
from  de  Norf  was  cotch  a  holdin  out  a  jack.  Purty 
soon  he  done  gone  up  agin  Jenul  Waxem  for  a  big 
pot  an'  when  he  showed  down  and  reach  fer  de 
money,  when  he  hab  six  kyards,  de  ole  man  reach 
down  under  de  table  an'  he  drawed  outen  his  boot  a 
pistil  about  a  foot  long  and  he  drapped  a  bead  on 
dat  nashernal  statesman  from  de  Norf,  an'  golly !  ye 
ought  to  seen  him  scatter.  Dat  was  de  Hidden 
Han'  an'  dat's  de  las'  time,  sah,  it  was  played  in  dis 
town.  Dat's  what  de  gemmen  all  call  ole  Waxem's 
pistil — de  hidden  han'." 


His  Views  on  Free  Speech.  35 

I  made  a  social  call  on  one  of  our  Southern  mem 
bers  last  evenin  and  was  presented  to  a  young  lady 
who  is  visitin  with  them,  who  comes  from  Southern 
Indiana.  She  told  me  her  father  was  a  Kaintuckian 
and  she  begun  to  tell  me  how  much  she  admired  the 
noble  warriors  who  had  fout  for  the  Lost  Cause.  I 
stopped  her  right  there.  I  said  :  "  Miss  I  had  the  proud 
honor  to  struggle  for  four  years  for  the  sacred  in 
dependence  of  the  South.  We  was  baffled  but  our 
cause  was  not  lost.  There  is  no  Lost  Cause.  Our 
cause  was  simply  delayed.  To-day  we  are  marching 
to  triumph.  We  may  not  have  established  our  sweet 
independence  but  we  have  done  better.  We  not 
only  have  the  control  of  our  own  affairs  but  we  run 
the  whole  country.  Our  principles,  instead  of  bein 
confined  to  the  South,  are  bein  fastened  on  the 
whole  Union.  We  have  slavery  in  the  South  with 
out  bein  responsible  for  the  niggers,  and  what's  more 
we  represent  all  our  niggers  in  Congress  now  when 
we  used  to  only  represent  a  fraction  of  'em.  As 
soon  as  we  are  paid  for  the  damages  inflicted  on  us 
by  the  onconstitootional  war  we'll  be  better  off  than 
we  would  have  been  had  we  succeeded  in  establishin 
an  independent  Confederacy.  Nay,  nay  fair  maiden 
do  not  again  speak  of  the  Lost  Cause  for  in  this 
halcyon  period  we  call  it  the  Cause  Regained."  She 
held  out  her  hand  and  I  bowed  and  kist  it  with 
chivalrick  warmth.  We  was  friends  at  oncet. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


AS  TO  OPEN   LETTERS. 


THE  APPOINTMENT  OF  NEGROES  TO  OFFICE  DIS 
GUSTS  THE  MAJOR— THE  CODE  DUELLO— GOOD 
JUDGE  OF  WHISKEY — HE  HEARS  BAD  NEWS 
FROM  HOME. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  D.  C.,  Oct.  16. 

Since  I  begun  speakin  my  mind  freely  in  my  pub 
lic  letters  about  the  "fat  and  greasy  citizen,"  as 
Shakespeare  cleverly  frazes  it,  who  at  present  makes 
a  pretense  of  representin  the  Democratic  party  in 
the  White  House,  I  observe  that  "open  letters"  to 
His  Excellency  are  becomin  quite  the  vogue,  as  we 
say  here  in  Southern  society. 

New  York  newspapers  has  been  runnin  to  open 
letters  almost  daily  but  most  of  the  twaddle  in  'em 
is  about  Van  Alen.  When  these  open  letter  writers 
prod  the  President  touchin  the  justness  of  the  War 
Claims  of  the  South  they  will  be  gettin  at  the  nerve 
of  things  and  I  may  give  'em  moral  and  material  sup 
port  by  jinin  in  with  a  few  open  epistles  to  His  Corpu 
lency  myself.  And  if  I  do,  you  bet  there  will  be 
some  lively  readin  matter  scattered  broadcast.  I'll 
not  waste  any  valuable  time  on  the  Van  Alen  fool 
ishness,  for  that  is  a  minor  issoo.  No  one,  exceptin 
the  Mugwump  cherubims,  ever  believed  that  Grover 
was  any  better  than  his  party.  A  man  who  was 
raised  in  a  Buffalo  saloon,  or  so  close  to  one  that 
there  was  still  sawdust  on  his  heels  when  he  reached 
the  White  House,  isn't  goin  to  turn  political  re 
former  all  to  oncet.  Did  Grover  know  that  Van 
(36) 


As  to  Open  Letters.  3; 

Alert's  leg  Was  pulled  for  $50,000  and  that  the  Italian 
mission  wuz  to  be  given  to  him  therefor  ?  You  can 
gamble  that  he  knowed  it — knowed  it  as  well  as  Gro- 
ver  knows  that  dinner  is  ready  when  the  bell  rings. 
So  I  would  dismiss  the  Van  Alen  incident  with  a  few 
frank  and  forcible  statements  and  proceed  to  the  dis 
cussion  of  the  War  Claims,  which  is  my  best  holt. 
Therefore  you  need  not  be  surprised  if  you  see  me 
break  out  any  day  in  an  open  letter  to  the  President 
that  will  make  the  sweat  of  agony  ooze  out  of  his 
bald  spot  and  trickle  around  his  ears. 


I  have  been  so  busy  lately  lookin  after  business  in 
our  poker  emporium  that  I  have  missed  a  few  national 
affairs.  For  instance,  I  did  not  know  until  last  night 
that  Mr,  Cleveland  had  appinted  a  couple  of  buck 
niggers  to  good  foreign  places.  Judge  Fairfax  Car 
ter  happened  to  allude  to  this  deplorable  fact  when 
he  and  me  wuz  discussin  the  institootion  of  human 
slavery,  and  if  you  ever  seed  a  mad  man  I  reckon  it 
wuz  me.  The  Judge  restrained  me  or  I  would  have 
gone  right  over  to  the  White  House  and  throwed 
my  glove  slap  in  Mr.  Cleveland's  face. 

*  *  •* 

My  attention  has  been  called  to  some  Southern 
newspaper  articles  commendin  an  editor  down  in 
Richmond,  Virginia,  for  refusin  to  accept  a  chal 
lenge  from  a  gentleman  he  had  skandalously  wronged. 
This  shows  what  we  are  comin  to.  Our  newspapers 
will  tell  you  that  there's  no  such  thing  as  the  "  New 
South  ;"  that  it's  the  same  old  South  ;  that  the  peo 
ple  are  still  true  to  their  beliefs  and  their  institoo- 
tions  and  yet  they  want  the  Code  abolished.  How 
the  devil  can  we  have  the  old  South  without  the 
Code,  I'd  like  to  know?  How  can  gentlemen 


38  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

live  together  without  it?  So  far  as  duellin  and 
fightin  is  concerned  I  don't  care  so  much  about  it, 
but  when  the  Code  is  properly  practised  it  simply 
arranges  the  disputes  of  gentlemen  and  there's  rarely 
any  need  of  fightin.  Take  these  infernal  editors 
that's  always  assailin  people's  characters  and  pryin 
into  private  affairs.  What  protection  has  a  gentle 
man  got  if  he  can't  call  'em  out  ?  When  an  editor 
insults  a  gentleman  and  he  receives  a  challenge  after 
refusin  to  retrack,  he  can  call  for  a  Court  of  Honour. 
The  jury  will  hear  the  facts  and  in  most  cases  will 
require  the  editor  to  print  a  nice  apology.  That  set 
tles  matters  and  everybody  appears  to  good  advan 
tage.  What's  the  use  of  libel  suits  ?  They're  not 
genteel.  The  trouble  down  with  us  is  that  very  few 
of  our  editors  is  real  gentlemen.  They're  common 
scrubs  tryin  to  make  money  out  of  anything  that 
comes  along.  They  print  all  sorts  of  stuff  nowadays 
and  sassiety  with  us  is  sufferin.  I  know  the  time 
when  if  they  printed  the  kind  of  slanders  they  print 
now  with  impoonity  they'd  been  run  out  of  town  and 
their  shop  burnt.  Not  long  ago  two  editors  down 
in  Memphis  quarreled  and  they  pretended  to  get 
ready  for  a  duel.  They  went  through  all  the  forms 
of  challengin  and  acceptin.  One  of  'em  hired  a 
special  railroad  train  to  go  to  the  battle-field,  and 
had  a  brass  band.  I  think  he  sold  seats  in  his  pri 
vate  car.  The  other  fellow  had  himself  arrested  and 
then  after  all  their  racket  they  called  in  some  arbi 
trators  and  the  affair  was  settled  with  a  great  show 
of  chivelry.  It  turned  out  that  the  whole  thing  was 
got  up  to  advertise  their  one-hoss  papers  but  it  made 
a  good  many  people  feel  that  there  was  life  in  the 
old  land.  Even  this  sham  was  better  than  a  street 
fight  or  a  law  suit.  I  suppose  it's  these  monkey 
performances  that  has  brought  the  honored  Code 


As  to  Open  Letters.  39 

duello  into  disrepute.  Now  that  the  old  South  is 
assertin  herself  I  want  to  see  the  Code  restored  to 
its  old  statis.  These  flim-flam  editors  are  responsible 
for  its  present  low  estate.  Some  of  the  white-livered 
ones  are  writin  against  duels  and  refusin  to  accept 
challenges  and  others  make  a  farce  of  it  by  pretendin 
to  want  to  fight  when  you  couldn't  haul  'em  to  the 
field  with  a  log  chain  and  a  yoke  of  steers. 


I  have  referred  to  the  fact  that  Senator  Joe  Black 
burn  has  good  Bourbon  whiskey.  He's  the  best 
judge  of  whiskey  in  the  country,  too,  and  for  that 
alone  he  ought  to  be  kept  in  public  life.  I'd  like  to 
see  him  in  the  chair  now  ockupied  by  the  buffalo 
from  Buffalo.  I  heard  a  little  yarn  about  his  bein 
an  expert  judge  of  whiskey  which  I'll  try  to  narate. 
A  man  down  in  Lexington,  Kaintucky,  was  buyin 
some  very  old  whiskey  and  he  called  on  a  expert  and 
Blackburn  to  give  him  an  opinion  on  it.  The  expert 
took  a  sip  outen  a  glass  fresh  from  the  barl  and  said : 
"  That's  old  and  excellent  but  I  detect  a  slight  flavor 
of  iron."  Joe  took  a  sip.  "  Fine  goods,"  says  he. 
"  Very  fine  and  old,  but  in  addition  to  the  flavor  of 
iron  I  detect  a  slight  flavor  of  lether."  Well,  they 
drawed  the  whiskey  off  and  opened  the  barl  and  by 
jingo  they  found  an  old  shoe  tack  at  the  bottom. 

*  *  * 

Lem  Tolliver,  who  come  here  as  I  stated  some 
time  ago  to  try  to  get  a  Internal  Revenoo  Collector- 
ship  in  his  state  of  Kaintucky,  had  his  papers  re 
turned  to  him  to-day.  The  jig's  up  with  him  but  he 
isn't  worryin.  We're  makin'  an  average  of  $50  a 
week  apiece  with  our  poker  parlor.  Lord,  how  Lem 
dispises  old  Cleveland,  though !  When  he  got  his 
papers  back  to-day  he  said  he  was  like  the  manager 


40  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

of  a  street  car  concern  in  Loo'ville  that  he  heard  of. 
He  said  one  day  a  fellow  was  hired  as  conductor 
durin  the  time  of  some  labor  trouble.  He  went  out 
and  made  a  round  trip  and  when  he  come  in  to  report 
the  boss  said:  "  How  much  did  you  bring  in?"  The 
conductor  said  that  he  had  nothin  to  turn  in  but  his 
bell  punch.  "  I'm  obliged  to  ye,"  said  the  boss,  "  for 
bringin  the  car  back."  Lem  says  he's  satisfied  to 
get  his  papers  back. 

*  •*  # 

Things  are  just  a  shade  dull  here  now  and  I  think 
I'll  run  over  to  New  York  in  a  few  days.  Never  saw 
the  great  Democrat  city  of  the  country  and  I'm  due 
to  visit  it.  I  have  several  nice  invitations  from  citi 
zens  I've  met  here  and  it  may  be  that  I  can  do  the 
Tammany  boys  a  little  good  in  politics,  though,  of 
course,  all  our  Southern  people  in  the  metropolis  are 
supportin  Tammany,  which  was  one  of  the  best 
friends  the  South  had  durin  its  struggle  for  inde- 
pendens. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — My  son  Plantagenet  writes  me  that  I  ought 
to  come  home  for  things  are  in  a  bad  feenancial  way. 
He  says  he's  out  of  money,  out  of  bacon,  out  of  meal 
and  out  of  flour.  I  hope  they  still  have  the  family 
bible  left.  I've  wrote  him  to  hold  on  the  best  he  can 
till  Congress  gets  down  to  legislatin'  for  the  South. 
I  thought  I'd  be  able  to  raise  somethin  on  my  War 
Claims  by  this  time  but  I  can't  get  a  cent  on  that. 
I'm  doin'  too  well  here  to  go  back  to  Alabama  just 
yet.  I'll  try  and  send  him  a  little  money  from  time 
to  time.  The  damd  tariff  is  the  cause  of  all  this  dis 
tress  in  our  sectipn. 


A  COURT  FOR   SOUTHERN  CLAIMS. 


THE     DECADENCE     OF     SOUTHERN      CHARACTER  — 

JUDGE  CARTER  ON  THE  INSTITUTION  OF  SLAV 
ERY —  GROWING  DISTRUST  OF  CLEVELAND  —  A 
VISIT  TO  NEW  YORK  CONTEMPLATED. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  D.  C,  Oct.  18. 

I  wish  to  remark  that  our  old  Alabama  war-hoss, 
Bill  Oates,  done  a  great  service  to  the  South  the 
other  day  when  he  got  through  the  House  his  bill 
to  put  the  old  Mexican  war  veterans  of  our  secktion 
on  the  pension  rolls  without  proof  of  loyalty.  Damn 
loyalty,  anyhow.  The  word  is  odeus  to  every  sensi 
ble  man  in  the  country.  Now  that  we  have  give  it 
a  black  eye  the  road  is  opened  a  little  wider  to  our 
War  Claims.  A  lot  of  old  sneaks  and  scallywags  in 
the  South  pretended  to  be  loyal  and  they  swore 
their  claims  through  and  got  their  money  years  ago. 
The  great  bulk  of  the  claims  has  been  debarred  be 
cause  of  that  infernal  word  "  loyalty."  I'd  like  to 
see  it  kicked  out  of  the  dicshenary.  After  the  war 
for  our  independence  got  well  under  way  there  never 
was  any  "  loyal "  people  in  the  South  to  speak  of 
except  a  few  white  trash  in  East  Tennessea.  Why, 
if  there'd  been  any  ''loyal"  people  amongst  us 
wouldn't  we  have  stamped  'em  out  ?  By  the  crooked 
hind  shank  of  the  bald-faced  grand  Lamma  you  bet 
we  would  !  Now  Oates  has  made  it  so  that  a  man 
who  fout  in  the  Mexican  War  and  then  in  our  war 
can  walk  right  up  and  get  his  pension  and  no  ques- 

(40 


42  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

tions  ast  —  that  is,  when  the  Senate  and  the  great 
man  from  Buffalo  consent,  as  I  feel  they  will.  I've 
just  been  workin  with  a  Committee,  assisted  by 
Judge  Fairfax  Carter,  in  drawin'  up  a  bill  to  create 
a  special  Commission  to  hear  and  pass  upon  the  un 
adjusted  war  claims  of  the  Southern  States.  It  care 
fully  avoids  any  test  of  "  loyalty."  It  is  a  nice  piece 
of  work  and  I'm  proud  of  it.  It  will  be  offered  in 
the  House  in  a  few  days.  We  have  left  the  names 
of  the  five  Commissioners  of  the  high  court  blank 
and  it  may  be  that  I'll  be  one  of  'em.  The  salaries 
is  fixt  at  $8,000  a  year.  No  man  is  more  entitled  to 
a  seat  on  this  bench  than  myself,  but  some  of  my 
friends  think  I'm  too  biassed  to  act  as  a  jewdicial 
agent  in  these  matters.  Mebby  I  am.  But  the 
conflict  for  Justice  long  delayed  is  about  to  begin. 
The  pickets  are  even  now  bein  snap-shotted. 
•*  •*  % 

A  little  insident  happened  in  our  poker  room  on 
Tuesday  night  which  shows  me  that  the  war  did 
much  to  lower  the  tone  of  our  people.  Two  young 
men  met  by  accident  in  our  place.  Their  names 
was  Underhill  and  they  was  brought  up  in  Fairfax 
County,  Virginia.  One  of  'em  lives  at  home  on  the 
old  farm  and  the  other  is  livin  out  in  Nebraska. 
They  hadn't  met  for  ten  years.  Of  course  they  was 
glad  and  it  was  interestin  to  hear  them  talkin  about 
old  times  and  old  friends.  I  heard  the  Nebraska 
chap  say  to  his  younger  brother :  "  Well,  Percy, 
whatever  become  of  that  fine  two-year-old  bay  colt 
on  the  place  that  you  thought  was  goin  to  be  so 
speedy?"  "  Oh,  he  turned  out  to  be  not  worth  $10. 
I  was  terrible  disappointed  about  that  animal  for  he 
was  well  bred."  "  Well,  what  did  you  do  with  him  ?" 
"Oh,  I  sold  him  to  mother  for  $125."  That  made 
me  kind  o'  tired.  I  could  have  kicked  that  young 


A   Court  for  Southern  Claims.  43 

whelp's  ribs  out.  But,  sez  I  to  myself,  that's  more 
of  the  results  of  the  infemous  war.  No  Virginia 
gentleman  would  have  bred  such  a  blackguard  son 
as  that  forty  year  ago.  I  tell  you  we'll  never  get 
over  that  war  and  the  sickenin  poverty  that  fol 
lowed  it  and  demoralized  all  of  us.  I  feel  the 
effects  of  it  myself.  We  are  raisin  all  through  the 
South  now  a  class  of  people  that  come  of  good  old 
stock  too,  that's  as  mean  and  close  and  as  money- 
grabin  as  the  meanest  meat-eyed  Yankee  in  Ver 
mont. 

#•  *•  * 

I  had  last  evenin  a  most  interestin  talk  on  the 
subject  of  human  slavery  with  that  elegant  old 
schollard,  Judge  Carter,  and  we  went  over  the 
ground  very  thoroughly  and  decided,  as  rational 
beings  only  could  decide,  that  it  was  a  noble  thing 
and  that  the  underpinnin  was  knocked  from  under 
our  social  fabric  when  it  was  destroyed  by  that 
ignerant  and  uncouth  man,  Abe  Lincoln.  As  Judge 
Carter  rightly  remarked,  an  institootion  that  existed 
thirteen  centuries  befo'  Christ,  an  institootion  that 
was  good  enough  for  the  Assyrians,  Babylonians 
and  the  cultured  Persians  and  Greeks  ought  to  have 
been  good  enough  for  a  low  bred  creature  like 
Lincoln.  The  Judge  said  it  was  a  piteous  spectacle 
to  see  an  institootion  that  society  had  been  ages  in 
establishin'  obliterated,  so  far  as  this  country  is 
concerned,  by  the  stroke  of  a  rail  splitter's  pen. 
The  venerable  Judge  almost  wept  as  he  uttered 
these  observations.  I,  too,  was  greatly  moved  and 
found  it  necessary  to  take  some  stimulants,  in  which 
the  Judge  joined,  before  we  could  proceed.  We 
dwelt  upon  that  splendid  era  in  the  world's  history 
when  Cicero  sold  10,000  of  the  inhabitants  of  one 
town  to  the  highest  bidders;  when  the  sword  of 


44  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Caesar  yielded  him  half  a  million  of  slaves ;  when 
Augustus  sold  36,000  bondmen  and  broke  the  mar 
ket  to  a  few  drachmas  per  slave.  I  should  like  to 
have  lived  in  Rome  when  citizens  punished  for 
crimes,  whether  guilty  or  not,  were  sold  into  slavery 
and  the  money  put  into  the  Imperial  treasury  ;  when 
for  small  infractions  of  the  laws,  sech  as  refusing  to 
give  full  and  correct  returns  to  the  census  takers, 
for  speakin'  disrespectful  of  the  police  and  for  debt, 
persons  were  held  in  slavery  ever  afterwards.  I 
have  changed  my  views  now  and  I  should  like  to 
live  long  enough  to  see  this  system  restored  in  the 
South.  This,  with  the  revival  of  the  slave  trade 
direct  with  Africa  and  the  immejiate  payment  of 
our  War  Claims,  would  make  the  South  bloom  like 
a  rose  of  Sharon,  Pa. 

*  -5f  # 

Speakin  with  Lem  Tolliver,  my  pardner,  the  other 
day,  he  gave  me  the  shockin  informashun  that  a 
Miss  Todd,  a  niece  of  old  Abe  Lincoln,  has  long 
been  in  charge  of  the  post  office  at  Cythiana,  Ky.  I 
asked  Lem  why  in  the  name  of  the  stars  and  bars 
he  had  not  told  me  about  this  befoh  so  that  I  could 
have  been  takin  steps  to  encompass  her  removal. 
Lem  is  an  easy  goin'  sort  of  chap,  like  most  Kain- 
tuckians,  and  horrified  me  by  sayin  that  she  made  a 
very  good  postmistress  and  he  didn't  see  why  she 
couldn't  remain. 

"  Remain  ?"  I  exclaimed,  almost  in  a  shriek,  "  of 
course  she  can't  remain  !  It  would  be  bad  enough 
to  put  a  relative  of  this  arch  fiend  in  a  post  office  or 
other  place  of  trust  and  emollument  up  in  New 
England,  but  to  ram  her  down  the  throat  of  a  South 
ern  community  is  too  much.  A  niece  of  Abe  Lin 
coln  in  a  post  office  with  the  South  in  control  of  the 
Government !  Why  by  gad,  sah,  it  would  be  an  in- 


A  Court  for  Southern  Claims.  45 

suit  to  every  son  and  daughter  of  the  Southland, 
and  I  will  communicate  the  facts  to  Bissell  at  oncet." 

Lem  was  considerably  surprised  at  my  earnestness 
and  counselled  calmness,  but  I  kept  a  weavin  away. 

"Calmness?"  I  ejackerlated.  "No  true  Southron 
could  be  calm  knowin'  that  a  wrong  like  this  was 
unrighted.  As  I  say,  I  will  communicate  the  facts 
to  Postmaster  General  Bissell.  I  will  also  see  Hoke 
Smith,  that  gallant  son  of  Gawjah,  and  if  this  Miss 
Todd  doesn't  toddle,  your  Uncle  Randolph  has  not 
read  the  stars  aright.  I  wisht  I  was  Postmaster 
General  for  about  an  hour  and  a  quarter  and  if  I 
wouldn't  drive  that  young  lady  forth  and  brand  her 
as  the  enemy  of  the  country,  chargin  her  at  the 
same  time  with  robbin  the  mails,  then  may  I  never 
realize  on  my  sacrid  War  Claim  movement  to  the 
extent  of  a  pistoreen." 


As  a  select  steerin  committee  of  one  for  our  poker 
parlor  I  hussel  around  purty  lively  and  I  may  say 
that  I  come  in  contack  with  more  people  than  usual. 
It  is  remarkable  to  know  how  the  Southern  people 
have  lost  faith  in  old  Cleveland.  I  hear  him  cust 
and  denounced  every  day  by  men  that  two  months 
ago  thought  the  sun  rose  and  set  in  his  office  chair. 
The  fact  that  he  is  not  givin  out  offices  very  lively 
has  somethin  to  do  with  the  horsetile  expressions 
here,  but  I  know  now  that  the  South  distrusts  him. 
He  is  not  with  us  on  the  money  question  and  he's 
got  to  be  edducated  a  good  deal  if  he's  with  us  on 
the  Claims  issooe.  However,  if  we  ever  get  that 
Claims  bill  through  both  Houses  it  will  go  through 
the  White  House  or  a  certain  Mr.  Cleveland  wiH*  re 
gret  that  he  was  ever  begot. 


46  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I  am  goin'  over  to  New  York  on  Satterday.  I 
want  to  see  the  great  city  that  was  a  Southern  strong 
hold  durin  the  war  and  I  want  to  pay  my  respecks 
to  Tammany  Hall  and  its  able  statesmen.  I  am  de 
lighted  to  know  that  my  esteemed  friend  Col.  John 
Fellows  has  been  renominated  for  District  Attorney 
again.  He  was  a  brave  Confederate  soldier.  To 
hear  him  tell  about  his  experiences  at  the  siege  of 
Port  Hudson  makes  my  old  warlike  blood  sirculate 
like  water  on  a  hot  stove.  John  is  a  geneal,  noble- 
hearted  gentleman.  I  wish  he  was  in  the  District 
Attorney's  office  now.  I'd  feel  safer  durin  my  visit. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


THE  MAJOR  IN  NEW  YORK. 


WHAT  HE  SAW  ON  HIS  TRAVELS— COMMENTS  ON 
THE  BATTLE  OF  TRENTON — HE  MEETS  A  BUNCO 
STEERER — HIS  IMPRESSION  OF  THE  METROPOLIS. 


"THE  SOUTHERN  TROOPS  HAD  TO  FIGHT  LIKE 

DEVILS    TO    KEEP    WARM." 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  Oct.  21. 

Well,  here  I  am  in  the  great  Democrat  metropolis 
of  the  country  and  writin  these  lines  in  the  famous 
hotel  in  which  Dannel  Webster,  Henry  Clay,  John  C. 

(47) 


48  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Calhoun  and  all  the  great  men  of  a  generation  ago 
always  stopt.  I  am  occupying  the  Webster  room.  I 
never  cared  for  Dannel  much — he  was  inclined  to 
blather  too  much  about  the  Union  and  he  was  a 
Yankee  abolitioner  from  the  ground  up — but  he  was 
a  statesman  of  brains,  not  ekal  to  Calhoun,  but  never 
theless  a  man  of  great  ability.  Down  with  us,  folks 
think  I  resemble  Dannel  Webster  in  some  respects. 
I  drink  and  I'm  very  ceerless  about  money  matters 
and  I  can  make  a  fairly  elokent  speech  when  I'm 
crowded.  I  do  as  I  please  and  make  no  bones  of 
lettin  my  opinions  loose  on  the  community  whether 
they're  with  me  or  not.  I  can't  help  thinkin,  as  I 
set  here  in  a  chair  that  Webster  once  occupied — so 
the  nigger  boy  told  me  when  he  showed  me  in — that 
this  country  is  goin  to  seed,  so  far  as  brains  is  con 
cerned.  We've  had  no  men  of  the  Clay  and  Calhoun 
and  Webster  style  of  late  years,  and  since  General 
Lee  died  I  haven't  pinned  my  faith  much  to  anybody. 
I  had  hopes  of  Cleveland  but  he  turned  out  to  be 
good  deal  of  a  yaller  dog  and  a  sore  disappointment. 
But  this  is  a  sad  subjeck  and  I  will  not  persue  it. 
•&  *  #• 

I  am  pleased  with  the  little  I've  seen  of  New  York 
and  proud  to  be  in  its  midst.  I  left  Washington  this 
mornin  and  my  trip  was  not  only  pleasant  but  in- 
strucktive.  I  had  never  been  in  the  North  but  once 
before  and  that  was  when  I  accompanied  General 
Lee  to  Gettysburg.  The  little  of  the  country  that  I 
seen  then  looked  very  much  like  upper  Virginia  and, 
to  tell  you  the  truth,  I  didn't  have  much  of  a  chance 
to  contemplate  the  landskape.  But  to-day  as  I  rode 
along  I  could  not  help  noticin  the  effect  of  class  leg 
islation  and  secktional  favoritism.  After  leavin  Bal 
timore  the  country  begun  to  show  improvement  and 
prosperity.  I  didn't  get  but  a  glimpse  of  Baltimore 


The  Major  in  New  York.  49 

though  I  wanted  very  much  to  see  that  stanch  Con 
federate  city.  I  may  stop  on  my  return.  We  passed 
through  in  a  tunnel  and  a  man  in  the  car  said  he 
liked  that,  for  Baltimore  was  the  meanest  town  in 
the  country,  and  he  was  glad  that  he  could  pass  it 
under  ground.  I  suppose  he  come  from  Massychu- 
sets,  as  I  hear  they're  still  kickin  up  there  yet  about 
the  way  the  Southern  boys  walloped  their  old  blue- 
bellied  soldiers  in  Baltimore  in  '61.  But  as  I  was 
savin,  as  we  proceeded  swifly  northward  I  could  see 
what  the  Yankee  tariff  had  done.  I  saw  shops  and 
facktories  in  Wilmington,  though  a  gentleman  on 
the  train  told  me  that  the  recent  hard  times  had 
plaid  havock  with  their  industries.  I  told  him  that 
was  the  trouble  always  with  a  people  that  tore  their- 
selves  loose  from  aggryculture  and  falsely  stimulated 
manufacktories.  I  showed  him  how  lightly  the  re 
cent  financial  troubles  had  touched  the  South,  because 
we  had  few  pay  rolls  to  meet  and  few  banks  lendin 
money  to  keep  up  the  manufackturers.  We  had 
quite  a  heated  argyment  but  I  had  the  best  of  it,  and 
I  told  him  that  when  we  got  the  people  of  the  North 
down  to  a  Free  Trade  basis  they  would  bless  us. 
*  *  * 

All  along  the  Delaware  river  I  seen  shops  and  boat 
buildin  places  all  created  bytheinfemous  tariff  which 
so  cruelly  wrongs  the  South.  The  houses  and  the 
towns  all  looked  thrifty  but  I  missed  our  old-fash 
ioned  Southern  plantation  baroneal  mansions  with 
wide  porticoes  and  nigger  quarters.  Every  thing 
looked  mean  and  close  and  pinched.  I  was  asleep 
when  we  past  Philadelphia  and  I  was  glad  of  it. 
That  town  is  accursed  for  its  brutal  war  against  the 
South.  It  was  too  loyal  to  sleep  well  of  nights  durin 
the  war.  Lord,  how  we  boys  would  have  looted  it 
if  we  had  got  over  there  from  Gettysburg  in  '63 ! 

4 


5<D  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Ever  since  that  old  Ben  Franklin  lived  in  that  town 
and  preached  that  there  was  nothin  worth  livin  for 
but  shillins  and  pents  I  have  despised  it.  The 
preachin  of  that  old  pot-gutted  skin  flint  helped  to 
make  the  people  of  the  North  sorded  money-grab 
bers.  His  idee  was  that  people  was  to  do  nothin  but 
toil  and  save.  That's  why  you  find  the  Robber  Bar 
ren  in  the  North  and  never  in  the  South.  We  wanted 
to  live  like  gentlemen  down  there  with  little  or  no 
work  and  lots  of  play,  and  the  damd  Yankees  never 
rested  till  they  broke  up  our  system,  and  I'm  sorry 
to  say  that  we  have  some  people  amongst  us  now  as 
keen  for  money  and  as  devoted  to  business  as  you'll 
find  in  Boston.  It  would  have  been  a  good  thing 
for  this  country  if  old  Franklin  had  never  lived, 
though  they  do  say  he  was  helpful  in  the  revolution 
war  times.  His  example  was  bad  for  he  made  peo 
ple  believe  that  there  was  nothin  at  all  worth  havin 
but  money  and  two  thirds  of  the  meanness  and  nar 
row-mindedness  of  Philadelphia  is  due  now  to  that 
old  hog's  teachins.  I  remember  when  I  was  a  boy 
a  book  peddler  stopt  at  our  plantation  and  when  he 
showed  up  a  "  Poor  Richard's  Almanack  "  my  old 
man  sicked  the  dogs  on  him  and  chast  him  off  the 

place. 

#  #  * 

I  was  much  interested  in  Trenton.  That's  where  our 
gallant  Southerners  under  our  great  Southern  Gen 
eral  George  Washington  licked  the  sour  krout  out  of 
the  Hessians.  There  was  an  old  liar  settin  in  the  seat 
with  me  when  we  crost  the  Delaware  and  when  I 
spoke  in  the  above  strain  he  undertook  to  say  that 
there  was  only  a  few  Southern  troops  in  the  battel  of 
Trenton.  I  told  him  that  an  old  historean  down 
with  us  had  stated  to  me  that  General  Washington 
always  said  that  his  success  at  Trenton  was  due  to 


The  Major  in  New  York.  51 

the  fact  that  the  weather  was  intensely  cold  and  that 
his  Southern  troops  had  to  fight  like  devils  to  keep 
warm.  They  didn't  like  the  climate,  you  see,  but 
when  there  was  hard  fitin  to  be  done  they  done  it 
lively.  The  nice  old  man  said  that  he  had  never 
heard  of  this  fact  but  he  would  look  into  it.  I  told 
him  furthermore  that  my  mother's  greatgrandfather, 
Hannibal  Hamilcar  Gore,  of  South  Carolina,  had  a 
contract  to  build  and  collect  the  boats  that  Washing 
ton  and  his  army  crost  the  Delaware  in,  and  that  the 
family  still  had  a  claim  against  the  Government  for 
balance  due  and  interest.  I  told  him  that  I'd  let  my 
share  of  that  moldy  claim  go  if  I  could  only  collect 
what  was  due  me  for  damages  from  the  late  war. 
This  brought  on  a  heated  discussion,  for  the  old  man 
was  red  hot  against  the  South,  but  I  noticed  that 
every  time  I  took  a  pull  at  my  bottle  of  whiskey  he 
declared  in  with  me  without  special  invitation.  That's 
one  reason  why  I  despise  a  Yankee. 

•*  -x-  # 

My  trip  was  beguiled  by  much  conversation,  for 
my  striking  appearance  and  orackular  conversation 
attacted  much  attention.  I  preached  some  purty 
lively  doctrine  about  Free  Trade  and  finances  and 
the  late  war,  and  the  Democrats  in  the  car  was  de 
lighted.  The  view  of  New  York  impressed  me 
amazingly,  and  as  I  stood  on  the  ferry  boat  and 
viewed  the  great  city  and  the  harbor  full  of  crafts  I 
could  not  help  exclaiming :  "  Behold  what  the  Demo 
crats  have  done  and  can  do !  "  I  landed  at  Court- 
land  street  and  after  inquirin  my  road  to  the  hotel 
concluded  to  walk,  having  no  baggage  but  my  hand 
portmantoe.  I  hadn't  gone  five  hundred  yards  be 
fore  a  man  stept  up  an*d  said:  "  How  d'ye  due, 
Mr.  Thompson  ?"  I  told  him  that  I  was  Randolph 
Gore  Hampton,  of  Tuskeegee,  Alabama,  late  Major 


52  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

in  the  C.  S.  A.  He  apologized  and  said  he  had  mis 
took  me  for  Mr.  Hezekiah  Thompson,  of  Newark.  I 
had  not  gone  much  farther  before  a  well-appearin 
man  accosted  me  with  "  My  dear  Major  Hampton, 
how  are  you  ?"  At  first  I  was  delighted  to  know 
that  there  was  a  man  in  this  big  town  that  knowed 
me.  But  all  of  a  suddent  I  recollected  my  expe 
rience  in  Washington.  I  dropt  my  aged  satchel  and 
grabbed  Mr.  Stranger  by  the  coat  collar,  at  the  same 
time  reachin  towards  my  right  hip,  I  said.  "You 
dirty  thief,  I  was  buncoed  not  long  ago,  and  you  bet 
that  thing  cant  be  did  again  ;  I've  a  big  mind  to  put 
a  hole  right  square  through  you."  Well,  I  never 
see  a  man  skairt  as  that  chap  was.  He  jerked  away 
and  flew  around  the  corner  like  a  mule  that  had 
been  doin  business  with  a  yeller  jacket's  nes.  A 
policeman  came  along  about  that  time  and  showed 
me  the  road  to  the  Aster  House  and  he  laffed  con 
siderable  when  I  told  him  about  my  adventure.  I 
learnt  from  him  that  Tammany  had  a  strong  ticket 
and  that  it  expected  to  sweep  the  city  by  at  least 

00,000  majority. 

*  *  •* 

I  am  very  comfortable  here  but  I'm  right  tired. 
I've  got  a  letter  of  introduction  to  the  proprietor  of 
the  hotel  from  Judge  Tim  Campbell.  I  also  have 
letters  from  Amos  Cummins  and  John  Chamberlain 
to  the  Honorable  Richard  Croker  and  Mayor  Gil- 
hooley  and  others  ;  also  letters  from  Southern  Con 
gressmen  to  members  of  the  Southern  Society. 
Sorry  to  hear  that  Mr.  Croker  is  in  Chicago.  I  an 
ticipate  a  merry  time  for  the  next  week.  And  that's 
what  I'm  here  for.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


The  Major  in  New  York.  53 

P.  S. — Just  before  I  left  Washington  a  few  of  us 
Southern  gentlemen  drawed  up  and  sent  to  our 
brave  Senator  Morgan,  of  Alabama,  a  letter  thankin 
him  for  his  decleration  on  the  floor  of  the  Senate 
that  he  was  personally  responsible  and  that  Wash- 
burn,  the  wart-hog  Senator  from  Minnesota,  could 
hold  him  "  for  every  word  said  in  the  chamber  or 
outside."  That's  the  talk  we've  all  been  waitin  to 
hear.  As  a  man  recognizin  the  Code  and  not  afraid 
to  stand  up  for  it  we  all  feel  proud  of  the  General. 
Now  I  hear  that  a  judge  down  at  Evergreen,  Ala 
bama,  has  just  sentenced  Wright  Mills,  a  leading 
farmer  of  Conecuh  County,  to  the  penitentiary  for 
two  years  for  sendin  a  neighbor  a  challenge  to  fight 
a  duel.  As  John  Rogers  remarked  when  bein 
burned  at  the  steak,  this  is  tuff.  I'll  write  Senator 
Morgan  to-morrow  to  get  after  that  idiot  Judge. 
I'll  bet  a  bail  of  cotton  against  a  chinkepin  that  he 
ain't  a  true  blue  Alabamian.  He  is  a  low,  dirty  dis 
grace  to  our  State,  anyhow. 


A  LOOK  THROUGH  THE  CITY. 


THE  MAJOR  VISITS  THE  SCENE  OF  THE  FAMOUS 
DRAFT  RIOT — HE  MAKES  A  STUDY  OF  TAMMANY 
METHODS — A  COMPARISON  WITH  THE  ALABAMA 
STYLE  OF  CONDUCTING  ELECTIONS. 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  October  23. 

Sunday  was  a  quiet  and  peaseful  day  to  me.  I 
rose  early  and  santered  out  to  look  at  the  town.  I 
went  down  to  the  Battery  and  was  much  interested 
in  Cassell  Garden.  A  policeman  told  me  that 
millions  of  foreigners  comin  to  this  country  had 
passed  through  there.  I  was  pleased  to  inform  him 
that  we  had  no  such  institootion  as  that  in  the  South 
and  I  was  glad  of  it.  I  had  to  laff  at  that  fort  on 
Governor's  Island.  It  looked  to  me  as  though  I 
could  knock  it  down  with  a  double-barrell  shot-gun. 
But  I  suppose  the  Tammany  government  is  so  good 
here  that  there's  no  need  of  forts.  I  was  much 
pleased  with  the  bridge  across  the  river  to  Brooklyn. 
What  astonished  me  in  goin  about  was  the  closed 
drinkin  saloons.  I  found  that  I  could  get  into  any 
of  them  that  I  tackeled  through  a  side  door  or  a 
back  door.  I  hate  sneakin.  It  seems  to  me  that  in 
a  Democrat  city  like  this  there  ought  to  be  no  trouble 
about  keepin  saloons  wide  open.  They  are  all  kept 
by  Democrats  and  why  does  Mr.  Croker  permit  his 
ablest  workers  to  be  imposed  on  and  hairassed.  I 
was  told  in  one  place  that  a  State  law  was  the  cause 
of  the  trouble  but  I  told  them  that  as  this  was  a 
(54) 


A  Look  Through  the  City.  55 

strong  Democrat  State  and  Mr.  Croker  controlled 
the  Legislature  I  still  couldn't  understand  why  the 
liquor  traffick  wasn't  as  free  in  New  York  City  as  the 
newspaper  traffick.  I  got  all  I  wanted  to  drink,  of 
course,  and  I  am  not  complainin,  but  I  think  it  hew- 
miliatin  to  compel  a  barkeeper  on  a  Sunday  to  do 
business  like  a  nigger  chicken  thief. 
*  *  *• 

As  Mr.  Croker  and  Mayor  Gilfoyle  and  other  dis 
tinguished  gentlemen  that  I  have  letters  to  was  out 
of  town  I  made  no  calls.  I  visited  one  spot  that  was 
of  great  interest  to  me  and  that  was  the  scene  of 
the  great  draft  battle  of  1863.  People  visitin  our 
country  are  always  goin  round  and  lookin  at  battle 
fields.  I  wanted  to  see  the  field  where  the  noble 
Democrats  of  New  York  City,  true  friends  of  the 
South,  struck  a  blow  at  the  tyranny  of  old  Lincoln. 
That  uprisin  of  Tammany  brought  more  encourage 
ment  to  the  South  than  anybody  knows  of.  It  as 
sured  us  .that  the  Democrat  party  of  the  North  was 
with  us.  This  rally  of  Northern  Democrat  patriots 
occurred  just  after  our  foolish  neglect  to  crush  the 
army  of  the  Potomac  at  Gettysburg  and  it  lifted  our 
spirits  right  up.  I  read  an  account  of  the  anti-draft 
battle  which  said  it  begun  at  the  corner  of  Third 
Avenue  and  Thirty-sixth  street  with  the  burnin  of  a 
Provose  Marshal's  office  where  the  draftin  was  done. 
I  got  on  a  street  car  Sunday  afternoon  and  rode  up 
there.  I  couldn't  find  a  car  conductor  or  driver  who 
knowed  anything  about  it.  I  lit  at  the  place  named 
but  I  couldn't  find  anybody  who  could  tell  me  where 
the  buildin  stood  that  was  burned.  In  a  cigar  store 
I  enquired  of  a  young  man  who  said  "  Vat  I  know 
about  dat  fite  ;  I  heef  only  been  in  de  coundry  seeks 
months."  I  walked  all  around  the  neighborhood  of 
the  sacred  battle-field  where  a  noble  band  of  people 


56  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

— even  though  they  was  all  foreigners — refused  to  be 
driven  away  from  home  to  fight  us  Southern  people 
engaged  in  a  noble  struggle  for  independens.  I 
wondered  whether  any  of  the  lamp-posts  standin 
there  was  the  ones  they  hung  the  niggers  on,  but 
they  all  looked  too  new  for  that.  I  talked  to  a  police 
man  who  couldn't  tell  me  where  Col.  O'Brien  was 
beat  to  death.  He  didn't  know  where  the  Nigger 
Orphant  Asylum  that  was  burned  stood.  I  suppose 
he's  only  been  in  the  country  six  months.  This 
noble  battle  of  the  true  New  York  Democrats  in  aid 
of  the  Southern  Cause,  was  a  failure,  but  it  learnt 
old  Lincoln's  government  a  lesson  and  it  deserves  to 
be  celebrated  with  a  monument.  If  Richard  Croker 
wants  to  be  enshrined  in  the  hearts  of  the  Southern 
people — and  he's  a  fool  if  he  don't,  because  they  are 
goin  to  run  this  country — he  will  have  the  spot 
where  the  second  great  Confederate  battle  in  the 
North  was  fout  marked  with  a  stately  monument. 
There  are  20,000  Southerners  in  this  city,  and  I'm 
sure  they'd  all  contribute.  The  1,200  noble  Demo 
crats  that  was  slain  in  this  struggle  in  behalf  of  our 
cause  deserve  a  monument. 

*  *  * 

I  read  in  one  of  the  papers  yesterday  a  lot  of  stuff 
about  the  colonization  of  voters  in  Senator  Sullivan's 
district.  I  was  surprised  to  know  that  the  Tam 
many  boys  took  so  much  trouble  to  roll  up  a  big 
vote.  That  sort  of  thing  is  very  expensive  and 
foolish.  Havin  the  power  to  do  as  they  please  in 
the  strong  Democrat  districts  why  don't  the  Tam 
many  managers  fix  the  returns  to  suit  theirselves  ? 
Down  with  us  we  let  people  vote  just  as  they  please 
now,  much  or  little,  and  when  the  poles  close  we  do 
the  business  with  a  little  lead  pencil.  The  plan 
works  all  right  there  and  it  would  work  all  right 


A  Look  Through  the  City.  57 

here  if  the  Honorable  Mr.  Sullivan  and  General 
Croker  would  only  take  hold  boldly.  The  idea  of 
registeriri  and  colonizin  a  lot  of  old  stiffs  in  a  dis 
trict  controlled  entirely  by  Democrats  is  so  stoopid 
that  I  have  to  grin.  'Fore  God  I  can't  understand 
such  cowardise  for  Democrats  never  accomplish  any 
thing  except  where  they  are  brave.  Mr.  Sullivan 
must  be  a  great  man  and  he  deserves  well  of  his 
party,  just  as  Judge  Maynard  does.  A  man  who 
is  willin  to  go  out  of  his  way  a  little,  in  spite  of  the 
law,  to  do  his  party  a  good  turn  deserves  to  be 
recognized  and  honored.  Ever  since  I  kicked  a  bal 
lot  box  out  of  the  polin  place  in  Briar  Root  in  1868 
and  made  everybody  come  up  and  vote  in  my  hat 
while  I  held  a  self-cocker  in  my  hand,  I've  had  some- 
thin  to  say  about  politicks  in  Geehaw  township,  and 
in  Makin  County  too  for  that  matter.  I  hope  that 
man  Maynard  will  get  50,000  majority  and  I  think 
he  will  for  the  boys  seem  to  be  standin  right  up  to 
him.  I  regard  such  men  as  Martyrs  of  the  Demo 
crat  church. 


The  rain  to-day  kept  me  somewhat  under  cover. 
I  made  the  acquaintance  of  Judge  Divver  and  a  num 
ber  of  other  wideawake  Tammany  leaders.  I  gath 
ered  a  good  deal  of  information  from  them,  and  I 
find  that  the  Tammany  system  of  carrying  on  local 
government  does  not  differ  materially  from  that  de 
vized  by  Colonel  Tweed.  In  fact,  it  is  a  continuation 
of  business  at  the  old  stand,  only  widened,  of  course, 
in  its  scope  to  meet  the  requirements  of  a  broader 
and  higher  civilization,  so  to  speak.  And  I  take 
pleasure  in  statin'  right  here,  without  fear  of  any  suc 
cessful  contradiction,  that  the  late  Mr.  Tweed  was  a 
much  abused  man.  It  is  evident  that  he  was  a  broad 
minded  statesman,  a  gentleman  and  a  schollard  and 


58  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

was  doin  a  great  and  unselfish  work  for  New  York. 
I  have  gone  over  his  career  thoroughly  and  am  satis 
fied  that  he  was  hounded  to  his  death  by  a  lot  of 
snivellin,  skinflint  reformers  who  wanted  him  to  pinch 
every  five-cent  piece  of  public  money  until  it  spread 
out  like  a  half  dollar.  Them  kind  of  people  makes 
me  billy  us  and  I  am  sorry  to  see  that  there  is  another 
generation  of  'em  springin  up  here,  as  was  manifest 
at  the  Cooper  Union  meetin  the  other  night.  I  wish 
to  the  Lord  of  Hosts  that  I  had  arrived  in  town  in 
time  to  have  made  a  speech  at  that  getherin.  You 
can  bet  I  would  have  made  some  of  them  owly  old 
hippercrits  hunt  their  holes  with  more  hair  yanked 
offen  their  ornery  hides  than  could  be  restored  in  a 
lifetime  with  all  the  balm  in  Gilead.  Boss  Tweed 
was  all  right,  and  I  am  surprised  and  amazed  that 
their  was  not  enough  moral  sentiment  in  this  com 
munity  to  rise  up  and  crush  his  defamers  like  so 
many  snakes.  I  hear  that  this  Mugwump  Times  that 
is  now  snivellin  and  snortin  for  Cleveland  had  some- 
thin  to  do  with  poisonin  the  public  mind  agin  this 
good  old  man.  If  Major  Randolph  Gore  Hampton, 
late  of  the  C.  S.  A.,  had  been  on  the  campus  at  that 
time,  he  would  have  led  a  phalanx  agin  their  buildin 
and  ripped  it  from  sanctum  to  cellar,  from  turret  to 
foundation  stone.  As  for  the  fool  editors  and  re 
porters  of  the  mangy  sheet  I  would  have  hung  'em 
up  so  thick  along  Park  Row  that  they  would  have 
looked  like  dried  apples  on  a  string.  And  as  I  would 
have  been  for  Mr.  Tweed,  so  am  I  for  Mr.  Croker 
and  his  system,  and  base  is  the  slave  that  would  be 
otherwise,  say  I. 

•*  *  # 

I  have  met  up  with  a  great  many  pleasant  people  in 
Room  No.  I  of  this  hotel  where  the  lunch  is.  It  is  a 
great  plais  for  distinguished  politicians.  A  number  of 


A  Look  Through  the  City.  $9 

cards  have  been  left  for  me,  too,  by  people  who  have 
heard  of  my  bein  in  town.  One  man  writes  and  says, 
"  Welcome  to  the  great  citadel  of  Democracy,  thou 
noble  old  Southern  warrier."  Another  card  says : 
"We're  with  you  old  man."  Another  says:  "  Come 
up  and  shake  the  Tiger's  friendly  paw."  Oh,  I'm  at 
home  in  this  town.  To-morrow  I'mgoin  to  take  the 
bridel  off  and  run  wild.  There's  lots  of  elephant  to 
see  in  this  town  as  well  as  tiger. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTO^T. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


A  CALL  AT  TAMMANY  HALL. 


THE  MAJOR  IS  RECEIVED  WITH  WARMTH  BY  THE 
TAMMANY  BOYS— A  HERO  OF  THE  HOUR— HE 
MAKES  THE  ACQUAINTANCE  OF  STATESMAN  SUL 
LIVAN—MEETS  AN  OLD  SPORTING  ACQUAINTANCE. 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  October  24. 

I  philandered  into  what  they  call  the  Tammany 
Wigwarm  in  Fourteenth  street  yesterday  mornin. 
I  wanted  to  know  whether  General  Croker  had  re 
turned  from  Chicago.  There  was  quite  a  crowd  of 
people  in  the  plaisand  when  I  introdooced  myself  as 
a  gentleman  from  the  South  and  an  ex-Confederate 
soldier  they  received  me  with  demonstrations  of  joy. 
I  felt  at  home  in  a  minnit.  I  was  introdooced  to  a 
Mr.  Hoolihan,  Mr.  Dumphy,  Mr.  O'Connor,  Mr. 
O'Flagherty,  M'Carthy,  Gilhooly,  O'Donnell,  Han- 
rahan,  O'Haggerty,  Doolan,  Harrigan,  Ohmadon, 
Houlihan,  Finnerty,  Phelan,  Callihan,  Fogarty, 
McManus,  Sheehan,  Munkittrick,  Magahan,  O'Dowd, 
Mack,  Killilee,  Cavanaugh,  Cassidy  and  Shaun  the 
Bladder.  I  was  so  much  struck  with  these  names 
that  I  ast  a  young  clerk  there  to  write  them  down 
for  me.  "  You  haven't  got  such  a  thing  as  a  dutch- 
man  around  here?"  said  I.  At  that  there  wa^  a 
loud  hee-haw  and  I  could  see  that  the  boys  had  cot 
onto  my  humor.  I  was  sorry  to  learn  that  Mr. 
Croker  had  not  yet  returned  from  Checago  but  was 
told  he  would  be  on  hand  in  the  mornin.  Findin 
(60) 


A  Call  at  Tammany  Hall.  61 

that  the  boys  was  in  good  kelter  I  ast  them  if  they 
would  like  to  hear  a  few  remarks  from  an  old  South 
ern  Democrat  and  you  bet  they  yelled. 
*  •*  *• 

Foldin  my  hat  under  my  left  arm,  after  the  style 
of  Commodore  Decatur,  as  I  have  him  in  a  picture  at 
home,  I  said  :  "  Gentlemen — It  fills  the  heart  of  this 
representative  of  the  oncet  down-trodden  and  abused 
South  with  glowin  proud  to  meet  with  the  represen 
tatives  of  the  sterlin  Democracy  of  the  North,  here  in 
the  classic  precincts  of  Tammany  Haul.  I  was  against 
you  at  Chicago  last  year  but  we  are  altogether  now. 
As  a  Southerner  I  honor  you.  In  the  darkest  days 
of  our  noble  struggle  for  liberty  and  independens  we 
of  the  South  always  turned  with  hopefulness  to  the 
noble  Democrats  of  New  York  city.  You  were  not 
only  our  friends  but  you  fout  for  us.  Some 
idiotic  people  abuse  Tammany  but  I  regard  it  as  the 
greatest  organization  that  Thomas  Jefferson  ever 
formed.  What  you  have  done  and  are  doin  for 
your  great  city  can  be  done  in  every  State  in  the 
Union.  You  have  now  a  leader  who  is  the  peer  of 
any  man  in  this  land.  [Loud  cheers.]  He  is  fit  to 
occupy  the  White  House.  [Prolonged  applause.] 
To  his  sagacity,  integrety  and  noble  zeal  we  of  the 
South  owe  more  than  we  can  ever  repay,  for  it  was 
the  State  of  New  York  and  her  devotion  to  the 
principles  of  Democracy  that  helped  us  on  our  feet. 
Your  true  representatives  in  Congress  helped  us  to 
organize  the  House  on  the  Southern  basis.  Stan  by 
us,  good  gentlemen,  and  we'll  stan  by  you.  I  have 
come  here  to  see  and  shake  hands  with  your  grand 
leader  and  to  speak  to  him  about  a  thoroughbred 
two-year-old  colt  down  in  our  State  that  he  ought 
to  have.  I  propose  three  cheers  for  General  Richard 
Croker,"  You  bet  I  made  a  hit*  The  boys  all 


62  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

shook  my  hand  warmly,  and  all  had  somethin  to  say 
about  the  South  and  its  splendid  fight  for  its  good 
cause.  I  said  :  "  Boys,  thers  one  thing  I  want  to 
ast  about.  We  uset  to  hear  about  a  Tammany 
ridgement  in  the  Army  of  the  Potomac  which  they 
said  was  made  up  of  Irishmen,  and  good  fighters  too. 
Is  it  possible  that  you  sent  a  ridgement  down  to 
make  war  on  your  Southern  brethren?"  A  gentle 
man  spoke  up  and  said  :  "  Major,  we  have  here,  you 
know,  the  Tammany  Society  which  a  lot  of  Repub 
licans  belong  to.  It  owns  this  buildin.  It  was  kind 
o'  loyal  durin  the  war  and  it  got  up  the  Tammany 
Ridgement.  The  Tammany  Organization  has 
claimed  credit  for  that  ridgement  since  it  got  popu 
lar  to  talk  about  the  war,  but  the  fact  is  the  claim  is 
a  fraud. "  I  was  delighted  to  hear  that  and  I  had  him 
further  explain  the  difference  between  the  Tammany 
Society  and  the  Tammany  Hall  political  organiza 
tion.  On  invitation  we  all  adjourned  to  a  nearby 
saloon  and  I  never  saw  so  much  treatin  done  in  a 
half  an  hour  in  my  life.  Every  man  of  em  had 
a  wad  of  money  as  big  as  a  stovepipe.  I  couldn't 
spend  a  cent.  They  all  had  champain,  but  I  stuck 
to  whiskey — the  wine  of  the  country.  I  tell  you  I 
had  a  hylarious  reception.  When  I  got  a  chance  I 
ast  one  of  the  boys,  I  think  it  was  Mr.  Callahan,  to 
go  with  me  to  see  Senator  Tim  Sullivan,  and  we 

slipt  away.  * 

#  *  * 

After  some  huntin  around  we  found  Mr.  Sullivan 
in  a.saloon  in  the  Bowery.  My  friend  presented  me, 
and  I  must  say  that  I  found  Mr.  Sullivan  a  hand 
some,  noble-looking  young  man.  I  said  :  "  Senator, 
I  have  come  here  to  pay  my  respects  to  you,  for  I 
know  you  are  a  grand  Democrat.  You  are  doin 
splendid  work  for  the  party.  The  infernal  enemy  is 


A   Call  at   Tammany  Hall.  63 

abusin  you,  and  that's  enough  to  make  me  your  friend 
for  life."  The  Senator  shook  my  hand  warmly  and 
said  that  his  friend  Congressman  Tim  Campbell  had 
spoken  about  me.  I  ast  him  how  the  election  was 
goin  and  he  laffed  and  said  it  was  too  much  of  a  pud- 
din.  "  Why,  Major,"  said  he,  "  the  poor  Repubs  aint 
able  to  give  us  a  fight  in  this  town  now.  You  see 
they  aint  got  any  boodle  and  we  just  have  money  to 
burn.  Besides  we've  got  a  half  dozen  of  their  mana 
gers  in  our  pay  and  we  run  their  masheen  as  well  as 
ourn.  Some  of  the  Republicans  this  year  wanted  to 
get  up  a  combination  ticket  and  try  to  elect  some 
Tammany  soreheads  to  office.  We  just  knocked  that 
on  the  head  in  every  district.  You  see  how  that 
Myers  game  fizzled  out.  I  tell  you,  Major,  nobody 
can  stand  agin  Tammany  in  this  town."  I  ast  him 
if  it  was  really  true  that  he  was  doin  a  little  funny 
business  in  his  district  and  he  winked  and  said  :  "  You 
see,  Major,  a  large  number  of  Democrats  in  my  part 
of  town  are  tourists  in  the  summer  time.  Some  of 
them  live  in  the  parks.  They  don't  need  houses 
when  the  weather's  warm,  but  in  the  fall,  along  about 
election  time,  I  have  to  find  homes  for  em.  Well, 
you  know  rent  is  purty  high  in  this  town  and  so  we 
set  up  cots  in  the  tops  of  some  of  our  buildings  and 
crowd  the  poor  devils  in.  It's  a  pure  work  of  charity 
and  Mr.  Croker,  who  is  a  very  kind  hearted  man,  ap 
proves  of  it.  Of  course  these  poor  citizens,  who  are 
very  much  interested  in  our  municipal  government, 
are  always  expected  to  register  and  vote.  And  this 
is  what  the  Republican  squawkers  call  colonizin'."  I 
assured  the  Senator  that  he  was  doin'  grand  work  and 
I  give  him  some  points  about  how  we  run  elections 
now  down  in  Alabama.  This  Mr.  Sullivan,  I  can  see, 
is  a  risin  man.  He  looks  like  business  and  I  can  see 
that  General  Crokerr  like  General  Lee,  knows  how  to 


64  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

pick  his  leftenants.     Mr.  Sullivan  promist  to  be  on 
hand  to-morrow  when  I  call  on  the  Boss. 
•*  •&  * 

I  was  up  in  what  they  call  the  Tenderloin  district 
last  night  and  I  met  up  with  an  old  sport  named 
George  Devol.  He  used  to  run  the  Mississippi  river 
as  a  gambler.  I  was  much  tickled  by  the  stories  he 
told  me  and  I  bought  a  copy  of  a  book  which  he  writ 
on  his  experiences.  He  showed  me  around  a  little. 
The  games  are  all  under  cover  now  and  it  ain't  every 
body  that  can  find  play.  Tammany,  they  told  me, 
was  actin  a  little  mean  toords  the  gamblers  since 
Croker  made  up  his  mind  to  have  all  the  gamblin' 
done  on  the  race-tracks.  But  we  found  a  faro  game 
and  I  quit  a  right  sharp  loser.  I  telegraphed  Lem 
Tolliver  for  money  this  mornin.  This  is  what  I  got : 
"  Sent  a  hundred  to-day.  When  that's  gone  walk 
home,  you  old  sucker."  That  wasn't  polite  but  so 
long  as  the  money  comes,  I  don't  care  a  hooter. 
Devol  says  that  if  I'll  make  a  speech  for  Tammany 
I  can  borrow  all  the  money  I  want  from  the  gang. 
The  hospitality  of  this  town  has  about  done  me  up. 
Every  Democrat  I  meet  sets  up  the  drinks.  I  never 
was  in  such  tall  fragrant  clover. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


HE  MEETS  BOSS  CROKER. 


FINDS  THE  TAMMANY  LEADER  A  PLEASANT  GENTLE 
MAN — THEY  CORDIALLY  AGREE  ON  ALL  LEADING 
QUESTIONS — IS  REQUESTED  NOT  TO  MAKE  A 
SPEECH — THE  MAJOR  TALKS  HOSS — A  VISIT  TO 
WALL  STREET. 


"  MR.    CROKER,    SEZ    I." 

ASTOR    HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  Oct.  25. 

What  I  like  about  this  hotel  is  that  I  can  get  jole 
and  greens  for  dinner  and  corn-bread  for  breakfast. 
I   don't   wonder  that   the   great  statesmen  of  the 
0  (65) 


66  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

country  stop  here.  I  was  up  early  this  mornin'  and 
after  two  stiff  jorums  of  whiskey  I  throwed  in  a 
breakfast  that  would  have  become  one  of  old  Jeb 
Stuart's  cavalrymen.  After  bein  brushed  up  and 
put  in  shape  by  Baron  Minaldi  I  proceeded  up  town 
to  the  Southern  Society.  I  was  warmly  welcomed 
by  a  few  sons  of  the  South  congregaited  there  but 
was  surprised  to  learn  that  the  bar  of  the  establish 
ment  was  closed.  I  was  presented  to  Captain  Ran 
dolph,  Major  Calhoun,  Colonel  Dinwoodie  and  Col 
onel  Hawkins  and  it  was  decided  to  give  me  a  re 
ception  durin  my  stay  in  the  city.  Such  hospetality 
as  I  received  touched  me  deeply.  It  seems  that  the 
further  the  noble  sons  of  the  South  get  from  their 
native  and  beloved  soil  the  more  they  yearn  toards 
each  other.  After  an  hour  pleasantly  spent  with  the 
Southern  boys  I  went  over  to  Tammany  Hall  to 
pay  my  respecks  to  General  Croaker, 
•x-  #  •* 

I  found  the  great  Tammany  leader  surrounded  by 
a  big  crowd  of  admirin  followers.  When  I  got  a 
chance  I  introdooced  myself  in  a  somewhat  florid 
style,  and  I  thought  at  first  that  the  distinguished 
leader  was  rather  cold  and  distant.  He  looked  at 
me  as  though  he  thought  I  was  goin  to  borrow,  but 
when  I  spoke  about  his  stock  farm  down  in  our  seck- 
tion  and  complemented  him  on  goin  into  business  in 
Tennessee  he  thawed  out  considerable.  I  liked  his 
appearance  at  oncet.  Like  General  Lee  he  is  a  good 
listner,  and  for  awhile  he  let  me  do  all  the  talkin.  I 
ast  him  how  the  campain  was  proceedin.  Hesitatin 
for  a  brief  minnit,  he  said : 

"  Why,  Major,  it  seems  theres  nobody  against  us. 
We  are  just  havin  a  canter.  It  looks  now  as  though 
the  other  horses  wouldn't  start." 

"  That's  very  gratifyin,"  I  said,  "  but  I  suppose 


He  Meets  Boss  Croker.  67 

you  feel  like  we  do  down  South  sometimes  that  it 
would  be  plesanter  if  we  had  more  oppersition." 

The  great  chief  smiled  at  this  sally  and  said : 
"  Well,  it  keeps  me  busy  holdin  our  own  people  in 
shape.  Our  party  is  large  and  unwieldy,  but  its  all 
due  to  the  splendid  and  economical  government  we 
give  the  city.  The  people  are  so  delighted  with  us 
that  we  can't  hardly  keep  'em  from  votin  our  ticket. 
The  scarcity  of  offices  is  the  worst  trouble  we  have. 
There's  complaint  that  we  don't  divide  'em  up  so 
as  to  give  more  people  a  chance,  but  the  honor  of 
belongin  to  Tammany  Hall  is  so  great  that  it  keeps 
down  dissention.  There's  also  a  little  dissatisfaction 
about  the  prominence  given  Irish-Americans  in  af 
fairs,  but  that  doesn't  amount  to  anything.  This, 
Major,  is  an  Irish  city.  The  Germans  and  the  Ital 
ians  don't  care  much  about  politicks  and  they  don't 
interfere  much  with  us.  The  American  Know  Noth 
ings  do  a  little  kickin,  but  we've  got  them  where 
they  can't  do  much." 

"  How  are  you  off  for  campain  funds?"  I  inquired. 

At  that  the  General  laffed  softly.  "  Why,"  said 
he,  "  Major,  we  are  just  stuffed  with  money.  After 
buyin  up  all  the  troublesome  Republicans  that  can 
be  got  at  we  still  have  money  to  burn.  With  our 
resources  now  we  could  raize  a  campain  fund  of 
$250,000  just  as  easy  as  you  could  raize  a  man  in  a 
fifty  cent  limit  game  of  poker.  We  are  sendin 
money  over  to  the  State  Committee  to  help  elect 
Maynard.  We  can't  actually  find  use  for  it  in  town." 

The  talk  about  Maynard  started  me  up  and  I 
sailed  in.  The  General  was  delighted  with  my 
declaration  that  no  man  was  fit  to  be  honored  by 
the  Democrat  party  till  he  had  showed  his  willing 
ness  to  deserve  its  confidence  by  fitin  in  the  Con 
federate  army,  stuffin  a  ballot-box,  sluggin  a  Re- 


68  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

publican  heeler  or  changin  election  returns.  Such 
men,  I  said,  showed  their  ability  to  lead  and  it  was 
to  them  that  we  looked  for  guidance.  I  ast  Mr. 
Croaker  if  he  would  like  to  have  me  make  a  speech 
or  two  in  town  for  him.  He  said  : 

"  Major,  I  know  our  people  would  be  pleased  to 
hear  from  a  gallant  old  Southern  soldier,  but  the 
fact  is  I  don't  want  our  majority  to  be  too  big  this 
time.  It  will  create  suspicion.  I'm  really  tryin  to 
hold  it  down  to  somethin  like  100,000.  I  don't 
want  it  to  go  over  that  and  that's  why  we've  stopped 
Tim  Sullivan  from  registerin  tramps  down  in  his 
part  of  town.  Now  if  you  let  yourself  loose  here  it 
stirs  things  up  so  that  we  couldn't  keep  the  majority 
down  to  a  decent  figure."  I  bowed  and  thanked 
the  great  leader  deeply  for  his  complement, 
•x-  #  •* 

It  was  hard  to  get  a  chance  to  talk  to  the  Boss,  so 
many  people  wanted  his  year.  I  got  in  a  few  words 
on  hoss  racin  and  that  seemed  to  spruce  him  up.  I 
told  him  that  we  had  a  wonderful  two-year-old  colt 
down  in  Alabama,  a  genuine  descendant  of  the  celer- 
brated  jumper  and  steeple-chaser  of  Roscommon,  the 
Irish  Birdcatcher,  this  woke  the  old  man  up  and  he 
was  all  aglow  in  a  minnit.  I  give  him  all  the  points 
and  I  wouldn't  be  surprised  to  see  that  animal  in 
General  Croaker's  stable  next  season.  He  told  me 
that  one  thing  that  drawed  him  toards  the  South, 
outside  of  politicks,  was  its  noble  sportin  blood.  He 
said  to  me  that  he  never  seen  a  Southerner  that 
warnt  game,  from  backin  a  handful  of  cyards  to 
bettin  on  the  length  of  straws  in  a  straw-rick.  As 
for  fitin  he  said  there  was  nothin  on  earth  that 
could  beat  'em,  not  even  exceptin  old  Ireland.  I  tell 
you  the  South  has  a  noble  ally  in  Richard  Croaker 
and  his  Tammany  Hall  army  for  that  matter,  At 


He  Meets  Boss  Croker.  69 

my  request  the  General  give  me  a  ticket  for  a  seat  on 
the  platform  for  tomorrow  nites  meetin,  when  Sena 
tor  Hill  and  Colonel  Fellows  will  speak.  I  think 
that  Fellows  is  the  most  eloquent  man  I  ever  heard 
talk.  He  lived  for  years  in  the  South  and  he's  got 
our  swing.  When  he  gets  warmed  up  talkin  I  feel 
like  jumpin  on  a  hoss  and  gallopin  about  ten  miles 
across  country.  He  jingles  every  nerve  in  my  old 
frame.  I  tell  you  Democrat  politicks  is  in  great 
shape  in  this  village.  The  talk  in  the  Republican 
newspapers  about  misgovernment,  corruption,  skull 
duggery  and  all  that  sort  of  thing  is  the  merest  gar 
bage. 

#  #  •* 

This  afternoon  I  strolled  down  to  Wall  street 
where  all  the  money  of  the  country  is  congested.  I 
never  could  understand  how  New  York  could  be  so 
Democratic  and  yet  have  so  many  capitalists  and 
skinflint  money-lenders.  The  houses  in  Wall  street 
is  large  and  commodeus,  but  I  didn't  see  any  great 
signs  of  surplus  money  there.  Nearly  everybody  I 
saw  looked  more  like  borrowers  than  lenders.  My 
ruffled  shirt  of  the  old  school  and  my  general  ap 
pearance  attracted  a  right  smart  bit  of  attention  and 
I  was  accosted  several  times  in  a  flippant  way.  I 
kept  cool,  though.  I  can  understand  why  Cleveland 
likes  New  York  and  specially  the  money  end  of  the 
town,  but  I  wouldn't  give  a  cuss  to  live  here ;  too 
much  noise  and  not  enough  soceability,!  think. 

*  -x-  * 

When  I  got  back  to  the  Astor  House  I  found  a 
young  lady  journalist  from  the  World  there.  She 
said  she  had  been  sent  by  Mr.  Pulitzer's  personal 
representative  to  interview  me  and  invite  me  to  visit 
the  top  of  the  sweet-potato-hill  dome  of  his  buildin. 
I  excused  myself  on  the  ground  that  I  never  allowed 


/o  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

myself  to  be  interviewed  and  I  couldn't  bear  to  go 
up  very  high  without  gettin  dizzy.  I  bowed  her 
out  in  my  most  courtly  manner  and  then  went  up 
with  a  new  acquaintance  that  I  met  at  Tammany 
Hall,  a  Mr.  Dennis  Hoolihan,  and  called  on  Steven 
Brody.  That  young  man  is  a  wonder  to  me.  He 
told  me  a  raft  of  things  about  New  York  politicks 
and  I  can  see  he  is  a  risin  man  though  he's  quit 
jumpin.  If  I  was  General  Croaker  I'd  give  Mr. 
Brody  a  nice  office.  He  told  me  that  I  was  the 
only  genuine  Southern  gentleman  that  he  had  ever 
met  though  he  had  attended  three  prize  fights  in 
New  Orleans.  I  spent  $2  in  his  plais.  In  the 
evenin  I  occupied  a  box  in  Toney  Pastors  and  I  tell 
you  I  was  greatly  delighted.  If  that  young  Mr. 
Pastor  ever  comes  down  our  way  I'll  see  that  he  is 
well  treated,  for  he  knows  how  to  give  an  enter- 
tainin  show  and  he  knows  how  to  treat  a  Southern 
gentleman  when  he  meets  him.  I  tell  you,  I'm  in 
love  with  New  York. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


A  CALL  ON  EDITOR  DANA. 


THE  TWO  DISTINGUISHED  DEMOCRATS  EXCHANGE 
VIEWS — A  REFERENCE  TO  THE  BUTLER  CAMPAIGN 
— THE  EDITOR'S  OPINION  OF  PRESIDENT  CLEVE 
LAND — THE  MAJOR  CRITICISES  THE  SECRETARY 

OF  THE  NAVY. 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 
NEW  YORK,  Oct.  26. 

I  called  this  mornin  to  see  that  Nester  of  Ameri 
can  journalism,  Mr.  Chas.  A.  Dana.  I  had  read  more 
or  less  of  Mr.  Dana's  writin's  and  promised  myself 
that  I  would  make  a  fraternal  call  on  him  the  first 
time  I  was  in  town.  I  find  it  isnt  easy  to  see  the 
great  editors  of  the  metropolis.  They  are  shy  on 
somethin  which  I  attribute  to  the  large  numbers  of 
indignant  persons  that  must  hunt  them  up  daily  to 
make  a  row  about  somethin  that  was  printed  in  their 
newspaper.  I  dont,  therefore,  censure  'em  for  desirin 
to  keep  shady.  When  you  go  into  their  respective 
offices  and  ast  for  Mr.  Bennett,  Mr.  Reid,  Mr.  Dana 
et  al  they  look  at  you  askant  and  refer  you  to  some 
underling.  They  seem  to  think  that  you  are  some 
feller  who  has  come  to  town  to  lick  the  editor  and  so 
undertake  to  ward  you  off.  I  have  licked  several 
poltroon  editors  myself  in  my  time  and  expect  to 
lick  a  few  more,  but  my  mission  to  New  York  is 
peaceful. 

"  Take  my  kyard  right  in  to  Mr.  Dana,  and  none  of 
your  funny  business  with  me,"  I  said  quite  serverely 
to  the  stripplin  who  undertook  to  sidetrack  me  onto 
some  fifteen  dollar  man.  I  didn't  have  to  cool  my 

(70 


72  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

heels  long  at  the  great  editor's  door,  the  instinct  he 
clapped  eyes  on  my  kyard  he  sent  for  me  to  come 
right  in,  grabbed  me  by  the  hand  and  reiterated  again 
and  again  that  he  was  heartily  glad  to  meet  me.  I 
could  almost  pronounce  my  welcome  in  Mr.  Dana's 
sanctum  sanctimonious  as  effusive.  After  I  was  com 
fortably  enskonsed  in  one  of  the  great  editor's  easy 
chairs  he  informed  me  that  he  was  a  daily  and  de 
lighted  reader  of  my  political  and  social  letters  and 
was  charmed  no  less  by  their  fine  literary  style  than 
by  their  attitood  on  the  living  issues  of  the  day. 


The  latter  was  jest  the  pint  on  which  I  wisht  to 
draw  out  Mr.  Dana.  I  wanted  to  ascertain  by  findin 
out  just  where  he  stood  with  reference  to  Mr.  Cleve 
land,  the  odious  Federal  Election  Laws  and  our  sa 
cred  War  Claims.  On  all  these  subjects  Mr.  Dana 
talked  freely,  as  one  public  character  would  talk  to 
another.  I  was  glad  to  find  that  he  is  down  on 
Grover,  though  he  is  not  sayin  much  on  that  point 
in  his  newspaper.  Durin  our  conversation  Mr. 
Dana  lent  toward  me  and  speakin  in  a  semi-confi 
dential  tone,  said : 

"  The  old  stuff  is  all  that  I  have  painted  him  in 
my  columns.  I  have  called  him  a  good  many  hard 
names,  settin  up  nights  to  con  the  dicshenary  and 
invent  epithets  to  hurl  in  defiance  in  his  rubicond 
face,  and  my  word  for  it,  Major,  he  deserved  every 
one  of  'em.  If  you  remember,  I  referred  to  him  as 
Grover  the  Gob  and  heaped  other  equally  opprobi- 
ous  names  upon  him,  all  calculated  to  bring  him 
into  ridicule.  I  wanted  to  show  my  disrepect  for 
the  low  bred  Buffalonian,  and  I  fancy  that  I  suc 
ceeded." 


A  Call  on  Editor  Dana.  73 

I  told  the  great  editor  that  I  thought  he  had  suc 
ceeded  in  his  undertakin  and  I  was  only  greatly  sur 
prised  and  shagreened  that  it  had  not  showed  up  bet 
ter  in  the  ballot  boxes  on  Election  Day.  The  great 
editor  thought  deeply  for  a  while  and  then  said  that 
he  guessed  the  public  did  not  take  the  Sun  as  seri 
ously  as  it  oncet  did.  He  referred  to  the  Ben  Butler 
incident  at  this  point,  and  said  he  was  afraid  it  had 
hurt  the  influence  of  the  paper  considerable.  I  told 
him  that  I  thought  the  Butler  business  had  hurt  the 
prestage  of  his  paper  in  the  South  and  I  also  had 
heard  of  some  of  my  neighbors  who  had  stopt  takin 
it.  Ben  Butler  wasn't  exactly  the  man  to  be  revered 
in  the  South  and  besides  there  was  no  more  reason 
for  runnin  him  for  President  at  that  time  than  there 
was  for  runnin  him  for  King  of  Ireland.  I  saw  at 
oncet  this  was  a  tender  subject  with  Mr.  Dana  and 
so  I  deftly  changed  the  theme  back  to  Mr.  Cleveland. 

"  I  have  conceived  a  deep-seated  hatred  for  the 
languorous  leviathen  in  the  White  House,"  con 
tinued  Mr.  Dana,  his  erstwhile  vigor  of  expression 
suddenly  returnin  to  him,  "and  I'll  put  burrs  in  his 
bed  and  a  roach  in  his  coffee  or  will  know  the  reason. 
A  great  many  people  wonder  why  I  advocate  the 
rippin  up  of  the  tariff,  the  Sun  bein  a  high  Protec 
tion  newspaper.  To  the  astute  the  reason  is  obvious. 
I  know  that  Free  Trade  will  ruin  the  country,  and  a 
ruined  country  will  put  Cleveland  in  a  hole.  He's 
the  son-of-a-gun  I  am  after." 

*  *  * 

Mr.  Dana  was  highly  elated  over  the  encouragin 
progress  made  by  the  Tucker  bill  to  repeal  the  op 
pressive  Federal  election  laws.  Mr.  Dana  assured 
me  that  the  repeal  of  these  odious  laws  would  help 
Tammany  greatly.  "  With  Davenport  and  his  mis 
erable  minions  out  of  the  way,"  said  he,  "  we  can 


74  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

roll  up  an  even  hundred  thousand  majority  in  this 
town  for  a  yaller  dog.  We  could  even  elect  Mr. 
Croker  Mayor,  and  it  wouldn't  surprise  me  if  it  came 
to  that  before  long.  Mr.  Croker  will  want  to  be 
vindicated,  and  this  is  the  shape  in  which  his  vindi 
cation  will  eventoollay  come." 

*  *  -5f 

I  ast  Mr.  Dana  if  it  was  true  that  Tammany  is  an 
oppressive,  tyrannical  and  thievin  organization. 

"  Emphatically  it  is  not  true,"  said  he,  with  con 
siderable  feelin.  "  Tammany  is  a  pure  and  noble  or 
ganization.  It  has  been  lied  about  and  vilified  and 
Cleveland  is  responsible  for  a  great  deal  of  it.  He 
has  always  assumed — when  he  wasn't  after  votes — 
that  Tammany  wasn't  up  to  his  social  and  political 
level,  and  that  has  hurt  us.  The  people  had  to  infer 
that  Tammany  must  be  damned  low.  Dr.  Park- 
hurst  is  another  monster  who  has  libelled  Tammany. 
He  has  preached,  prayed  and  prevaricated  against  us 
until  the  public  mind  is  warped  and  twisted.  I  have 
done  what  I  could  in  my  newspaper  to  break  the 
force  of  this  pestiferous  preacher's  influence,  and  I 
flatter  myself  that  I  have  in  a  measure  succeeded. 
When  we  restore  Mr.  Fellows  to  the  District  Attor 
ney's  office  it  wouldn't  surprise  me  a  particle  if  Mr. 
Croker  instructs  him  to  indict  Parkhurst  for  some 
hideous  crime." 

*  *  * 

Speakin  of  Mr.  Fellows  reminded  me  of  an  inci 
dent,  which  I  related  to  Mr.  Dana,  to-wit:  While 
walkin  along  Centre  street  yesterday  with  Delancy 
Nicoll  we  passed  a  second-hand  furniture  store  where 
they  made  a  specialty  of  sellin  pigeon  holes  for  of 
fices.  There  was  a  sign  in  the  window :  "  TEN 
THOUSAND  PIGEON-HOLES  FOR  SALE,"  and  when 
Delancy  caught  sight  of  it,  he  said : 


A  Call  on  Editor  Dana.  75 

"  Tammany  ought  to  buy  all  them  pigeon  holes 
for  Col.  Fellows  to  stuff  indictments  in." 

Mr.  Dana  laffed  moderately  at  this  and  said  it 
wasn't  bad  as  a  witticism.  "  But,  at  the  same  time," 
he  continued,  "  if  Mr.  Nicoll  had  stuffed  a  few  more 
indictments  into  pigeon-holes  or  ash  barrels  he  would 
not  have  incurred  Mr.  Croker's  displeasure,  which  is 
a  serious  thing  for  any  man  to  do  who  wants  to  rise 
in  this  community.  Mr.  Nicoll  has  been  foolish  and 
unpolitick.  He  tried  cases  right  and  left  without  re 
gard  to  circumstances  and  naturally  he  hurt  a  great 
many  good  Tammany  men.  I  suppose  he  sent  as 
many  as  one  hundred  Democratic  voters  to  jaildurin 
his  administration — hence  hencely,"  and  Mr.  Dana 
winked  with  the  other  eye.  "  No  wonder,"  con 
cluded  the  great  editor,  "  that  Mr.  Croker  got  out  of 
patience  and  turned  down  the  fresh  young  man  with 

a  dull  thud." 

*  *  * 

Before  leaving  Mr.  Dana  I  ast  him  frankly  where 
he  stood  with  reference  to  our  Southern  War  Claims. 

"  Where  does  old  puddin  head  stand  ? "  ast  he, 
meanin  Mr.  Cleveland. 

"  I'm  afraid  he's  lukewarm,"  I  replied. 

"  Then  put  me  down  as  red  hot  for  'em,"  exclaimed 
Mr.  Dana,  and  you  bet  he  meant  it,  too.  In  respect 
to  his  opposition  to  Cleveland  Mr.  Dana  reminds  me 
of  the  Irishman  who  was  shipwrecked  and  cast  up  on 
a  foreign  shore.  He  ast  the  natives  who  pulled  him 
off  the  rocks  what  kind  of  government  they  had. 
They  tried  to  tell  him,  but,  on  second  thought,  he 
shut  them  off  by  exclaiming  : 

"  Dom  the  odds  what  kind  av  government  ye've 
got.  I'm  agin  it  anyhow." 


76  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I  have  been  too  busy  for  the  past  week  to  observe  the 
nature  of  the  bankruptcy  bill  now  bein  discust  in  the 
House,  but  this  is  a  subject  that  comes  home  close 
to  my  people.  We  have  been  in  need  of  a  favorable 
bankrupt  law  in  the  South  for  years.  I  know  I  have 
personally,  and  if  our  War  Claims  are  not  paid  purty 
soon,  or  we  are  not  permitted  to  start  our  own  State 
banks  of  issue,  dam  me,  if  I  know  what'll  become  of 
us,  with  cotton  less  than  ten  cents  a  pound.  We  can 
get  on,  of  course,  just  as  we  got  on  for  years  after 
the  war  had  robbed  and  impoverished  us,  but  such 
gettin  along  as  that  I  care  nothin  for.  I  want  a 
glimmer  or  two  of  prosperity  before  I  close  my  old 

eyes. 

*  -x-  * 

I  really  had  to  snicker  this  mornin  when  I  read 
that  Hil  Herbert,  at  the  head  of  the  Navy,  wasrearin 
around  because  an  Admiral  of  ours  down  in  Brazil 
had  saluted  a  "  rebel"  fleet.  As  an  old  rebel  who 
served  in  Herbert's  rebel  ridgement  and  who  is  proud 
of  it,  I  feel  like  takin  off  my  hat  to  a  rebel  wherever 
he  is  found.  Theres  nothin  more  sacred  to  me  than 
the  right  of  rebellion,  and  I'll  maintain  it  with  the 
little  strength  I've  got.  When  people  get  tired  of  a 
thing,  let  'em  rise  and  kick  the  quiltin  right  out  of 
it.  This  row  in  Brazil  dont  concern  me,  and  I  dont 
know  what  its  about,  but  I'm  with  the  rebs  and  so 
would  Herbert  be,  if  he  want  drawin  a  big  salary  from 
the  government. 

I'm  off  for  the  big  meetin  at  Tammany  Hall,  and 
you  can  bet  I'll  cut  a  rigger  there. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


AT  A  TAMMANY  RATIFICATION. 


HE  SEES  GOVERNOR  FLOWER  AND  OTHER  DISTIN 
GUISHED  DEMOCRATS — THE  SPEECH  OF  COL. 
FELLOWS  DELIGHTS  HIM — IS  AMAZED  BY  THE 
WEALTH  OF  THE  TAMMANY  OFFICE-HOLDERS- 
HE  HAS  HIS  POCKET  PICKED — HIS  OPINION  OF 
DOUGHFACED  DEMOCRATS. 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  Oct.  28. 

I  enjoyed  myself  powerfully  at  the  Tammany  Rat- 
eyefication  meetin  on  Thursday  night.  My  spirits 
havent  been  so  boyant  since  the  day  our  old  Eighth 
Alabama  ridgement  left  Mobile  for  the  front  end  of 
Richmond.  Bigad,  I  felt  youth  and  fire  in  my  vains 
when  I  looked  around  there  upon  the  earnest  mass 
of  people  and  felt  that  I  was  in  the  sanctuary  head 
quarters  of  the  greatest  Democrat  power  in  this 
country  to-day.  I  got  a  good  seat  on  the  platform 
near  Judge  P.  Dyvver  and  Judge  Steiner.  These 
gentlemen  pointed  out  all  the  distinguished  gentle 
men  on  the  stage  and  in  the  vast  awdience.  Mr. 
Croaker  nodded  and  smiled  at  me  and  the  sweet 
band  played  Dixie,  which  I  regarded  as  a  special 
complement  till  Judge  Dyvver  told  me  that  it  was 
the  rule  at  all  Tammany  gatherins  to  have  the  band 
play  that  tune.  I  stopt  bowin  then.  When  Gover 
nor  Flower  came  in  leanin  gracefully  on  the  arm  of 
Henry  Clay's  nephew,  Mr.  Selzer,  I  arose  with  the 
crowd  and  cheered.  The  Governor,  I  take  it,  is  a 
powerful  great  man.  He  looks  exactly  like  a  Com- 

(77) 


78  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

misary  Sargent  we  used  to  have  in  our  ridgement 
named  Bill  Pinkston,  from  Talladega.  Bill  was  a 
big,  fat  chap  and  he  didn't  have  much  more  sense 
than  a  gray  goose,  but  he  was  a  good  hearted  man. 
He  was  kicked  in  the  pitt  of  the  stummack  at  Wil- 
liamsport  as  we  was  returnin  from  the  Pennsylvania 
pic-nic  in  1863,  and  he  died  then  and  there.  Other 
wise  I  would  have  swore  that  he  was  Bill  Pinkston 
when  he  walked  on  the  stage.  When  he  begun  to 
talk  I  seen  the  difference.  The  Governor's  got 
horse  sense  and  I  wouldn't  be  surprised  if  he  was  a 
candidate  for  President.  If  he  is  the  greatest  pre 
judice  he'll  have  to  encounter  will  be  his  fat.  I  don't 
believe,  after  our  two  experiences,  that  the  Demo 
crats  will  ever  elect  another  fat  man  President. 


I  was  disapinted  in  not  hearin  Senator  Hill,  but 
that  Leftenent  Governor  Sheehan  is  hot  rags,  I  tell 
you.  The  way  he  went  for  that  Bar  Association 
made  me  feel  good.  When  I  first  got  to  town  I 
thought  that  the  bar-keepers  had  somehow  got 
twisted  out  of  line  but  knowin  all  the  liquor  dealers 
to  be  Democrats  I  couldn't  understand  it.  But  it 
was  all  explained.  My  experience  is  that  of  all  the 
low-lived  scoundrels  on  earth  the  lawyers  are  the 
meanest.  They've  bothered  me  a  good  deal  and 
they  bother  everybody,  dam  'em.  After  hearin  Col 
onel  Sheehan's  eloquent  and  argumentative  defense 
of  Judge  Maynard  I  realized  what  injustice  these 
legal  brutes  is  doin  that  high  minded,  honorable 
gentleman.  He  is  actooally  bein  presecuted  for 
doin  what  down  in  our  country  would  send  him  to 
Congress.  Great  god,  he  only  saw  that  the  Repub 
licans  would  steal  the  Legislature  and  he  simply 
stole  a  few  papers  to  head  'em  off.  Why  down  at 


At  a  Tammany  Ratification.  79 

our  election  last  year  we  had  some  trouble  with 
Populists  there  and  just  before  the  votin  begun  I 
said  to  the  election  officers :  "  Boys,  I  have  reason 
to  know  that  the  Pops  have  arranged  to  do  some 
cheatin  here  to-day.  There'll  be  lots  of  it  on  their 
side.  Now  I  propose  to  start  first  in  this  business 
so  that  we'll  have  nothin  to  complain  of  when  we 
get  through.  I  say  put  fifty  straight  out  Democrat 
tickets  in  that  box  before  we  start  and  that'll  cover 
any  possible  cheatin  on  their  part.  I  never  like  to 
complain  of  the  enemy  gettin  the  best  of  me."  The 
boys  took  my  hint  and  the  thing  was  done.  There 
was  a  little  chatter  about  fraud  after  the  vote  was 
counted  but  I'm  glad  to  report  that  it  didn't  come 
from  our  side.  Now  suppose  they  had  tried  to  make 
trouble  for  me  for  what  I  done  ?  Dont  you  sup 
pose  our  side  would  have  stood  by  me?  Well,  if 
you  dont  think  so  just  come  an  live  in  Alabama  a 
few  weeks.  There's  where  Democrats  do  stand  by 
one  another,  in  jail  and  out. 


The  speech  that  I  liked  most  of  the  evenin  was 
Colonel  Fellows.  I  suppose  the  fact  that  we  both 
fout  for  the  independence  of  the  South  makes  me  feel 
nicer  toards  him,  but  layin  Confederate  matters 
aside  he  is  a  wonderful  gifted  man.  How  the  beau 
tiful  language  did  flow  from  John  !  But  I  notised 
here  that  the  oratory  was  different  from  ours.  It 
wasn't  so  hot.  I  expected  to  hear  the  real  old 
Southern  music  from  John,  but  I  suppose  he  con 
forms  to  custom.  Down  with  us  a  political  speaker 
not  only  uses  all  the  invecktive  known  to  the  dick- 
shenary,  but  he  is  allowed  to  cuss.  Profanity  is  our 
very  best  holt,  and  I  tell  you  now  it  embellishes 
political  speakin  most  powerfully.  It's  all  very  well 


8o  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

to  call  a  man  an  unmittigated,  double-died  villain,  but 
when  you  stick  a  big  oath  in  front  of  that  it  helps  it 
over  the  fence  amazingly.  Fellows,  I  could  see,  had 
the  sympathy  of  the  audience.  He  received  the 
best  reception  of  the  evenin.  I  was  told  that  more 
than  two-thirds  of  the  people  in  the  hall  felt  a  deeper 
interest  in  the  Prosecutin  Attorney  than  they  did  in 
all  the  other  offices  on  the  ticket.  Most  of  them 
are  liable  at  any  moment  to  have  business  with  the 
District  Attorney's  office.  "  Give  us  the  District 
Attorney  of  our  kind,"  said  one  of  the  boys  to  me, 
"  and  a  Governor  with  the  pardonin  power  and  we'll 
come  purty  near  holdin  this  town  agin  all  comers." 
I  could  see  the  force  of  this.  John  Fellows  is  a 
mighty  poplar  man.  After  the  big  meetin  was  over 
I  saw  more  people  crowdin  up  to  shake  hands  with 
him  than  I  ever  saw  at  a  gatherin  before.  Of 
course,  General  Croaker  is  more  poplar,  but  he  is 
not  so  geneal  and  approachable  as  John.  I  predict 
that  Fellows  will  run  ahead  of  his  ticket  this  time 
at  least  15,000  votes,  for  I  could  see  that  there  was 
men  in  that  meetin  that  wouldn't  be  satisfied  with 
only  votin  oncet  for  him.  I  liked  Amos  Cummin's 
talk,  although  he  was  in  the  Union  army.  I'm  told 
that  Amos  and  Speaker  Selzer  is  General  Croaker's 
special  favorites  now.  He  is  pushin  them  right  to 
the  front.  I  expect  to  see  Selzer  Governor  of  the 
State  and  Amos  in  the  U.  S.  Senate  ear  long. 


One  of  the  pleasantest  features  of  this  meetin  was 
settin  there  and  havin  my  near  neaghbors  point  out 
the  men  who  had  recently  rose  to  wealth.  "  There's 
a  man  that  four  years  ago  was  drivin  a  truck,"  one 
of  'em  would  say,  "and  now  he's  worth  $100,000." 
"  That  chap  over  there  with  the  donnygal  whiskers 


At  a   Tammany  Ratification.  8 1 

made  $250,000  out  of  city  contracts  in  three  years." 
"  There's  Gilroy's  son-in-law,  he  was  a  poor  man  five 
years  ago  and  now  he's  rollin  in  wealth."  "  Do  you 
see  old  Pat  Flaherty,  there  ?  He  used  to  be  a  host 
ler  in  a  livery  stable  and  now  he's  got  a  big  bank  up 
town."  So  it  went  on  until  my  head  was  actooally 
dizzy.  I  never  heard  anything  like  it — never  heard 
so  much  talk  about  money.  Great  Jewpeter,  why 
didn't  I  land  in  here  after  the  war,  like  Judge  Prior, 
and  go  into  Tammany  politicks,  instead  of  stickin 
to  that  mezely  plantation  down  there  in  Alabama. 
If  I'd  been  in  with  'em  here  I  never  would  have  felt 
the  cruel  hand  of  the  accursed  tariff. 


A  decided  gloom  was  cast  over  me  as  I  was  leavin 
the  hall  after  the  meetin  was  over.  In  the  crowd 
my  pocket  was  pickt  and  my  watch  and  ten  dollars 
was  scooped.  The  watch  was  worth  $150.  I  took 
it  from  a  chap  who  was  playin  poker  in  our  parlor 
a  few  nights  before  I  left  Washington.  He  got 
broke  and  I  let  him  have  $25  of  Tolliver's  money  on 
it.  I  was  right  mad  about  this  transaction  but  I 
went  with  Dry  Dollar  Sullivan  to  see  Superintend 
ent  Burns  about  it  Friday  mornin  and  he  got  the 
watch  back  for  me  in  about  two  hours.  It  seems 
like  I  was  mistaken  in  the  vast  crowd  for  Johnny 
Davenport — though  I'm  told  I  don't  look  a  bit  like 
him — and  a  young  Tammany  district  leader  named 
Patsey  Hoolihan  took  my  watch.  It  was  explained 
to  me  that  the  Tammany  people  never  rob  each 
other  if  they  know  it.  Mr.  Burns  is  a  nice  gentle 
man  and  he  assured  me  that  I  would  have  perfect 
protection  durin  the  remainder  of  my  stay  in  town. 


82  The  Major  in  Washington  City, 

I  read  in  a  paper  yesterday  a  article  from  a  Gen 
eral  McMahon,  who,  I  believe,  is  a  Tammany  candi 
date  for  Senator  here  in  town  and  who  was  very 
active  as  a  Union  soldier  in  killin  off  our  good  people, 
in  which  he  says  that  the  most  of  the  men  who  died 
durin  the  war  to  "  save  the  Union  "  was  Democrats. 
That's  news  to  me,  and  bad  news  at  that.  I  don't 
believe,  as  McMahon  says,  that  there  .was  more 
Democrats  than  Republicans  in  the  infemous  horde 
that  invaded  the  fair  South  and  pillaged  and  slew  us 
for  exercisin  our  Constitootional  rights.  If  I  thought 
so  I'd  despise  the  doughface  Northern  Democrats 
mor'n  I  do,  for  outside  of  Tammany  they  are  poor 
skunks  anyhow.  If  the  Federal  army  was  made  up 
of  Democrats,  Mr.  McMahon,  they  took  dam  good 
care  to  vote  the  Republican  ticket  whilst  the  war 
was  going  on,  sah.  I  don't  believe  there  was  three 
ridgements  of  Yankees  that  voted  a  majority  for  the 
Democratic  ticket,  even  when  that  noble  friend  of 
the  South,  General  McClellan,  was  running  for  Presi 
dent.  And  they  must  have  kept  votin  the  Republi 
can  ticket  for  it  was  twenty  years  after  the  war 
before  the  Democrats  could  get  a  smell  in  the  North 
outside  of  New  Jersey  and  New  York.  General  Mc 
Mahon,  as  I  heard  one  of  the  boys  sayin  last  night, 
is  offin  his  trolley.  I  suppose  he's  one  of  those  de 
spicable  political  morphydites  they  call  a  "  War 

Democrat." 

•#  •*  * 

I  was  requested  several  times  to-day  to  register 
but  as  I'll  have  to  return  to  Washington  in  a  few  days 
I  didn't  take  the  trouble.  Besides,  I  can  see  from 
the  way  things  are  movin  that  the  Tammany  boys 
dont  need  my  vote.  I'm  enjoyin  myself  like  a  goat 
on  a  fresh  hillside.  I  went  up  agin  a  faro  bank  last 
night  and  bested  it  to  the  tune  of  $125,  and  I  regret 


At  a  Tammany  Ratification.  83 

to  say  that  I  got  drunk  and  had  to  be  hauled  home 
in  a  coopay.  The  scoundrel  driver  wanted  to  charge 
me  $8  but  when  I  drawed  out  my  tarantula  he  accepted 
$2  and  tried  to  look  pleasant  as  near  as  I  remember. 
I  find  that  this  is  no  cheap  town  to  monkey  in. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


SEEING  THE  CITY  SIGHTS. 


THE  MAJOR  HAS  TROUBLE  WITH  A  HACKMAN — HE 
VISITS  THE  RACE  TRACK  IN  NEW  JERSEY — HE 
LOSES  MONEY  AND  ENTERS  A  WILD  PROTEST — HIS 
BOYS  AT  HOME  HAVE  A  SERIOUS  ROW — CALLED  TO 
WASHINGTON  BY  BUSINESS. 


"THAT  DIRTY  NIGGER  JOCKEY  PULLED  UP." 

ASTOR  HOUSE, 

NEW  YORK,  Oct.  31. 

Talkin  with   Register   John    Riley  yesterday  he 
told  me  that  I  could  say  to  the  dear  brethren  in  the 
(84) 


Seeing  the  City  Sights.  8$ 

South  that  Tammany  was  never  in  better  shape  for 
victory  than  this  year.  He  said  that  every  man  of 
the  Organization  had  been  registered  this  year  ex 
cept  480  and  they  was  too  sick  to  be  carried  to  the 
registerin  places  even  on  stretchers.  He  said  it  was 
obligertory  on  every  Tammany  man  to  register  and 
vote  unless  sick,  disabled  or  in  jail.  Owin  to  the 
moderate  character  of  the  judiciary  he  said  thare 
was  fewer  good  Tammany  men  in  jail  and  on  the 
Island  this  year  than  any  year  in  the  past.  I  under 
stood  from  another  man  that  a  failure  on  the  part  of 
a  Tammany  man  to  register  subjected  him  to  a  fine 
of  one-fifth  of  his  property  and  that  if  a  saloon 
keeper  his  license  was  at  once  taken  away  from  him 
and  given  to  a  Republican,  if  one  could  be  found, 
who  would  agree  to  support  Tammany  Hall.  My 
informant  said  that  only  three  of  these  licenses  had 
been  transferred  in  three  years.  With  nobody  to 
interfere  it  will  be  very  strange,  General  Croaker 
says,  if  Tammany  doesn't  pole  100,000  votes  next 
Tuesday.  I  am  authorized  to  send  this  glorious 
news  to  the  South.  Judge  Maynard  will,  of  course, 
run  25,000  votes  ahead  of  his  ticket.  This  will  be 
well  reseived  in  the  South  for  many  of  our  public 
men  are  accused  of  crimes  of  one  kind  and  another — 
politikal,  social  and  immoral.  When  the  Democrat 
in  New  York  does  a  little  stealin  for  his  party  he  is 
vindicated  same  as  with  us. 


Last  night  I  had  another  disturbance  with  a  hack- 
man  who  wanted  to  charge  me  two  dollars  for  haulin 
me  around  a  couple  of  blocks  in  what  they  call  the 
Tender  lion  districk.  He  grabbed  aholt  of  me,  but 
I  unslung  my  gun  and  a  policeman  coming  up  we 
was  both  taken  to  the  police  office.  When  I  ex- 


86  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

plained  matters  the  officer — I  think  they  called  him 
Sargent  Macaffery — said  that  I  was  a  guest  of  the 
city  and  dropt  the  case,  The  dirty  dog  hackman 
wanted  me  held  for  carryin  a  weepin,  but  the  officer 
said  that  a  Southern  gentleman  a  travellin  was 
allowed  to  carry  a  gun,  wear  spurs,  play  kyards  and 
drink  as  much  whisky  as  he  wanted  because  these 
things  was  necessary  to  his  comfort,  bein  the  custom 
of  his  country.  Later  in  the  evenin  I  met  with  a 
young  Tammany  fellow  and  when  I  told  him  about 
my  annoyin  experience  he  said  that  whenever  I  got 
into  trouble  with  the  police  or  Police  Judge  in  this 
town  to  just  lean  over  and  whisper  in  their  ear: 
"What  Are  You  Coin  to  Do  About  It?"  He  said 
that  was  the  Tammany  password  and  that  it  would 
go  every  time.  I  mention  this  for  the  benefit  of  the 
boys  in  our  secktion  who  may  be  visitin  the  Tam 
many  metropolis. 


I  went  over  to  the  races  at  Elizabeth,  New  Jersey, 
yesterday  with  a  couple  of  acquaintances.  I  hadn't 
saw  a  good  hoss  race  in  fifteen  year.  Of  course  we 
have  some  scrub  matches  down  our  way,  and  there's 
more  or  less  fun,  but  a  shure  enough  hoss  race  had 
long  been  denied  me.  The  weather  was  rather  cool 
for  my  tropical  Southern  blood,  but  I  managed  to 
keep  steam  up  in  the  old,  old  way.  They  have  a 
nice  track  at  Elizabeth,  and  though  the  crowd  was 
small  I  could  see  that  it  was  composed  of  excellent 
Democrats.  I  was  induced  to  back  General  Croker's 
Prince  George  for  a  small  amount  and  come  out 
ahead  about  $50.  Then,  on  the  advice  of  one  of  my 
party,  I  went  strong  on  old  Raceland.  I  thought  it 
was  a  dead  shure  cinch,  but  curse  me  if  that  dirty 
nigger  jockey  didn't  pull  up  at  the  last  minnit  and 


Seeing  the  City  Sights.  87 

let  an  old  stuff  called  Roach  win  the  race.  Great 
Santa  Anna,  wasn't  I  mad.  They  done  me  for  over 
a  hundred.  I  got  right  down  in  front  of  the  Judges' 
stand  and  howled  fraud.  I  curst  that  nigger  Sims, 
ridin,  standin,  asleep  and  awake.  I  curst  the  horse, 
the  owner,  the  trainer,  the  man  that  made  the  sad 
dle,  the  race  track,  the  chop  feed  that  the  old  horse 
et  and  the  man  that  wayed  the  jockeys  in.  I  curst 
everybody  but  the  Judges.  As  Makin  McCormick 
remarked,  I  curst  'em  in  every  shape,  form  and  man 
ner — from  Athol  to  Barbary  Allen.  When  some 
body  remonstraited  with  me  I  told  'em  that  it  was 
our  rule  in  the  Southern  country  when  we  got  done 
out  of  money  on  a  race  track  to  do  a  little  open  air 
talkin.  That  miserable  nigger  Sims  ought  to  be 
sent  to  the  penitensiary  and  he'll  get  there  too,  if 
the  race  track  Democrats  get  full  possession  of  the 
State  this  year.  I  never  seen  an  honest  nigger  in 
my  life,  let  alone  a  nigger  jockey.  At  the  same 
time  I  must  say  that  Sims  rode  Prince  George  well 
and  likewise  Addie,  on  which  I  made  a  few  dollars, 
and  also  Poor  Jonathan.  I  was  told  to  back  Jona 
than,  but  I  wouldn't  do  it  on  account  of  his  infernal 
Yankee  name  and  so  I  dropt  a  few  pence  on  Mr. 
Chiswick.  I  was  onto  Bolero  and  came  out  on  the 
day  about  $75  behind  and  drunk.  But  I  met  a  lot 
of  good  chaps  and  people  on  the  track  was  delighted 
to  see  an  old  school  Southern  horseman  and  turffite 
in  their  midst.  Old  Major  Bill  Gladden,  from  Amer- 
icus,  Georgia,  who  happened  to  be  there,  told  'em 
how  I  rode  a  race  when  I  was  a  young  fellow  down 
at  Mobile  on  a  hoss  called  Billy  Bowlegs,  and  won 
though  I  carried  six  pounds  overweight.  The  hoss 
belonged  to  Colonel  Kossyusko  Calhoun  and  his 
jockey  got  drunk  and  so  at  the  last  minnit  they 
throwed  me  on  and  I  won  the  event  in  great  shape. 


88  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I  was  sorry  I  didn't  find  General  Croker  on  the  track 
for  I  wanted  to  present  him  to  my  friends. 


A  letter  from  my  son  Ogle,  which  followed  me 
here,  brings  bad  news  from  home.  My  son  Planta- 
genet  went  over  to  old  Smoot's  place  the  other  day 
where  they  was  killin  a  couple  of  hogs.  He  wanted 
to  get  some  cracklins  to  use  in  corn  bread  and  he 
met  there  a  malishous  dog  named  Zed  Grooms,  who 
ast  him  about  me.  He  said  he  heard  I  was  in  jail 
up  North  some  place.  At  that  Plan  struck  him  in 
the  jaw  and  they  clinched  and  fell  and  in  the  hustle 
Plan  got  out  a  knife  and  cut  the  yahoo  severely. 
That  night  Grooms'  dirty  brother  Abe  come  over  to 
set  fire  to  our  barn  and  Ogle,  who  was  on  the  look 
out,  dumped  a  load  of  bird  shot  into  his  midriff  and 
so  there's  the  devil  to  pay  and  more  work  for  the 
Grand  Jury  unless  I  can  head  the  thing  off.  I'm 
sorry  my  boy  didn't  kill  that  ornery  Grooms  for  re- 
flectin  on  me,  but  I  spose  its  just  as  well.  I  wouldn't 
mind  these  things  if  I  was  only  on  the  ground  to 
take  a  hand,  but  they  trouble  me  mitely  as  it  is. 


This  evenin  I  got  a  note  from  one  of  the  gentlemen 
up  at  the  Southern  Society  sayin  that  it  wouldn't 
be  convenient  to  give  me  a  reception  there,  but 
that  on  my  next  visit  to  the  city  I  would  be  honored, 
etc.  I  understand  that  since  the  bar  was  closed  the 
Southern  Society  is  not  able  to  get  out  a  crowd. 
They  had  to  close  up  the  bar  because  the  boys 
worked  the  slate  so  lively  that  the  thing  was  in  dan 
ger  of  breaking  up  the  noble  Society.  This  was  ex 
plained  to  me  privately,  but  if  I  had  knowed  of  the 
trouble  in  time  I  could  have  raised  a  keg  of  whisky 
myself.  But  I  hope  to  be  in  New  York  again,  as 


Seeing  the  City  Sights.  89 

soon  as  Congress  adjourns  and  I  suppose  the  scoun 
drels  will  adjourn,  now  that  they  have  repealed  the 
Silver  law  and  left  the  South  without  a  dollar  to 
bless  itself  with. 

*  -x-  * 

I  got  a  note  from  a  friend  in  Washington  this 
mornin  tellin  me  that  I'd  better  get  back  at  oncet. 
My  pardner  Tolliver  has  been  drunk  for  three  or  four 
days  and  our  poker  business  is  goin  to  shatters. 
That's  just  the  way  I  get  it  in  the  neck  from  soda  to 
hock.  Can't  turn  my  back  to  have  a  little  fun  with 
out  somebody  layin  down  on  me.  I  don't  mind 
Tolliver  goin  on  a  spree,  but  why  couldn't  the  jack 
ass  do  it  while  I  was  there  to  look  after  business  ? 
That's  what  stirs  me  up  and  it  aint  no  sure  thing 
that  I  wont  kick  him  out  of  the  concern  when  I  get 
back.  I've  had  a  whoopin  good  time  in  New  York 
and  I'm  solid  with  Tammany.  I  bought  a  ticket  on 
the  Pennsylvania  road  yesterday  from  Samuel  Car 
penter,  so  as  to  be  sure  of  gettin  away,  and  I'm 
going  back  to  the  Capital  in  the  mornin. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.). 


HE  RETURNS  TO  WASHINGTON. 


TOO  MUCH  "  STEP  LIVELY  FOR  HIM  IN  NEW  YORK 
—  HE  MEETS  A  FIGHTING  MAN  ON  THE  TRAIN- 
SAD  STATE  OF  AFFAIRS  IN  HOMINY  HALL- 
VEXED  BY  THE  CONGRESSIONAL  RECESS — ONE 
OF  BOB  TOOMBS'  OLD  EXPRESSIONS — CALLED  TO 
ALABAMA. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Nov.  4. 

I  got  back  to  Washington  safe  but  not  altogether 
sound.  The  travel  there  was  a  leetle  too  swift  for 
me  and  at  the  same  time  some  dirty  dog  was 
hollerin  at  me  all  the  time  "  Step  lively."  That 
gallded  me  more  than  anything  I  encountered.  I 
got  it  in  the  depoe  as  I  was  leavin  Jersey  City. 
"  Step  lively,"  said  a  big  red-nosed  galoot  in  a  blue 
youniform.  I  said :  "  See  here,  my  very  noble 
Judge  in  Isreel,  I  come  from  a  secktion  of  this  here 
country  where  white  people  dont  stan  bossin.  I 
step  as  I  dam  please.  If  you  was  to  holler  at  me 
that  way  down  in  Alabama  I'd  fix  you  so  that  you 
wouldn't  step  very  lively  for  a  month  or  two.  Now, 
as  I'm  leavin  these  diggins  I'm  going  to  give  you  a 
strip  of  my  mind.  You'll —  Just  then  the  train 

started  to  move  and  I  grabbed  my  Colonial  port- 
mantoe  and  made  a  dead  run  for  it.  I  grabbed  the 
hind  platform  of  the  train  when  she  was  about  half 
way  out  of  the  depoe  and  for  an  hour  I  thought  I'd 
die  of  heart  disease.  I  had  a  pint  of  corn  drops  in 
my  pocket  and  that's  what  saved  me.  The  next 
(90) 


He  Returns  to   Washington.  91 

time  I  lectur  a  railroad  hog  it'll  be  when   I'm  goin 
into  town  and  not  when  I'm  comin  out. 
*  *  * 

On  the  weigh  over  I  fell  in  with  a  man  who  drawed 
me  out  in  conversation  and  when  I  advanced  some 
radikal  views  about  War  Claims  and  so  forth,  he  said  : 
"  You  people  down  South  don't  seem  to  understand 
that  you  can  never  have  things  in  this  country  ad 
justed  to  your  views  because  you  have  grown  up 
under  a  false  sivilization — or,  rather  barbarism — and 
you  hain't  got  intelligence  enough  to  direct  affairs. 
Your  public  men  have  no  character,  your  newspapers 
are  edited  by  ignorant  ruffians,  you  have  no  respect 
for  law,  you  have  no  industry  and  very  little  sobriety. 
And  yet  because  you  used  to  wallop  and  domineer  a 
lot  of  nigger  slaves  you  think  you're  the  bosses  of 
the  land.  Your  blind  war  of  Secession  didn't  teach 
you  anything  because  you  made  a  good  fight  and 
you're  so  proud  of  your  display  of  bull-dog  bravery 
that  the  lesson  was  lost  to  you.  As  Ed.  Wolcott 
says  it's  a  waste  of  lather  to  shave  a  jackass  and 
that's  about  what  the  war  amounted  to  so  far  as  the 
South  is  concerned."  Well,  well,  how  I  did  start 
back  at  him.  I  was  about  to  yell  and  cuss  so  that 
everybody  in  the  cyar  could  hear  me  when  he  leaned 
over  and  quietly  said :  "  My  heroic  friend,  I  had  a 
four  years'  hack  at  the  South  durin  the  war  and  bluf- 
fin  dont  go  with  me.  You've  had  your  turn  and 
what  I  said  to  you  was  in  reply  to  your  unrecon 
structed  blather.  This  is  a  sweet  era  of  peace  and 
reconciliation  but  if  you  open  your  mouth  to  me  I'll 
throw  you  out  of  this  car  so  quick  that  you'll  think 
you've  been  fired  out  of  a  Coehorn."  As  I  was  not 
up  to  fistic  pitch  an  he  was  big  enough  to  lick  two 
of  me  I  accepted  his  insult,  but  I  handed  him  my 
card.  He  lookt  at  it,  smiled  and  then  tore  it  up. 


92  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

He  said:  " You're  no  doubt  as  nice  a  man  as 
would  be  met  in  a  day's  balloon  travel,  but  you 
aint  in  Alabama  now  and  you  aint  in  New  York. 
My  advice  to  you  is  that  when  you're  movin 
about  up  in  this  country  you'd  do  well  to  imitate 
that  Columbus  bag  of  yours  and  keep  closed."  At 
that  he  got  up  and  walked  to  another  seat.  I  give 
this  as  a  specimen  of  Northern  blackguard.  There 
aint  one  gentleman  in  fifty  of  em  in  the  Northern 

country. 

•*  •*  * 

I  found  things  in  distressful  condition  in  Hominy 
Hall.  Everybody  was  behind  on  board  and  the 
Widow  Toombs  was  in  despair.  I  read  the  riot  act 
at  breakfast  table  the  mornin  after  my  arrival. 
Young  Mr.  Fender  got  insulted  at  my  remarks  and  I 
kicked  him  outen  the  house  along  with  his  four  weeks 
bill  and  that  settles  that.  I  paid  up  two  weeks  and 
Huger  and  Timrod  and  Castleman  promised  to  pro 
duce  Saturday  and  so  confidence  is  parshally  restored. 
My  pardner  Tolliver  is  straitened  up  and  business  at 
our  poker  parlor  is  about  the  same.  His  excuse  for 
gettin  drunk  was  that  I  was  in  New  York  on  a  big 
spree  and  he  thought  he  was  about  as  much  entitled 
to  a  frolick  as  me.  Nice  business  excuse,  that. 
When  I  parted  with  General  Croaker  in  New  York 
the  last  thing  he  said  to  me  was,  "  Major,  look  up  all 
the  New  York  Democratic  boys  in  Washington  and 
send  'em  home  to  vote."  I've  been  hustlin  like  a 
lamplighter  since  I  got  back.  Most  of  the  boys  say 
that  they  didn't  go  home  to  register,  but  I  tell  'em 
that  makes  no  difference,  for  arrangements  has  been 
made  in  Dry  Dollar  Sullivan's  districk  to  vote  all 
comers  next  Tuesday.  If  I  had  the  price  of  trans 
portation  I  could  send  over  five  hundred,  but  they 
wouldn't  all  be  New  Yorkers  perhaps.  We  have  that 


He  Returns  to  Washington.  93 

many  Southern  lads  here  huntin  for  places  and  dead 
broke  that  would  be  tickled  to  visit  New  York  if  they 
had  the  fare.  I'll  telegraft  to  General  Croaker  to 
that  effect  this  evenin.  It'll  be  worth  a  great  deal  to 
our  elections  in  the  South  to  have  Judge  Maynard 
well  vindicated.  In  case  I  run  for  Congress  next 
year  it'll  help  me,  for  I  spose  I've  done  more  politi 
cal  rascality  than  any  man  in  our  part  of  Alabama — 
from  Ku-kluxin  niggers  to  stuffin  ballot  boxes,  kickin 
them  to  pieces  and  countin  out  obnoxeous  can 
didates. 

•K-  •&  •* 

This  here  suddent  adjournment  of  Congress  has 
kind  er  split  my  calkelations.  I  supposed  that  when 
the  financeal  legislation  was  settled  we'd  be  able  to 
get  our  boys  down  to  the  War  Claims  business.  The 
feeling  toward  old  Cleveland  is  such  that  our  South 
ern  members  don't  care  much  whether  he's  pleased 
or  not.  His  standin  in  with  the  Robber  Barens  of 
the  East,  leavin  the  South  without  money,  as  you 
may  say,  has  created  a  bitter  feelin  against  him.  I 
despise  the  old  rynoserass,  but  I  feel  like  lovin  him 
for  the  enemies  he's  makin  down  South.  When  our 
folks  get  good  and  hot  they'll  not  ask  his  advice 
about  what  kind  of  legislation  is  good  for  the  coun 
try.  The  goin  home  of  a  good  many  Congressmen 
will  hurt  our  poker  game,  of  course,  but  quite  a  squad 
of  our  Southern  members  will  remain  here  durin  the 
month's  vacation  and  draw  their  mileage.  We'll  get 
our  share  of  that  and  maybe  we'll  do  better  than 
when  Congress  is  in  session,  for  with  nothin  to  do 
the  boys  will  have  more  time  for  draw. 

*  vf  vf 

Talkin  to  our  member,  old  Jim  Cobb,  this  mornin, 
I  told  him  that  so  far  we  Democrats  hadn't  helped 
things  much.  I  showed  him  that  the  silver  business  was 


94  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

a  mistake  for  the  South,  that  we  hadn't  repealed  the 
Election  laws,  hadn't  busted  the  tariff,  hadn't  stopt 
expenses,  hadn't  paid  a  Confederate  claim,  hadn't 
done  anything  to  help  the  stricken  and  impoverished 
South,  and  yet  we'd  been  runnin  the  whole  govern 
ment  for  eight  months.  I  cust  old  Cleveland  purty 
sharply,  and  told  Jim  that  we  was  all  fools  in  the 
South  to  trust  that  old  Buffalo  lunk-head  who  never 
showed  any  appreciation  of  the  South,  except  that 
he  sent  a  hired  man  to  fight  us,  instead  of  takin  the 
chances  of  gettin  his  stummack  shot  off  hisself.  Old 
Jim  listened  to  what  I  had  to  say,  and  then  he 
throwed  out  his  chaw  of  tobacker  and  said  :  "  Maje, 
the  trouble  with  you  is  that  you  want  everything 
done  in  a  week.  You're  not  politick.  I'm  on  the 
inside  of  things  here  more'n  you  are,  and  I  can  say 
to  you  that  everything  is  commin  our  way,  commin 
slowly,  but  commin.  Its  like  a  story  I  used  to  hear 
about  old  General  Bob  Toombs.  One  of  Bob's  par- 
tickular  avershions  was  the  town  of  Chicago,  which 
sent  a  Board  of  Trade  battery  down  to  do  business 
with  us  durin  the  war.  Bob  never  got  over  that. 
When  the  news  reached  Bob's  neighborhood  that 
Chicago  was  on  fire  in  1871,  Bob  got  onto  his  old 
gray  hoss  and  rode  down  to  town.  When  he  got 
back  in  the  afternoon  he  was  purty  well  loaded. 
Some  of  the  neighbors  had  gathered  at  the  planta 
tion.  '  What's  the  news  about  Chicago,  General  Bob  ?' 
shouted  one  of  the  citizens,  as  Bob  reined  up.  '  Well, 
boys/  he  said  with  great  dignity,  '  she's  burnin  like 
hell  an  the  wind's  in  our  favor.'  Now,  Maje,  let  me 
say  that  the  country's  jest  blazin,  so  to  speak,  and 
the  wind's  in  our  favor.  As  soon  as  Cleveland  sees 
that  the  elections  in  the  Northern  States  is  all  right, 
he'll  take  off  his  coat  and  go  to  work  with  us  like  a 
good  feller."  I  told  Jim  that  I  had  been  patient  for 


He  Returns  to  Washington.  95 

a  quarter  of  a  century  and  I'd  try  it  awhile  longer, 
but  I  informed  him  right  there  that  if  he  didn't  start 
to  do  a  little  whoopin  up  for  the  South,  in  December 
he'd  find  me  a  candidate  for  Congress  agin  him  in 
the  Fifth  Alabama  Districk. 

*  *  * 

If  I  can  arrange  matters  I'll  slide  down  home  durin 
the  vacation  and  straiten  matters  up  a  little.  I've 
got  to  head  off  the  Grand  Jury  from  suin  my  oldest 
boy  for  stabbin  Grooms.  Then  I've  got  to  arrange 
for  some  pork  and  corn-meal  for  the  winter,  fix  up 
some  interest  on  the  mortgages,  stave  off  a  judgment 
or  two,  get  trusted  by  somebody  for  a  new  mule, 
have  the  roof  of  the  old  house  patched,  lay  in  some 
whiskey  and  clothes  for  the  boys,  raise  a  new  saddle 
for  Plantagenet,  and  probably  break  the  back  of  that 
Tuskeegee  editor  that  has  been  abusin  me  in  his  dirty 
paper.  That's  all. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 
(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


DISAPPOINTED   IN   THE   ELECTION. 


HE  INDULGES  IN  SOME  MELANCHOLY  REFLEC 
TIONS—THE  CAUSES  OF  THE  DEMOCRATIC  RE 
VERSES — BLAMING  IT  ALL  ON  CLEVELAND — WAR 
DECLARED  ON  THE  WHITE  HOUSE  POTENTATE— 
THE  CASE  OF  J.  HAMPTON  HOGE. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Nov.  10. 

If  I  was  to  say  that  the  result  of  that  there  elec 
tion  last  Tuesday  had  satisfied  the  cravins  of  my 
soul  it  would  be  as  solem  a  lie  as  has  been  told  sence 
Annanyas  struck  his  gait  and  set  the  record.  I  wont 
say  that  I  was  surprised  for  as  a  military  man  I  cant 
afford  to  admit  that  I  can  be  took  by  surprise,  but  if 
I  wan't  astonished  dam  me.  I  had  brought  back 
such  favorable  reports  from  New  York  that  the 
Southern  delegates  here  was  all  pitched  in  the  high 
key  of  G.  We  had  made  arrangements  in  the  Col 
ony  for  a  gigantick  blowout  at  which  the  old  rebel 
yell  was  to  have  a  front  place  on  the  program.  I 
had  wrote  to  my  son  Plantagenet  to  gather  all  the 
people  of  our  section  in  front  of  the  post  office  in 
Briar  Root  on  the  night  of  the  election  and  when  I 
telegraft  him  of  Judge  Maynard's  election  he  was  to 
fire  a  salute  of  sixteen  guns — representin  the  sixteen 
States  of  the  Solid  South.  I  wanted  to  impress  the 
fact  on  my  people  that  the  brandin  of  a  Democrat 
and  callin  him  a  thief  because  he  happened  to  do 
his  party  a  little  extra  service  didn't  go  in  the  North 
any  more'n  in  the  South,  The  Briar  Rooters  have  a, 
(96) 


Disappointed  in  the  Election.  97 

very  good  cannon  that  Gen.  Wilson's  cavalry  thieves 
left  behind  when  they  raided  Tuskeegee  in  the  spring 
of  '65.  Well,  I  didnt  send  that  message  and  I  sup 
pose  some  of  the  diggers  that  stood  waitin  all  night 
around  Mirabeau  Clay's  post  office  got  right  hungry, 
for  next  mornin,  when  I  wasn't  in  no  very  gay  state 
of  mind,  I  got  this  message  from  Plan  : 

B.  R.  Nov.  8th  '93. 

Sorry  the  wagon  run  over  the  Judge.  Send  me 
one  of  his  largest  ribs.  Want  to  make  soup  for  the 
boys.  P.  H. 

That  was  neither  faceeteous  nor  respectful  but  it 
shows  the  spirit  of  the  age.  I  was  too  sad  even  to 
smile  at  this  sally  at  my  expense. 

•*  *  * 

The  first  thought  that  struck  me  when  the  news 
begun  to  come  in  was  that  Mr.  Croaker  probably  re 
gretted  not  lettin  me  mount  the  stump  durin  my 
visit  to  his  city.  He  told  me  that  he  thought  that 
he  had  the  menavlins  gently  fixed,  so  that  he  could 
toss  up  about  100,000  majority  for  the  ticket  and  he 
didnt  want  it  to  go  over  that  for  it  might  create  talk. 
He  said  that  if  an  earnest,  eloquent  Southern  gentle 
man  like  myself  went  to  speakin  it  would  create  en 
thusiasm  and  a  lot  of  outsiders  would  be  induced  to 
vote  and  the  majority  might  exceed  his  registration. 
I  think  thats  the  way  he  put  it.  I  reckon  like  he  is 
sorry  now  that  he  didn't  let  the  Voice  from  the 
South  be  heard.  But  these  politickal  accidents  will 
happen.  Its  our  business  now  to  see  that  this 
particular  kind  don't  happen  again. 

*  *•  -x- 

I  want  to  say  right  here  that  I  done  some  blue  sul 
phur  cussin  when  the  news  from  New  York,  Ohio, 

7 


98  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Massachusetts  and  Iowa  come  joltin  in.  I  remember 
one  night  durin  the  war  when  we  made  a  winter  move 
on  the  Rappyhannock.  We'd  marched  all  day  in 
the  mud  and  rain  without  anything  to  eat  and  when 
we  stopt  at  night  it  begun  snowin.  I  laid  down 
on  the  side  of  the  road  and  about  the  time  I  shut 
my  eyes  a  fool  on  a  mule  rode  up  on  me.  I  recall 
that  incident  because  I  did  some  cussin  there  and 
then,  besides  hittin  the  fool  on  the  head  with  my 
sword.  The  conditions  was  favorable  for  profanity 
and  I  was  always  better'n  hired  help  at  that  sort  of 
thing.  Well,  that  cussin  was  like  a  maiden's  prayer 
compared  with  what  I  was  delivered  of  on  Tuesday 
night.  Finally  I  concluded  that,  like  old  Joe 
Thomas  when  the  end-gate  come  out  of  his  cart 
when  he  was  two-thirds  up  a  big  hill  with  a  load  of 
potaters,  this  was  a  subject  that  I  couldn't  do  jus 
tice  to.  Of  course  we've  done  nothing  but  discuss 
ever  since  the  cause  of  the  reverse — for  that's  as 
mild  a  name  as  any  of  us  can  give  it,  and  that  dis 
guises  the  truth.  A  few  of  us  was  settin  in  our  poker 
parlor  Wednesday  night  a  talkin  it  over.  There  was 
no  play  that  night  for  we  all  felt  about  as  sad  as 
Bonypart  did  when  he  rode  back  from  Russia  in  his 
sockfeet.  One  man  blamed  it  on  the  Silver  debate, 
another  said  it  was  because  we  hadn't  pushed  the 
tariff  overboard  and  hadn't  started  the  State  banks. 
Another  fool  swore  that  it  was  all  due  to  Senator 
Dave  Hill  and  his  monkey  Maynard.  There  was  as 
many  opinions  as  there  was  different  sized  drinks  on 
the  table.  Finally  I  cleared  my  throat  and  I  said  : 
"  Gentlemen,  this  here  rebuke  is  all  due  to  the  big 
Stuff  in  the  White  House— Mr.  Buffalo  from  Cleve 
land  or  Cleveland  from  Buffalo.  If  he  had  as  much 
decency  as  a  tapir  or  a  wart-hog  he'd  get  up  like 
General  Lee  did  at  Gettysburg  and  say  '  Get  to- 


Disappointed  in  the  Election.  99 

gether,  boys ;  it's  all  my  fault.'  But  there's  differ 
ences  in  men  same  as  in  mules  and  horses.  Of  course 
the  hard  times  and  a  little  scare  about  tariff  may 
have  cut  a  figger  in  the  elections.  Down  South 
we're  all  born  Free  Traders.  We  started  right.  The 
poor  Yanks  are  a  little  tender  on  it  yet.  But  the 
way  I  interpret  our  momentary  check  is  like  this. 
The  people  last  year  voted  all  over  the  country  that 
it  was  time  to  restore  the  South  to  power  and  render 
it  full  justice  for  all  the  years  of  pillage  and  persecu 
tion.  That  was  the  verdick.  It  meant  pay  the 
Southern  War  Claims,  right  the  wrong  that  the 
Nation  has  done  and  go  back  to  the  true  principles 
of  government.  Well,  sah,  what  happened  ?  Mister 
Cleveland  sold  us  out  to  them  Robber  Barens  in  Wall 
street  and  then  turned  his  back  on  the  South  and 
ignoared  its  Claims.  That  talk  between  him  and  me 
in  which  he  said  that  we  of  the  South  would  have  to 
wait  and  be  patient  has  cost  us  dearly.  I  don't  say 
that  if  some  financial  arrangement  had  been  made  to 
give  the  country  more  money,  either  free  coined  silver 
or  a  new  is'sooe  of  greenbacks,  the  thing  mightent  been 
smoothed  over,  but  the  refusal  of  Cleveland  to  pay 
our  War  Claims  and  thus  impart  prosperity  to  all 
the  country  disgusted  everybody  and  bigad  I'm 
glad  I  had  somethin  to  do  with  callin  attention  to 
his  terpitood.  You'll  notice  that  Kaintucky,  Mary- 
land  and  Virginia  stood  by  the  Administration  but 
that's  because  we  have  no  Republican  party  in  the 
South,  and  in  these  States  folks  voted  the  same  old 
ticket.  But  we've  got  to  go  to  work  now  and  fight 
old  Cleveland  tooth  and  nail.  I've  already  wrote 
home  to  my  people  to  burn  him  in  effegy  right  away. 
That's  what  we  want  to  do  in  every  county  in  the 
South.  Burn  him  in  effegy,  denounce  him  as  a 
traitor  to  the  people  that  made  him  all  he  is  and 


ioo  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

cow-itch  him  from  Dan  to  Bersheby.  They  say  he  has 
no  more  feelin  than  a  rhinocerass  but  he'll  know 
what  that  means.  Put  an  income  tax  on  his  salary 
and  let  the  Senate  stop  confirmin  the  rich  dudes  he's 
sellin  offices  too.  By  Jewpeter  that'll  fetch  him  to 
his  feed.  I've  got  no  use  for  an  enemy  of  the  South 
and  that's  what  the  old  pot  belly  in  the  White 
House  is  and  be  darned  to  him." 


It  is  needless  to  add  that  my  remarks  hit  the  bull's 
eye.  After  some  lively  discussion  they  all  got 
around  to  my  side.  The  facts  hadn't  occurred  to 
'em  before  and  they  realized  how  generous  the  vot 
ers  of  the  North  had  been  in  rebukin  the  old  slouch 
that  had  turned  up  a  deef  year  to  us.  It  was  agreed 
to  open  on  him  at  once  and  keep  it  up.  Tolliver 
said  when  he  come  to  think  that  old  Cleveland  had 
caused  all  this  trouble  he  felt  like  a  Captain  in  our 
artillery  service  whose  battery  was  captured  and 
ripped  to  pieces  by  a  nigger  Kansas  ridgement  in 
the  Steel  campaign.  The  Captain's  men  was  nearly 
all  killed  and  he  was  badly  wounded.  When  some 
white  Union  officers  pict  him  up  he  said  he  didn't 
mind  the  loss  of  his  battery  nor  the  loss  of  his  men 
nor  the  loss  of  his  horses  and  his  arm,  but  what  did 
disgust  him  was  that  he'd  been  run  over  and  tramped 
on  by  a  pack  of  dam  niggers  and  that  nothin  worse'n 
that  could  happen  to  a  Southern  gentleman.  Lem 
said  that's  the  way  the  South  would  feel  when  it 
come  to  understand  that  the  old  buffalo  in  the  White 
House  had  been  stampin  on  'em. 


Lem  sedgested  that  in  addition  to  burnin  and 
hangin  the  foresworn  President  in  effegy  we -go  to 
work  and  revive  that  old  scandal  about  his  conduct 


Disappointed  'itt-  'tiM'',  Ejection.  101 

in  Buffalo — that  woman  .^cfiapfef*  '.J*  \s%id>:,  '/X&oys, 
there  was  a  fellow  a  runhin  for  Congress  down  in 
our  district  some  years  ago  and  a  man  come  to  me 
and  said  that  the  candidate's  brother  livin  up  the 
State  had  ten  years  before  that  courted  and  betrayed 
the  daughter  of  old  Colonel  Jackson,  and  he  thought 
it  would  be  well  to  have  the  facts  out  in  the  cam- 
pain.  I  ast  him  what  become  of  the  matter  and  he 
said  that  as  soon  as  old  Jackson  heard  of  the  thing 
he  took  a  shotgun  and  blowed  the  young  man's 
head  off.  I  said  that  under  the  circumstances  I 
thought  it  wouldn't  be  worth  while  to  reopen  that 
case.  And  that's  the  way  I  feel  about  this  here 
Buffalo  matter.  I  don't  believe  in  such  cross-eyed 
politicks  anyhow." 

*  *  * 

I  see  that  they're  tryin  to  make  trouble  up  in  New 
York  for  Colonel  McKane,  the  Mayor  of  Gravesend, 
for  tryin  to  whoop  up  a  few  extra  votes  for  the 
Democrats.  Mack,  it  seems,  has  got  the  Southern 
idee  about  elections.  If  everybody  had  done  as  well 
as  he'd  done  you  bet  there  wouldn't  be  crape  on  the 
New  York  Democratic  door  knob  to-day.  If  them 
jelly  fish  up  there  permit  harm  to  come  to  Mack,  I'll 
swear  I'll  never  speak  to  another  Northern  Democrat. 
I  don't  know  Mack  but  I've  wrote  to  him  to  come 
down  South  and  wait  for  the  thing  to  blow  over. 
I've  sedgested  Old  Point  in  Virginia.  The  stuff 
that's  in  that  man  is  what  would  be  appreciated  with 
us.  I  hope  he'll  be  indooced  to  settle  amongst  us 
somewhere  and  go  into  Congress  where  Democrats 
with  real  backbones  is  scarce  as  pork  sassidge  in  Jeru 
salem. 

*  #  •* 

Its  no  use  talkin  these  elections  has  lowered  the 
spirits  of  Washington.  Our  boardin-house  seems 


IO2  '  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

like  a  country  graveyard,  m  a  damp  neighborhood. 
Huger's  gone  home  disgusted  and  Timrod  has  gone 
over  to  get  a  few  weeks'  free  board  with  an  old  uncle  in 
Goochland,  Virginia.  A  young  Georgian  that  come 
to  board  two  weeks  ago  skipped  owin  two  week's 
and  stole  six  silver  tablespoons  and  a  goblet  besides. 
I'm  goin  down  home  for  a  couple  of  weeks  to  put 
things  in  shape  and  start  the  anti-Cleveland  crew- 
sade.  When  I  get  back  I  think  I'll  take  charge  of 
old  Hominy  Hall  and  run  it  on  business  principles. 
*  *  * 

A  young  friend  from  Arkansas  who  wants  me  to 
help  him  out  of  a  little  gamblin  scrape  was  in  just 
now  and  he  said  that  as  he  was  passin  the  White 
House  he  saw  old  Baggsgettin  ready  to  take  a  drive. 
He  said  he  looked  as  pleasant  as  though  somebody 
had  just  give  him  a  red  apple.  You  bet  he's  not 
worryin  about  the  elections.  His  grief  over  good 
men  throwed  down  and  knockt  out  is  about  the 
same  as  was  the  sorrer  of  my  old  dun  hoss  when  he 
heard  that  old  Smoot's  cow  was  dead.  But  the 
Southern  Nemmysis  is  onto  him  and  the  War 
Claimers  is  gettin  ready  to  camp  on  his  greasy  trail. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — I  am  utterly  disgusted  with  the  treatment 
which  my  Virginia  relative,  Mr.  J.  Hampton  Hoge, 
has  received  at  the  hands  of  this  blue-nosed  Admin 
istration.  It  makes  my  account  against  Grover  a 
little  bit  larger  than  it  would  have  been.  Col.  Hoge 
was  appointed  Counsel  to  China  because  of  his  dis 
tinguished  family  connection.  He  has  suffered  like 
the  rest  of  us  from  the  impoverishment  superin- 


Disappointed  in  the  Election.  103 

dooced  by  the  war  for  our  independens,  and  also 
from  alcoholism.  After  much  tribbylation  he  got 
started *f or  China  and  because  he  had  a  little  stum- 
mack  trouble  on  the  way  to  San  Francisco  and  drunk 
a  little  more  whiskey  than  was  good  for  his  head  old 
Cleveland  has  disgraced  him  by  cuttin  him  off  in 
his  prime  and  callin  him  back.  I  suppose  the  old  ex- 
Bum  will  be  appointin  no  body  but  Prohibitionists 
and  Presbyterian  preachers  to  office  purty  soon. 


STILL  LAMENTING  THE  ELECTION. 


SYMPATHY  FOR  BOSS  M  KANE— MR.  CLEVELAND'S 
HAWAIIAN  POLICY  PLEASES  HIM — WHY  THE  SOUTH 
APPROVES — SEVERE  CRITICISM  OF  SENATOR  VOOR- 
HEES — THE  POPULIST  CAUSE  LOOKING  UP  IN  THE 
SOUTH. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Nov.  16. 

After  Judge  Carter  had  scun  his  newspaper  over 
this  mornin  he  passed  it  to  me  with  the  remark  that 
the  election  aftermath  from  New  York  was  highly 
interestin.  I  suppose  the  Judge  knows  what  he 
means  by  "election  aftermath,"  but  I'm  cussed  if  it 
isn't  too  many  forme.  But  that's  neither  here  nor 
there.  My  visit  to  Mr.  Croaker's  town  prior  to  the 
election  gives  the  news  from  there  a  special  interest 
to  me  and  I  watch  it  with  considerable  care.  I  feel 
keenly  for  that  sterlin  Democrat,  John  Y.  McKane, 
and  I  sincerely  hope  and  pray  that  he  will  weather 
the  storm  all  right.  In  any  event  I  shall  watch  his 
case  with  deep  solicitood.  I  had  the  sweet  pleasure 
of  meetin  Mr.  McKane  endurin  my  recent  sojourn  in 
New  York  and  he  struck  me  as  bein  a  high  toned 
and  honorable  gentleman.  Was  a  little  surprised 
when  he  declined  to  drink,  and  the  fact  that  he 
seemed  instinctively  to  shrink  from  me  when  I  hap 
pened  to  use  a  little  strong  language  was  also  some- 
thin  of  a  puzzle  to  me.  I  wanted  him  to  join  me  in 
a  little  whirl  around  town,  but  he  begged  to  be  ex 
cused  even  from  that.  I  knowed  Mr.  McKane  to  be  one 
(104) 


Still  Lamenting  the  Election.  1 05 

of  our  most  efficient  Democrat  workers  and  I  couldn't 
exactly  understand  his  attitood  in  these  matters. 
Fancy  my  feelins  when  General  Croaker  informed  me 
afterward  that  Mr.  McKane  is  a  shinin  light  in  the 
Methody  Church  and  the  Superintendent  of  a  Sun 
day  school.  The  next  day  I  sent  Brother  McKane 
an  old  pair  of  trousers  for  the  heathen,  and  I  guess 
they  went  to  the  right  spot,  for  I  afterward  saw  a 
Coney  Island  Justice  of  the  Peace  wearin  'em. 

#  #  * 

As  soon  as  I  heard  of  Mr.  McKane's  trouble  I  wrote 
to  Gen.  Croaker  to  intercede  in  his  behalf  and  I  think 
he'll  do  it.  It  is'  an  outrageous  shame  the  way  these 
good  and  pious  Democrats  is  bein  hounded  over  the 
face  of  the  earth  and  I  put  a  good  deal  of  feelin  into 
my  letter.  General  Croaker  had  my  permission  to 
give  out  my  letter  to  the  press,  but  as  yet  I  haven't 
seen  it.  In  the  letter  I  took  a  firm  stand  for  Colonel 
McKane  and  flung  defiance  in  the  face  of  popular 
opinion.  The  General  may  think  it  a  trifle  strong  in 
view  of  the  condition  of  the  public  mind  and  for  this 
reason  withold  it  from  the  reporters.  It's  my  opin 
ion,  however,  that  our  mutual  friend  and  fellow- 
worker  needs  moral  support  at  this  unhappy  juncture 
and  I  think  it  behooves  the  prominent  men  in  the 
party  to  give  it  to  him.  Still,  General  Croaker  proba 
bly  knows  the  temper  of  the  New  York  people  better 
than  I  do.  I  certainly  do  not  wish  him  to  do  aught 
that  might  weaken  his  power  on  the  city  he  governs 

so  wisely  and  well. 

*  *  % 

It  pains  me  to  think  of  the  state  of  mind  of  that 
grand  old  Democrat,  General  Hugh  McLaughlin  of 
Brooklyn.  He  was  full  of  forebodins  when  I  visited 
him  a  few  days  before  the  election.  I  attributed 
this  to  the  hard  work  and  loss  of  sleep  insedent  to 


Io6  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

the  campain,  but  a  glance  at  the  returns  convinced 
me  that  the  old  General  knows  just  the  proper  time 
to  forebode.  I  intended  to  write  him  a  letter  in  my 
usual  cheerful  stile  for  the  purpose  of  bracin'  him  up 
but  I  have  been  so  busy  bracin  myself  up  since  the 
election  that  I  haven't  devoted  myself  very  largely 
to  anybody  else.  The  need  of  bracin  too  has  been 
so  urgent  that  it  seemed  to  me  to  be  a  time  for  every 
man  to  look  out  for  himself  in  this  particular.  The 
howl  that  is  goin  up  in  Brooklyn  anent  the  alleged 
election  irregularities  gives  me  wrinkles.  Brooklyn 
has  heretofore  been  one  of  the  most  liberal  of  cities  in 
the  matter  of  elections  and  I  can  hardly  understand 
the  meanin*  of  this  suddent  reversal.  A  people  who 
formerly  scrupled  at  nothin'  have  all  of  a  suddent 
got  to  be  scrupulous.  It  must  be  highly  encouragin 
to  the  Christian  Endeavor  Society,  but  I'm  damd  if 
I  can  fathom  it. 

•x-  •*  # 

I  no  sooner  get  my  dander  up  about  the  way  old 
Cleveland  is  runnin  things  than  he  does  something 
to  take  the  edge  off  my  despiseness.  His  action  in 
this  Sandwitch  Island  business  tickels  me  right  sharp 
an  I  can  say  that  the  South  is  right  behind  him  in 
this  thing.  This  guff  about  the  old  flag  has  been 
sickenin  from  the  start.  What  are  the  facks  ?  A  lot 
of  Yankee  thieves  out  in  Honeylulu  get  up  a  scheme 
to  upset  the  country  and  take  charge  of  it.  A  fresh 
Yankee  minister  from  Maine  goes  into  the  job  of 
plunder  and  when  the  time  comes  he  takes  the  fool 
sailors  off  the  American  ships,  upsets  the  Govern 
ment  and  hists  the  old  flag.  Ben  Harrison  approves. 
When  Cleveland  comes  in  he  sends  that  gallant  Con 
federate  soldier,  Jim  Blount,  out  to  pull  down  the 
old  flag  and  set  things  right.  Havin'  done  the 
Sandwitchers  wrong  what  was  to  do  but  to  put  the 


Still  Lamenting  the  Election.  107 

Queen  back  where  she  belongs.  Short  story,  ain't 
it  ?  One  of  our  Congressmen  who  finds  it  cheaper 
to  stay  here  in  Washington  durin'  the  vacation  than 
to  go  home  said  to  me  yesterday  that  he  thought  we 
ought  to  have  Hawaye  because  it  would  be  a  good 
place  eventooally  to  send  our  niggers  and  colonize 
'em.  I  told  the  fool  that  the  place  was  too  far  away 
and  besides  who  wanted  to  send  the  niggers  off  to 
live  by  themselves  except  a  lot  of  old  nigger  preacher 
cranks?  Why,  we  couldn't  no  more  get  along  in 
the  South  without  niggers  than  we  could  without 
mules  and  whiskey.  Who'd  do  the  work?  Every 
body  knows  that  a  white  man  can't  work  in  a  cotton 
field,  a  rice  field,  or  a  cane-brake.  And  what's  more, 
everybody  knows  that  a  white  man,  if  he's  any  part 
of  a  gentleman,  won't  work  in  the  South  anyhow. 
As  for  annexin'  territory  we've  got  more  now  than 
we  can  take  care  of.  I'm  in  favor  of  lettin'  England 
have  them  islands,  and  it's  my  plantation  against  a 
railroad  sandwitch  that  she'll  have  'em  soon,  too. 
England  was  a  good  friend  of  the  South  when  we 
needed  a  friend,  and  we'uns  of  the  South  don't 
forget  it.  When  I  was  talkin'  in  this  strain  yester 
day  a  feller  reminded  me  that  the  South  and  the 
Democrats  used  to  be  both  in  favor  of  annexin' 
Cuba.  I  explained  that  it  wasn't  Democratic  policy 
to  annex  outlyin'  country  except  where  we  could  use 
our  niggers.  Before  the  war  Cuba  would  have  been 
valuable  to  us  because  we  could  have  utilyzed  our 
niggers  there.  We  don't  want  any  more  free  terri 
tory.  I  may  say  that  the  South  is  solid  on  this 
issooe  and  I'm  afraid  that  Cleveland  is  goin'  to  pop- 
lerize  hisself  with  our  people, 

•*  •*  * 

I  pickt  up  a  paper  here  the  other  mornin'  and  saw 
to  my  disgust — I  wasn't  surprised — that   old    Dan 


io8  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Voorheeswas  goin  to  come  out  soon  in  opposition  to 
our  Southern  policy  toards  the  dirty  old  dead  beats 
of  Union  pensioners.  Old  Dan,  who  was  always,  as 
I  have  before  remarked,  a  trimmer  and  a  sneak, 
thinks  that  we're  hurtin  the  Democrats  in  the  North 
by  tryin'  to  stop  the  awful  pension  steal.  You  cant 
depend  on  Voorhees  a  bit  more  than  you  can  on  a 
mule  in  a  yaller  jacket's  nest.  Durin  the  late  war 
he  was  a  first  class  "  Copperhead,"  as  the  Yankees 
used  to  call  a  true  friend  of  the  South  livin'  in  the 
infernal  North,  and  he  has  advocated  both  sides  of 
everything  sence — first  a  Free  Trader,  then  a  mild 
Protectionist,  then  a  greenbacker  and  then  a  gold 
bug,  and  now  he  proposes  to  take  up  the  cause  of 
the  old  scoundrels  that  robbed  and  pillaged  and  dis 
graced  us  and  have  since  been  makin  us  pay  for  doin 
it.  If  Voorhees  does  this  thing  I  hope  every  man 
in  the  South  will  rise  up  and  denounce  him.  I'll 
make  it  my  personal  business  to  either  horsewhip 
him  or  challenge  him  as  sure  as  the  lord  made  little 
apples.  I'm  bilin'  hot  about  this  trecherous  old 
coward  and  all  his  works.  In  the  old  days  when  the 
South  had  charge  here  in  Washington  we  warn't 
afraid  to  do  a  little  fightin.  When  an  old  Aberlition- 
ist  got  too  fuzzy  we  just  called  him  down  or  run  him 
up  agin  somethin'  that  he  wasn't  used  to.  The  club- 
bin  that  Brooks  give  that  old  skunk  Sumner  was  one 
of  the  best  things  that  ever  happened.  We  want 
more  of  that  spirrit.  The  men  that  go  against  our 
interests,  no  matter  what  their  politics  is,  have  got 
to  be  looked  after  and  I'm  ready  to  do  my  sheer. 

*  -K          '  # 

Mirabeau  Clay,  our  P.  M.  at  Briar  Root,  writes 
me  that  the  Populists  is  stirrin  around  lively  in  our 
State.  That's  old  Cleveland's  work,  don't  you  see. 
Not  satisfied  with  ignorin  our  War  Claims  the  old 


Still  Lamenting  the  Election.  109 

duffer  has  gone  back  on  us  on  the  tariff  and  also  on 
silver.  Of  course  the  Pops  are  up  and  a  comin. 
They'll  elect  a  lot  of  Congressmen,  too,  next  year, 
mind  ye,  but  that  don't  hurt  much,  for  they  are  all 
true  Southern  men  when  it  comes  to  Claims  and 
Free  Trade  and  more  money.  The  trouble  is  that 
it  makes  the  South  look  broke  up  and  if  it  goes  on 
it  will  hurt  us  in  the  next  Presidential  election  unless 
we  nominate  a  good  Southern  soldier  like  Gordon, 
or  Wade  Hampton,  or  Wheeler,  of  our  State.  We've 
got  to  keep  the  South  solid  for  that  is  all  there  is  to 
the  Democratic  party  or  ever  was.  The  old  badgers 
that's  afraid  to  stand  up  for  the  interests  of  the 
South  because  they  think  the  North  will  be  scairt 
off  seem  to  forget  that  we  used  to  carry  New  York 
and  New  Jersey  right  while  the  war  was  goin  on. 
Its  because  justice  isn't  bein  done  to  the  South  that 
Northern  Democrats  should  get  mad  and  vote  the 
Republican  ticket.  I  pointed  that  out  the  other 
day  and  the  more  I  study  the  results  of  the  late 
elections  the  more  I  feel  that  our  friends  in  the 
North  are  resentin  the  ill  treatment  of  their  old 
friends  and  allies  in  the  South.  If  Cleveland  and 
Dan  Lament  had  as  much  sense  between  them  as  a 
guinny  pig  has  they'd  see  it.  But  they'll  learn  a 
thing  or  two  as  time  jolts  along. 

*  *  •& 

I've  got  my  arrangements  made  to  leave  here  to 
morrow  for  home.  Must  go  down  and  look  after 
things.  Sence  Congress  adjourned  the  Congressmen 
who  are  here  have  made  business  right  good  in  our 
poker  parlor.  They  have  time  to  play  now  and  if 
they  only  had  more  money  we'd  be  in  sweet  red 
clover.  Tolliver  is  a  big-hearted  rooster  and  he  lets 
these  fellers  stick  their  ringers  up  for  chips  and  bor- 
rered  money  till  our  slate  is  about  full.  Still  we're 


no  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

doin  well.  I  owe  considerable  around  town  but  I 
have  some  ready  cash  by  me  for  this  trip.  A  South 
ern  gentleman  of  the  old  school  doesnt  bother  his- 
self  about  what  he  owes.  Its  the  currency  for  the 
current  day  that  he  looks  after  and  thats  me.  One 
of  the  Arkansaw  members  got  me  to  cash  a  $10 
check  some  weeks  ago  and  it  turned  out  to  be  green 
goods.  About  half-past  three  yesterday  he  come  in 
again  and  tried  to  hurrah  me  for  $25  on  another 
check.  His  bank  was  closed  and  he  must  have  the 
money,  he  said.  I  looked  at  the  check  and  as  I 
handed  it  back  I  said  in  my  sweetest  vain :  "  I  guess 
any  bank  that  you  can  get  into  in  the  daytime  you 
can  get  into  at  night."  Well,  he  appeared  to  be 
purty  thoroughly  insulted  but  he  sneakt  off  and  I 
supose  he'll  want  to  fight  me  next  time  he's  drunk, 
•x-  •&  # 

I've  arranged  with  Mose  Hampton,  in  case  Tolliver 
gets  drunk  while  I'm  away,  to  look  after  our  poker 
game.  I  wish  he'd  go  on  a  toot  as  soon  as  my  back 
is  turned,  for  Mose  has  got  business  sense  into  him 
and  I  know  he'll  get  all  there  is  in  our  line  while  I'm 
away.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


AT  HOME  IN  ALABAMA. 


POINTS  PICKED  UP  EN  ROUTE — HE  GATHERS  UP 
SOME  NEIGHBORHOOD  NEWS — ENTHUSIASTIC  RE- 
CEPTION  IN  BRIAR  ROOT — HIS  NEIGHBORS  CALL 
AT  "THE  JULEPS"  AND  HE  IS  SERENADED — A 
BRIEF  SPEECH  AND  A  TREAT. 

"THE  JULEPS," 

BRIAR  ROOT,  Ala.,  Nov.  22. 

Once  more  my  foot  is  on  my  native  heath,  as 
Colonel  Megrigger  says.  I  reached  home  some  four 
days  ago  and  I've  been  as  busy  as  a  camp-meetin 
preacher  ever  sence.  On  the  way  down  I  thought  I 
had  never  saw  the  South  lookin  so  poorly  sence  the 
war.  All  the  people  that  I  talked  to  blamed  the  con 
dition  on  the  infernal  tariff  and  skarcity  of  money. 
At  Danville,  Virginia,  a  one  legged-veteran  got  on 
the  train  and  scraped  up  an  acquaintance  with  me — 
his  name  was  Colonel  Quintius  Curtis  Dabney,  of  the 
Twelfth  Virginia — and  he  told  me  his  people  was 
gettin  much  weary  of  Grover  Cleveland  and  his  mon 
key  business  and  they  thought  in  view  of  the  fact 
that  the  Democrats  had  the  handlin  of  the  country 
it  was  a  dam  long  while  between  pie.  I  got  quite  an 
insite  into  Virginia  sentiment  from  the  Colonel  and 
when  we  was  about  to  part  I  felt  well  enough  ac 
quainted  (he  had  four  nips  out  of  my  flask)  to  indulge 
a  little  plesantry.  I  said  :  "  Colonel  you  ought  to  be 
right  glad  these  hard  times  that  you've  only  got  one 
leg  for  the  boys  to  pull."  I  had  pict  this  up  in 
Washinton  but  the  Colonel  wasnt  onto  it  and  I  had 


112  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

to  explain  to  him  what  pullin  a  man's  leg  meant.  I 
had  quite  a  tackel  with  a  nigger  porter  of  the  sleeper 
en  root.  There  was  an  old  hog  in  the  birth  next  to 
me  that  snored  so  loud  that  you  couldn't  hear  the 
noise  of  the  train.  I  ordered  the  porter  to  wake  him 
up  and  make  him  go  into  the  forrerd  car  and  most  of 
the  passengers  was  with  me  but  the  nigger  said  there 
was  no  rules  about  snorin  and  that  if  he  begun  to 
put  people  out  of  his  car  for  that  he  wouldn't  aver 
age  two  lodgers  a  night.  I  made  a  pass  for  the  im 
pudent  scoundrel  when  he  hit  me  at  the  butt  of  the 
the  left  year  and  for  a  minnit  I  thought  the  train 
had  gone  off  a  trussel.  I  finally  got  my  gun  from 
under  my  piller  but  as  usual  the  fool  passengers  in 
terfered  and  the  nigger  apologised.  The  snoring 
hog  woke  up  while  the  racket  was  goin  on  and  he 
was  so  skairt  that  he  didn't  sleep  any  more  that 
night  and  so  I  accomplished  my  purpose — as  I  nearly 

always  do. 

*  #  * 

At  Tuskeegee  I  was  met  in  the  early  morning  by 
my  son  Plantagenet  with  a  borrowed  buggy.  I  tried  to 
keep  a  buggy  myself  oncet  but  in  spite  of  all  I  could 
do  the  chickens  on  the  place  would  roost  in  it  and  it 
was  never  fit  for  use,  so  I  traded  it  off  for  a  Mexi 
can  saddle  and  a  double-barrel  shot-gun.  I  prefer 
horseback  ridin  myself.  On  the  way  to  the  Root 
my  son  told  me  all  the  neighborhood  news.  He 
said  we  had  three  new  dogs  on  the  plantation  and  a 
bran  new  Durham  bull  caff  that  he  was  waitin  for 
me  to  name.  In  mentionin  its  pints  he  said  it  was 
stubborn  as  a  mule  and  carried  its  tail  very  high. 
I  didn't  hesitate  a  minnit  in  namin  that  animal 
Grover.  Plan  informed  me  that  a  story  was  circu- 
latin  around  that  I  was  runnin  a  gamblin  house  in 
Washington,  but  that  it  didn't  do  any  harm,  for  the 


At  Home  in  Alabama.  113 

folks  thought  it  would  be  a  good  thing  if  I  could 
get  holt  of  a  little  money.  I  said  :  "  I'll  bet  that  old 
Jim  Cobb  has  set  that  story  a  goin  for  he's  been 
sore  ever  sence  I  threatened  to  run  against  him  for 
Congress  in  this  district.  If  I  find  out  that  he's 
been  in  this  business  I'll  cut  loose  and  tell  some  little 
stories  about  his  carryins  on  in  Washington."  Plan 
said  :  "  Why,  what's  the  use  botherin  about  that  ? 
Folks  here  know  you've  been  goin  up  against  faro 
bank  and  lottery  and  poker  all  your  life,  and  what 
difference  does  it  make  whether  you  gamble  here 
or  in  Washington,  so  you  ain't  the  sucker?  I  sup 
pose  old  Cobb  thinks  it'll  hurt  you  to  have  it  known 
that  a  gentleman  like  you  has  gone  into  business, 
that's  all."  My  son  informed  me  that  the  Sheriff 
had  been  around  talkin  about  some  of  them  old 
judgments  against  me  but  he  had  got  him  to  let  up 
agin  on  the  ground  that  I  was  in  Washington  tryin 
to  get  our  War  Claims  allowed,  which  was  a  service 
much  appreciated  by  our  people.  The  Sheriff  said 
that  if  I  succeeded  it  would  make  good  times  in  our 
county  and  that  as  long  as  I  kept  at  the  work  he'd 
see  that  no  executions  went  out  against  me.  I  felt 
that  I  was  among  my  own  beloved  people  once 
more  when  I  heard  this. 

»  *  * 

As  we  drove  into  Briar  Root  I  could  see  that  there 
was  considerable  commotion,  Everybody  hailed  me 
as  we  went  along  and  when  we  stopped  in  front  of 
Mirabeau  Clay's  Post-office  there  was  quite  a  crowd 
gathered  to  welcome  me.  I  stood  up  in  the  buggy 
and  told  the  boys  of  the  good  work  that  I  had  been 
doin  and  that  I  would  speak  in  the  Odd  Fellows  Hall 
on  the  followin  evenin  and  give  an  account  of  my 
stooardship.  I  was  loudly  cheered.  I  told  em  that 
I  had  found  much  to  encourage  our  Cause  in  Wash- 

8 


ii4  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

ington  and  that  I  had  sowed  seed  in  good  soil.  Old 
Luke  Langdon,  who  was  drunker  than  usual,  hollered 
out  and  wanted  to  know  if  them  there  Yankees  had 
got  done  votin  yet,  and  there  was  quite  a  guffaw. 
I  explained  that  this  was  an  off  year  in  politicks  and 
that  local  causes  had  much  to  do  with  the  apparent 
Republican  gain  and  when  I  told  them  that  the  re 
sult  was  largely  due  to  the  fact  that  the  Northern 
people  was  disgusted  because  the  South  hadnt  been 
better  treated  by  Cleveland  in  the  matter  of  its  War 
Claims  I  thought  -the  yell  they  give  would  disturb 
people  in  the  cemetery.  I'm  the  only  person  that 
has  this  theory  about  the  late  elections  and  I  find  it 
takes  well  with  our  secktion.  The  boys  give  me 
three  cheers  and  I  lit  and  had  a  drink  or  two  with 
the  leadin  men.  I  invited  a  dozen  of  em  over  to  my 
mansion  that  evenin  and  they  come. 
*  *  # 

About  the  first  man  to  arrive  was  Postmaster  Clay. 
He  said  he'd  been  makin  some  trouble  for  hisself  by 
startin  a  little  grocery  in  connection  with  his  post- 
office.  He  said  a  nigger  named  Jim  Newton  had 
called  at  the  office  about  a  week  before  and  ast  for 
his  mail.  Clay  said :  "  I  says  to  him  where  do  you 
buy  your  groceries  and  do  your  tradin,  Mr.  Newton  ? 
Says  he:  'I  deals  down  with  Mr.  Driscoll.'  Then 
said  I  go  and  git  yer  letters  where  you  buy  your 
groceries,  Mr.  Nigger.  That  onery  cuss,"  continued 
Clay,  "  went  and  told  old  Sim  Driscoll  what  I  said 
and  begad  he's  threatenin  to  report  me  to  Washing 
ton."  I  said  I'd  square  the  matter  up.  I  told  him 
that  if  I  was  in  his  official  place  I  wouldn't  be  bothered 
with  niggers  coming  around  the  post  office.  I  told 
him  to  get  a  store-box  and  put  it  right  outside  the 
door  and  pitch  all  letters  and  papers  for  niggers  into 
it  and  just  let  em  come  and  git  their  mail  themselves. 


At  Home  in  Alabama. 

While  we  was  talkin  old  Sim  Driscoll  rode  up  and 
after  we'd  all  had  a  drink  or  two  I  had  him  and  the 
post  master  a  shakin  hands.  It  does  me  good  to  see 
that  my  inflooence  in  this  community  is  a  waxin  in 
stead  of  a  wanin.  They  all  look  to  me  I  find  and 
I'll  be  purty  busy  for  a  week  or  two  settlin  up  old 
quarrels  and  fueds. 

*  *  * 

The  evenin  was  a  genuine  ovation  to  me,  not  less 
than  twenty  leadin  people  droppin  in  in  the  course 
of  it.  Plantagenet  had  laid  in  a  couple  of  gallons  of 
whiskey  against  just  such  an  event  and  it  came  in 
right  handy.  I  reported  the  state  of  affairs  in  Wash 
ington  and  told  'em  how  that  old,  fat  porpus  Cleve 
land  had  stood  between  us  and  our  Claims  and  how 
he'd  throwed  hisself  over  to  the  Wall  street  gold- 
bugs  and  how  he'd  probably  oppose  the  wipin  out  of 
the  iniquetous  Yankee  tariff  and  our  State  banks — 
in  fact  how  he'd  probably  go  back  on  the  whole  Dem 
ocratic  platform.  Squire  Hazelwood,  whose  Vir 
ginia  nephew  was  killed  inside  the  Federal  lines  at 
Gettysburg  same  time  Gen.  Armistead  was  killed, 
said  that  he  was  infernal  hot  about  Cleveland's  course 
in  this  Hiwayan  affair.  He  said  that  the  Southern 
people  was  makin  a  mistake  in  upholdin  Cleveland 
simply  to  get  a  hack  at  Ben  Harrison.  /  "  Of  course," 
said  he,  "  we  don't  want  any  territory  now  and  no 
body  down  this  way  cares  a  jay  bird's  twitter  about 
the  old  flag,  but  this  here  puttin  up  a  greasy,  old  nig 
ger  wench  to  rule  over  white  people  can't  be  main 
tained  in  this  secktion.  We  had  a  nice  bigad  time 
down  here  when  the  coons  had  us  under  their 
thumbs  and  you  can  say  to  Cleveland  when  you  see 
the  old  drumedary  again  that  I  don't  want  any  more 
of  it  in  mine.  The  people  of  the  South  must  con 
sist,  sah,  and  no  nigger  either  in  this  country  or  any- 


Ii6  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

where  else  has  any  right  to  rule  white  people,  even 
if  they  are  blue-bellied  Yankees.  The  Democrat 
party  can't  afford  to  establish  such  a  precedent.  If 
Mr.  Cleveland  helps  this  old  nigger  to  a  throne  I  tell 
you  he'll  lose  at  least  three  Southern  States  to  his 
party,  besides  demoralizin  the  whole  party  in  this 
secktion."  The  squire's  speech  seemed  to  meet 
with  considerable  favor  and  it  set  me  a  thinkin  too. 


While  I  was  answerin  a  thousand  questions  about 
Washington  City  and  the  great  men  at  the  head  of 
the  Government,  and  while  I  was  dispensin  hospi 
tality  in  the  old  time  courtly  Southern  style,  the  fife 
and  drum  core  from  Briar  Root  come  into  the  spa 
cious  lawn  and  serenaded  me  with  marshall  music 
that  made  my  soul  swell.  Bein  called  for  I  stept 
out  onto  the  front  verandy  and  after  the  cheerin 
had  subsided  I  said : 

My  Fellow  Citizens :  I  thank  you  most  heartily  for 
this  expression  of  your  admiration  and  confidence. 
I  have  been  absent  from  you  for  some  weeks,  engaged 
in  a  service  which  interests  you  all.  I  return  tempo- 
farily  from  this  public  service  to  find  that  you  are 
the  same  noble-hearted  chivalrick  people  in  whose 
vains  the  only  truly  American  blood  circulates.  It 
is  a  pleasure  to  look  into  your  noble,  intelligent  faces 
after  bein  in  contact  with  the  mongrel  tribes  that 
you  can  see  even  yet  in  the  Democratic  capital  of 
this  Democratic  country.  I  rejoice  to  find  that  you 
still  regard  me  with  favor  and  that  you  recognize  me 
as  your  representative.  The  tongue  of  slander  has 
not  been  idel  but  you  who  know  me  best  respect  me 
most.  Sons  of  Alabama  I  greet  you  and  welcome 
you  to  the  "Juleps." 

Some  feller  in  the  crowd  hollered  out  that  plain 
whiskey  would  do  him  and  so  I  invited  em  all  in  and 


At  Home  in  Alabama.  117 

treated  and  the  way  they  absorbed  that  two  gallons 
of  whiskey  made  me  think  that  maybe  they  hadn't 
had  a  drink  sence  I  left.  The  whole  country  was 
stirred  up  by  my  arrival.  We  didn't  get  the  last  of 
the  gang  away  from  the  place  till  after  midnight,  and 
it  was  agreed  before  partin  that  my  meetin  the  fol- 
lowin  night  should  be  attended  by  everybody  and 
that  arrangements  should  be  made  to  hang  old  Cleve 
land  in  effegy  at  the  conclusion  of  my  address. 

*  *  * 

I  was  much  pained  durin  the  evenin  to  see  the  dis 
tress  of  mind  of  my  old  neighbor,  Major  Hartridge. 
He  informed  me  that  his  youngest  daughter  had  just 
formed  a  matrimonial  alliance  clandestinly  with  a 
young  merchant  in  Tuskeegee  whose  father  had  come 
driftin  down  from  Massachusetts  just  after  the  war 
and  settled  there.  He  said  he  would  rather  have 
buried  his  daughter  than  to  see  her  fall  a  victim  to 
this  scoundrel.  He  said  that  it  was  plain  to  his  mind 
that  if  this  sort  of  thing  wa'snt  stopt  the  old  families 
of  the  South  would  be  desimated  and  ruined  and 
that  we  would  lose  our  chief  distinction  as  the  aris 
tocracy  of  the  country.  My  youngest  son  havin  mar 
ried  a  common  sort  of  girl  far  beneath  him  in  social 
rank  I  could  sympathize  deeply  with  the  Major  but 
I  counselled  him  not  to  take  vengeance  in  his  own 
hands  unless  some  scoundrel  Yankee  made  love  to 
his  other  daughter,  He  said  that  Mirandy,  who  is 
now  thirty-two,  was  the  only  one  that  he  feared  for 
she  had  now  arrived  at  the  age  when  she  didn't  care 
much  about  race,  religion  or  tribe  but  if  ever  another 
Northern  man  sot  foot  on  "  Chestnuthurst"  while  he 
lived  he'd  administer  on  him  with  a  load  of  buckshot. 

*  *  * 

In  talkin  about  the  desperate  financial  situation 
durin  the  evenin  I  sedgested  that  if  Congress  didn't 


Ii8  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

give  us  our  State  banks  purty  soon  we  could  go  to 
usin  Confederate  money  in  our  own  neighborhood. 
We  all  have  more  or  less  of  it  laid  away  and  by  puttin 
it  into  circulation  we  could  relieve  the  stringency  of 
the  times.  Of  course  we  may  have  to  use  a  little 
shot-gun  persuasion  to  start  the  thing  but  I  see  my 
idea  took  root  at  oncet. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


THE  MAJOR'S  PUBLIC  ADDRESS. 


PRESIDENT  CLEVELAND  DENOUNCED  AND  HUNG  IN 
EFFIGY — GREAT  ENTHUSIASM — THE  WHITE  CAPS 
ADMINISTER  A  LITTLE  MEDICINE  TO  THE  NEGROES 
OF  THE  NEIGHBORHOOD — THE  MAJOR  IS  AT  HOME. 

THE  JULEPS, 
BRIAR  ROOT,  Ala.,  Nov.  25. 

We  have  spoken  !  Briar  Root  township  is  on  the 
record  and  a  merry  time  we've  had.  No  such  excite 
ment  has  taken  place  here  since  the  Yanks  ripped 
the  folks  up  in  the  spring  of  '65,  Our  meetin  last 
Tuesday  night  was  a  grand  success,  as  were,  also,  the 
subsekent  proceedins.  But  I  must  not  anticipate. 
I  rode  into  the  Root  about  noon,  along  with  my  two 
sons.  Already  there  was  a  stir  and  the  three  saloons 
in  the  place  was  doin  a  rushin  trade.  The  first  thing 
I  tended  to  was  to  get  up  a  stuffed  paddy  of  old 
Cleveland  to  be  used  in  the  effegy  performance. 
There  wanr't  a  man  in  the  whole  place  fat  enough  to 
furnish  a  suit  of  old  clothes  and  we  were  about  to  call 
on  the  ladies  to  get  some  old  material  and  knock 
some  sort  of  a  bag  together  when  Plantagenet,  my 
son,  happened  to  remember  that  there  was  an  old 
nigger  named  Jeff.  Grimes  a  livin  about  two  mile 
up  Coon  Creek  who  was  so  fat  that  he  hadn't  been 
out  of  his  cabin  for  four  years.  It's  a  scarce  thing 
to  see  a  fat  white  man  in  our  country,  for  we're  all 
pure  Southern  strain  and  blue-blooded  people  are 
wiry  and  slim.  They  don't  make  fat  like  a  hog, 
and  that's  one  thing  that  shows  Cleveland's  low 

(119) 


I2O  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

breedin.  Well,  Plan  and  two  of  Pickel  Gifford's  rake 
helly  boys  rode  off  to  Grimes'  to  get  his  clothes 
whilst  I  hunted  up  our  Post-master,  Mirabeau  Clay, 
and  told  him  he  must  keep  out  of  this  affair  for 
Cleveland  would  chop  his  head  off  if  he  heerd  that  he 
was  mixin  in.  Clay's  the  best  stump  orator  we  have 
in  the  county  and  I  was  sorry  to  count  him  out  but 
I  don't  want  to  lose  the  Post-office.  I  told  him  that 
about  the  time  we  got  ready  to  string  old  Cleveland 
up  in  effegy  it  might  be  wel'l  for  him  to  rush  into  the 
crowd  and  protest.  He  said  :  "  I'll  do  it,  Maje,  but 
you  must  have  the  boys  well  posted,  for  they'll  be 
good  and  drunk  by  that  time  and  one  of  em  might 
put  a  bullet  through  my  cocoa-nut.  I  know  what 
chances  a  man  takes  a  pertestin  in  this  part  of  the 
country."  I  satisfied  him  that  I'd  take  care  of  that 
part  of  the  performance. 

*  *  # 

I  noticed  as  soon  as  I  got  into  town  that  the  niggers 
was  all  lookin  very  happy,  and  snickerin  and  grinnin. 
One  of  em  said  to  me  at  the  stable  where  I  left  my 
horse :  "  Done  look  mighty  queer,  Marse  Maje,  to 
see  dese  Dimmycrats  a  hangin  ole  Cleveland,  suh." 
I  learned  from  Driscoll  that  since  the  election  up 
North  the  niggers  in  the  town  and  vicinity  had  been 
actin  very  fresh  and  ugly.  He  told  me  that  a  black 
rascal  named  Bill  Hawkins,  livin  about  a  mile  out 
on  the  Hogwaller  road,  had  said  in  his  store,  when 
some  folks  was  talkin  about  me  a  few  days  afore  I 
got  home,  that  he  heard  I  was  in  jail  up  north  for 
stealin  a  horse.  I  told  Sim  that  I  guessed  we'd  have 
to  have  a  nigger-shakin  right  away  and  bring  the 
coons  down  a  limb  or  two.  Nigger-shakin  is  the 
name  we  call  it  when  we  start  out  and  lick  about 
half  the  black  scoundrels  in  the  neighborhood. 
While  I  was  notifyin  a  few  of  the  boys  to  get  ready 


The  Major  s  Public  Address.  12 1 

for  a  little  raid  after  the  meeting  closed  Plan  and 
the  Gifford  boys  come  back  with  old  Grimes  butter 
nut  coat  and  breeches.  You  never  see  a  raggeder 
patched  up  suit  of  clothes,  I  reckon.  There  was 
twelve  different  pieces  of  goods  in  the  breeches  and 
the  seat  was  patched  with  a  piece  of  flour  bag  with 
the  letterin  on  it :  "  Lee's  Mills  Superfine  XX  Flour." 
Plan  said  they  had  quite  a  scuffle  to  get  the  old 
man's  harness  and  when  they  left  him  he  was  layin 
in  the  corner  of  his  cabin  naked  but  he  had  stopt  at 
home  on  the  way  up  and  sent  Jimson  over  with  a 
horse  blanket  that  he  thought  the  old  man  could 
have  some  coverin  made  out  of.  We  finally  got 
hay  and  straw  enough  to  pad  out  old  Grimes'  clothes 
and  when  we  fixed  on  a  head  and  an  old  plug  hat  it 
looked  a  mighty  sight  like  Cleveland  across  the  beem. 
We  left  the  effegy  in  Carter's  stable  and  proceeded 
to  stretch  a  wire  from  the  I.  O.  O.  F.  Hall  across  to 

Driscoll's  store. 

*  #  * 

Our  meetin  was  well  attended.  Every  represen 
tative  man  within  a  circuit  of  five  miles  was  there 
and  some  that  wasn't.  The  O.  F.  Hall  holds  two 
hundred  and  it  was  packed,  and  there  was  as  many 
more  people  in  the  saloons  and  around  the  hall.  We 
made  Simon  Kenton  Driscoll  chairman  and  Luke 
Tillman  secretary.  To  my  surprise,  old  Lycurgus 
Smoot  come  up  at  this  juncture,  shook  hands  with 
me  as  though  nothin  had  ever  happened  atween  us 
two,  and  I  give  him  a  nice  seat  on  the  stage.  After 
the  usual  regler  preliminaries,  and  after  old  uncle 
Simon  Didwell,  the  moon  shiner,  who  was  drunk 
and  making  a  noise  like  a  hog,  had  been  put  out  of 
the  hall  I  arose  and  was  greeted  with  deefenin  cheers. 
It  was  a  muggy  sort  of  evening  and  after  I  had 
quieted  the  boys  down  a  little  I  said  "  Gentlemen, 


122  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

will  some  of  you  be  kind  enough  to  raise  a  few  of 
the  winders ;  the  atmosphere  in  this  hall  is  not 
wholesome."  At  that  old  Ike  Bascom,  who  was  set- 
tin  on  a  front  seat  with  his  goat  chin  restin  on  a 
stick,  looked  up  at  me  and  said  :  "Yes,  Maje.  I  think 
some  gentleman  have  drew  a  boot."  After  the 
lafter  had  subsided  I  proceeded  to  my  address. 
I  said : 

"  Fellow  citizens :  I  return  to  you  after  nearly 
three  months  stooardship  in  the  National  Capital  to 
report  to  you  that  the  Cause  which  we  all  hold  so  dear, 
has  been  betrayed  by  a  man  whom  we  have  twicet 
made  President  of  the  United  States.  (Groans.)  Yes, 
gentlemen,  Grover  Cleveland  has  turned  his  back 
upon  the  South.  I  pleeded  the  Cause  of  our  War 
Claims  to  him  and  he  turned  a  deef  year.  He  is 
afeerd  to  do  justice  and  like  all  the  other  hang-jawed, 
fish-blooded,  pink-livered  sneaks  in  the  country, 
thinks  the  time  hasn't  come.  He  begs  us  to  wait, 
and  this  while  the  Democratic  party  is  in  control  of 
both  branches  of  the  Government  and  is  movin  on 
the  Supream  Court  with  both  feet.  One  little  word 
from  this  man  and  Congress  would  have  been  adjoo- 
dicatin  our  claims  in  twenty-four  hours.  We  have 
bills  before  Congress  for  millions  of  dollars  of  losses, 
and  we  have  a  bill  to  refund  the  cotton  tax  which 
gives  our  State  $10,000,000,  but  no  man  dares  to 
push  em  for  fear  he'll  displeese  the  President  and 
lose  his  favor.  This  Northern  puddin  head,  gentle 
men,  has  made  himself  the  Democratic  party.  He 
pays  no  more  attention  to  Congress  than  a  hog  does 
to  religion.  And  what's  he  done  ?  He  held  Congress 
by  the  throat  for  two  months  till  he  forced  a  bill 
outen  it  to  repeal  Silver  because  the  Robber  Barens 
of  the  East  demanded  it,  and  I'll  bet  there  ain't  two 
men  in  Alabama  that  have  been  benifitted  two  dol- 


The  Major  s  Public  Address.  123 

lars  worth  by  that  piece  of  legislation.  We  wanted 
free  coinage  and  he  give  us  a  Wall  street  law ;  we 
want  State  banks  and  more  money  and  he  has  give 
us  hard  times  and  less  money  ;  we  want  the  damd 
Tariff  riped  up  by  the  roots  and  he  is  shilly-shallying 
with  old  McKinley's  law  and  he  ain't  even  in  favor 
of  slappin  a  tax  on  the  incomes  of  the  rich  thieves 
up  North.  The  fact  is  he's  worse  than  Benedick 
Arnold.  He  knowed  what  the  people  of  the  South 
wanted  when  he  accepted  the  last  nomination  on  the 
platform  we  made  for  him.  We  have  nothin  to 
expect  from  him  and  we  may  as  well  fight  him.  He's 
dead  against  us  but  when  he  hears  that  a  great  mass 
meeting  of  the  most  influential  and  intelligent  De 
mocracy  of  Makin  County,  Alabama,  has  denounced 
and  condemned  him  he  may  stop  and  scratch  his 
hairy  ears.  This  work  to-night  may  start  a  move 
ment  which  will  sweep  threw  the  country  and  call 
the  recreant  President  back  to  his  duty.  We  arrain 
him  because  he  has  been  false  to  the  South  and 
false  to  his  party  pledges.  Why  he  aint  even 
cleaned  out  the  Republican  officeholders  in  the  South, 
let  alone  faverin  the  demands  for  our  just  dues. 
Why,  a  man  told  me  in  Washington  that  this  old  fat 
walrus  said  not  long  ago  that  he  was  sorry  that  he 
sent  a  substitute  to  fight  against  the  South  for  he 
really  ought  to  have  gone  to  the  war  hisself."  I 
made  this  yarn  up,  but  I  knowed  it  would  fetch  the 
boys.  You  never  heered  sich  yellin  and  howlin. 
After  makin  this  hit  I  just  sailed  in  to  the  old  Joss. 
I  denounced  him  from  Barnegat  to  the  Belize  and 
damnd  him  up  hill,  down  dale  and  across  country 
and  back  again.  I  had  about  a  quart  of  whiskey  in 
me  and  when  steam  got  up  to  the  right  point  you 
could  hear  me  sizzle.  I  spoke  for  a  solid  hour  and 
closed  with  something  like  this:  "And  I  now 


124  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

impeach  this  reecreant,  in  the  name  of  a  deceived 
South,  as  one  false  to  his  pledges  and  false  to  the 
great  party  which  has  honored  and  trusted  him ;  I 
impeach  him  as  an  apostate,  as  a  coward  and  as  a 
traitor."  (Tremendous  cheering  and  cries  of  to  L 
with  him).  At  this  point  our  secretary  arose  and 
read  the  red  hot  resolutions  which  me  and  a  few 
gentlemen  had  prepared,  the  language  being  that 
of  lawyer  Ben  Trotter.  They  was  full  of  cyann 
pepper.  They  recited  the  cause  of  our  grievance 
against  Cleveland  and  wound  up  with  a  demand  that 
the  Platform  of  the  Democratic  National  party  of 
1892  be  carried  out  to  the  letter.  Then  come  the 
resolution  declarin  that  "as  an  expression  of  our 
contempt  for  President  Cleveland  and  as  a  manifes 
tation  of  our  hostility  to  his  craven  policy,  be  it  fur 
ther  resolved  that  we  do  now  proceed  to  hang  the 
aforesaid  Cleveland  in  effegy."  The  resolution  was 
unanimously  adopted  amid  howls  of  delight  and  the 
crowd  rolled  out  into  the  road. 

*  *  * 

The  boys  had  everything  ready  and  in  a  jiffy  the 
old  Cleveland  paddy  went  sailin  into  the  air.  Bru 
tus  Mulhall  superintended  the  job,  and  as  Brute  had 
helped  to  hang  at  least  a  dozen  niggers  in  his  day  it 
was  well  done.  While  we  was  givin  the  "  rebel  yell  " 
to  Mr.  Buffalo  up  rushed  Mirabeau  Clay,  as  agreed. 
"  Gentlemen,"  he  hollered,  "  I  protest  against  this 
outrage  upon  the  Chief  Executive  of  this  govern 
ment.  Are  we  barbarians  to  " — he  got  just  that  fur 
when  somebody  who  didn't  understand  the  thing 
give  him  a  swat  in  the  eye  that'll  lay  him  up  for  a 
week.  I  got  to  him  just  in  time  to  save  his  life  and 
by  this  act  he  saved  the  post  office.  After  the  boys, 
by  way  of  practice,  had  emptied  their  guns  in  Mr. 
Cleveland's  stummack  one  of  'em  got  a  pole,  with  a 


The  Major  s  Public  Address.  125 

piece  of  paper  on  the  end  and  set  the  old  skeer  crow 
afire.  The  excitement  at  this  point  was  great.  The 
deed  was  done.' 

*  *  * 

Callin  a  few  good  fellews  together  I  said :  "  Boys, 
the  niggers  around  here  have  been  gittin  impudent 
and  ornery  of  late  and  the  recent  election  in  the 
North  has  made  it  necessary  for  us  to  shake  'em  up. 
Join  me  in  a  little  white  cappin."  To  the  number 
of  about  thirty  they  got  their  horses  and  rallied 
around  me.  Every  man  of  'em  had  a  quart  of 
whiskey  in  his  pocket  and  a  pint  or  so  in  his  insides. 
They  was  all  armed  and  we  gathered  up  about  a 
dozen  black-snake  whips  and  started.  A  young 
newspaper  chap  that  come  up  from  Tuskeegee  to 
write  an  account  of  our  meetin  concluded  to  go 
along  and  I  told  him  to  be  sure  and  state  in  his 
paper  that  the  niggers  in  this  secktion  was  all  pro 
vided  with  Winchester  rifles  and  was  liable  to  rise  at 
any  time.  This  is  a  lie  but  it  always  reads  well  and 
if  the  story  happens  to  get  into  the  Northern  papers 
it  has  a  good  effect.  I  don't  suppose  there's  three 
niggers  in  Makin  County  that  own  a  repeatin  rifle. 
They're  right  lucky  to  have  a  shotgun  or  a  sawed 
off  musket.  We  called  on  Bill  Hawkins  first.  Bill 
was  in  bed  but  we  soon  got  him  out  and  after  tyin 
him  hand  and  foot  I  larruped  him  with  a  hosswhip 
till  he  bellered  like  a  bull.  While  I  was  a  doin  of  it 
one  of  the  boys  shot  his  mule  and  set  fire  to  his  old 
shack  of  a  stable.  I  told  William  that  I  had  heard 
of  his  slanderin  me  and  I  says  to  him  "  You  can 
now  tell  your  nigger  friends  that  the  old  Major  is  at 
home."  We  rode  off  to  one  of  Bill's  neighbors  and 
give  him  a  dose.  Purty  soon  it  got  norated  that  we 
was  comin  and  it  was  soon  hard  work  to  find  any 
buck  niggers  at  home,  but  we  left  our  cards  and 


126  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

licked  the  women  and  children.  There  was  more  or 
less  shootin,  but  I  didn't  hear  of  anybody  bein  hit. 
It  was  daylight  before  we  finished  our  visitin,  and  I 
must  confess  that  I  was  drunk  right  through  and 
through.  As  for  the  boys,  you  can  imagine  what 
they  was.  I've  been  in  bed  for  four  days,  and  the 
doctor  says  he  thinks  my  liver  is  effected.  I  never 
sent  off  the  Secretary's  report  of  our  meeting  to  old 
Cleveland  till  yesterday.  They  tell  me  that  there 
ain't  been  a  country  nigger  in  Briar  Root  since  we 
shook  'em  up.  Every  thing  is  quiet  and  there  is  a 
realizin  sense  in  the  community  that  "  the  Major  is 
at  home." 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — I'd  give  a  dollar  to  have  a  photograph  of 
old  Cleveland  when  he  reads  our  resolution  and  hears 
what  we  done  at  our  meetin. 


THE  MAJOR  REGULATES  THINGS. 


HIS  PROTEST  AGAINST  THE  OBSERVANCE  OF  THANKS 
GIVING  DAY — HE  ATTEMPTS  TO  CHASTISE  AN  EDI 
TOR  AND  IS  BADLY  USED — GENERAL  GORDON 
REBUKED — DISAPPOINTED  IN  THE  TARIFF  BILL. 


"YOU     WANT    THE     EDITOR'S     YEARS,     DO     YOU  !  "     HE     WOULD 
EXCLAIM    BETWEEN    HIS    FIENDISH    ASSAULTS. 

"THE  JULEPS," 
BRIAR  ROOT,  ALA.,  Dec.  i. 

Yesterday  was  what  the  Yankees  call  Thanksgiving 
Day.     I  havn't  seen  many  days  when  I  felt  like  bein 

(127) 


128  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

thankful  since  the  lickin  we  give  the  blue-bellies  at 
Chancellorsville,  but  sick  as  I  am  I  got  right  up  and 
howled  when  one  of  my  boys  told  me  on  Wednesday 
that  old  Gen.  Henry  Clay  Carter,  livin  about  three 
miles  east  of  here,  was  goin  to  have  a  Thanksgivin 
dinner.  I  got  on  my  horse  and  rode  over.  The  old 
man  reseived  me  with  genuine  Alabama  hospitality 
and  set  out  his  bottle.  I  said  to  him :  "  General, 
what's  the  meanin  of  this  here  blow-out  you're  goin 
to  give?  Dont  you  know  that  Thanksgivin  is  a 
damd  Yankee  and  Puritan  celebration  with  which  the 
South,  sah,  has  no  sympathy?  It's  a  New  England 
holiday  and  all  our  traditions  is  against  it."  The  old 
gentleman  said  that  he  had  seen  the  proclamation  of 
President  Cleveland  and  several  Southern  Governors 
and  he  thought  that  he  would  call  all  his  family  to 
gether  and  have  a  turkey.  He  said :  "  I  haint  got 
nothin  to  be  particularly  thankful  for,  but  I've  got 
the  turkey  and  I'm  goin  to  have  the  dinner."  I  said : 
"  General,  this  makes  me  sad.  It's  the  sort  of  thing 
that's  underminin  and  tearin  down  the  South.  Why 
should  we  adopt  Yankee  customs,  sah?  We  was 
robbed  and  overpowered  and  humiliated  durin  the 
war  but  let's  stand  up  for  Southern  institutions  and 
customs.  The  infernal  old  Puritans,  the  enemies  of 
the  South,  sah,  are  the  originators  of  this  Thanksgiv 
in  business  and  I  would  be  a  recreant  son  of  Ala 
bama  if  I  didn't  protest  against  the  introduction  of 
this  thing  in  our  community.  As  for  Cleveland,  he 
is  an  old  Yankee  Presbyterian  and  he  has  no  real 
sympathy  with  us.  He  thinks  it  smart  to  do  what 
old  Abe  Lincoln  done  and  that's  what  I'm  kickin 
against.  That  old  skunk  is  no  friend  of  the  South 
and  we  mustn't  let  him  force  new  customs  on  us." 
The  General  studied  over  the  matter  for  a  while 
and  finally  said  that  he'd  invited  all  his  sons  and  sons- 


The  Major  Regulates   Things.  129 

in-law  to  dinner  and  had  got  his  turkey  ready  and 
he'd  have  to  go  through  with  it,  but  he  promised  me 
as  an  old  Confederate  soldier  to  never  do  it  again. 
I  took  two  more  drinks  with  him  and  rode,  home 

satisfied. 

*  *  * 

Now  I  have  a  somewhat  painful  and  distressin  af 
fair  to  relate.  The  gentle  reader  will  remember  that 
in  one  of  my  Washington  letters  I  called  attention  to 
an  item  of  disrespectful  tenor  which  appeared  in  my 
home  paper,  the  Tuskeegee  Broadsword,  about  the 
undersigned.  The  item  in  question  went  on  to  dam 
my  social,  political  and  military  record  with  faint 
praise,  the  whole  leadin  up  to  the  base  insinuation 
that  I  was  makin  a  mule  of  myself  in  Washington 
with  my  War  Claims  campaign.  It  wound  up  with 
the  statement  that  the  community  had  rather  see  me 
at  home  dispensin  hospitality  at  "  The  Juleps  "  than 
"  button-holin  Congressmen  and  vexin  our  worthy 
President."  To  cap  the  climax  this  injunction  was 
appended,  "Come  home,  Major,  come  home!  "  Of 
course  I  understood  the  animuss  of  this  dastardly 
fling  and  stab  in  the  back.  I  had  cowhided  old 
Doswell,  the  lawyer  who  had  got  a  judgment  by 
default  against  me  in  the  County  Court  and  although 
the  affair  was  two  years  old  his  son-in-law,  a  young 
whipper-snapper  (with  whose  name  I  will  not  sully 
my  pen)  who  edits  this  putrid  sheet,  still  has  it  in  for 
me  with  the  above  result.  Well,  people  that  know 
Major  Randolph  Gore  Hampton  don't  need  to  be 
told  that  I  owed  that  low-lived  sneakin  editor  a  lickin 
from  that  minute.  Neither  need  they  be  told  that  I 
chafed  and  fretted  for  the  opportunity  to  arrive  when 
I  could  administer  it  to  him  after  my  own  decorative 
and  highly  approved  style.  I  think  this  matter 
brought  me  home  about  a  month  sooner  than  I 
t 


130  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

otherwise  would  have  come,  so  anxious  was  I  to 
teach  this  miserable  skunk  that  it  ain't  safe  to  bandy 
my  name  lightly  about  in  his  defamatory  newspaper. 
I  have  had  considerable  odds  and  ends  to  attend  to 
since  my  arrival  back  home,  and  didn't  call  immedi 
ately  on  the  varlet.  Besides  I  wanted  to  keep  him 
on  ice  for  awKile  till  he  got  good  and  ripe.  Havin 
nothin  in  particular  to  do  on  Yankee  "  Thanksgiving 
Day  "  I  rode  into  Tuskeegee  and  sauntered  down  to 
the  Broadsword  office  and  mounted  the  rickerty 
stairs  which  led  to  the  editors  foul-smellin  den.  As 
I  passed  along  the  stinkin  hall  I  heard  him  singin, 
"  Lead  Kindly  Light,"  and  I  thought  to  myself,  my 
sanctimonious  young  sucker,  I'll  make  you  sing 
outen  the  other  side  of  your  mouth  in  about  two 
strokes  of  a  sheep's  tail. 

*  *  * 

But  I  will  pass  on  rapidly  to  my  narrative  and  get 
through  with  it. 

"  Is  the  editor  in?"  I  demanded,  as  I  thrust  open 
the  door  and  stepped  defiantly  across  the  threshold. 

"  I  am  the  editor,"  said  the  young  jackanapes,  "  and 
I  am  in." 

"  Will  you  call  up  the  scoundrel  who  penned  the 
insultin  item  about  me  while  I  was  in  Washington 
laborin  night  and  day  in  the  sacred  cause  of  our 
Southern  War  Claims  ?  I  want  to  slit  his  years  till 
he  can't  tell  em  from  fish  bait" — fer  by  this  time  I 
was  frothin  mad, 

"  Behold  in  me  the  dastard  sought ! "  said  the 
youngster  as  he  folded  his  arms  acrost  his  breast  and 
looked  me  square  in  the  eye.  His  chist  protruded 
more  than  I  thought  it  would,  and  his  defiant  atti 
tude  was  not  pleasin. 

"  Have  you  any  apologies  to  make  ?  "  I  demanded, 
Still  keepin  up  my  haughty  demeanor. 


The  Major  Regulates  Things.  13! 

"  Not  an  apology ! "  he  exclaimed,  and  pitchin  his 
voice  on  an  angry  key  he  continued :  "And  if  you 
don't  get  outen  this  office  in  two  minutes  and  a  half 
by  the  stop-watch  I'll  pitch  you  out  heels  over  stum- 
mack!"  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  wait  till  the 
limit  was  about  up  an  then  turn  scornfully  on  my 
heel  and  leave  the  editor  with  his  conscience,  but 
may  I  never  see  another  sun  rise  if  he  didn't  come 
for  me  and  land  such  a  savage  blowacrost  the  bridge 
of  my  nose  that  I  thought  the  lever  of  his  old  Wash 
ington  hand  press  had  fetched  loose  and  basted  me. 
I  fell  stunned  and  bleedin  outside  the  sanctum  and 
clean  across  on  the  other  side  of  the  hall.  Before  I 
could  recover  from  this  brutal  attack  the  editor  was 
out  in  the  hall  like  a  wild  man  and  was  puttin  the 
boots  to  me  in  the  most  outrageous  manner.  It 
pains  me  to  describe  the  insuing  few  minutes.  The 
editor,  who  a  short  time  before  was  singing  a  sooth- 
in'  hymn,  seemed  to  be  transformed  into  a  fiend  in 
carnate,  and  from  the  point  of  attack,  "A,"  to  the  top 
of  the  stairs,  "Z,"  toward  which  I  rolled  and  scram 
bled,  I  pledge  you  my  word  of  honor  that  he  struck 
and  kicked  me  no  less  than  seven  hundred  and  fifty 
times.  Why  didn't  I  pull  my  gun  ?  Land  of  eternal 
fire !  he  kicked  the  weepin  clean  outen  of  my  hip 
pocket  before  a  quarter  of  a  minute  had  elapsed. 
" You  want  the  editor's  years,  do  you!"  he  would 
exclaim  between  his  fiendish  assaults;  " you'll  slit 
them  till  he  can't  tell  them  from  fish  bait,  will 
you?"  and  swearing  the  while  like  a  pirate  on  the 
high  seas,  he  never  once  let  up  on  me  till  I  landed 
at  the  foot  of  the  stairs  in  one  red  burial  blent,  as 
the  poet  says.  Need  I  say  that  the  day  that  broke 
so  fair  turned  out  a  most  sorrerful  Thanksgiving 
for  me  ?  I  wot  not. 


132  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I  only  refer  to  this  distressin  affair  to  show  to  the 
world  that  the  man  who  goes  ahead  and  blazes  the 
way  to  the  payment  of  our  just  and  holy  War  Claims 
isn't  havin  a  picnic  of  it,  by  a  long  site  but  it  is  some 
satisfaction  to  know  that  this  editor  is  of  a  splendid 
Southern  family — the  old  stock.  His  mother  was  a 
Childers  and  her  brother  shot  two  men  in  a  duel  and 
he  was  killed  at  Malvern  Hill.  Her  father  was  in 
the  Seminole  war  and  his  brother  was  shot  at  Che- 
pultepeck  in  Mexico.  They're  all  fighters  and  there 
aint  a  drop  of  Yankee  blood  in  five  generations  of 
em,  dam  em. 


I  see  by  one  of  our  papers  here  that  Gen.  John  B. 
Gordon  has  been  lecturin  in  New  York  and  wavin  the 
Stars  and  Stripes.  Gordon  was  a  good  Confederate 
soldier  but  it  makes  me  sick  to  see  him  goin  round  in 
the  North  tellin  how  he  loves  the  Union  and  the  old 
flag.  What  do  we  owe  the  old  flag?  Wasn't  we 
robbed  and  humiliated  and  subjugated  for  simply  de- 
clarin  that  we  had  no  further  interest  in  the  old 
Abolition  fag?  When  we  have  complete  control  of 
the  Government  and  the  just  claims  of  a  wronged 
and  sacrificed  people  are  recognized  it'll  be  time 
enough  to  tell  how  much  we  love  the  flag.  I  like 
Gordon  but  he's  no  more  credit  to  the  South  than 
old  Jim  Longstreet,  who  ought  never  to  have  been 
born.  It  may  please  the  General  to  have  a  lot  of 
sour-faced,  blue-nosed  Yankees  applaudin  him  and 
pattin  him  on  the  back  but  no  true  Southron  looks 
for  praise  or  glory  in  that  direction.  The  Cavaliers 
of  England  never  had  to  crawl  in  the  dust  before  the 
thievin  old  Roundheads  and  as  God  reigns  the  South 
will  never  lick  the  hand  of  the  North. 


The  Major  Regulates  Things.  133 

I've  just  seen  in  a  newspaper  a  synopses  of  the 
new  tariff  bill.  It's  a  fraud  and  a  failure.  It's  not 
what  we  had  a  right  to  expect  but  the  old  Protection 
dog's  tail  has  got  to  be  chopt  off,  I  suppose,  a  inch  at 
a  time.  Free  Trade  and  prosperity  will  come  in  due 
time.  This  is  old  Cleveland's  influence.  Our  boys 
are  afraid  to  lay  a  genuine  bill  before  the  old  hulkin 
fraud.  We've  got  to  take  what  we  can  get  and  be 
thankful,  I  suppose.  I'll  be  in  Washington  in  about 
ten  days  and  mebby  I  won't  have  somethin  to  say. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — Mose  Hampton  writes  me  from  Washing 
ton  inclosin  a  check  for  $50  which  is  right  handy, 
He  says  Tolliver  has  been  drinkin  hard  since  I  left, 
but  he  is  lookin  after  our  poker  business,  which  has 
been  right  good.  I  think  I'll  take  Mose  in  as  a 
pardner  and  squeeze  Tolliver  out.  Mose  has  busi 
ness  sense — besides  he's  got  capital  and  he  aint 
afeared  to  work  and  tend  to  things. 


THE  FIGHTING  EDITOR  TAMED. 


THE  MAJOR  S  SONS  RETALIATE  IN  TRUE  SOUTHERN 
STYLE  —  PAINFUL  NEGLECT  OF  SOUTHERN  WAR 
CLAIMS — THREATENS  ANOTHER  WAR — THE  PRO- 
POSED  TAX  ON  PLAYING  CARDS  DENOUNCED — 
HOSTILITY  TO  FOREIGNERS. 

"THE  JULEPS," 
BRIAR  ROOT,  ALA.,  Dec.  6. 

In  order  to  show  to  the  world  that  obstacles  as 
large  as  sawlogs  lie  in  the  pathway  of  the  man  who 
undertakes  to  secure  justice  from  this  Government  in 
the  matter  of  the  payment  of  our  Southern  War 
Claims  I  told  howl  had  been  assaulted  by  the  editor 
of  the  Tuskeegee  Broadsword  through  his  measley 
columns — my  home  paper  at  that.  I  also  related 
with  some  particularity  how  I  set  out  the  other  day, 
bouyed  with  pleasurable  expectations,  to  lick  this  in- 
femous  editor,  and  how  the  editor  actually  slugged 
and  kicked  me  until  I  thot  that  the  heavens  were 
rollin  together  as  a  scroll  and  chaos  had  arrived  agin. 
It  ought  not  to  be  necessary  for  me  to  explain  to  my 
readers  that  I  was  on  a  toot  that  day,  or  its  editor 
would  not  have  lambasted  me  and  kicked  me  down 
stairs  as  easy  as  he  did.  I  had  been  drinkin  quite 
heavy  all  that  mornin  and  was  really  in  no  condition 
to  meet  a  foeman  worthy  of  my  steel,  or  anything  like 
it.  My  two  boys  knowed  this  and  when  I  come 
home  lookin  like  the  half-back  broke  in  two  after  a 
hard-fought  football  game  they  said  at  oncet  that 


The  Fighting  Editor  Tamed.  1 3  5 

they  would  take  up  my  case  where  I  had  left  off.  I 
told  the  boys  to  do  nothin  rash — that  is,  nothin  very 
rash,  and  like  dutiful  sons  they  said  they  wouldn't. 
Last  evenin  they  said  they  guessed  they  would  take 
a  run  into  town.  I  ast  what  business  was  takin 
them  to  town  and  Plantagenet  answered  sort  of  keer- 
less  like  that  they  were  goin  in  to  get  some  horse 
bills  printed  at  the  Broadsword  office.  It  happens 
that  I  haven't  been  able  for  the  past  seventeen  years 
to  keep  a  horse  that  needed  any  literatoor,  so  I  softly 
remarked  to  myself :  "  Mischief,  thou  art  afoot." 
*  *  * 

It  is  a  grand  thing  to  have  sons  who  act  as  a  staff 
to  your  declinin  years  and  help  you  gently  down  the 
hillside  of  life.  Well,  Plan  and  Ogle  went  into  Tus- 
keegee,  pickin  up  a  few  young  friends  en  root  and,  as 
I  learned  the  next  day,  rondevood  in  front  of  the 
Broadsword  office  and  fired  a  pistol  salute  through 
the  winders  as  a  sort  of  notification  to  the  editor 
that  supper  was  ready.  Then  they  repeated  the 
dose  as  an  intimation  to  our  esteemed  contemporary 
that  a  number  of  friends  had  come  to  town  expressly 
to  renew  their  subscription  to  his  valuable  paper  and 
lay  a  fenominally  large  egg  on  his  table,  so  to  speak. 
Without  goin  into  all  the  details  I  can  say  in  a  gen 
eral  way  that  the  boys  made  it  exceedingly  lively  for 
the  able  journalist.  He  had  a  boy  and  one  printer 
helpin  him  to  run  off  the  edition  of  his  miserable 
paper,  but  my  sons  and  their  courageous  followers 
relieved  them  of  that  important  duty  by  spikin  the 
old  cheese  press,  smashin  the  type,  upsetten  the  ink 
keg  and  runnin  the  editor  outen  the  buildin  and 
through  the  alleys  to  his  wretched  home.  This  means 
some  trouble  and  expense  forme  but  I  don't  care  if  it 
costs  me  the  price  of  a  horse,  seein  it  was  all  done  in 
the  way  of  mamtainin  the  family  honor.  I  suppose 


136  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

that  Lawyer  Doswell,  the  editor's  father-in-law,  the 
old  snoop  I  oncet  cowhided,  will  try  to  have  my  boys 
indicted  by  the  Grand  Jury,  but  I  can  block  his  game 
there.  I  happen  to  know  that  the  District  Attorney 
is  astin  some  favors  in  Washington  jest  now,  and  I 
can  handle  him  as  slick  as  grease.  By  promisin  to 
help  Doswell  in  his  hopeless  undertakin  to  get  the 
United  States  Marshalship  and  payin  the  editor  $15 
for  the  edition  of  his  paper  which  my  boys  edited 
with  an  axe,  I  think  I  can  straighten  out  this  little 
affair  to  the  entire  satisfaction  of  all  concerned,  and 
come  out  with  the  family  escutcheon  without  spot  or 
blemish,  as  we  say  in  horse  circles.  As  I  remarked 
before,  it  is  a  grand  thing  to  have  sons  to  act  as  a 
staff  to  your  declinin  years  and  help  you  gently 
down  the  hillside  of  life. 

»  *  * 

I  am  keepin  a  clost  watch  on  Congress  and  can't 
help  noticin  that  the  business  of  payin  our  Southern 
War  Claims  languishes  when  I  am  not  on  hand  to 
keep  the  boys  keyed  up.  It  is  this  spirit  of  indiffer 
ence  in  our  people  that  makes  me  aweary,  O,  so 
weary,  as  the  poet  sez.  There's  not  a  member  of 
the  House  or  Senate  from  the  South  that  wouldn't 
a  almost  give  his  immortal  soul  to  see  a  blanket  bill 
passed  to  pay  all  these  claims,  but  they  allow  them 
selves  to  be  overawed  by  Old  Mr.  Stuff  in  the  White 
House  until  they  don't  know  whether  they  are  a-foot 
or  a  hossback.  It  is  wonderful  the  power  a  little 
stinkin  patronage  exerts  over  some  of  our  noblest 
and  most  elerquent  members.  They  will  allow  a 
miserable  cross-roads  post  office  to  come  betwixt 
them  and  their  sacred  and  solemn  duty  in  the  mat 
ter  of  these  holy  claims  until  I  sometimes  wonder  if 
the  whole  caboodle  of  these  Southern  Congressmen 
couldn't  be  driven  into  a  pen  and  bought  body  and 


The  Fighting  Editor  Tamed.  137 

breeches  for  about  six  hundred  dollars.  I  am  speakin 
my  mind  tolerable  freely  on  this  business  and  that 
ain't  all.  When  I  get  back  to  the  Capital  if  some  of 
these  recalcitrants  don't  get  a  move  onto  'em  there's 
goin  to  be  music  in  the  frosty  air.  I  fit  clearn 
through  our  second  war  for  independens  (which  we 
didn't  get)  from  Sumter  to  Appomattox.  I  lost 
heavy  by  the  invasion  of  our  fair  land  by  the  North 
ern  mercenaries,  and  now  that  we  are  in  control  of 
the  Government,  I  propose  to  have  my  just  recom 
pense  or  know  the  reason  why.  I  may  be  snubbed 
and  booted  clean  offen  the  White  House  premises, 
but  thanks  to  high  and  pityin  heaven,  it  will  be  in  a 
good  cause.  And  if  that  miserable  Michigander  and 
sneak,  Thurber,  is  set  to  do  the  job  it  wouldn't  sur 
prise  me  a  hooter  if  I  broke  him  clean  in  two.  He 
has  given  me  the  back  of  the  hand  on  two  or  three 
occasions  and  nothin  would  please  me  better  than  to 
git  tangled  up  in  a  personal  altercation  with  the 
Home  Secretary  of  our  shinin  Sovereign.  If  I  do, 
there's  going  to  be  blud  on  the  grass,  or  there's  no 

grass. 

*  *  * 

I  don't  propose  to  be  mealy  mouthed  about  this 
business,  and  right  here  I  want  to  go  on  record  as 
sayin  that  unless  the  South  gits  relief  in  the  matter 
of  the  payment  of  these  claims,  or  a  fair  percentage 
of  them,  there's  goin  to  be  another  so-called  Rebel 
lion.  And  your  Uncle  will  be  in  it  right  up  to  the 
pistol  pocket.  Now,  there's  no  guff  about  this.  I 
have  been  feelin  the  pulse  of  our  Southern  people 
sence  my  return  home  and  it  is  no  exaggerashun  to 
say  that  they  are  rot  up  to  the  fightin  pint. 

Only  yesterday  Captain  Clayton  Barbour,  who  fout 
with  me  in  the  Eighth  Alabama,  hearin  that  I  was 
home,  walked  all  the  way  up  from  Bullock  County 


138  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

to  confer  with  me  about  the  possibilities  of  gettin  a 
little  money  outen  the  Government  on  account  of 
fence  rails.  He  said  as  how  his  place  had  been  en 
tirely  stripped  of  rails  by  Sherman's  thievin  cut 
throats  and  in  the  twenty-seven  years  that  had 
elapsed  sence  the  war  he  had  never  been  able  to  get 
enough  rails  together  to  fence  in  a  ten  acre  lot.  I 
ast  the  Captain  how  he  managed  to  do  any  plantin 
in  the  meantime. 

"  Thanks  be  to  an  ever  watchful  and  merciful  provi 
dence,  who  sees  the  sparrer  when  it  falls,"  answered 
the  old  Captain  in  a  religious  tone  of  voice,  "  I 
haven't  had  any  plantin  to  do.  You  see,  Maje,  im- 
mejiately  after  I  kem  outen  the  army  I  found  a  bee 
tree  on  my  place  and  I've  been  livin  on  that  ever 
sence."  Now  there's  a  pitiful  pictur  of  a  high- 
minded,  chivalrous  Southern  gentleman  strugglin 
agin  poverty  that  I  intend  to  carry  back  with  me  to 
Washington,  and  if  it  doesn't  stir  "  the  minds  and 
hearts"  (as  old  Grover  sez)  of  our  representatives  in 
Congress  why,  then,  it's  about  time  for  the  howlin 

to  begin. 

*  *  * 

I  am  eccessively  indignant  over  the  news  from 
Washington  that  the  Weighs  and  Miens  Committee 
is  proposin  to  lay  a  tax  of  ten  cents  on  every  deck 
of  playin  cards.  This  comes  home  to  me  now,  for 
we  use  a  good  many  packs  in  our  Washington  house. 
I  telegrafed  Tolliver  as  soon  as  I  heard  of  it  to  jump 
in  and  give  our  Southern  members  a  gost  dance. 
This  tax  will  fall  mostly  on  Democrats,  and  it  wont 
bring  any  money  to  the  Government  to  speak  of. 
Instead  of  callin.  for  a  fresh  deck  every  hour  poker 
players  will  be  compelled  to  use  a  deck  a  hole  night, 
and  there  will  be  a  fallin  off  in  producktion  which  will 
be  felt  by  the  gentleman  that  makes  the  cards.  We'll 


The  Fighting  Editor  Tamed.  139 

have  less  comfort  playin  with  greasy,  dirty  old  cards, 
that's  all.  As  to  the  tax  on  whiskey,  that's  ail  right 
if  it  aint  heavy  enough  to  drive  the  retail  price  up 
to  fifteen  cents  a  drink.  As  long  as  Democrats  can 
get  their  licker  at  ten  cents  a  glass  on  the  average 
there'll  be  no  complaint.  This  increase  of  tax  on 
whiskey  will  help  the  moonshine  distillers  in  our 
secktion  and  I  may  take  an  interest  in  old  Sim  Did- 
well's  business  on  the  sly.  Talkin  about  taxes  why 
don't  our  Democrat  statesmen  put  a  tax  of  about 
$100  a  head  on  all  forreiners  coming  to  this  country? 
There's  sense  in  that.  We  don't  want  the  dirty  skum 
of  the  earth  here  anyhow,  and  if  they  do  come  let 
'em  pay  liberally  for  the  privilege.  Some  of  our 
fools  in  the  South  are  talkin  about  encouragin  emi 
grants  to  come  to  this  quarter.  Not  much.  The 
South  is  the  only  blueblooded,  true  American  part 
of  this  country,  and  we  mean  to  keep  it  so.  It's  the 
dirty  forreiners  that  has  forced  the  North  to  put  up 
shops  and  factories  to  keep  'em  employed.  It  was 
these  infamous  hirelins  that  helpt  to  whip  us  for  $13 
a  month.  When  we  get  red  of  Protection  there 
wont  be  so  many  comin  over,  but  I  say  keep  'em  out 
now.  If  we  had  started  in  to  exclood  this  European 
trash  years  ago,  the  Yankee  Protection  system 
wouldn't  have  amounted  to  a  black  bean. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON, 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.). 

P.  S. — Iv'e  laid  in  some  provisions  for  the  family, 
have  raised  about  $150  to  help  the  Cause,  and  I 
start  for  Washington  day  after  to-morrow.  I  killed 
a  hog  Tuesday  and  hung  it  up  over  night  to  cool. 
Next  mornin  it  was  gone.  I'll  try  and  settle  with 
the  nigger  that  done  that  before  I  leave  for  the  front. 


IN   THE   NATIONAL   CAPITAL   AGAIN. 


HOMINY  HALL  IN  A  BAD  WAY — PUTTING  CONFED 
ERATE  MONEY  IN  CIRCULATION  AGAIN — MEETS 
AN  OLD  CONFEDERATE  COMRADE— A  STORY  OF 
HARD  TIMES — PRESIDENT  CLEVELAND  INFURI 
ATED. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  D.  C.,  Dec.  16. 

Well,  after  much  tribbylation  I  have  entered  once 
more  into  the  National  Capital  and  am  ready  to  do 
business.  Got  here  day  before  yesterday.  Found 
"  Hominy  Hall"  on  its  last  legs — only  four  boarders 
and  three  of  them  right  badly  behind  on  board. 
Mebby  the  poor  widow  and  her  gifted  daughter,  the 
poetess,  wasn't  glad  to  see  me  ?  I  agreed  to  assume 
the  duties  of  landlord  and  make  an  effort  to  rescue 
the  establishment  from  its  graspin  creditors.  As  for 
Lemuel  Tolliver,  Esq.,  I  found  that  he  had  been 
doin  no  good  to  speak  of.  The  poker  parlor  done  a 
very  fair  business  whilst  I  was  absent,  thanks  to 
Mose  Hampton  (my  colored  half  brother),  but  Lem 
uel,  like  a  good  many  Southern  gentlemen,  ain't 
equal  to  much  prosperity.  Between  follerin  slow 
race  horses  and  fast  women  he's  about  collapsed 
finanshally.  He  blowed  his  share  of  the  receipts  in 
right  along  and  is  up  to  his  whiskers  in  debt.  Yes 
terday  I  bought  him  out  and  transferred  his  interest 
on  the  dead  quiet  to  Mose.  It  wont  do  for  people 
to  know  that  I've  got  a  nigger  partner,  but  unless 

(140) 


In  the  National  Capital  Again.  141 

I  have  a  man  with  some  business  and  horse  sense  in 
with  me  I'm  a  goner.  Mose,  havin  a  resterant  and 
considerable  property,  can  look  after  our  boofay,  and 
customers  will  regard  him  as  a  high  class  servant. 
He's  most  like  a  gentleman  of  any  nig  I  ever  seen. 
*  *  * 

I  was  detained  in  gettin  away  from  home  by  two 
or  three  fool  law  suits  and  a  couple  of  fights  and  I 
spent  a  whole  week  tryin  to  arrange  a  new  system 
of  fenance  for  my  people.  As  already  stated  the 
repeal  of  the  Silver  law  didn't  benefit  our  secktion 
the  scrapin  of  a  toe-nail.  It  didn't  bring  five  cents 
into  our  neighborhood  and  never  will.  After  talkin 
matters  over  with  Driscoll  and  Clay  and  a  few  of  our 
leadin  men  it  was  agreed  to  try  my  plan  of  bringin 
out  our  old  Confederate  money  and  usin  it  as  a  cir- 
culatin  medeum  in  our  own  township.  We  sent 
some  fellows  around  to  see  everybody  and  get  their 
consent  and  to  bring  their  old  money  to  town  Satur 
day.  About  two-thirds  of  the  people  agreed  to 
the  plan  and  when  we  got  together  at  the  "  Root  " 
we  rolled  up  over  $300,000.  I  had  over  $15,000 
myself.  A  fellow  in  Tuskeegee,  hearin  of  our 
scheme,  come  up  with  a  coffee  sack  full  of  the  old 
stuff  to  sell,  but  that  wasn't  what  we  wanted.  It 
was  very  touchin  to  see  how  the  old  boys  kindly 
fingered  and  gazed  at  the  bundles  of  the  dear  old 
Confederate  bills  which  they  had  been  hoardin  for 
years.  I  saw  tears  in  the  eyes  of  more  than  one. 
My  plan  was  to  have  all  the  money  dumped  in  and 
then  divided  up  as  they  say  per  cappity — so  much  a 
head  all  around,  share  and  share  alike.  I  made  a 
little  talk  and  the  idee  seemed  to  be  goin  all  right 
until  a  man  named  Dan  Howell  got  up  and  wanted 
to  know  whether  any  arrangement  was  bein  made  to 
redeem  this  money  at  anytime.  I  explained  that 


142  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

the  idee  was  to  keep  it  circulatin  till  it  wore  out, 
unless  we  got  our  State  banks  started,  and  then  we 
wouldn't  need  it.  I  said  that  we  must  all  agree  to 
keep  it  at  a  parity  with  the  greenback,  dollar  for 
dollar.  (The  word  parity  I  pict  up  durin  the  Silver 
debate  in  the  House  and  I  had  to  explain  its  mean- 
in  to  the  boys).  Finally  old  Sim  Driscoll,  who  I 
thought  was  solid  with  us,  spoke  up  and  said  that 
while  we  could  use  this  Confederate  money  as  neigh 
bors  he'd  like  to  know  what  he  was  goin  to  do  when 
he  wanted  a  fresh  stock  of  groceries.  He  said  he 
had  to  send  United  States  money  where  he  dealt. 
Now  suppose,  said  he,  that  I've  sold  all  my  stock  to 
you  fellows  for  "  old  Jeff"  (that's  what  the  boys 
called  C.  S.  A.  money)  what  am  I  goin  to  do  ?  That 
started  up  quite  a  discussion  and  in  spite  of  all  I 
could  say  or  do  I  saw  the  scheme  was  weakenin.  It 
was  finally  agreed  that  old  Sim  should  take  all  the 
money  and  pay  it  out  in  change  to  his  customers, 
lettin  it  be  understood  always  that  it  would  be  good 
for  face  value  at  his  store.  I  had  previously  showed 
him  that  he'd  have  the  advantage  of  all  that  got  lost 
or  wore  out.  That  caut  him  and  I  showed  that  in 
order  to  keep  from  havin  outside  stock  run  in  on 
him  he  must  have  a  private  stamp  that  nobody  could 
counterfeit  to  mark  the  back  of  each  bill.  Something 
like  this :  "  Good  for  its  face  value  at  Simon  Ken- 
ton  Driscoll's  Grocery  Store — Finest  Stock  in  Briar 
Root."  He  liked  the  idee  of  the  advertisement,  and 
so  the  new  scheme  is  to  go  into  effect  on  the  1st  of 

January. 

*  *  * 

On  my  way  up  I  had  quite  a  pleasant  time.  I 
talked  with  a  great  many  people  on  the  cars  and 
found  that  most  of  em  was  disgusted  with  old  Cleve 
land  and  the  way  our  folks  was  dilly-dallyin  in  Con- 


in  the  National  Capital  Again.  143 

gress.  Nearly  everybody  custthe  new  Tariff  bill  be 
cause  it  didn't  toe  the  mark,  and  it  was  plain  to  see 
that  the  Populists  was  gainin.  The  failure  to  pass 
the  Bankruptcy  bill  in  the  House  was  much  de 
nounced  but  I  said  that  so  far  as  the  South  was  con 
cerned  the  damd  Tariff  law  had  been  about  all  the 
bankrupt  law  we  had  needed,  It  had  bankrupted 
nearly  all  of  us.  Several  people  told  me  that  they 
had  heard  about  my  hangin  and  burnin  old  Cleveland 
in  effigy  down  at  Briar  Root,  and  one  man  remarked 
that  before  Spring  he  thought  the  old  hog  would  be 
roasted,  bristles  and  tail,  in  every  town  in  the  South. 
Just  before  we  got  to  Richmond  I  stopt  a  fight  be 
tween  two  chaps  from  Georgy  who  fell  out  about  the 
Hawayan  matter.  One  of  em  was  standing  up  for 
the  President's  policy  and  the  other  swore  that  he 
couldn't  understand  how  a  Southern  man  could  favor 
a  nigger  government  any  place.  He  said  here  in  the 
Sunny  South  we  all  holler  for  a  white  man's  govern 
ment.  We  lay  down  the  doctrine  that  the  superior 
race  must  rule  without  regard  to  numbers.  No  nig 
ger  domination  is  our  doctrine  and  yet  old  Cleveland 
wants  to  put  the  white  people  of  the  Sandwich 
Islands  under  the  rule  of  an  old  nigger  wench.  I 
sided  with  this  gentleman,  whose  name  was  Colonel 
Hokake,  and  when  the  dispute  got  hot  and  both 
men  drawed,  I  got  in  between  em  and  probably  saved 
several  lives,  for  the  car  was  crowded. 
•*  •*  # 

I  scraped  an  acquaintance  of  Colonel  Kosciusko 
Hemphill,  of  Selma,  who  was  in  Kershaw's  South 
Carolina  brigade  all  through  the  war,  and  who  is  now 
practisin  law  in  Selma.  He  spoke  about  the  hard 
times  and  lack  of  business  down  his  way.  He  said 
that  he  heard  a  story  just  before  he  left  home  that 
illustrated  the  hardness  of  everybody's  upness.  He 


144  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

said  :  "  The  other  day  a  one-hoss  country  merchant 
from  down  at  Owl  Holler  come  up  to  Selma  to  buy 
some  goods  of  old  Isaac  Rosenheim,  our  leadin 
clothin  merchant.  After  he'd  made  his  deal  he  said 
to  the  clerk  that  waited  on  him,  '  Looky  hyar,  Mr. 
Dryfoos,  I've  bought  quite  a  bill  of  goods  of  you,  and 
as  Christmas  is  comin  on  I  think  you  ought  to  make 
me  a  little  present.'  '  Certainly,'  said  the  clerk,  and 
after  lookin  around  awhile  he  pict  out  a  very  nice 
necktie  worth  about  a  dollar  and  handed  it  to  his  cus 
tomer.  *  That's  a  ornery  present  to  make  to  me  after 
the  business  I've  done  with  you,'  said  the  country 
dealer,  'and  I  want  somethin  better.'  'Veil,'  said 
the  clerk,  '  I'll  haf  to  speak  to  de  House  about  it.' 
Coin  into  the  back  office  he  said:  'Meester  Rosenheim, 
I  haf  sold  a  bill  of  goots  to  Mr.  Higgins,  of  Owl  Hol 
ler,  and  he  vants  a  present.  I  haf  offert  him  a  neck 
tie  and  he  vont  take  it.  What  shall  I  gif  him?' 
*  How  much  vas  de  business,  and  vot  vas  de  terms  ? ' 
inquired  Mr.  Rosenheim.  *  He  bought  $500,  paid 
$300,  and  gif  his  two  notes  for  $100  in  thirty  and 
seexty  day.'  '  Very  well,'  replied  Mr.  Rosenheim, 
'  make  him  a  present  of  his  seexty  day  note.'  The 
clerk  went  back  and  told  Mr.  Higgins  the  good  news. 
After  a  little  hesitation  Higgins  said  :  '  Will  the  old 
man  indorse  the  note  ?  '  *  I'll  see,'  said  the  clerk, 
and  he  went  back,  saw  Mr.  Rosenheim,  and  returned. 
'  De  old  man  vont  indorse  de  note,'  said  he.  '  Very 
well/  said  Higgins,  '  then  give  me  the  darned  neck 
tie.'  I  never  seen  money  matters  quite  so  scarce  as 
they  are  with  us  since  the  close  of  the  war,"  said  the 
Colonel.  I  soon  had  him  solid  on  the  War  Claims, 
and  he  promised  to  write  a  hot  letter  to  his  member 
of  Congress. 


In  the  National  Capital  Again.  145 

I  met  Captain  Huger  to-day  and  he  told  me  that 
the  account  of  my  war  on  the  Administration  had 
reached  the  White  House,  and  that  old  Cleveland 
pawed  like  a  peny-royal  bull  when  he  read  the  ac 
count  of  our  hangin  him  in  effegy.  That  tickled  me 
immensely,  and  I  told  the  Cap  that  that  was  only  the 
openin  chorus.  I'll  bet  $2  that  Cleveland  will  send 
for  me  and  make  me  an  offer  of  something  before  the 
month's  out. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — I'm  disgusted  to  learn  here  that  every  time 
a  protected  Robber  Baren  up  North  sends  a  letter  or 
telegram  to  our  Weighs  and  Miens  Committee  sayin 
that  if  this  or  that  claws  of  the  tariff  bill  goes  through 
wages  will  be  cut  50  per  sent.  Wilson  runs  into  his 
hole  and  makes  a  change  in  his  bill.  Here's  the  case  : 
We  started  out  to  rip  the  thievin  Protection  system, 
devised  by  the  Yankees,  right  up  by  the  roots. 
We've  got  a  tariff  bill  full  of  free  list  and  Protection 
and  the  cowardly  Democrats  who  are  tremblin  be 
cause  I'm  here  a  howlin  for  the  payment  of  Southern 
War  Claims  has  got  to  walk  up  and  vote  for  it  be 
cause  the  old  bag  of  Buffalo  bran,  up  in  the  White 
House,  has  sold  us  all  out  to  the  Capitalists,  Monopo 
lists,  Trusts  and  golden  chinch  bugs  of  Wall  Street. 
By  the  bugler  that  blowed  at  Manassas,  I'm  mad 
from  my  bald  head  to  the  bunyan  on  my  heel. 


10 


RELIEF  FOR  SOUTHERN  CLAIMANTS. 


MAJOR  HEMPHILL'S  PLAN  INDORSED — AN  INTER 
VIEW    WITH    EX-SPEAKER    REED — COLONEL   CAL- 

HOUN  REPUDIATES  CLEVELAND  AND  HIS  PARTY— 
TOLLIVER'S  LAW  ESTATE. 


"VERY  WELL,  THEN,"  SAID  MR.  REED,  "DAM  THE 
WILSON  BILL." 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Dec.  22. 

I  have  been  as  busy  all  week  as  a  bee  in  a  tar  barl 
tryin  to  prop  up  Hominy  Hall.     Raisin  good  South 
ern  boarders  in  this  town  now  is  no  pastime.     Judge 
(146) 


Relief  For  Southern  Claimants.  147 

Fairfax  Carter,  who  is  what  they  call  slow  pay,  has 
stood  noble  by  the  Widow  Toombs,  and  I  have  se- 
kured  four  new  boarders  which,  if  they  pay,  will  en 
able  the  house  to  about  break  even.  Everybody  is 
snivelin  about  hard  times.  Our  poker  play  has  been 
light  but  Mose,  my  pardner,  says  that  after  Christ 
mas  things  will  brighten  up  greatly.  Down  in  the 
soft  end  of  my  old  gizzard  I  feel  good  at  the  idea 
that  we  Southern  Democrats  have  made  the  rich 
and  arrygant  North  feel  some  of  the  pangs  that  have 
distressed  us  for  thirty  year.  And  we  aint  through 
with  em  yet.  When  we  get  em  down  to  where  we 
are  we  can  all  start  even  and  as  there  wont  be  any 
Protection  for  the  Robber  Barens  I  reckon  like  we'll 
have  a  shade  the  best  of  it.  That's  politics  of  the 
clean  cut  kind.  I'd  like  to  make  a  bet  that  when  it 
comes  to  a  show-down  that  our  Southern  statesmen 
are  a  little  bit  better'n  hired  men. 


I've  had  several  talks  with  Mr.  Hemphill,  the  able 
South  Caroleenian  representative  who  has  advocated 
before  the  Jewdiciary  Committee  of  the  House 
in  favor  of  extendin  the  act  for  the  settlement  of 
Southern  Claims.  Major  Hemphill  wants  the  law 
changed  so  that  the  claims  of  our  people  who  suf 
fered  spoliation  at  the  hands  of  the  mersenary  Yan 
kees  in  the  late  War  for  Independens  and  which 
have  been  rejected  by  Courts  and  Commissions  on 
account  of  disloyalty  can  still  come  in  and  share. 
When  the  dirty  Republicans  were  in  power  they 
wouldn't  allow  a  dollar  of  damages  to  a  man  who 
couldn't  prove  that  he  was  a  Union  man.  Lots  of 
sufferers  couldn't  jest  get  the  kind  of  proof  wanted 
at  the  time  but  they  can  get  all  they  want  now. 
Their  claims  was  carelessly  looked  into  and  rejected 
because  the  infernal  Republicans  didn't  want  to  do 


148  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

justice  to  us.  Hemphill  tells  me  that  there  is  $11,- 
000,000  layin  right  in  the  Treasury  to-day  to  be  used 
in  settlin  the  rejected  claims.  By  gawd  it  makes  my 
blood  sizzle  to  think  that  we  haven't  got  at  that  yet, 
and  Congress  has  been  in  runnin  order  five  months! 
Hemphill  says  that  in  lots  of  cases  of  Southern  suf 
ferers  the  Yankee  courts  allowed  half,  and  said  that 
the  price  charged  for  property  stolen  was  too  high. 
He  stated  the  case  of  William  Johnson,  of  Tennessee, 
who  put  in  a  bill  for  $22,389.50  and  was  allowed 
$13,000.  His  loyalty  was  established  to  the  satis 
faction  of  the  courts,  but  his  charge  for  oats  at  $i  a 
bushel,  corn  meal  $1.25  a  bushel,  flour  $12  a  barrel, 
etc.,  was  exorbetant.  Hemphill  will  get  his  bill 
through — make  no  mistake — and  when  he  does  we'll 
get  a  Court  of  Claims  that'll  not  only  pay  out  the 
$11,000,000  in  the  Treasury  but  $100,000,000  be 
sides.  Him  and  me  has  agreed  that  this  is  the  best 
scheme  for  gettin  at  the  Claims  business  and  I  am 
greatly  cheered  up.  All  I'm  afraid  of  is  the  old 
swag-belly  up  in  the  White  House.  I've  sent  full 
particklers  of  what  Hemp  is  doin  down  to  my  peo 
ple  and  I  know  they'll  feel  much  encouraged.  In 
leggin  for  the  measure  I  meet  scarce  any  objection. 
The  Democrats  all  say  that  it  is  fair  and  just.  The 
House  will  put  it  through  a  whoopin. 
•*  #•  •* 

I  had  a  run-in  the  other  day  with  Tom  Reed  of 
Maine,  personally  as  nice  a  man  as  you  will  find  out 
side  of  the  South,  but  a  bitter  and  uncompromisin 
Republican  and  therefore  an  enemy  to  the  country. 
Indeed  I  regard  this  man  Reed  as  one  of  the  most 
dangerous  men  we  have  to  deal  with.  He  is  brilliant 
and  tricky  and  there  is  no  tellin  what  devilish  job  he 
may  set  up  at  any  time  on  the  Southern  Wing  which 
is  really  the  head,  tail,  legs,  back,  kidneys  and  white 


Relief  For  Southern  Claimants.  149 

meat  of  the  Democratic  bird.  The  bold  and  auda 
cious  method  adopted  by  this  unscrupulous  Down 
East  Yankee  to  compel  the  house  to  transact  its 
business  when  he  was  Speaker,  shows  us  how  little  we 
have  to  expect  of  him.  If  it  wasnt  that  we  can  bor- 
rer  money  from  such  men  I  would  be  in  favor  of 
sendin  ail  of  them  into  exile  endurin  their  natural 
lives  But  I  must  tell  you  of  my  run-in  with  this 
arch-enemy  of  the  Democratic  party.  I  accosted 
him  the  other  afternoon  while  he  was  in  the  House 
restorant  eatin  a  New  England  dinner — almost  an 
act  of  hostility  to  the  South  in  itself. 

"  Mr.  Reed,"  I  ejaculated  from  the  adjoinin  table, 
where  I  had  syruptetiously  seated  myself,  "  if  that 
corned  beef  and  cabbage  ain't  of  more  vital  interest  to 
you  than  the  affairs  of  the  Nation  I  would  be  pleased 
to  have  your  views  in  detail  on  the  Wilson  bill." 

Mr.  Reed  stabbed  a  carrot  with  his  fork  and  con 
veyed  it  to  his  mouth  in  the  most  indifferent  way. 
At  the  same  time  he  ast,  with  the  vulgar,  Yankee 
drawl,  which  is  so  exasperatin  to  a  cultured  Southern 
gentleman:  "  For  publication  or  merely  as  a  guaran 
tee  of  good  faith?  " 

I  was  quick  to  inform  Mr.  Reed  that  as  a  Southern 
gentleman  of  the  old  school  I  knowed  my  place  and 
as  such  would  scorn  to  transgress  the  unwritten  laws 
of  good  society  in  the  matter  of  keepin  inviolate  the 
confidences  exchanged  between  gentlemen. 

"  Very  well,  then,"  said  Mr.  Reed,  "  dam  the  Wil 
son  bill/'  and  with  that  he  harpooned  a  piece  of  the 
cabbage  and  ate  it  with  as  little  concern  as  one  of  the 
Pilgrim  Fathers  might  have  evinced. 

"  Is  there  any  schedule  that  you  particularly  ob 
ject  to,  and  what  would  you  suggest  as  a  substitoot?" 

"  I  have  scheduled  the  whole  bloomin  bill,  as 
above,"  and  this  plain  and  unresponsive  person  from 


150  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Maine  actually  permitted  his  mind  to  fall  away  from 
the  great  tariff  question  while  he  went  to  harpoonin 
around  for  more  carrots.  What  impression  could  one 
hope  to  make  on  the  mind  and  heart  of  sech  a  sordid 
individual?  And  yet  I  fetched  him  to  Limerick. 
When  I  ast  him  how  he  liked  the  idea  of  havin  his 
blamed  New  England  cow  feed  largely  on  the  free 
list,  he  flared  up  and,  with  that  spirit  which  some 
times  marks  his  utterances,  said : 

"You  infernal  and  blattant  idiots  from  the  South 
are  enough  to  drive  Moody  and  Sankey  to  drink 
again.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  the  system  of  Protec 
tion  which  has  obtained  in  this  country  since  the 
war  half  the  people  in  the  South  would  be  living  in 
holes  in  the  ground  like  gophers.  Protection  has 
built  your  cities,  such  as  they  are,  and  tilled  your 
fields,  but  in  the  blackness  of  your  mental  gloom 
you  went  gropin  and  groanin  around  after  the  theo 
ries  and  traditions  of  the  days  of  Calhoun,  and  now 
that  you've  got  'em  you  will  be  forced  to  hang  up 
the  store  keeper  and  rum  seller  on  a  higher  peg  than 
ever  before.  The  ignorance  and  conceit  of  your  so- 
called  representative  Southern  gentlemen  constitute 
a  combination  which  is  positively  pitiful.  A  friend 
of  mine  up  in  Maine  made  a  Southern  Congressman 
a  present  of  a  chafing  dish  last  year  as  a  Christmas 
gift.  What  do  you  suppose  he  did  with  it?  Why, 
this  gifted  statesman — he  was  from  Alabama,  too — 
thought  it  was  a  new  kind  of  shaving  mug,  and  may 
the  pine  trees  of  my  native  State  never  again  drop 
their  medicinal  gum  if  he  didn't  use  it  for  that  pur 
pose  !  And  that  is  just  how  much  you  fellows  know 
about  the  tariff,  the  currency  and  other  questions 
which  interest  the  people  of  this  country  who  are 
alive  and  endowed  with  intellects.  You  wear  frilled 
shirts  and  your  hair  in  front  of  your  ears  and  live 


Relief  For  Southern  Claimants.  1 5 1 

back  iii  the  dim  and  distant  past  when  these  musty 
memories  were  the  vogue.  Why  don't  you  shed  the 
scales  often  your  blasted  eyes  and  come  into  the 
sunlight?" 

And  so  sayin  Mr.  Reed  gathered  up  his  check  and 
takin  not  the  least  further  notice  of  me  proceeded  to 
the  desk  where  he  paid  for  his  dinner  like  the  miser 
able  bourgeois  that  he  is.  And  all  this  abuse  and 
invective  was  heaped  on  me  and  my  section  before  I 
could  pull  myself  together  and  strike  down  the  vile 
slanderer  in  his  tracks.  If  this  insultin  Yankee 
hadn't  been  so  tetchy  he  would  soon  have  found  out 
that  I  don't  think  any  more  of  the  Wilson  bill  than 
he  does  himself.  I  regard  it  as  a  wretched  vermi 
fuge — or  is  it  subterfuge  ? — and  a  blot  on  the  es 
cutcheon  of  the  Democrat  party.  What  we  want  to 
do  is  to  hit  this  Northern  Protection  in  the  head 
with  an  axe  and  stop  its  confounded  buildin  up  of 
towns  and  "  industrial  centres,"  as  they  call  'em. 
Let  'em  stick  to  agriculture  like  the  South,  and 
agriculture  long  ago  ceased  to  pay  any  better  than 
peddlin  pork  sausage  in  Jerusalem.  But  instead  of 
waitin  until  he  found  out  how  I  stood  on  the  Wilson 
bill  myself  he  had  to  fly  often  the  handle  and  abuse 
me  like  a  pickpocket.  Still,  what  else  could  you 
expect  from  a  man  who  will  eat  a  biled  New  Eng 
land  dinner?  As  for  me,  give  me  jole  and  greens. 
*  •*  •* 

The  other  evenin  Colonel  Cuthbert  Calhoun,  a 
lyneal  decendent  of  the  great  S.  C.  Statesman,  was 
up  playin  poker  in  our  place  and  I  got  right  well  ac 
quainted  with  him.  He  hails  from  near  Mobile,  and 
it  was  his  father  that  got  into  a  fight  in  the  Short 
House  in  Mobile  before  the  war  over  a  game  of  cards, 
and  when  the  niggers  went  to  drag  him  out  of  the 
house,  after  he'd  licked  the  two  men  that  was  cheatin 


152  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

him,  he  shot  three  of  em  and  then  set  fire  to  the 
hotel  and,  it  bein  a  frame  buildin,  it  was  burned  to 
the  ground.  I  remember  as  a  young  fellow  what  a 
trouble  they  had  to  keep  the  Grand  Jury  from  suin 
the  old  man.  Well,  Colonel  Cuth,  who  was  in  the 
i /th  Alabama  from  start  to  finish,  told  me  he  had 
come  on  here  to  get  a  place  in  the  Counseller  Service, 
but  that  if  he'd  been  a  horse  thief  old  Cleveland 
couldn't  have  treated  him  worse.  He  said  he  called 
at  the  White  House  last  Tuesday  and  had  to  wait 
for  nearly  an  hour  before  he  could  see  our  President, 
as  he  was  engaged  in  prayin  for  the  country.  The 
Colonel  said  that  somebody  up  there  told  him  that 
the  old  lubber  prayed  now  four  times  a  day.  Finally 
he  got  to  see  the  Emperer  and  handed  him  his  let 
ters.  He  says  Cleveland  read  em  and  by  the  time  he 
got  through  the  sweat  rolled  off  him  as  though  he'd 
been  sawin  wood.  He  said  :  "  Colonel,  wan't  you  ar 
rested  for  cock-fitin  on  Sunday  about  six  years  ago?" 
The  Colonel  said  he  admitted  it  and  then  old  Cleve 
land  wanted  to  know  if  he  hadn't  had  trouble  at  the 
Presidential  election  in  1884.  Cuth  told  him  that  he 
had  helped  to  bulldoze  niggers  that  day  in  order  to 
give  a  clear  Cleveland  majority  in  his  district  and  a 
United  States  Marshal  had  made  some  trouble  about 
it.  He  finally  ast  the  Colonel  if  he  hadn't  been  in 
the  Confederate  army.  Bein  proudly  told  that  he 
was,  Cleveland  said  that  he  was  afeered  he'd  been 
givin  too  many  offices  to  Confederate  soldiers  and 
that  a  Presbyterian  preacher  in  Elmira  had  wrote 
him  that  it  was  a  mistake.  He  told  Colonel  Calhoun 
that  he  couldn't  do  anything  for  him  and  Colonel 
Calhoun  told  him  to  go  where  old  John  Brown's  soul 
is  bein  dried  out,  put  on  his  hat  and  retired.  "And 
now,"  said  the  Colonel  to  me,  "  I'll  spend  a  hunk  of 
my  time  helpin  to  beat  the  Democratic  party  in  Ala- 


Relief  For  Southern  Claimants.  153 

bama.  I'm  with  the  Pops.  It  won't  do  any  good  to 
denounce  Cleveland  or  burn  him  in  effegy  as  you've 
done,  because  he's  got  his  office  for  three  years  more 
and  the  salary  is  hisn,  but  if  we  beat  the  party  in 
Alabama  it'll  scare  the  Democrats  in  Congress  and 
they'll  put  a  ring  in  the  old  bull's  nose. 
•*  •*  # 

Old  Sim  Driscoll  has  wrote  me  about  the  new 
financeal  project  I  set  on  foot.  He  says  the  neigh 
borhood  is  feelin  better,  but  he's  not  feelin  so  well. 
He  has  put  out  about  $3,000  in  Confederate  money, 
but  says  the  people  are  usin  it  in  dealin  with  him, 
but  they're  slow  about  takin  it  among  each  other. 
His  stock  is  gettin  low  and  he  is  afeared  that  he'll 
be  scarce  of  current  funds  when  he  comes  to  replen 
ish.  I  wrote  him  to  stick  to  the  idea  of  only  given 
out  Confederate  bills  in  change  and  that  when  we 
get  our  State  Bank  started  at  Briar  Root  we  can 
print  a  lot  of  new  money  and  redeem  his  issooe. 
#•  #•  •* 

My  ex-pardner,  Lem  Tolliver,  turned  up  yesterday 
evenin  and  tapt  me  for  $2.  Lemuel  is  still  stickin  to 
the  mud  horses.  He  had  no  overcoat  on  and  he 
didn't  have  clothes  enough  to  dust  a  fiddle  with.  As 
he  does  a  little  cappin  for  our  poker  room  I  helped 
him,  but  I  do  hope  the  Democrat  party  will  do  some- 
thin  for  Lem  and  do  it  soon.  I  invited  him  to  bring 
some  of  the  boys  up  on  Christmas  to  nibble  a  little 
turkey  that  Mose  is  gettin  in  shape,  and  sip  a  little 
egnog.  If  Lem  hustles  he  can  run  in  a  dozen  or  two 
good  fellows  for  poker,  and  that  means  linin  for  my 
ribs  and  a  commission  for  him. 
Very  truly  yours, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


154  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

P.  S. — This  here  holiday  recess  falls  a  little  heavy 
on  me,  but  I'll  endeavor  to  make  a  bit  of  hay  even 
if  the  sun  isnt  shinin  much.  The  town  is  dead  as 
Julius  Cesar's  horse,  but  there's  some  Southern 
bloods  left  who'll  be  right  sporty  for  the  next  ten 
days.  My  distinguished  relative,  J.  Hampton  Hoge, 
who  Cleveland  is  tryin  to  punish  as  a  drunkard,  is 
here,  and  I'm  gettin  up  testimony  to  show  that  a 
Southern  gentleman  is  expected  to  drink  whiskey, 
and  that  a  man  in  the  South  isnt  considered  drunk 
till  he  cant  lay  on  the  ground  without  holdin.  The 
attempt  to  ruin  this  Counsel  to  Amoy,  China,  is  one 
of  the  blackest  charges  yet  brought  against  the  mor- 
phydite  Administration. 


A  BALTIMORE  COCKING  MAIN. 


THE  MAJOR  ACHIEVES  A  VICTORY— HIS  GAME  CHICK 
ENS — HE  DECLINES  TO  VISIT  THE  WHITE  HOUSE 
ON  THE  PRESIDENT'S  INVITATION — EX-PRESIDENT 
HARRISON  REBUKED  —  COLONEL  BULLETT  IN 
SULTED  BY  CLEVELAND  —  THE  FLORIDA  PRIZE 

FIGHT. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Dec.  29. 

Things  have  been  right  dull  here  sence  Congress 
went  on  a  recess.  Outside  of  considerable  guff  about 
tariff  there's  been  very  little  politicks.  I  don't  pay 
much  attention  to  the  tariff  because  our  cowardly 
skunks  refuse  to  obey  the  orders  of  the  Democratic 
party  and  rip  Protection  up  by  the  roots.  They've 
got  a  sort  of  namby-pamby  Jumbo  Jum  bill  which  is 
half  Protection  and  half  Free  Trade  and  I  don't  care 
a  continental  whether  it  gets  through  or  not.  The 
jelly  fish  which  are  runnin  the  party  here  have  got 
us  into  a  fix  where  it  looks  as  though  the  party  will 
be  damned  if  it  do  and  be  damned  if  it  don't  and  so 
the  best  thing  to  do  is  to  let  'em  wrestle  and  groan. 
I  don't  believe  in  reformin  tariff.  We  don't  want 
any  tariff  at  all  down  our  way  and  my  views  on  the 
subject,  I  find,  are  about  as  unpopular  as  my  views 
on  Southren  War  Claims  in  the  estimation  of  some 
of  these  milk  sops,  However,  this  is  holiday  week 
and  let  that  pass. 

»  *  * 

('55> 


156  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I've  been  giving  myself  up  largely  to  the  festivities 
of  the  season.  Old  Cleveland  went  off  the  other  day 
in  a  Government  ship  lookin  for  ducks  but  I  antici 
pated  him  and  went  to  look  at  chickens.  There  was 
a  great  main  fout  between  Baltimore  and  Washing 
ton  cocks  last  Monday  night  at  Canton,  which  is  the 
lower  end  of  Baltimore.  I  went  over  with  a  party 
of  friends  and  we  had  a  gay  time.  I  acted  as  umpire 
for  the  regular  main  and  it  done  me  good  to  see  the 
way  them  Baltimore  chickens  stamped  the  feathers 
offen  the  Washington  birds.  IVe  always  been  proud 
of  Baltimore  because  she  is  the  true  Southern  grit. 
From  the  day  she  licked  that  dirty  Yankee  ridge- 
ment  in  1861  down  to  the  present  time  she  has  been 
sound  on  Democracy.  Washington  is  a  kind  of  hy- 
bred  town,  but  we'll  make  it  Southern  in  a  few  more 
years.  I'm  a  man  that  lets  his  sympathies  go  on  all 
occasions,  and  as  I  was  solid  with  Baltimore  I  desided 
in  favor  of  her  chickens  where  there  was  any  question 
of  doubt.  I  had  to  draw  my  gun  twicet  in  order  to 
defend  my  decisions  and  keep  peace.  After  the 
main  fightin  was  over  I  backed  some  chickens  in 
some  private  scraps  and  my  old  Mexican  gaffs  came 
into  great  play.  I  named  one  of  my  chickens  "  Jeb 
Stuart,"  after  old  Jeb,  who  was  a  great  friend  of  mine, 
and  somebody  nicknamed  the  other  chicken  "  Grover." 
Well,  it  was  funny.  Jeb  done  that  poor  cock  in  about 
six  winks  and  the  boys  was  so  tickled,  although  all 
was  Democrats,  that  I  think  it  safe  to  say  that  old 
Cleveland  didn't  have  a  friend  in  the  crowd.  I  re 
marked  :  "  That's  about  the  way  the  old  Buffalo  stuff 
would  get  it  now  if  the  people  could  get  him  in  the 
pit  again,"  and  dam  me  if  the  laugh  wasn't  so  loud 
that  it  shocked  me,  tuff  as  I  am.  I  won  about  $60 
on  the  evenin's  cocking  and  pickt  up  about  $30  more 
in  a  poker  game  in  which  I  sat  before  leavin  Balti- 


A  Baltimore  Cocking  Main.  157 

more.  I  am  goin  to  send  down  home  for  some 
chickens  that  I  have  of  high  breed  and  I  think  I'll 
be  able  to  give  the  cock-fighters  of  this  secktion  some 
sport  before  the  season  is  over.  I  can  make  more 
money  than  a  Congressman  with  my  crate  of  chick 
ens  among  these  bloods.  Hard  as  the  times  is  these 
fellows  have  money  to  put  up  on  game  fowls. 
#•  •*  * 

I  want  to  say  that  I  had  a  quiet  tip  from  my  good 
friend  Congressman  Tim  Campbell  on  Sunday  last 
to  the  effect  that  if  I  would  call  around  at  the  White 
House  anytime  before  Tuesday  mornin  I  would  get 
a  bid  to  accompany  the  Presidential  party  on  its 
duck  shootin  trip  down  the  Potomac.  I  haven't 
done  any  shootin  on  the  Potomac  sence  our  second 
war  for  Independens,  but  I  preemptorially  and  with 
considerable  haughtiness  declined  to  put  myself  in 
the  way  of  the  proffered  invite.  Some  of  my  friends 
say  I  should  have  accepted  this  offer  of  the  olive 
branch  in  the  spirit  in  which  it  was  tendered  and 
accompanied  the  President  and  the  gentlemen  of  the 
Cabinet  who  constitooted  his  party.  Perhaps  it 
would  have  showed  the  country  that  I  am  makin 
a  deep  impression  here  in  my  campaign  for  the 
sacred  rights  of  the  South  in  the  matter  of  our  War 
Claims,  and  it  may  have  been  old  Cleveland's  inten 
tion  to  use  my  presence  in  his  party  as  a  sort  of 
feeler  upon  the  people  at  large.  Howsomever  this 
may  be,  your  Uncle  Randolph  didn't  go  to  the 
White  House  and  he  got  no  bid.  So  while  the 
President  was  wallerin  around  in  the  mud  I  was 
here  in  the  Capital  transactin  business  at  the  old 
stand  and  keepin  my  eyes  peeled  for  No.  I.  I  know 
I  am  tetchy  and  high-strung,  and  it  may  be  that  my 
refusal  to  throw  myself  in  the  President's  way  may 
give  my  crusade  for  Claims  a  set-back.  Of  course  I 


158  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

am  free  to  confess  that  I  would  have  been  glad 
enough  to  be  one  of  the  duck  shootin  crowd.  On 
the  dead  quiet  it  was  more  or  less  of  a  big  spree, 
and  I  fancy  I  could  have  kep  up  my  end  of  the 
double-trees  in  such  a  phisical  and  intellectual  con 
test.  That  some  of  them  didn't  fall  outen  the  boat 
was  monstrous  lucky.  And  I  was  glad  for  the  ever- 
lastin  dignity  that  he  has  hedged  about  the  office  of 
late  that  old  Grover  hisself  didn't  take  a  header.  My 
friends,  I  trust,  will  understand  that  I  would  care  to 
have  been  one  of  the  party  for  the  political  signifi 
cance  of  the  thing  only.  As  for  the  duck  shootin 
itself  I  wouldn't  give  three  hurrahs  in  Hagerstown. 
For  real  down  right  sport  of  the  true  sporty  kind 
there's  nothin  like  cock  fightin.  There  is  still  a 
good  deal  of  the  old  cock  fightin  spirit  left  in  Alex 
andria,  and  it  wouldn't  surprise  me  if  the  Presidential 
party  stopt  there  and  took  on  a  few  brace  of  birds.  I 
once  saw  an  old  blue  game  kill  a  nigger  baby  that  was 
crawlin  in  an  alley  in  Alexandria,  and  I  think  it  was 
about  the  purtiest  piece  of  gaffin  I  ever  witnessed  in 
my  life.  I  felt  kinder  sorry  for  the  pickaninny,  too. 
•*  #  * 

I  was  greatly  disgusted  by  the  crude  remarks  of 
Benjamin  Harrison  at  the  banquet  of  the  New  Eng 
land  Society  the  other  evenin.  It  will  be  a  long  time 
before  the  South  will  cease  to  feel  the  deep  disgrace 
of  havin  permitted  this  man  to  be  elected  President 
and  take  his  seat.  He  is  a  man  of  small  calibre  and 
his  speeches  are  the  commonest  rot.  He  is  not  a 
thinkin  man.  What  this  country  wants  is  men  who 
think;  men  who  will  be  content  to  sit  right  down  in 
a  corner  and  think  for  several  hours  at  a  stretch. 
When  you  see  a  man  with  holes  in  the  seat  of  his 
trousers  you  can  put  him  down  among  the  thinkin 
class.  Sometimes  it  takes  these  fellers  a  good  while 


A  Baltimore  Cocking  Main.  159 

to  find  out  what  they  are  thinkin  about,  but  that 
should  not  be  laid  up  aginst  them.  They  are  thinkin 
all  the  same.  But  I  digress.  I  intended  to  make  a 
few  remarks  in  my  usual  caustic  vein  anent  the  ob 
servations  of  this  man  Harrison  touchin  New  Eng 
land  men  and  the  South.  He  went  on  in  his  exas- 
peratin  Northern  style  to  insinuate  that  it  was  New 
England  men  and  women  who,  as  school  teachers  in 
the  South,  had  implanted  in  the  breasts  of  our  chil 
dren  the  love  of  knowledge  and  those  principles  which 
make  good  citizens.  Now  take  notice  that  I,  Major 
Randolph  Gore  Hampton,  do  not  hesitate  to  brand 
that  statement  as  an  infermous  untruth,  not  to  char 
acterize  it  by  a  harsher  term.  It  is  true  that  before 
the  war  we  did  have  in  the  South  a  great  many 
school  teachers  and  school  marms,  but  it  did  not  take 
us  long  to  ascertain  by  findin  out  that  they  were  in- 
stillin  into  the  minds  of  our  children  the  slow  and 
insiduous  pizenof  anti-slavery.  And  when  the  South 
ern  people  awoke  to  the  situation  you  bet  we  had 
great  fun  drivin  these  Yankee  school  teachers  outen 
the  country.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  that  was  the  in- 
seption  of  the  righteous  organization  known  as  the 
Ku  Klux  Klan.  My  memory  is  conveniently  treach 
erous  on  pints  that  are  not  material  to  the  subject  in 
hand,  so  I  entirely  disremember  whether  we  burnt 
any  of  these  mischievous  people  at  the  stake  or  not, 
but  it  would  not  surprise  me  if  we  faggoted  a  few  of 
'em  on  the  quiet  just  by  way  of  an  anchovy,  as  it 
were.  I  will  regret  the  longest  day  I  live  that  there 
was  no  high-toned  and  chivalrous  Southern  gentle 
man  present  to  hurl  back  in  the  teeth  of  this  man 
Harrison  the  vile  slander  that  the  South  is  in  any 
way  indebted  to  New  England  for  the  high  water 
mark  it  has  attained  in  the  broad  field  of  learnin. 
The  only  thing  we  ever  got  from  New  England  that 


160  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

was  worth  a  hooter — and  for  that  we  owe  the  old 
rum-guzzlin  Puritans  much  thanks — was  the  sugges 
tion  of  the  noble  institution  of  slavery  itself  and  the 
burnin  of  people  at  the  stake.  To  be  sure  some  of 
the  most  pernicious  and  mischievous  anti-slavery 
agitators  that  the  country  was  ever  cursed  with  be 
longed  to  New  England  but  they  were  the  degener 
ate  sons  of  noble  sires.  Take  William  Lloyd  Garrison 
and  Wendell  Phillips,  for  example,  who  disgusted  all 
right  thinkin  people  with  their  heavin  and  surgin 
agin  slavery.  I  dare  say  you  would  not  have  to  trace 
back  their  ancestry  very  far  until  you  run  plump 
agin  a  lot  of  noble  gentlemen  and  ladies  who  made  a 
pot  of  money  out  of  the  nigger  as  a  chattel — the 
only  condition  in  which  the  nigger  should  ever  have 
been  considered.  But  it  was  their  noisy  shoutin 
aided  by  the  infernal  Methodists  and  Quakers  that 
helped  to  raise  up  that  despot  Lincoln  to  undo  the 
grand  work  of  a  century,  in  which  New  England 
took  no  conspicuous  part.  Pardon  me — as  Mark 
Anthony  said  to  the  corpse — if  I  dwell  too  long  on 
this  subject.  But  when  my  mind  gets  to  workin  on 
the  question  of  slavery,  and  I  contemplate  what  a 
paradise  on  earth  the  South  might  be  to-day  if  we 
only  had  our  slaves  back  again — and  what  a  barren 
waist  it  is  without  them — I  am  moved  almost  to 
tears.  No,  siree,  I  do  not  propose  to  allow  Ben  Har 
rison,  even  though  he  is  an  ex-President  of  the 
United  States,  or  any  other  Northern  howler,  to  as 
sert  that  the  South  owes  anything  to  New  England, 
except,  as  I  have  indicated,  for  the  introduction  of 
human  slavery  into  our  section  and  for  the  happy 
suggestion  of  burning  obnoxious  persons  at  the  stake. 
Yes,  I  do  remember  that  our  very  best  nigger  drivers 
before  the  war  came  from  New  England, 


A  Baltimore  Cocking  Main.  161 

I  have  had  a  little  touch  of  delereim  trimmins 
this  week  and  have  had  to  keep  close  to  my  hall 
bedroom  in  Hominy  Hall.  Like  a  old  fool,  when 
some  of  the  boys  said  the  other  day  that  I  was  soak- 
in  too  much  licker  I  pulled  up  short  and  didn't  take 
a  tod  for  twenty-four  hours.  That  brought  on  the 
grip  followed  by  a  chill,  and  that  night  a  red  monkey 
come  and  percht  on  the  tail  board  of  my  bed  and 
made  a  speech  on  the  Silver  question  and  our  War 
Claims.  I  kicked  him  out  of  the  place  and  then  a 
red-nosed  bear  come  in  and  danced  a  hornpipe  on  the 
floor  to  the  musick  of  the  rattles  of  six  rattlesnaiks. 
I  had  quite  a  circus  and  next  day  the  doctor  told  me 
what  was  the  matter,  but  I  wasn't  much  skairt.  I 
am  all  right  now  and  I  haven't  missed  much.  I  am 
settin  up  and  readin  and  writin  in  bed  and  am  able  to 
hit  a  little  whiskey  panada.  I  have  not  been  idel. 
A  number  of  people  has  been  in  to  visit  me  and  talk 
about  the  tariff,  War  Claims  and  Income  tax.  I  seen 
in  a  newspaper  to-day  the  statement  that  only 
85,000  people  in  the  country  have  incomes  of  over 
$4,000  a  year.  I'll  gambol  high  that  if  that's  so  not 
less  than  65,000  of  em  live  in  the  North  and  that's 
why  I'm  a  shoutin  for  income  tax  and  lots  of  it.  It 
is  infernal  nonsence  fer  Southern  members  to  oppose 
income  tax,  but  I  see  we  have  a  lot  of  fools  and 
traitors  a  fightin  it  along  with  old  Cleveland,  who 
has  a  salary  of  $50,000  a  year  and  no  poor  kin.  The 
fluffy  old  gold  bug  very  naturally  stands  with  his  rich 
friends  in  this  matter,  but  I  think  we'll  be  able  to 
sock  it  to  em. 

*  -x-  * 

Speakin  about  old  Buffalo  Grove,  I  had  a  call  yes 
terday  from  Colonel  Sage  Bullett,  from  Bowie,  Texas, 
who  is  the  man  that  shot  the  Yankee  Provost  Mar 
shal  just  at  the  close  of  the  war  and  lived  two  years 
11 


1 62  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

in  a  swamp  with  an  old  cow  while  hidin.  Sage  was  in 
our  redgement  till  after  Fredericksburg,  and  then  he 
got  transferred  to  the  Texas  Rangers.  He  came  up 
here  to  get  appinted  Marshal  for  his  district,  and 
hearin  of  me,  called  to  see  me.  He  had  been  up  to 
the  White  House  the  day  before  with  Hooper  A. 
Long,  the  Southern  Claims  lawyer,  and  both  of  'em 
had  been  insulted  by  Cleveland.  Sage  said  old  Suet 
had  ast  him  if  he  was  in  the  Confederate  Army,  and 
when  he  told  him  he  was  he  said  he  was  afraid  to  ap 
point  any  more  ex-rebel  soldiers  for  the  present,  be 
cause  his  brother-in-law  had  writ  him  that  it  was 
hurtin  the  party  in  the  North.  Sage  wanted  to  know 
how  in  hell  he  could  find  anybody  in  the  South 
worth  a  cuss  who  hadn't  been  in  the  Confederate 
Army.  One  word  followed  another  and  finally  Cleve 
land  said  that  the  South  had  been  too  hoggish  about 
offices,  and  besides  Southern  Congressmen  was  not 
showin  a  disposition  to  respect  his  views  and  policies. 
Sage  wanted  to  know  whether  he  regarded  himself 
as  President  or  Grand  Mogul.  That  made  the  old 
stuff  right  hot,  and  after  Sage  had  give  him  a  piece 
of  his  mind,  he  invited  him  to  come  down  to  Texas 
and  hunt  tarrantulas,  It  done  me  good  to  hear  old 
Bullett  cuss  Cleveland.  He  said :  "  I'm  dead  broke 
and  owe  $6,000.  I  can't  make  over  $500  a  year  off 
my  place  down  in  Texas,  and  I've  been  waitin  and 
hopin  all  along  that  Congress  would  let  us  start  home 
banks.  I  finally  concluded  to  try  for  an  offis,  and 
sence  comin  here  I've  found  out  that  Cleveland's 
the  man  who  has  kept  us  from  gettin  our  State  banks. 
That  old  hound  is  a  traitor  to  the  Democratic  party, 
and  I've  got  a  bigad  notion  to  cut  both  his  years  off 
and  nail  em  on  the  front  door  of  the  Capitol."  You 
ought  to  have  heard  him  beat  up  the  dicksionary  for 
Grovy.  Old  Sage  is  a  fighter,  and  you  can  bet  that 


A  Baltimore  Cocking  Main.  163 

it  was  no  good  day  for  Cleveland  when  he  hurt  the 
feelins  of  this  noble  Southern  gentleman.  Every 
body  will  know  that  Sage  is  in  town.  He  wears  a 
old  rusty  suit  of  broadcloth,  the  kind  of  clothes  they 
bury  people  in,  a  red  necktie,  a  soft  hat  with  a  brim 
twelve  inches  wide,  lyle  thread  gloves,  and  a  leather 
watch  guard,  with  a  peach  kernel  basket  for  a  charm. 
He  carries  a  cane  made  out  of  a  bull's  tail,  and  his 
face  is  as  red  as  a  turkey  gobbler's  snout  string.  He 
says  he'll  be  in  town  for  ten  days,  and  when  I  get  up 
a  ad  around  I  think  we'll  give  the  western  sky  here 
a  little  rainbow  tinge.  Old  Sage  has  a  war  claim  of 
$25,000  himself  for  a  barn  that  some  niggers  burned 
about  a  year  after  the  war,  but  it  is  a  war  claim  just 
the  same  for  it  wouldn't  have  occurred  if  the  Yan 
kees  didn't  set  the  niggers  free. 

*  *  * 

I  hope  to  the  Lord  there'll  be  no  fool  interferin 
with  that  prize  fight  down  in  Florida.  I've  got  to 
see  that.  I  suppose  Congress  will  take  a  recess  for 
it,  but  if  it  doesn't  I  am  goin  to  scrape  up  a  few  dol 
lars  and  go.  I  have  no  feelin  one  way  or  the  other 
but  I  like  always  to  see  a  first  class  job  of  knockin. 
We  haven't  added  this  to  our  Southern  sports  yet, 
but  I  think  we'll  come  to  it.  Our  people  are  not  as 
fond  of  duellin  as  they  was  before  the  war,  and  as 
duellin  drops  out  I  think  prize  fightin  will  come  in. 
As  a  rule  Southern  gentlemen  don't  care  to  fight  for 
money — they'll  fight  for  a  girl  or  for  honah ;  but 
when  it  comes  to  money,  chicken  fightin  is  what  suits 
em.  My  opinion  is  that  Mitchell  will  have  the  best 
of  the  fight.  Most  Southern  people  are  on  his  side 
for  he  is  an  Englishman  and  the  English  helped  us 
in  the  war  when  the  Irish  were  tryin  to  down  us  for 
pay  and  bounty.  At  the  same  time  I  hear  Colonel 
Corbett  very  well  spoken  of  and  I'm  told  he's  a  good 


164  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Democrat.     I'm  a  little  nervous  yet  and  writin  isn't 
quite  in  my  line.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — You  can  see  what  kind  of  luck  I'm  in.  I 
telgraft  last  week  to  my  son  Plantagenet  to  ship  me 
up  my  half-dozen  game  cocks.  They  got  here  yes 
terday  and  two  of  'em  is  dead — birds  that  I  wouldn't 
have  took  $50  apiece  for,  and  here  I'm  confined  to 
the  house  with  a  nervous  .attack.  But  Mose  is 
lookin  after  the  chickens  and  he  understands  the 
business  for  he  was  trained  by  my  noble  old  dad. 
As  soon  as  I  get  onto  my  pins  again  I'll  sing  a  song 
for  them  Baltimore  plug  uglies.  R.  G.  H. 


THE  MAJOR  HIMSELF  AGAIN, 


A  TYPICAL  ALABAMA  DEMOCRAT — THE  MAN  WHO 
LIVED  ON  A  BEE  TREE — A  STORY  OF  SOUTHERN 
POVERTY — SAD  EXPERIENCE  OF  A  YOUNG  TEXAN 
—THE  FINANCIAL  COLLAPSE  OF  SIM  DRISCOLL. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Jan.  u. 

My  little  nervous  attact,  the  result  of  my  suddent 
stoppin  of  daily  stimulants,  has  left  me  just  a  bit 
weak,  but  I  am  up  and  around  and  takin  my  rashens 
regular.  I  had  two  of  my  chickens  out  to  a  fight  last 
night  with  some  boys  from  Alexander,  Va.,  and 
though  one  had  his  eye  knoct  out  and  the  other  was 
killed  standin  up,  I  managed  to  gather  in  about 
sixty  dollars  on  the  evenin's  sport.  We  had  a  dozen 
or  two  Southern  Congressmen  with  us,  and  you  bet 
they  enjoyed  theirselves.  Somebody  brought  along 
gallant  old  Major  Jim  Pincus,  of  Talledega,  in  our 
State,  one  of  the  dead  gamest  old  sports  you  ever 
seen,  and  he  won  more  money  than  a  greyhound 
could  jump  over.  Jim  made  hisself  famous  some 
years  ago.  There  was  a  Republican  runnin  for  the 
Legislature  in  Jim's  county  named  Hollingsworth  or 
Hornswoggler  or  some  such  thing,  and  he  printed  in 
a  newspaper  that  if  he  got  to  the  Legislature  he 
would  introdooce  a  bill  to  make  a  close  season  for 
niggers  in  the  State,  same  as  they  do  up  North  for 
deer  and  fish  and  so  forth.  He  said  he'd  have  a  nig. 
ger  Game  Law  makin  it  unlawful  to  shoot  niggers  in 
the  State  for  two  days  before  every  general  election 

(165) 


1 66  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

and  two  days  thereafter.  Pincus  thought  that  was 
an  insult  and  challenged  the  fellow,  and  the  cuss 
wrote  and  published  an  account  of  Jim's  bein  in 
dicted  when  a  young  man  for  settin  fire  to  a  neigh 
bor's  barn.  Then  Jim  went  out  to  the  ornery  devil's 
place  to  cut  off  his  years  and  hosswhip  him,  but 
Hornswoggler  got  the  drop  on  him  and  when  Jim 
turned  to  run  he  hopped  on  his  mare  and  chased 
Jim  plum  into  Talledega.  The  story  got  out  and 
Jim  had  four  or  five  fights  about  it  and  one  mornin 
Hornswoggler  was  found  dead  in  a  fens-corner  about 
a  half  mile  from  his  place.  Political  excitement  was 
runnin  high  and  nothin  was  done  about  it  though 
Pincus  got  the  credit  of  that  job.  He  has  applied 
for  Col.  Hoge's  place  as  Counsel  to  Amoy,  China, 
and  Cleveland,  they  say,  thinks  right  well  of  him. 
•x-  •*  * 

I  had  a  very  serious  talk  to-day  with  Secretary  Car 
lisle,  relative  to  the  condition  of  our  people  in  the 
South,  my  object  bein  to  enlist  him  a  little  more 
openly  in  the  holy  cause  which  lies  nearest  the  great 
throbbin  heart  of  our  secktion,  viz.,  the  payment  of 
the  Southern  War  Claims.  I  selected  Mr.  Carlisle 
for  this  talk  for  two  reasons  :  first,  because  he  is  a 
Southern  gentleman  and  therefore  capable  of  reason- 
in,  and,  second,  because  I  regard  him  as  the  most 
likely  man  with  whom  to  reach  Mr.  Goosefat  in  the 
White  House.  I  begun  by  paintin  in  red  colors  the 
poverty-stricken  condition  of  the  Southern  people, 
and  cited  him  to  many  cases  where  some  of  our 
proudest  and  most  aristocratic  families  had  been  re 
duced  to  the  dire  extremity  of  hustlin  for  a  livin.  I 
I  was  very  much  shocked,  and  not  a  little  pained, 
when  the  Secretary  said  he  had  been  obliged,  endurin 
his  long  and  excitin  career,  to  do  considerable  hustlin 
hisself,  and  he  thought  it  was  kinder  good  for  the 


T/ie  Major  Himself  Again.  167 

circulation.  I  checked  him  at  oncet  and  said  that 
workin  was  all  well  enough  for  Northern  people  who 
was  used  to  it  and  didn't  have  any  aristocratic  blood 
in  their  vains  anyhow,  but  it  couldn't  be  thought  of 
for  the  high  strung  and  sensitive  people  of  the  South. 
These  proud  souls  would  welcome  death  any  time 
befo  they  would  git  down  to  vulger  toil. 
*  #  # 

In  describin  the  poverty  of  our  people,  and  the 
great  need  that  exists  for  gittin  some  money  outen 
the  Treasury  for  them,  I  greatly  moved  Mr.  Carlisle 
by  my  recital  of  the  sad  condition  of  Captain  Clay 
ton  Barbour,  of  Bullock  County,  who  fit  side  by  side 
with  me  in  the  Eighth  Alabama.  I  referred  to  the 
case  of  Captain  Barbour  in  one  of  my  previous 
skreeds,  but  only  tetched  on  his  unhappy  plight.  I 
hev  it  from  the  Captain's  own  lips  that  for  twenty- 
eight  long  years — ever  sinse  the  close  of  the  war — he 
has  supported  his  family  on  the  product  of  a  bee 
tree  which  he  had  the  good  fortune  to  find  on  his 
place.  At  this  juncture  Secretary  Carlisle  ast  me 
how  it  happened  that  if  Captain  Barbour  had  a  place 
he  didn't  raise  cotton,  hogs,  hominy  or  somethin  in 
stead  of  dependin  on  a  bee  tree.  That  is  jest  the 
pint  I  wanted  the  Secretary  to  make,  and  I  met  it 
quicker'n  a  flash.  "  That's  jest  it,"  I  ejackerlated  ; 
"the  noble  old  Captain  wanted  to  turn  his  attention 
to  plantin,  but  the  thievin  hounds  of  old  Sherman's 
army  stole  all  his  fence  rails,  and  while  he  had  a  hun 
dred  and  seventy  acres  of  as  fine  land  as  ev.er  a  mule 
gazed  at,  he  never  had  been  able  to  git  enough  rails 
together  to  fence  in  so  much  as  a  ten  acre  lot." 

"  Not  in  twenty-eight  years  ?"  ast  the  Secretary. 

"  Not  in  twenty-eight  years,"  I  retorted.  "  How 
could  he?  The  Yanks  burnt  'em  up.  He  could't  do 
it  in  a  hundred  and  twenty-eight  years." 


1 68  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

"  But  there  are  other  fence  rails  in  this  broad  land 
of  ours,"  said  the  Secretary,  in  his  velvety  way,  "  and 
we  have  railroads  and  navagable  streams  by  which 
they  may  be  transported  from  one  part  of  the  country 
to  another.  Had  this  occurred  to  your  friend  the 
Captain,  he  might  have  been  able  to  allow  the  bees 
on  his  place  to  enjoy  the  reward  of  their  own  patient 
industry  instead  of  taking  the  very  wax  out  of  their 
mouths,  so  to  speak." 

I  saw  the  Secretary  didn't  exactly  understand  the 
situation  and  I  explained  to  him  that  the  deplorable 
condition  in  which  we  found  our  plantations  after  the 
war  had  such  a  depressin  influence  on  Southern  gentle 
men  of  sensative  organizations  that  they  had  never 
been  able  to  pull  theirselves  together  and  go  to  work 
— the  task  ahead  of  them  was  too  great.  Such  a  man 
is  Captain  Barbour.  The  honorable  Secretary  wilted 
a  little  and  said : 

"  I  am  sorry  the  Captain  is  constituted  that  way — 
sorry  for  him  and  sorry  for  his  bees.  I  presume  that 
having  a  bee  tree  on  his  place  he  has  also  other  trees. 
I  can't  help  but  think  he  should  have  felled  some  of 
them  and  split  them  into  fence  rails.  Quite  a  num 
ber  of  honest,  God-fearing  men  in  this  country  have 
split  rails.  Abraham  Lincoln,  if  you  remember,  split 
quite  a  few  hisself." 

At  this  point  I  rebuked  the  Secretary  sharply  for 
his  reference  to  old  Lincoln.  "  Dont  call  up  that 
arch-enemy  of  the  South,  Mr.  Secretary,  if  you 
please,"  and  I  looked  him  sternly  in  the  eye.  "  He 
was  the  cause  of  all  our  woes  and  if  you  want  to 
thrust  a  knife  in  our  hearts  you  can  do  it  by  conjurin 
up  that  old  vulgarian,  the  most  infermous  character 
that  befouls  the  pages  of  history." 

Mr.  Carlisle  saw  that  I  was  rot  up  and  said  he 
would  let  Lincoln  pass.  He  also  apologized  for 


The  Major  Himself  Again.  169 

introducin  a  personage  who  was  so  distasteful  to 
me  and  I  accepted  his  apology. 

I  then  went  on  to  impress  the  Honorable  Secretary 
still  further  with  the  sad  condition  of  Captain  Bar- 
hour,  who  I  said  was  but  a  type  of  a  large  class  of 
our  whipped  and  maltreated  people.  That  he  had 
lived  for  over  a  quarter  of  a  century  on  the  product 
of  a  bee  tree  I  knowed  to  be  a  sad  and  solemn  fact. 
That  this  was  the  result  of  a  condition  growin  out  of 
the  war  I  also  knowed  to  be  a  fact,  for  ever  sence 
that  period  I  had  been  a  little  short  of  fence  rails 
myself.  I  called  upon  Mr.  Carlisle  to  picter  to  his- 
self  the  eagerness  with  which  the  Captain  watched 
the  busy  bees  as  they  improved  each  shinin  hour 
knowin  that  it  was  meat  and  drink  to  the  Barbour 
family,  which  was  of  the  same  dimensions  as  that 
which  followed  John  Rogers  to  the  stake,  to  wit, 
nine  small  children  and  one  at  the  breast.  I  begged 
Mr.  Carlisle  to  contemplate  the  dread  anxiety  with 
which  this  gallant  old  warrior  watched  these  bees  at 
swarmin  time  lest  they  might  split  up  and  escape 
from  him  altogether.  I  told  the  Secretary  that  I 
knowed  of  Captain  Barbour  and  his  five  boys  at  one 
time  followin  these  blamed  bees  for  seven  days  and 
seven  nights  and  directed  by  the  all-seein  eye  of 
Providence  finally  collarin  them  and  bringin  them 
back  in  safety  at  last.  "  Let  your  mind's  eye  dwell 
on  this  picter,"  I  said,  with  much  pathos ;  "  think  of 
the  anguish  of  mind  of  this  little  band  as  they  fol- 
lered  these  bees  over  hill  and  dale  feelin  that  at  any 
minute  the  damd  things  might  take  a  sheer  and  the 
Barbour  family  lose  its  staff  and  prop,  as  it  were. 
Think  of  these  things,  Mr.  Secretary,"  I  concluded, 
"  and  say  if  our  Government  should  not  pay  our  sa 
cred  War  Claims  and  put  us  on  our  feet  again." 

The  kind  hearted  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  said 


The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

he  would  give  the  matter  thought,  but  for  fear  there 
might  be  some  delay  in  gettin  the  money  he  would 
also  advise  with  the  Secretary  of  Agriculture  as  to 
the  advisability  of  encouragin  bee  culture  in  the 
South.  I  fancy  I  made  a  decided  impression  on  Mr. 
Carlisle,  but  I  didn't  jest  exactly  like  his  suggestion 
of  encouragin  apiary  in  our  section.  A  land  flowin 
with  milk  and  honey  in  a  figurative  sense  only  is 
what  we  want.  We  can  have  that  if  money  is  scattered 
in  our  midst  with  a  lavish  hand,  and  I  am  on  deck 
here  to  see  that  this  is  done.  But  we've  had  enough 
bigad,  of  bee  trees. 

•*  *  * 

I  run  up  the  other  day  with  a  son  of  the  South  in 
distress  here.  He  came  from  Texas  and  his  name 
was  Esto  Perpetua  Hogg.  He  wanted  a  clerkship  in 
some  department,  but  the  second  day  after  he  got 
here  he  stumbled  into  a  saloon  late  in  the  evenin  and 
when  a  man  had  his  pocket  pickt  he  was  accused  and 
arrested.  He  was  locked  up  in  jail  for  nearly  a  week 
before  he  could  prove  hissef  a  perfect  gentleman  of 
good  family  and  he  hadn't  been  out  of  jail  an  hour 
before  he  got  drunk  and  was  robbed  of  all  he  had, 
twelve  dollars  in  money,  a  horseshoe  skarf-pin  and  a 
self-cockin  pistol.  When  he  corne  to  me  he  was 
wearin  an  old  army  cap  that  a  nigger  barber  give 
him,  and  he  had  pawn  tickets  to  show  for  his  over 
coat,  vest  and  a  photograf  album  of  his  folks  which 
he  brought  on.  I  helpt  him  and  got  him  board  with 
Widow  Toombs.  That  there  name  of  hisn  struck 
me  funny  like  and  I  ast  him  about  it.  He  said  that  his 
old  daddy,  who  couldn't  read  very  well,  got  a  holt  of 
a  book  on  the  Polypusnisian  War  about  the  time  he 
was  born  and  seein  esto  perpctua  in  it  thought  it  was 
a  Roman  General's  name  and  so  called  him  Esto 
Perpetua  Hogg.  I  think  we  can  git  Esto  a  place  in 


'the  Major  Himself  Aga in.  1 7  f 

tloke   Smith's   office,  for   his  daddy,  he  tells   me, 

served  in  Hood's  old  command  and  had  his  left  year 

shot  off  in  the  skirmish  at  Jimson  Weed  C.  H.  in  '62. 

*  •*  * 

Dolefull  news  reaches  me  as  I  am  puttin  the  fin- 
ishin  touches  on  this  essay.  Old  Simon  Driscoll 
Kenton  writes  me  that  he  is  busted.  Business 
whooped  along  briskly  till  he  got  out  about  $3,000 
worth  of  Confederate  bills  and  during  the  holydays 
everybody  bought  big  bills  of  groceries  and  now  his 
groceries  is  gone  and  he  has  no  money  to  replenish 
stock  with.  They  wont  give  him  credit  in  Tus- 
kegee  or  Selma  or  Columbus  or  anywhere  else  be 
cause  he's  been  doin  business  loosely,  they  say.  That's 
what  a  broad  man  gets  for  tryin  to  help  a  lot  of  her- 
rin-gutted,  wind-broken,  swamp-trottin  people  that 
aint  worth  the  sulphur  in  the  powder  it  would  take 
to  kill  em.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


CLEVELAND  AND  HIS  PARTY. 


DEMOCRATS  WHO  ARE  HOSTILE  TO  THE  ADMINIS 
TRATION — THE  PROPOSED  NEW  ISSUE  OF  GOVERN 
MENT  BONDS — FACTS  ABOUT  GREEN  GOODS- 
HOW  THE  SCHOOL  TEACHER  WAS  DICIPLINED  IN 
ALABAMA. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Jan.  18. 

I  was  settin  up  late  the  other  night,  chinwackin 
with  some  genuwine  Southern  gents  when  the  topick 
turned  on  the  old  bull  of  Bashan  in  the  White 
House.  I  struck  a  line  of  thought  and  had  about 
drawed  up  to  make  some  remarks  with  my  pen 
about  the  way  that  Cleveland  bulldozes  and  bosses 
Southern  Senators  and  Representatives  when  an 
incident  occurred  which  caused  me  to  paws.  I  was 
tryin  to  reason  it  out  how  this  old  Buffalo  bum,  who 
is  no  more  of  a  gentleman  than  a  weasel  is  a  wildcat, 
could  force  Southern  gentlemen  to  bow  to  his  will 
and  obey  his  commands.  If  there  is  anything  that 
our  high-toned  people  like  it  is  to  boss.  We  do  not 
like  to  be  dictated  to.  And  yet  I  have  saw  an  elert 
and  most  chivalrick  man  absolutely  cringin  before 
Cleveland,  simply,  I  suppose,  because  he  carries  the 
key  of  the  hog  trough.  It  made  my  gaul  turn  red. 
But  just  as  I  was  gettin  ready  to  swipe  our  recreant 
sons  the  rejection  of  that  man  Horntooter  was  an 
nounced.  That  showed  the  true  spirit.  Some  of 
the  best  men  of  the  South  in  the  Senate  stood  by 
Hill  in  this  business,  and  if  your  Uncle  Randolph 
aint  mistaken  the  big  Stuff  has  had  sharp  notis  that 
(172) 


Cleveland  and  His  Party.  173 

he  cant  do  all  the  drivin  fer  the  Democrat  band 
wagon  and  beat  the  big  drum  too.  George  Vest,  of 
Missouri,  is  a  cuss  and  the  Southern  Democrats  owe 
him  a  great  deal  for  kind  of  settin  them  free.  Nobody 
will  be  afraid  of  Grovy  now  and  the  party  will  soon 
be  around  to  my  platform  which  is  to  pound  the 
pious  old  fraud  tell  he  stops  his  Mugwumpin  and  his 
goldbuggin  and  becomes  a  true  Democrat  of  the  old 
school.  As  a  leader  in  this  revolt  against  Cleveland 
I  feel  as  proud  as  a  stud  hoss  goin  to  a  fair  and  it 
does  me  good  to  see  how  some  men  that  uste  to  try 
to  give  me  the  cold  shoulder  are  now  comin  around 
with  a  "  how-de-do,  Majah,  and  how  goes  it  ?  "  Mr. 
Lunkhead  Cleveland  will  have  to  dance  to  our  music 
or  get  off  the  platform.  Begad  he's  been  off  the 
Democratic  platform  ever  sence  he  resoomed  his 
snorin  in  the  White  House. 

*  x  -x- 

This  jabber  *about  the  new  issue  of  Government 
bonds  makes  me  lop-sided.  It's  a  good  thing  to 
have  'em.  There  was  no  trouble  about  gettin  bonds 
when  the  Yankees  and  their  infernal  foreign  mersen- 
aries  was  pillagin  and  shootin  us  Southerners  for 
assertin  our  constitutional  rights.  Now  that  the 
Republicans  have  left  the  treasury  bankrupt  there's 
nothin  to  do  but  grind  out  some  bonds.  If  Carlisle 
was  of  my  way  of  thinkin  I  believe  he'd  join  in  urgin 
the  payment  of  our  War  Claims  in  new  greenbacks, 
and  that  would  make  our  end  of  the  country  pros 
perous  in  about  two  wiggles  of  a  sheep's  tail.  As 
one  of  the  representatives  of  a  gallant  people  who 
has  been  reduced  to  a  paw-paw  died  for  about  thirty 
years  I'm  glad  to  hear  that  the  Northern  louts  are 
doin  a  little  starvin  now.  Let  'em  groan  and  kick. 
We  had  it  and  we've  got  it  yet.  The  Robber  Soldiers 
cleaned  us  out  and  the  Robber  Barrens  has  kept  us 


174  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

cleaned  out  with  their  infemous  Protecktion  scheme 
and  when  we  all  get  down  to  bare  feet  we  can  start 
new.  Like  old  Watterson,  I'm  disgusted  because 
we  are  not  wipin  out  everything  in  site  at  one  swoop. 
If  Carlisle  would  only  push  through  the  State  bank 
scheme  it  would  be  a  great  help  to  us  of  the  South. 
Alabama  is  ready  and  waitin.  The  machine  to  make 
State  money  is  geared  up  and  ready  and  if  the  belt 
don't  slip  it  won't  be  fifteen  minutes  after  old  Cleve 
land  signs  the  law  before  we'll  have  bank  notes  a 
flyin  in  the  air. 

*  -x-  * 

I'm  cussed  if  I  wouldn't  like  to  know  what  Attor 
ney  General  Olney  means  by  his  rulin  that  the  man 
who  offers  to  buy  "  green  goods  "  is  equally  guilty 
with  the  man  who  prepares  the  little  spurious  cur 
rency.  That's  a  dirty  slap  at  the  South,  and  the  first 
time  I  see  Olney  I'll  tell  him  so  to  his  teeth  even  if 
he  locks  me  up  for  contempt  of  court.  The  South 
goes  in  strong  on  " green  goods"  and  its  jest  about 
this  addition  to  our  circulatin  medium  that  has  en 
abled  us  to  keep  our  heads  above  water.  I've  taken 
two  or  three  flyers  in  the  long  greens  myself  and  by 
this  means  have  pulled  through  whereas  otherwise  I 
couldn't  have  done  it.  I've  a  brother  over  in  Bar- 
bour  County  who  is  a  hard-workin,  ploddin  man,  not 
much  in  tetch  with  the  world,  and  only  last  spring 
I  bought  a  mule  from  him  for  $75  payin  him  in  crisp 
green  goods  that  I  had  jest  received  from  New  York. 
He  only  ast  $50  for  the  mule,  but  I  told  him  that 
things  have  been  comin  my  way  purty  lively  of  late 
and  I'd  make  it  $25  better  because,  as  I  told  him, 
blood  is  thicker  than  water.  He  was  the  most  grate 
ful  man  you  ever  seen.  Its  wonderful  the  amount  of 
this  stuff  one  can  shove  out  among  the  people  of  the 
South  without  excitin  any  suspicion.  Money  is  so 


Cleveland  and  His  Party.  175 

scarce  with  us  most  of  the  time  that  anything  that 
looks  like  a  bank  note  is  grabbed  and  no  questions 
ast.  I'm  sorry  that  Olney  has  made  this  dicision  be 
cause  it  will  have  a  tendency  to  make  the  business 
risky.  The  only  way  out  of  it  is  to  shoot  a  lot  of 
these  U.  S.  Marshals  and  thus  rid  the  country  of  a 
surveillance  that  has  long  been  gallin  to  our  best 
people.  With  these  contemptible  creatures  out  of 
the  way  and  U.  S.  Judges  dodgin  behind  stumps  to 
escape  the  unerrin  rifle,  maybe  we  can  dally  a  little 
with  the  stuff,  the  fresh  Mr.  Olney  to  the  contrary 
notwithstandin. 

*  •*  # 

I  see  that  Secretary  Herbert  has  issued  an  edict 
settin  forth  in  plain  and  even  emphatic  terms  that 
no  person  in  the  United  States  Navy  shall  write  for 
a  newspaper  or  magazine  on  any  subject  whatever 
without  first  having  secured  permission  from  the 
Secretary  hisself  and  submittin  the  manuscript  to 
him.  Now,  that's  business.  It  will  start  up  a  lot 
of  Northern  cayotes  who  will  howl  and  hoop  because 
it  is  contrary  to  American  ideas  and  savers  some 
what  of  the  style  of  Russia.  But  that  is  just  what 
we  want  in  this  country  and  particular  do  we  want 
it  in  the  Army  and  Navy  where  there  is  still  a  strong 
Union  sentiment.  This  infemous  sentiment  must 
not  be  exploited  in  the  newspapers  and  it  makes  my 
heart  pump  faster  to  see  a  good  Confederate  soldier 
like  Hillary  A.  Herbert  taken  sech  decided  steps  to 
prevent  it.  This  is  the  best  thing  Ive  knowed  Hill 
ary  to  do  sence  he  was  appointed  to  his  high  post  in 
the  Government.  He  has  showed  the  white  feather 
considerable  in  our  Southern  War  Claims  issue,  and 
I  was  beginnin  to  lose  confidence  in  him.  "  The  re 
calcitrant  atmosphere  which  exudes  from  the  White 
House/'  to  employ  a  figure  used  by  Judge  Fairfax 


176  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Carter,  is  enough  to  destroy  the  best  intentions  of 
any  man  except  a  true  Southron  built  on  my  plan, 
which  shows  no  shadder  of  turnin,  The  very  thing 
to  be  done  is  to  appoint  a  National  Sensor  of  the 
Press  and  give  him  absolute  jurisdiction  over  all  the 
newspapers  and  magazines  of  the  country.  The 
Northern  press  is  gettin  to  cavort  a  little  too  high 
and  if  it  isn't  hamstrung  in  some  such  way  as  this  it 
will  soon  become  unbearable.  We  are  in  full  con 
trol  now  and  I  am  in  favor  of  seizin  things  with  a 
strong  hand. 

#  #  # 

I  am  pained  to  say  that  my  ex-pardner,  Lem  Tol- 
liver,  is  not  doin  well.  He  has  been  reduced  to  the 
point  of  cappin  for  a  faro  bank  on  a  percentage. 
To  see  this  elegant  Kentuckyan  shinnin  around  for 
suckers  to  steer  against  a  faro  bank  is  saddenin  in 
the  extream.  He  only  made  $15  last  week  and  bor- 
rerd$io.  I  didn't  do  much  better  for  the  dullness 
of  the  times  has  hurt  play  very  much,  and  as  for  bor- 
rerin  anything,  why  you  might  as  well  try  to  peel 
the  bark  off  a  basswood  tree  with  a  quill  toothpick 
as  to  negosheate  a  loan  from  the  stiffs,  Congressional 
and  otherwise,  that  infest  this  free  lunch  town.  Lem 
is  a  victim  of  that  old  slouch  Cleveland's  meanness. 
He  had  a  right  to  expect  an  offis  when  he  ast  fer  it 
fer  he  has  all  the  sunny  geniality  and  hospitality  of 
a  Southern  gentleman,  and  no  better  Democrat  ever 
mixed  a  tod  or  whooped  around  a  ballot  box.  But 
Jehovy  in  the  White  House  thinks  he  knows  what's 
good  for  the  country.  All  we  can  do  is,  say  u  Thy 
will  be  done."  I  give  Lemuel  a  little  money  to  look 
after  my  game  cocks  and  he's  about  arranged  for  a 
main  with  Colonel  Dinwiddie  Dunbar,  of  Alexander, 
one  of  the  best  chicken  breeders  in  the  Old  Do 
minion,  But  he  won't  get  much  fethers  off  me, 


Cleveland  and  His  Party.  177 

I've  got  one  chicken  that  I'll  bet  can  kill  a  cyart  load 
of  bald-headed  eagles  if  I  have  the  handlin  of  him 
and  the  settin  of  my  Mexican  gaffs  that  General 

Mejia  once  owned. 

».*'.•« 

My  son  Oglethorpe  writes  me  that  he  was  out  the 
other  night  and  helped  to  whitecap  and  hosswhip  a 
hog-eyed  school  teacher  we  have  in  the  Briar  Root 
neighborhood.  One  of  Vespasian  Dabney's  freckeled 
facet  boys  had  a  wrangle  with  the  teacher,  whose 
name  is  Sol  Pettingill — which  I  think  means  that  he 
is  of  Yankee  extractsion,  for  I  never  heard  of  any 
Pettingill  stock  in  the  South — about  a  point  of  war 
history  and  Mr.  Teacher  made  the  statement  that 
the  first  battel  of  Manassas  was  undoubtedly  a  draw. 
Young  Dabney  called  him  a  liar  and  the  teacher 
licked  him.  As  soon  as  the  young  chaps  in  the 
neighborhood  got  wind  of  the  affair  they  went  and 
done  Mr.  Pettingill  up  as  afoarsaid  and  now  there's 
no  school  in  Briar  Root.  But  that  ain't  much  of  a 
misfortune  these  hard  times.  I'm  glad  they've  got 
rid  of  Pettingill  for  I  heard  when  I  was  down  home 
the  other  day  that  he  had  ast  the  school  managers  if 
he  might  display  a  Stars-and-Stripes  flag  on  the 
school  house  same  as  was  done  in  the  North.  We 

can  dispens  with  him. 

#  *  -x- 

It  isn't  no  sure  thing  that  I'll  get  down  to  Florida 
to  that  fight.  It  ain't  certain  that  there'll  be  a  hus 
tle,  and  it's  a  long  ways  from  certain  that  I'll  have 
the  money  past  me  for  the  trip.  For  a  Democrat, 
that  Governor  Mitchell  has  acted  like  a  skunk, 
When  the  South  ceases  to  support  all  kinds  of  sportin 
it  will  lose  two-thirds  of  its  attractiveness  and  I  think 
I'll  turn  Puritan.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

12 


THE   MAJOR   REFLECTS. 


CLEVELAND  S  DISRUPTION  OF  THE  DEMOCRATIC 
PARTY — ANOTHER  INTERVIEW  WITH  RICHARD 
CROKER — THE  STORY  OF  A  POKER  PLAYER — A 
POOR  BRITISH  FIGHTER — HE  MEETS  A  HIGH  TYPE 
OF  SOUTHERN  GENTLEMEN, 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Jan.  26. 

I  want  to  say  that  when  I  come  up  to  this  Capital 
City  last  summer  it  would  have  been  worth  a  man's 
skalp  to  be  heard  sayin  a  word  against  Mr.  Jehovy 
up  in  the  White  House.  The  Democrat  that  didn't 
see  in  Mr.  Cleveland  the  consecrated  essense  of  Om- 
nipitence  was  either  skarce  or  he  knowed  how  to  con 
ceal  his  thoughts.  Now  you  can't  go  into  a  bar  room 
or  ride  in  a  street  car  or  set  in  a  theayter  or  indulge 
in  a  game  of  poker  without  hearin  somebody  a  cussin 
old  Cleveland.  It  makes  me  feel  proud  to  know  that 
I  was  the  first  man  from  the  South  to  discover  his 
sneakin  hypockrisy  and  bull  headedness,  to  say 
nothin  at  all  about  his  cowardice,  When  I  discov 
ered  him  dodging  behind  the  hay-stack  on  the  South 
ern  War  Claim  issoe  I  found  that  he  was  a  yaller 
dog.  And  you'll  be  good  enough  to  remember  that 
your  Uncle  Randolph  said  so.  But  I'm  beginnin  to 
feel  a  little  sorry  for  the  friendless  old  rhinocerass  in 
the  White  House  and  I  really  hate  to  hear  him  cust 
so  much.  Things  are  awfully  mixt  up.  Here's  one 
gang  of  Democrats  howlin  against  an  income  tax — a 
lot  of  Northern  sneaks  who  thinks  that  they'll  be 
(178) 


The  Major  Reflects.  179 

hurt  if  the  old  Robber  Barrens  have  to  give  up  a 
little  of  their  ill-gotten  gains  to  help  run  this  Govern- 
ment.  Then  the  Louisianna  Democrats  are  kickin 
because  their  sugar  tit  is  about  to  be  taken  away 
from  them.  A  few  fools  are  mad  about  the  new  is- 
shoeof  bonds  and  everybody  is  denouncin  old  Cleve 
land's  Hawaian  policy.  Whilst  this  is  proceedin  a 
few  Jimmydandies  is  growlin  because  Secretary  Car 
lisle  is  gettin  out  a  Columbus  medal  with  a  young 
man  on  it  with  a  few  less  clothes  on  than  some  of 
Lee's  shirt  tail  rangers  wore  the  last  few  months  of 
the  war.  If  we  dont  get  together  pretty  soon  and 
isshoe  a  fresh  grist  of  greenbacks  to  pay  off  the  South 
ern  Claims  I  wouldn't  be  at  all  surprised  to  see  the 
whole  country  go  to  h — 1  a  whoopin. 

•X-  -X-  -X- 

I  have  just  left  General  Richard  Croker.  He  called 
on  me  this  evenin  to  pay  his  respecks.  He  informed 
me  that  he  had  come  over  to  Washington  to  help  set 
things  right  up  in  the  Capitol,  especially  on  the  In 
come  tax.  I  soon  seen  that  Richard,  like  all  the  rich 
Wall  street  gang  of  goldbuggers,  was  no  better  than 
a  Republican  when  it  comes  to  touchin  the  Robber 
Barrens.  He  told  me  that  he  had  just  come  down 
from  the  White  House  where  he  had  been  havin  a 
long  confab  with  old  Grovy.  He  said  that  G.  had 
sent  for  him  as  soon  as  he  heard  that  he  was  in  town 
and  Richard  said  to  me :  "  Major,  that  man  needs 
friends.  He  is  forlorn  and  I  never  knowed  him  to 
be  so  willin  to  listen  to  other  people.  He  treated 
me  like  a  brother  and  he  wants  me  to  help  bring 
about  a  reconsillyation  with  Hill  and  all  the  boys. 
We've  made  up  and  he's  goin  to  stand  by  Tammany 
Hall  if  I  can  induce  Hill  and  Murphy  to  pull  off.  I 
know  all  about  your  trouble  with  him  and  I  know 
that  if  you'd  go  up  to  the  White  House  now  he'd 


i8o  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

reseive  you  like  a  prince  and  probably  agree  to  what 
you  want  about  the  Southern  War  Claims.  He 
wants  Southern  friends  worse  than  Bannager  wanted 
poteen  and  I  know  that  he  thinks  you  have  done 
him  great  injury  in  the  South  by  hangin  him  in  ef- 
fegy  and  cursin  him  from  Ballyhoo  to  the  Giants' 
Causewhy."  I  ast  him  if  Cleveland  had  mentioned 
me  and  he  told  me  he  had  and  that  he  thought  I  had 
been  instrumental  in  defeatin  Horn  Blower.  I  told 
him  that  begad  I  had  and  that  I  was  now  engaged  in 
everlastinly  knockin  the  sawdust  outen  Mr.  Peckhim. 
He  told  me  to  go  right  up  to  see  Cleveland  for  he 
was  ready  now  to  do  most  anything  to  save  P.  I 
told  him  it  would  be  ettykett  for  Mr.  Cleveland  to 
send  for  me,  in  view  of  what  had  occurred  and  that 
as  for  doin  anything  for  me,  about  this  time  a  loan 
of  about  $500  would  touch  the  spot.  I  told  him  I 
had  hinted  for  a  long  time  that  an  invite  to  the  White 
House  would  be  acceptable  to  me  but  that  I  had 
been  ignored  and  overlooked — couldn't  been  more 
overlooked  if  I  had  been  a  temperance  law  in  Ala 
bama.  But  Mr.  Croker  remarked  that  things  had 
changed  up  on  Goose  Creek  and  that  a  man  carryin 
an  olive  branch  up  there  now  was  as  welcome  as  a 
candy-treatin  teacher  in  a  country  school.  I  as- 
shoored  him  that  I  would  call  and  see  the  dejeckted 
President  durin  the  approachin  week.  I  told  Mr. 
Croker  about  a  fine  yearlin  colt  down  in  our  naybor- 
hood,  owned  by  Col.  Bourette  Spikes.  He  is  a 
Longstretcher  by  Lambaster,  dam  Lady  Gay  Spanker, 
and  I  think  he's  a  jumper.  Mr.  Croker  said  he'd 
drop  down  that  there  way  on  his  Southern  tour  and 
look  at  the  youngster.  I  give  him  nice  letters  to  lots 
of  our  people  and  no  flowers  of  May  ever  had  such  a 
welcome  as  he'll  get  in  the  Sunny  South.  There's 
the  kind  of  man  we  ought  to  have  for  President— 


The  Major  Reflects.  181 

barrin  his  leanin  toward  goldbuggin  ;  but,  bein  born 
in  Ireland,  I  suppose  we'll  have  to  go  without  him, 
but  it  looks  to  me  as  though  he  had  command  of 
about  all  that's  left  of  the  Demmercrat  party  in  the 
North  now.  I  was  gratified  to  hear  him  state  that 
my  friend  Gen.  John  Y.  McKane  would  soon  be 
relieved  of  the  annoyances  which  are  now  annoyin 

him. 

#  #•  # 

There  was  a  queer  sort  of  rooster  up  in  our  poker 
room  the  other  night  and  he  set  in  a  game  where  I 
had  a  hand.  I  noticed  that  he  had  lost  the  forefin 
ger  of  his  right  paw  and  I  ast  him  how  he  had  parted 
with  it.  He  said  that  some  years  ago  he  went  on  a 
poker-playing  trip  through  Texas  with  a  fellow  who 
was  a  smart  card  player  and  it  was  his  business  to 
set  around  the  table  as  a  stranger  when  the  playin 
was  goin  on  and  signal  his  pard  what  was  in  the 
hand  of  the  sucker  they  was  tryin  to  beat.  He  said 
he  would  set  careless  like  along  side  the  sucker  and 
when  he  could  get  a  glance  at  his  hand  he  would 
kind  o'  telegraf  by  stickin  out  of  his  fingers,  his 
hand  bein  loose  like  on  the  table.  If  he  stuck  out 
one  finger  the  sucker  had  two  pair,  two  fingers 
meant  threes,  three  fingers  mean  fours  and  four 
fingers  meant  a  flush.  The  sucker  got  onto  the 
trick,  and  when  he  saw  the  forefinger  stickin  out  he 
whipped  out  a  big  knife  and  cut  it  off.  We  all 
thought  that  it  was  a  funny  story  and  a  chap  in  the 
game  turned  round  and  said  :  "  What  a  lucky  thing 
it  was  for  you  that  the  cuss  with  the  knife  wasn't 

holdin  a  flush." 

#  •*  #• 

Owin  to  stringency  in  the  money  market  I  didn't 
go  down  to  Florida  to  see  the  prize  fight  and  I'm 
glad  I  didn't  go  for  I  was  goin  to  bet  a  little  on  that 


1 82  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

English  lummix  that  had  the  vertigo.  Think  of 
travelin  nine  hundred  miles  to  see  a  nine-minute 
fight !  How  Mr.  Mitchell  ever  got  the  name  of  bein 
a  fighter  I  dont  know,  but  he  must  have  had  some 
such  luck  as  a  company  cook  we  had  in  pur  redge- 
ment  had.  When  we  was  layin  in  front  of  Fredericks- 
burg  one  day  he  went  down  to  the  river  toards  evenin 
with  a  camp  kittle  to  get  some  water.  There  was 
two  other  soldiers  down  there  washin  their  feet. 
The  Yanks  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  river  opened 
fire  on  'em  and  the  cook  grabbed  one  of  the  feller's 
musket  and  cartridge  box  and  started  to  run.  His 
foot  got  caught  in  the  forks  of  a  fallen  tree  and  the 
other  fellers  got  away.  When  a  company  of  our 
boys  got  to  the  spot  they  found  the  cook  there  with 
his  musket,  a  couple  of  holes  through  his  close 
and  a  flesh  wound  in  the  arm.  They  supposed  the 
cuss  had  been  makin  a  big  fight  and  he  was  called 
Leonidas  for  a  long  time.  The  fact  is  the  coward 
couldn't  get  away  and  he  never  fired  a  shot,  for  he 
told  me  so  after  the  war,  but  every  man  in  the  redge- 
ment  envied  him  for  his  courage,  but  I  notice  he 
didn't  ast  for  any  promotion  and  kept  on  cookin  as 
long  as  there  was  anything  to  cook.  I  suppose  Mr. 
Mitchell  some  time  in  his  life  got  backed  up  into  a 
corner  where  he  couldn't  help  makin  a  little  record, 
but  my  opinion  is  he's  a  British  possum, 
•x-  *  •& 

A  letter  from  a  brother  of  Rube  Burrows,  an  old 
friend  of  mine,  who  lives  near  Jacksonville,  conveys 
the  pleasant  information  that  the  late  prize  fight 
was  the  means  of  relievin  the  financial  stringency 
thereabouts  to  a  very  gratifying  extent.  Persons 
who  haven't  seen  money  for  so  long  that  they  had 
almost  forgot  the  color  of  it  are  now  quite  flush  and 
confidence  is  in  a  measure  restored.  And  this  in- 


The  Major  Reflects.  183 

dicates  what  a  little  money  will  do  for  our  oppressed 
and  bleedin  secktion.  If  this  hog  Administration 
could  see  six  inches  ahead  of  its  dirty  snoot  it  would 
begin  to  pay  out  money  on  our  War  Claims  and 
spread  happiness  in  our  midst,  I  am  informed  by 
the  above  authority  that  some  of  the  oldest  and 
prowdest  families  in  Jacksonville  were  glad  of  the 
golden  opportunity  to  take  these  Northern  tuffs 
into  their  houses  and  entertain  them  endurin  the 
fight  for  the  money  they  got  out  of  them  for  board 
and  lodgin.  What  a  awful  scandal  and  shame  this 
is!  When  I  read  this  portion  of  the  Burrows  letter 
to  Colonel  Bushrod  Huger  he  wept  with  grief  and 
mortification.  <4To  think,"  said  the  gallant  old 
Colonel  "  that  it  would  come  to  this  when  our  Gov 
ernment  owes  us  so  many  hundreds  of  millions  of 
dollars  for  property  wrung  and  wrested  from  us  by 
the  mersenary  fiends  of  the  North."  The  Colonel's 
emotion  touched  me,  and  claspin  his  hand  I  regis 
tered  a  solemn  vow  that  I  would  never  relax  my 
effort  to  secure  justice  for  our  robbed  and  sufferin 
people.  This  is  about  the  six  hundreth  time  I  have 
registered  a  solemn  vow  to  the  same  effect,  and, 
bigad  every  one  of  them  goes ! 

*  #  * 

I  had  a  funny  circumstance  happen  to  me  the 
other  night  in  the  Metropolitan  Hotel  bar.  I  was 
talking  about  bur  War  Claims  with  Col.  Thurston 
Braxton  Twiggs  of  Texas,  and  I  invited  the  Colonel 
to  take  a  drink.  I  was  chinnin  away  when  the  bottle 
was  set  in  front  of  us,  and  havin  some  sugar  in  my 
glass  was  thotlessly  proceedin  to  mix  a  tod  when  the 
Colonel  turned  his  back  on  me  and  I  saw  he  was  hot. 
I  spoke  to  him  and  he  said  quite  hostile  like  :  "  You 
invited  me  to  drink,  sah,  and  I  accepted  your  hospi 
tality  ;  then,  sah,  you  proceeded  to  pour  your  licker 


1 84  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

first,  which  is  an  insult  to  a  gentleman.  Down  in 
Texas,  sah,  no  greater  disrespect  can  be  showed  a 
gentleman.  I  must  decline  to  participate  with  you, 
sah,  and  as  a  Southern  gentleman  I  am  ashamed  of 
you."  My  first  impulse  was  to  pick  up  the  bottle 
and  hack  the  old  man  over  the  brow-band  but  I  seen 
at  once  that  he  was  right.  I  explained  to  him  that 
I  had  been  in  Washington  so  long  that  I  had  lost  a 
good  deal  of  my  manners  and  I  apologized  as  best  I 
could.  We  treated  backwards  and  forwards  about 
twenty  times  and  you  ought  to  see  us  bow  and  pass 
the  bottle  to  each  other  as  we  called.  It  carried  me 
back  to  the  courtly  days  of  the  old  school.  Colonel 
Twiggs  is  as  fine  a  gentleman  as  I  ever  met  up  with 
though  just  now  he  is  in  a  little  trouble.  He  has 
come  away  from  home  temporarily  on  account  of 
havin  dealins  with  a  man  that  he  owed  $20  to. 
I  believe  that  in  the  altercation  growin  out  of  the 
matter  he  shot  the  blackguard,  who  is  now  layin  up 
with  a  broken  collar  bone  and  the  Grand  Jury  is 
threatenin  to  sue  the  Colonel. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


CARLISLE  AND  HIS  BOND  SCHEME. 


THE  MAJOR  CRITICISES  THE  MONEY  POLICY — HAPPY 
OVER  THE  INCOME  TAX  MEASURE — HOKE  SMITH 
AS  AN  ENTERTAINER— SAD  FATE  OF  SOUTHERN 
OFFICE  SEEKERS— THE  OLD  REBEL  YELL  IN  THE 
HOUSE  OF  REPRESENTATIVES. 


IOTSEHX*, 


"I'M  MAKING  CONVERTS  TO  THE  CAUSE  EVERY  DAY." 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Feb.  2. 

It  don't  become  me  to  be  talkin  out  loud  about 
finansheal  matters  for  I'm  a  pore  hand  in  that  line, 
havin  been  broke  steady  for  about  thirty  years,  but 

(185) 


1 86  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

it  does  make  me  grunt  to  see  the  way  John  Carlisle 
is  handlin  things.  Here's  as  smart  a  Kentuckian  as 
ever  drawed  a  card  gettin  ready  to  put  a  lot  of  Gov 
ernment  bonds  on  the  market  and  every  cussed  one 
of  em  already  taken  by  them  infernal  Shylocks  and 
gold  bugs  up  in  New  York  city.  What  does  this 
mean  except  that  a  lot  more  of  good  intrust  money 
is  to  go  into  the  pockets  of  these  same  money  Rob 
ber  Barens  who  has  been  robbin  us  for  years !  Of 
course  the  South  can't  buy  any  bonds  because  we're 
broke,  and  now  that  they  have  temporarily  killed  our 
State  Bank  scheme,  what  are  we  goin  to  do  for 
money  ?  Why,  we've  got  simply  to  force  through 
the  bill  to  pay  off  the  Southern  War  Claims.  Any 
man  who  has  got  as  much  sense  as  a  red  woodpecker 
knows  that's  the  only  way  to  get  money  into  the 
South.  That  money  will  go  square  into  Southern 
pockets  and  the  Yankees  wont  get  a  smell.  Any 
other  scheme,  I  don't  care  a  Continental  dam  what 
it  is,  will  help  the  Yanks.  I'm  in  hopes  our  idiots 
are  beginnin  to  see  this  thing  now  in  its  true  light. 
Its  not  interest  bearin  bonds  that  is  wanted  but 
money  that  will  go  into  circulation  in  strictly  South 
ern  circles.  I'm  makin  converts  to  the  cause  every 
day  and  if  I  only  had  a  little  money  to  oil  things 
you  bet  we'd  get  our  bill  through  before  Spring. 
#  *  * 

Mebby  we  old  Johnny  Rebs  wasn't  tickled  when 
we  got  the  Tariff  bill  and  the  Income  tax  through 
last  Thursday.  It  aint  much  of  a  Free  Trade  bill, 
but  it's  a  nice  starter.  And  that  Income  tax  is.  hot 
rags  for  us  Southern  fellers.  Judge  Fairfax  Carter, 
who's  good  at  riggers,  estimates  that  of  the  forty  or 
fifty  millions  a  year  which  this  tax  will  raise,  the 
South  won't  pay  10  per  cent.  That's  great.  "Time 
at  last  sets  all  things  even,"  as  old  Bob  Toombs  used 


Carlisle  and  His  Bond  Scheme.  187 

to  say.  We  started  in  to  give  these  dirty  Yankees 
the  hot  end  of  the  poker  and  we've  done  it  to  the 
Queen's  taste.  Of  course  every  rooster  from  Dixie 
went  on  a  spree  Thursday  night.  We  had  quite  a 
conviveal  gatherin  in  my  poker  parlor  and  I  set  it  up 
for  the  boys  right  peartly.  We  had  some  appropri 
ate  speeches  from  Huger  and  from  old  Colonel  Shan 
non  Slaughter,  from  Virginia,  who  is  here  visitin  his 
nephew,  who  is  a  member  of  Congress.  We  sung 
the  "  Bonny  Bleu  Flag,"  "  Dixie"  and  "  My  Mary 
land."  Major  Hawke  Hawkins,  of  our  State,  said  the 
joy  in  the  South  hadn't  been  so  great  sence  we  split 
old  Hooker  up  the  back  at  Chancellorsville.  I  told 
him  that  was  a  rather  an  unfortunate  remark,  for  we 
got  right  well  licked  after  that.  He  explained  that 
he  meant  to  simply  indicate  the  Southern  feelin  at 
that  time  and  let  bygones  be  bygones.  Southern 
members  of  Congress  kept  comin  into  the  place  all 
night  long  and  helpin  themselves  to  the  lickers  on  the 
boofay.  A  few  of  em  played  poker,  and  as  I've  got 
a  first  class  mechanic  here  from  New  York  we 
skinned  em  right  and  left.  My  man  passes  off  for  a 
Californy  gentleman  interested  in  a  bill  before  the 
House.  He  is  a  gentleman  appearin  man,  but  I  won't 
be  able  to  keep  him  long,  for  Southern  gentlemen 
won't  stand  much  losin.  I've  been  lookin  for  a  big 
kick  already.  After  another  big  rake-off  or  two  I'll 
have  to  let  him  jump  out  and  then  I  can  denounce 
him  as  a  card  sharper  who  got  into  my  place  unbe 
knownst.  But  to  come  back  to  politicks.  Old  Jim 
Cobb  was  in  to  say  that  there  was  no  doubt  about 
the  tariff  bill  goin  through  the  Senate,  Income  Tax 
and  all.  He  said  old  Peffer  told  him  so.  If  we  don't 
do  anything  else  this  session,  that'll  settle  it  that  the 
State  Bank  scheme  and  the  War  Claims  will  be  O.  K. 
for  next  session.  As  soon  as  the  pore  people  of  the 


1 88  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

North  find  that  the  rich  men  are  bein  forced  to  pay 
the  burdens  of  taxation  they'll  begin  to  have  confi 
dence  in  Southern  Statesmanship.  Then  we  can 
make  the  fur  fly. 

*  *  * 

Its  kind  o'  cheerin  to,  see  how  our  Geaujah  states 
man,  the  Hon.  Hoke  Smith,  is  keepin  his  end  up 
here.  When  it  comes  to  puttin  on  style  there  aint 
nobody  who  can  hold  a  candle  to  a  real  Southern 
gentleman.  Before  the  war  we  didn't  have  any  styl 
ish  people  or  horses  in  the  country  except  what  come 
from  the  South.  When  the  Yankees  got  rich  fightin 
and  robbin  us  and  then  got  up  their  infernal  Protec 
tion  scheme  to  keep  us  pore  they  begun  to  put  on 
airs,  but  they  never  had  the  aristocratic  Southern 
swing.  I  was  readin  in  the  Star  paper  the  other  day 
about  Hoke's  reception  to  the  Clevelands.  I  see 
that  the  house  was  filled  with  camelias  and  cheese 
straw  brought  from  Geaujah,  also  the  fruits  and  the 
smilax.  They  had  lillies-of-the-valley,  asparagus, 
butterflies  and  all  the  china  was  heirlooms  belonging 
to  the  great  Southern  Hoke  family.  They  had  harp 
music  and  fine  decorations  which  you  can  hire  here 
at  a  cost  of  about  $100.  But  the  dinner  they  served 
the  Clevelands  was  the  great  feature  of  the  entertain 
ment.  Hoke  brought  his  old  nigger  cook  up  from 
home  with  him.  She  used  to  belong  to  the  Cobb 
family.  She  give  em  Geaujah  beat  biscuit  and  roast 
pig  with  apple  sauce,  and  before  dinner  Hoke  give 
the  President  a  drink  of  home-made  whisky  out  of  a 
good  old  brown  jug  with  a  rale  corn-cob  stopper. 
The  President  was  delighted.  He  said  that  if  there 
was  anything  he  liked  it  was  a  meal  cooked  by  an 
old  Southern  nigger.  He  said  there  was  no  real  hos 
pitality  but  Southern  hospitality,  and  he  told  how 
when  he  first  come  to  Washington  he  found  Arthur's 


Carlisle  and  His  Bond  Scheme.  189 

French  cook  in  the  White  House.  He  discharged 
him  after  a  week  or  two  and  sent  up  to  Albany  for 
his  old  Irish  cook  who  could  give  him  corn  beef  and 
cabbage  and  fry  his  stakes  for  him,  That  delighted 
Hoke,  who  never  will  eat,  they  say,  Northern  cookin 
of  any  kind.  The  place,  however,  to  get  fried  chicken 
is  Mrs.  Toombs  boardin-house.  That's  what  we  hold 
our  Southern  boarders  on — that  and  whole-grain 
hominy.  While  I  feel  proud  of  Hoke's  big  blow  out, 
which  must  have  cost  him  over  $1,000,  I  couldn't  help 
thinkin  of  the  thousands  of  poor,  hungry  devils  down 
our  way  who  would  like  about  now  to  get  a  smell  of 
his  slop-barl.  But  its  necessary  to  cut  these  capers 
here  and  I'm  glad  to  see  that  the  South  has  took  the 
cake,  as  it  were.  But  I  notis  the  Cleveland  family 
isnt  givin  away  much  food  this  winter.  They  treated 
the  Cabinet  to  dinner  not  long  ago  and  now  they  are 
goin  around  eatin  it  out  of  em,  so,  as  the  gamblers 
say,  I  think  they'll  break  even  on  hash. 
*  *  * 

Pore  old  Aleck  Skates,  from  Goochland  County, 
Virginia,  who  died  here  in  the  hospital  yesterday, 
was  a  relation  of  my  wife's.  He  walked  all  the  way 
up  here  to  try  and  get  a  place  under  the  Govern 
ment.  He  toted  two  calf  skins  in  on  his  shoulder 
which  he  sold  and  then  hunted  me  up.  I  told  him 
there  was  no  earthly  chance  for  him  and  he  went 
and  got  drunk,  caught  cold,  got  newmonia  and 
kicked  the  bucket  as  mentioned.  I  only  refer  to 
this  sad  incident  to  impress  the  point  that  while 
Cleveland  is  shut  up  there  in  the  White  House  as 
unapproachable  as  the  Grand  Lamma,  and  Hoke 
Smith  and  the  rest  of  em  is  givin  big  dinners,  South 
ern  gentlemen  are  dying  of  broken  hearts  right  here. 
The  South  owns  the  town  and  is  apparently  runnin 
the  Country  but  the  fact  is  there  is  an  immense, 


190  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

amount  of  Southern  sufferin  here.  I  have  spoke  to 
some  of  our  fellows  about  organizin  a  Southern  Re 
lief  Corps  to  look  after  stranded  sons  of  the  South 
who  come  here  full  of  hope  and  expectations,  and 
who  are  actually  in  want.  The  borrowin  racket  is 
about  plaid  out.  Wonder  how  old  Cleveland  would 
like  to  subscribe  to  this  fund.  If  the  thing  is  organ 
ized  I'll  give  him  a  chance  and  I'll  take  the  paper  to 
him  myself  if  I  have  to  go  into  the  White  House 
through  a  winder. 


Mirabeau  Clay,  my  postmarster  down  at  Briar 
Root,  is  in  trouble.  Ever  sence  he  had  this  office 
Clay  has  been  more  or  less  drunk.  He's  a  hundred 
short  in  his  accounts  now  and  the  boys  of  the  neigh 
borhood  are  makin  it  up  for  him.  He's  been  trustin 
everybody  for  postage  stamps  and  been  gamblin 
more  than  usual.  Besides  the  receipts  of  the  office 
have  fallen  off  because  he  treated  the  niggers  so 
cussed  mean  that  they  all  do  their  postoffice  busi 
ness  now  down  at  Doless  P.  O.,  about  ten  mile  from 
us.  They  have  a  little  nigger  boy  that  they  send 
down  for  mail  on  a  mule  twicet  a  week  and  distribute 
it  at  Jeff  Ledlie's  stable.  This  may  be  against  the 
law.  I'll  have  it  looked  into.  All  this  my  son  Plan- 
tagenet  writes  me  and  he  asks  me  if  I  cant  chip  in  a 
$5  to  help  Clay  out.  See  him  damd  first.  I  got  him 
the  P,  O.  and  that's  enough  for  me. 

*  *  * 

I  want  to  say  it  done  my  old  military  soul 
good  to  hear  the  whoopin  and  howlin  in  the  House 
when  the  Tariff  bill  went  through.  I  was  in  the  gal 
lery  along  with  Lem  Tolliver  and  when  the  Dixie 
boys  carried  Mr.  Wilson  around  on  their  shoulders  I 
stood  up  and  give  the  old  Rebel  Yell  we  used  to  give 


Carlisle  and  His  Bond  Scheme.  191 

on  the  Chickahominy,  at  Bull  Run,  Antietam  and 
Fredericksburg  and  Chancellorsville  when  we  used 
to  start  for  the  blue  bellies  end  on.  Appreciatin  the 
great  occasion  I  took  a  pint  of  Bourbon  whisky  with 
me  when  I  went  up  to  hear  the  debate,  and  as  I  fin 
ished  my  wild  whoop  I  took  a  swig  that  went  clean 
down  to  my  waistband.  Lem  joined  in  the  yell 
chorus.  The  same  as  to  the  whisky,  too.  It  was 
one  of  the  great  events  of  our  history. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — I  am  heavily  reminded  that  this  here  2d 
of  February  is  Groundhog  day  and  I'm  about  out  of 
meat. 


FEDERAL  ELECTION  LAWS  REPEAL. 


THE  MAJOR  CONGRATULATES  THE  SOUTH— A  JOLLY 

CELEBRATION  —  TROUBLE    BETWEEN    YOUNG 
SOUTHRONS — SOUTHERN  STATESMEN  ABUSED. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Feb.  9. 

My  old  military  throat  hadn't  quite  recovered  from 
the  howlin  that  I  done  when  the  Tariff  bill  past  when 
long  come  the  death  nell  of  the  infemous  Federal 
Election  law.  It's  been  many  a  day  since  we  paid  as 
much  attention  to  that  law  as  a  stump-tail  bull  would 
pay  to  a  gadfly  on  his  horn  down  in  our  secktion, 
but  the  thing  had  to  go.  We  are  in  the  business  of 
wipin  from  the  statoots  the  evil  work  of  the  devlish 
Republican  party,  which  has  for  the  past  thirty 
years  kept  the  South  in  the  bonds  of  poverty  and  the 
gaul  of  bitterness.  Not  since  the  first  Manassas  fight 
have  I  gee-whooped  as  I  did  last  Thursday.  Just  as 
soon  as  I  heard  that  old  Ran.  Tucker  had  the  gold 
pen  that  old  Grover  Cleveland  signed  the  repeel  bill 
with  I  run  and  hunted  him  up.  I  found  him  in 
Shoomaker's  saloon  a  showin  it  to  a  crowd  of  good 
Southern  boys.  Randolph  Tucker  is  one  of  Virginia's 
noblemen.  His  brother  Beverly  used  to  keep  the 
Confederate  Refuge  up  in  St.  Catharines,  Canada, 
durin  the  war  and  many  a  poor  Southern  gentleman 
fleein  from  persecution  found  a  welcome  with  him. 
When  I  found  Ran.  he  had  the  sacred  pen  rapt  in 
cotton  in  a  beautiful  silver  box.  I  ast  him  to  be 
permitted  to  hold  it  in  my  hand.  He  obliged  me 
(192) 


Federal  Election  Laws  Repeal.  193 

with  the  true  courtesy  of  a  courtly  Southern  gentle 
man  and  after  I  had  kist  it  I  took  out  of  my  pocket 
a  relick  which  I  had  carried  for  years,  to-wit :  a  gold 
sleeve  button  that  I  took  from  a  Yankee  Colonel 
that  I  found  on  the  field  of  Gettysburg.  I'd  of  had 
the  other  one,  but  a  gentleman  belongin  to  Hood's 
Texas  forces  had  holt  of  that,  besides  a  watch,  a  ring 
and  a  nice  pair  of  epaletts.  With  Mr.  Tucker's  per 
mission  I  rubbed  the  pen  and  the  sleeve  button  to 
gether,  thereby  increasin  the  value  of  the  button  one 
hundred  per  cent,  as  a  relick.  I  told  Tucker  that  I 
intended  to  pass  this  seuvenir  down  through  my 
family  (I  expect  Oglethorpe,  my  youngest  son,  to 
furnish  me  with  a  grandchild  this  year).  After  we 
had  all  had  a  good  lot  of  toddy  by  way  of  celebra 
tion,  and  a  little  speech-makin,  I  rushed  over  and 
telegraft  to  my  son  Plantagenet  the  news  and  told  him 
to  fire  a  saloot  of  a  hundred  guns  on  "  old  Beaure- 
gard  " — that's  the  name  of  the  cannon  that  Wilson's 
men  left  in  our  parts  in  1865.  This  mornin  I  got  a 
message  from  him  sayin  :  "  Takes  money  to  buy 
powder.  Send  us  five  dollars."  In  an  instant  my 
joy  was  dashed.  Great  god  !  said  I  to  myself,  is  it 
possible  that  our  circumstances  is  so  much  redooced 
in  the  South  that  we  can't  raise  the  paltry  pence  to 
buy  a  little  powder  to  celebrate  the  greatest  triumph 
that  Democracy  has  acheeved  sence  old  Osserwat- 
tomy  John  Brown  was  hung  !  I  pawn  you  my  word 
I  was  pained  and  distrest.  I  didn't  send  the  money 
because  I  need  it  myself,  and  I  wanted  to  carry  the 
fresh  bitterness  of  this  hewmiliation  in  my  soul.  If 
I  had  been  at  home  you  bet  Briar  Root  would  have 
reverberated  with  the  belching  of  "  Beauregard  "  if 
I'd  had  to  levy  an  assessment  of  twenty-five  cents 
per  head  on  every  nigger  in  the  neighborhood.  Pov 
erty  is  nothin  new  in  our  place,  but  this  episode 

13 


194  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

drove  it  home  to  me  and  the  realization  of  the  hard 
ness  of  our  upness  in  consequence  of  a  quarter  of  a 
century  of  Republican  class  legislation  dam  near 
drove  me  mad.  But  the  doom  of  the  Robber  Baren 
is  pronounced.  We  are  on  his  fowl  trail  and  he'll 
be  up  a  tree  you  can  bet  before  the  daisies  peep  in 

Vermont. 

•x-  *  -x- 

In  our  poker  parlor  last  Tuesday  evening  there 
was  a  disturbance  of  serious  preportions.  A  young 
man  from  South  Caroleena  named  Hemphill  met 
accidently  at  the  roolet  table  (we  have  added  a  red 
and  black  wheel  to  our  business)  with  a  young  gen 
tleman  from  Tennessee  named  Pillow,  a  grand- 
nephew  of  General  Gid  Pillow,  and  he  unfortunately 
requested  him  to  liquedate  a  debt  of  $10  which  I 
understood  had  been  standing  since  New  Orleans 
Mardi  Graw  four  years.  I  always  regret  when  South 
ern  gentlemen  pass  a  polite  dun  in  my  place  for  I 
know  what  it  means.  I  wish  to  heaven  that  they'd 
transact  their  financeal  business  elsewhere.  Of 
course  young  Pillow  struck  his  insulter  and  a  mon 
key  and  parrot  time  ensooed.  Hemphill  drawed  a 
knife,  and  before  I  could  stop  the  nonsense  he  cut  a 
hole  in  Pillow's  face  that  reminded  me  of  a  gashed 
wattermellon.  The  row  was  such  that  an  offisheous 
police  come  in,  and  he  would  have  arrested  every 
body  in  the  place  if  I  hadn't  squard  matters  in  the 
old  way.  This  police  interference  with  private  mat 
ters  is  an  infernal  noosance,  and  it's  got  to  be  stopt 
when  the  Democrats  get  a  little  more  grip  on  the 
tail  of  this  here  government.  Down  South  affairs 
like  this  go  off  every  day  and  nobody  thinks  about 
invokin  the  law  any  more  than  they  do  when  a  neigh 
bor's  cow  is  sick.  The  tendency  to  deprive  every 
body  of  personal  liberty  has  been  growin  ever  sence 


Federal  Election  Laws  Repeal.  195 

the  New  England  Puritans  begun  to  stick  their 
snouts  into  Government  affairs.  There  was  a  chap 
from  Boston  in  our  place  when  this  row  come  off- 
how  he  got  in  I  don't  know — and  he  was  scairt  to 
death.  I  pushed  him  under  a  table  and  he  laid 
there  all  evenin  and  didn't  pay  a  cent  toards  squarin 
the  policeman  and  yet  next  day  when  he  come  in 
and  I  ast  him  to  loan  me  $10  he  refused  in  a  man 
ner  that  was  most  insultin.  I  have  sworn  that  I'll 
never  do  another  Northern  man  a  favor  or  a  kind 
ness  while  I'm  on  the  crust  of  this  here  earth. 
Speaking  about  the  way  we  do  affairs  of  personal 
character  down  South  I  want  to  say  that  when  my 
son  Plantagenet  was  only  nineteen  years  old  he 
quarreled  about  a  mulatto  girl  with  a  big  hulk  named 
Stivers  and  shot  him  in  three  places — in  the  jaw,  in 
the  left  arm  and  in  the  hip.  There  was  no  lawin. 
I  give  Stivers  $303  and  a  sorrel  two-year-old  colt  of 
old  Lignumvity  stock  that  turned  out  speedy  and 
he  sold  for  $450  cash.  After  he  got  shaped  up  he 
rode  past  our  place  one  day  when  I  was  settin  out 
on  the  verandy  absorbin  a  julep  and  he  hollered 
over  to  me :  "  Hay,  Maje,  tell  that  cock-eyed  son 
of  yourn  that  my  bones  is  all  sticht  together  agin 
and  he  can  take  another  crack  at  me  on  the  same 
terms."  That,  bigad,  is  civilization. 
•*•#•* 

A  villenous  oppersition  has  been  started  here 
against  the  confirmation  of  my  old  comrade,  Gen.  Joe 
Shelby,  of  Missouri,  who  Cleveland  has  had  the 
good  sense  and  decency  to  appoint  a  U.  S.  Marshal. 
It  is  charged  that  Joey  didn't  fight  fair  and  that  he 
shot  prisoners  and  nigger  children  and  Yankee  school 
marms  durin  the  war  and  done  a  little  lootin. 
What's  the  use  of  bringing  up  bygones  of  that  kind 
and  how  does  that  affect  office  matters  now  ?  An 


196  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

ex-Confederate  officer  told  me  in  the  Metropolitan 
bar-room  the  other  night  that  he  saw  old  Joe's  men 
on  one  of  the  Missouri  battle  fields  breakin  open  the 
heads  of  dead  Union  soldiers  with  rocks  in  order  to 
pick  the  gold  fillin  out  of  their  teeth.  He  said  one  of 
Shelby's  men  offered  to  sell  him  three  gold  plates 
and  a  lot  of  gold  fillin  that  he  had  pickt  up  in  the 
course  of  his  service.  Well,  what  of  it  ?  War  is 
war  and  nobody  ever  looked  for  ball  room  politeness 
on  the  field  of  battle.  Shelby  socked  it  to  the  Yan 
kees  wherever  he  found  'em,  and  I  respect  him  as 
one  of  the  noblest  and  most  chivalrick  men  that  up 
held  the  true  Cause.  He  was  a  terror  to  the  blue 
bellied  Yankees  and  I  honor  him.  If  I'd  had  his 
chance  I'd  have  made  just  such  a  record.  You  can 
bet  he'll  go  through  the  Senate  all  right.  He's  an 
old  man  now,  broken  down  by  his  hard  service  durin 
the  war,  and  the  Democratic  party  owes  it  to  him  to 
take  care  of  him  in  his  old  age.  I'm  sorry  he  can't 
be  pensioned  for  no  man  ever  deserved  better  at  his 
country's  hands. 

•*  -x-  •* 

In  at  Hancock's  saloon  the  other  night  I  was  dis- 
coursin  on  the  proud  intellectual  character  of  the  men 
who  the  South  has  been  sendin  to  the  Senate  sence 
the  war  and  comparin  them  with  the  mud  diggers 
that  the  North  has  been  sendin  here.  I  referred  to 
such  men  as  Zeb  Vance,  George  Vest,  Wade  Hamp 
ton,  Lamar,  Gordon  et  settery.  A  man  who  was  lis- 
tenin  to  me  said  :  "  I  happen  to  know,  sir,  that  for 
the  last  thirty  years  the  South  has  been  sendin  to  the 
Senate  a  lot  of  dead  beats  and  borrowers.  If  Sena 
tor  John  P.  Jones,  Zach  Chandler,  Leland  Stanford, 
Don  Cameron,  Tabor,  George  Hearst  and  a  lot  of 
our  rich  Senators  could  tell  their  stories  you'd  be 
ashamed  of  your  great  pennyroyal  statesmen.  There 


Federal  Election  Laws  Repeat.  iQj 

isn't  a  millionaire  Senator  from  the  North  that  hasn't 
loaned  to  your  frowsy  gang  from  $25,000  to  $100,000 
and  the  chance  of  gettin  back  a  dollar  isn't  as  good 
as  a  snow  ball's  chance  in  the  furnace  of  a  rail-mill. 
Your  old  retired  rebels  come  up  here  with  their  shirt- 
tails  flappin  in  the  breezes  and  they  think  they  have 
all  the  brains  and  '  honah '  and  gentility  in  the  land 
and  they  make  it  their  business  to  do  up  the  Pluto 
crats.  If  they  can't  do  it  playin  skin  poker  they  go 
to  borrowin.  Why,  blow  the  whole  hungry  gang,  if 
it  hadn't  been  for  the  rich  Northern  Senators  who 
took  pity  on  your  noble  Romans  the  crows  would 
have  picked  em  long  ago."  My  disposition  was  to 
cut  this  insolent  blackguard  down  but  I  come  to 
think  there  was  a  good  deal  of  truth  in  his  remarks. 
I  approve  the  way  in  which  our  distinguished  Sen 
ators  despoil  the  Egiptians.  Besides,  I  don't  want 
to  do  much  fightin  here  until  we  get  the  courts  and 
the  law  machinery  and  can  have  a  chance  as  we  have 

at  home. 

*  *  •* 

Old  George  Jones,  the  father  of  the  Greenback 
cause,  was  here  the  other  day.  He  has  just  issooed 
another  proclamation  designed  to  hold  the  Green- 
backers  together.  For  years  Jones  has  been  keepin 
his  party  alive  like  a  hunted  down  and  proscribed 
priest  keepin  the  coals  on  his  sacred  altar  alive  by 
blowin  them  with  his  feeble  breth.  I  advised  Jones 
to  join  with  me  in  urgin  the  payment  of  Southern 
War  Claims  in  greenbacks  and  he  saw  the  point. 
He's  got  to  see  a  fresh  slush  of  greenbacks  before  he 
dies  or  his  whole  life  will  be  a  failure.  I  told  him 
that  I  hated  and  despised  the  greenback  as  a  medium 
of  exchange  but  if  the  Democrats  issooed  'em  they 
would  be  acceptable  as  clover  to  bees  down  in  our 
secktion.  He  seen  the  points  and  I  think  he  will  be 


198  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

with  us.  If  we  can  get  an  indorsement  of  our  War 
Claims  in  the  next  platform  of  his  party  it  will  help 
us  mitily  for  the  Greenback  party  is  about  as  strong 
as  the  Populist  in  the  North.  Uncle  George  Jones 
looks  though  as  he  needed  greenbacks  like  a  man 
needs  a  pistol  down  in  Texas. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — I  regret  to  learn  that  my  old  friend,  Col 
onel  Waterhouse,  of  Warrenton,  lost  a  cockin-main 
down  at  Alexander  night  before  last  and  $250.  He 
has  good  chickens  but  he  is  not  keepin  up  his  breed 
as  he  should.  The  Alexander  people  have  the  Es- 
panola  stock  now  nicely  inbred  and  I  must  say  that 
I  never  saw  anything  gamer.  Fm  expectin  some 
eggs  up>from  Havana  this  month. 


THE  SINKING  OF  THE  KEARSARGE. 


BRIAR  ROOT  REJOICES — THE  MAJOR  WRITES  A  POEM 
ON  THE  OLD  YANKEE  SHIP — HE  HAS  A  BRIEF  IN 
TERVIEW  WITH  THE  PRESIDENT — WHY  THE  TAR 
IFF  BILL  IS  NOT  ACCEPTABLE. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  Feb.  16. 

Bein  prest  for  time  last  week  I  neglected  to  dash 
off  a  few  thoughts  on  the  sinkin  of  that  old  Yankee 
ship,  the  Keersarge,  but  my  mind  is  called  to  the 
matter  by  a  series  of  resolutions  adopted  at  a  hasty 
called  meetin  held  in  Brier  Root  last  week.  My  boys 
got  up  the  meetin.  Old  Simon  Kenton  Driscoll  pre 
sided  and  some  hot  speeches  was  made  by  Mirabeau 
Clay,  P.  M.,  and  others.  The  resolutions  referred  to 
are  as  follows : 

Whereas,  The  U.  S.  Warship  Keersarge  has  been  wrecked, 
we,  the  citizens  of  Brier  Root  and  neighborhood,  Alabama,  feel 
called  upon  to  take  advantage  of  the  incident  in  order  to  set 
right  an  important  feature  of  American  history.  Therefore, 
be  it 

Resolved,  That  the  Confederate  cruiser  Alabama  was  a  credit 
to  our  noble  State. 

Resolved,  That  the  battle  between  the  Keersarge  and  the 
Alabama  was  not  fought  fair  on  the  part  of  the  enemy  and  that 
the  victory  achieved  over  the  Alabama  was  a  disgrace  to  the 
Navy  of  the  Federal  Government. 

Resolved,  That  we  cherish  the  memory  of  Admiral  Raphael 
Semmes  and  that  we  rejoice  to  know  that  the  Keersarge  is  at 
the  bottom  of  the  sea. 

I  am  right  glad  to  say  that  these  resolutions 
touched  me  in  the  right  spot.  They  was  written  by 

d99) 


2oo  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

my  son  Plantagenet,  who  has  stuff  in  him.  I  expect 
to  see  him  in  the  Legislature  ear  long.  I  want  to 
say  about  this  Keersarge  business  that  I  knowed  old 
Rafe  Semmes  quite  well.  His  heart  was  broke 
about  the  way  that  Keersarge  took  advantage  of 
him.  He  supposed  that  she  was  about  his  size  and 
weight  and  he  thought  he  had  a  sure  thing  on 
knockin  her  out.  If  he  had  knowed  that  the  Keer 
sarge  had  her  sides  covered  with  log  chains  and 
sneakinly  covered  up  with  black  planks  he'd  a  seen 
her  damd  before  he  would  have  come  out  of 
port  and  fout  her  like  a  gentleman.  He  told  me 
that  he  knowed  that  his  powder  was  poor  and  he 
had  a  notion  to  ast  Captain  Winslow  to  lend  him 
some  of  his'n,  but  he  didn't  want  to  ast  any  favors 
of  a  miserable  Yankee.  He  was  glad  afterwards  that 
he  didn't  when  he  found  that  the  Yankee  sneaks  had 
covered  their  dirty  ship  with  armor.  We  of  the 
South  had  no  more  respect  for  Winslow  than  we  al 
ways  had  for  a  man  who  would  fight  a  duel  in  a  steel 
undershirt  unbeknownst  to  his  adversary,  It  was 
the  same  thing  exactly.  Semmes  thought  he  was 
fightin  an  honorable  duel  and  he  was  simply  buncoed 
by  a  Yankee  poltroon.  I  know  that  if  it  hadn't  been 
for  the  prejudice  in  the  country  after  the  war 
Semmes  would  have  placed  the  whole  matter  in  the 
hands  of  a  Court  of  Honour.  If  he  had  I  know 
that  Captain  Winslow  would  have  been  disgraced 
for  he  was  guilty  of  false  pretentses  and  of  conduct 
unbecomin  of  a  gentleman  and  a  naval  officer.  I 
was  always  proud  of  my  State  and  of  the  ship  Ala 
bama.  She  gave  us  lots  of  glory  and  honour. 
•*  •*  •& 

After  a  good  deal  of  thinkin  about  the  Keersarge 
I  sat  down  and  written  this  little  poem  about  the 
Alabama  which  I'll  send  down  to  the  boys.  I  ain't 


The  Sinking  of  the  Kearsarge.  2OI 

much  on  poetry  but  when   I'm  pushed  I  can  do  a 
little  in  that  line,  to  wit : 

Oh  sound  the  glad  tidin's  o'er  Egyp's  dark  Daughter, 
Jehovah  has  conquered  the  same  as  he  oughter; 
The  wicked  old  war  ship  that  brought  Semmes  to  grief 
It  busted  to  flinders  on  Roncador  Reef! 

Come,  cash  in  your  checks,  boys,  and  fill  up  the  kittv, 
You  all  chip  in  freely  whilst  I  sing  this  ditty — 
A  great  shaft  of  triumph  we'll  rear  on  the  spot 
Where  the  Keersgarge  went  down  without  firm  a  shot : 

The  chains  that  hung  on  her  old  bullworks,  Doddammer. 
And  helped  her  to  sink  our  bold  Alabama, 
That  glorious  piroot,  will  now  do  for  relics — 
Oh,  I'm  so  bellicose,  now,  I'm  plum  full  of  bellies  ! 

Hurray  and  Hooroar,  the  old  Keersarge  has  perished, 
Here's  hoping  the  same  to  the  old  cause  she  cherished ! 
A  column  shall  deck  Roncdaor  hunkadory 
In  honor  of  Semmes  and  the  Alabam's  glory  ! 


What  do  you  think  of  me  ?  I've  been  up  at  the 
White  House  talkin  with  Cleveland  again.  It  come 
about  this  way.  As  the  head  of  the  committee  ap 
pointed  to  raise  funds  for  the  busted  Southern  men 
here  lookin  for  office  I  made  up  my  mind  to  see  the 
old  Stuff  and  give  him  a  chance  to  put  down  his 
name.  I  saw  that  skunk  Thurber  and  told  him  my 
business.  He  tried  to  bluff  me,  but  he  saw  that  I 
was  out  on  business  and  so  he  went  in,  saw  Grover, 
and  I  was  invited  to  step  in.  He  wasn't  a  bit  sweet, 
but  he  looked  at  my  subscription  paper.  Turnin  to 
me  and  tryin  to  smile  a  little  he  said :  "  Major,  I 
am  sorry  we  havn't  been  gettin  along  nicely  but  I 
must  say  I  think  the  fault  or  the  misunderstandin 
has  been  on  your  side  and  not  on  mine."  I  simply 
said  that  I  regretted  the  driftin  apart  but  I  said,  "  Mr 
President,  you  are  not  with  me  and  the  Southern 


2O2  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

people  on  the  great  War  Claims  issooe  and  until  you 
are  it  won't  be  possible  for  me  to  be  right  pleasant 
with  you.  If  you'll  give  me  a  chance  to  set  down 
and  talk  to  you  some  day  I  think  I'll  be  able  to  con 
vince  you  that  your  standin  in  your  own  light.  But," 
1  continued,  "  I'm  here  for  business  to-day."  After 
gazin  at  my  paper  he  said  kind  o'  soft  like  :  "  Major, 
I'm  really  sorry  for  the  starving  Southerners  here  in 
Washington,  but  you  understand  I  didn't  invite  'em 
to  come  here."  I  said  that  as  Democrats  they  had 
a  perfect  right  to  come  up  and  ast  for  recognition  at 
his  hands.  They  didn't  have  to  wait  for  invitations, 
bein  good  Democrats.  The  President  took  his  pen 
and  subscribed  $5.  That  was  $4  more  than  I  ex 
pected  to  get  and  I  thanked  him.  He  saw  that  he 
hadn't  made  a  hit  and  so  he  pulled  out  $i  and  made 
it  $6.  I  thanked  him  a  little  more.  I  felt  like  the 
old  nigger  preacher  we  had  down  our  way,  old  Rev. 
Hoogley  Gabboon,  who  went  around  collectin 
money  for  a  Methody  Church.  He  called  on  Mr. 
Hedges,  the  merchant  down  in  Tuskeegee.  Hedges 
put  down  a  $1.50  on  his  paper  but  the  old  nig  didn't 
see  very  well  and  he  thought  it  was  only  one  dollar. 
He  said :  "  De  lord  bress  you  Mistah  Hedges ;  I 
prays  dat  de  dollar  dat  you  gib  de  church  will  bring 
you  a  hundred  thousand."  Hedges  handed  him  a 
$1.50  and  the  old  nig  seein  the  extra  half  dollar, 
shouted  out :  "  Why,  Mr.  Hedges  you  done  increase 
your  subscription  !  Den  I  done  increase  my  pra'r." 
That's  the  way  I  felt  about  old  Cleveland.  As  I 
shook  hands  to  leave  him  he  told  me  that  he  wanted 
to  have  a  talk  some  day  and  I  can  tell  you  right  now 
that  old  Bullhead  is  gettin  reddy  to  change  his  pol 
icy.  He  knows  that  he  has  got  to  lean  on  the  South 
for  support  and  he  knows  that  there  is  only  one  way 
to  win  the  affection  of  the  South — pay  us  what  the 


The  Sinking  of  tlic  Kcarsarge.  203 

Government  owes  us.     If  I  can  get  about  an  hour's 
chat  with  Grovy  I'll  fetch  him. 

•*  -x-  # 

From  the  weekly  newspapers  that  is  reachin  me 
from  the  South  I  see  that  some  of  the  folks  in  Makin 
County  are  still  celebratin  the  Wilson  bill  victory,  as 
they  call  it.  These  Yallerhammers  down  there  are 
altogether  too  thankful  for  small  favors.  The  Wilson 
bill  is  a  big  thing,  but  it  ain't  what  we  want  at  all. 
We  want  square-toed  Free  Trade  and  the  freer  the 
better.  I  ain't  in  sympathy  with  the  people  of  Bir 
mingham,  in  my  State,  who  want  to  proteck  iron 
and  coal  because  of  their  confounded  mills.  Mills 
and  factories  in  the  Sunny  South  is  mere  incerdents 
in  our  great  economick  system  and  there  is  no  need 
of  caterin  to  a  few  iserlated  spots.  What  Congress 
ought  to  do  is  to  legislate  for  the  whole  South  and 
if  it  does  this  we  will  have  the  Free  Trade  that  the 
sainted  Calhoun  advocated  so  eloquently  and  ably. 
Of  course  when  we  get  this  Free  Trade  for  the  South 
such  towns  as  Birmingham,  Anniston  and  Chatta 
nooga  can  be  fenced  in  and  planted  in  cotton  and 
terbacker.  As  "  industrial  centres  "  they  will  be 
busted  wide  open,  and  for  one  I  will  be  glad  of  it. 
We  uns  of  the  South  can  well  afford  to  give  up  these 
places  knowin  as  we  will,  that  the  hated  and  insolent 
North  will  suffer  the  loss  of  thousands  of  her  best 
towns.  It  makes  _me  fairly  glote  when  I  think  of 
the  destetution  that  Free  Trade  will  spread  among 
the  factory  towns  in  New  England.  Want  and  misery 
will  set  grinnin  on  every  hearthstone,  and  that  is  just 
what  I  want  to  see  in  these  proud  and  pampered  "  in 
dustrial  centres, "so  called.  When  the  people  of  Lynn, 
Worcester  and  towns  of  that  class  git  down  to  the 
basis  of  goin  barefooted  in  the  winter,  like  the  op 
pressed  people  of  the  South  have  been  doin  for  the 


2O4  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

past  25  years,  then  and  not  till  then,  will  I  be  ready 
to  concede  that  things  is  comin  exactly  our  way  on 
the  tariff  question. 

*  *  * 

The  joy  that  we  all  feel  here  about  the  kickin  of 
the  sawdust  out  of  Peckham  is  dashed  by  the  news 
that  General  John  Y.  McKane  has  been  found  guilty 
of  election  frauds  in  Brooklyn.  What  kind  of  Demo 
cratic  management  is  this?  Who  set  up  that  jury  in 
a  Democrat  county  to  give  a  verdick  against  one  of 
the  best  Democrats  that  ever  lived?  Why,  down 
with  us  we'd  sooner  think  of  puttin  a  crown  on  the 
head  of  a  man  like  McKane  than  sending  him  to  jail. 
What  encouragement  is  that  for  Democrats  to  turn 
out  and  do  extra  work  for  the  Cause  if  there's  to  be 
no  protecktion  in  the  courts.  When  I  saw  Mr.  Mc 
Kane  last  November  I  advised  him  privately  to  go 
right  down  South  and  go  into  politicks  where  he 
could  be  proteckted  and  rewarded.  He  was  not  a  bit 
afeard,  and  he  said  he'd  stay  right  there  and  fight  it  out. 
What  sort  of  men  is  Boss  McLaughlin  and  Gen. 
Richard  Croaker  that  they  allow  McKane  to  be  out 
raged  in  this  cruel  way  ?  Begad  it  seems  to  me  that 
Congress  ought  to  do  somethin  in  this  matter. 
There'll  soon  be  no  Democrat  workers  in  the  North 
if  this  thing  goes  on. 

•5f  *  #• 

My  boy  Ogle  writes  me  that  our  neighbor,  Mahlon 
Burrows,  has  just  got  back  from  a  trip  up  North  and 
that  he  is  clean  broke.  He  went  on  to  lay  in  a  stock 
of  " green  goods"  for  the  Spring.  He  got  done  up 
for  about  $800,  all  the  money  he  could  scrape  to 
gether.  He's  got  a  morgage  on  his  place.  He's 
about  the  twenty-fifth  man  in  our  secktion  around 
Brier  Root  that  has  be"en  skinned  by  these  Northern 
scalawags.  I've  tried  for  years  to  stop  it.  Why, 


The  Sinking  of  the  Kearsarge.  205 

these  Yankee  bunco  men  have  took  on  an  average 
about  a  hundred  dollars  a  week  out  of  our  county 
for  the  past  fifteen  years.  That's  been  a  heavy  drain 
on  us,  but  nothin  can  be  done  with  fools.  I've  made 
it  a  rule  all  my  life  to  have  a  little  counterfeit  money 
on  hand  but  I  know  where  to  get  it  and  how.  I'm 
nobody's  sucker  in  that  matter  I'm  tellin  you. 

Yours  'truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. —  Had  another  little  touch  of  delerum  tremens 
in  the  early  part  of  the  week,  caused,  I  think,  very 
largely  by  the  suddent  change  of  weather.  But  Lem 
Tolliver  took  two  of  my  chickens  over  to  Baltimore 
and  won  $100  and  divided  fair,  and  that's  fun  for  me. 
He  -won  $50  of  it  from  a  fellow  from  Anna  Randell 
County,  Maryland,  who  has  challenged  him  to  fight 
a  duel  on  account  of  his  not  tellin  him  that  he  was 
usin  Mexican  gaffs.  As  soon  as  I  brace  up  a  little  I 
am  to  act  as  second  and  the  affair  isn't  to  come  off 
till  the  weather  gets  warm. 


THE  SOUTH  COMING  TO  THE  FRONT. 


ANOTHER  SUPREME  COURT  JUSTICE  SECURED — A 
FEW  REMARKS  ABOUT  GENERAL  SICKLES — THE 
SIGNIFICANCE  OF  SOME  NORTHERN  ELECTIONS — 
A  RELIEF  FUND  FOR  DISTRESSED  SOUTHERN  OF 
FICE  SEEKERS. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  Feb.  23. 

Notwithstandin  the  general  tendency  of  President 
Cleveland  to  act  a  wild  hog  you  will  observe  that  the 
glorious  old  South  is  slowly  gettin  thar.  Well,  I 
really  thought  that  the  hand  of  Providence  showed 
up  the  other  day  when  old  Cleveland,  after  tryin  for 
several  months  to  make  a  Supream  Judge  in  the 
State  of  New  York,  walked  right  into  the  State  of 
Louisiana  and  took  one  of  our  ablest  Southern  Jew- 
rists.  Why,  old  Moses  never  had  sech  divine  assist 
ance  and  direction  as  old  Cleveland  seems  to  have  at 
times.  Things  are  really  comin  our  way,  indead.  I 
was  figgerin  with  Lem  Tolliver  on  Tuesday  and 
we've  got  it  down  so  fine  that  we  can  bet  that  a  ma 
jority  of  the  Supream  Court  will  be  composed  of 
Southern  men  before  Cleveland's  time  is  out.  The 
deaths  and  retirements  will  do  the  business  if  Cleve 
land  will  do  his — and  it  looks  that  way.  A  South 
ern  Supream  Court  is  what  we  want  above  every 
thing  else.  Just  think  of  it !  Why,  we  can  then 
declare  the  war  unconstitutional  and  collect  every 
cussed  dollar  of  damages  and  expenses  run  up  while 
we  was  bein  jumpt  on.  Old  Judge  Fairfax  Carter 
says,  what's  more,  that  if  the  war  on  us  was  uncon- 
(206) 


The  South  Coming  to  the  Front.  207 

stitutional,  as  it  clearly  was,  a  decree  to  that  effeck 
will  make  it  encumbent  on  the  Federal  Government 
to  restore  the  statis  quo,  and  that  will  put  us  back 
where  we  was  with  slavery  restored.  The  same  doc 
trine  that  Cleveland  has  been  proclaimin  in  Hawaya 
will  apply  to  our  case.  It  makes  me  dizzy  with  joy 
when  I  think  of  the  glorious  future  which  opens  up 
to  the  people  of  the  South.  The  old  Cradle  of  Lib 
erty  is  a  rockin,  you  bet.  All  that  is  wanted  is  for 
Cleveland  to  stand  right  solid  with  us.  It  peers  like 
he  is  gettin  more  sense  into  him  every  day.  Why, 
he  knows  that  there  aint  any  Democratic  party  worth 
dependin  on  outside  of  Dixie,  and  he  certainly  knows 
who  it  was  that  nominated  him  three  times  and 
elected  him  twicet. 

•x-  *  * 

I'm  pretty  tired  of  the  cavortin  of  old  Gen.  Dan 
Sickles  around  here.  He  went  against  the  party  on 
the  Hawayan  matter  and  he's  against  us  on  pensions 
and  a  good  many  other  things.  Every  time  I  see 
that  old  galoot  hobblin  around  here  on  his  crutches 
I'm  mad,  for  he  passes  off  as  the  great  War  Demo 
crat.  Oh,  yes  ;  Old  Ben  Butler  was  a  "  War  Demo 
crat."  I've  got  no  use  for  such  cattel.  Our  boys 
have  about  made  up  their  minds  to  make  old  Sickles 
give  up  his  seat  in  the  House  or  get  off  the  army 
rolls  whar  he's  drawin  pay  as  a  retired  Major-General. 
He  cant  hold  both  places.  Besides,  I  think  we  will 
get  his  pension  away  from  him  before  we  quit.  I 
heard  a  party  of  smart  Southern  gentlemen  cussin  him 
yesterday  and  one  of  'em  said  that  it  was  an  infernal 
lie  about  Sickles  havin  his  leg  shot  off  at  Gettysburg. 
I  think  it  was  Col.  Joel  Tarlton,  of  Geaujah,  that  said 
that  Sickles  was  runnin  away  from  the  fightin  in  the 
peach  orchard  and  was  half  a  mile  to  the  rair  on  the 
Baltimore  pike  when  he  run  into  a  mule  train  that 


208  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

was  haulin  ammunition  and  hurt  his  leg  so  that  he 
had  to  have  it  sawed  off.  We  are  all  denouncin  him 
as  a  coward  here,  and  if  we  can  get  this  story  a  goin 
we'll  find  men  to  swear  to  it,  and  its  peanuts  to  putty 
that  we'll  have  the  old  fraud  off  the  pension  rolls  be 
fore  six  months.  No  man  that  fout  against  the  South 
can  be  depended  on  to  be  with  us  through  thick  and 
thin.  It  isn't  natural.  I  don't  want  any  old  cripple 
Union  War  veteran  Democrats  in  mine  and  I've  just 
wrote  to  some  friends  down  in  Atlanta  to  put  .a 
stop  to  this  scheme  to  bring  the  old  chicken 
thieves  of  the  G.  A.  R.  down  there  to  camp  next 
year.  We  had  enough  of  them  filthy  bummers  durin 
the  war,  and  now  that  we  don't  have  to  toady  to  em 
I'm  for  lettin  'em  slide.  While  we  are  engaged  in 
cuttin  off  their  pensions  it  wont  be  good  taste  to  be 
askin  'em  to  pay  us  a  friendly  visit.  The  presence  of 
25,000  of  these  old  hellhouns  in  Atlanta  would  be  an 
insult  to  every  Southern  mother  who  had  a  son  in 
the  war.  #  ^  ^ 

There  has  been  more  or  less  chucklin  around  here 
this  week  on  the  part  of  the  yaller  dog  Republicans 
over  the  elecktion  in  Pennsylvania  the  other  day. 
Suppose  the  Republicans  did  roll  up  a  pretty  stiff 
majority,  what  does  it  matter  to  us?  Pennsylvania 
has  always  been  against  us.  When  we  visited  there 
in  1863  with  General  Lee  we  found  no  friends  to 
speak  of,  and  yet  we  knoct  the  eye  out  of  many  a 
Yankee  after  that,  and  now  after  thirty  years  we  can 
tell  every  old  Robber  Barren  in  the  State  to  go  to  Brim 
stone  Valley,  which  is  four  miles  this  side  of  Hades. 
The  miserable  State  of  Pennsylvania  has  been  pam 
pered  and  protected  until  every  chucklehead  workin- 
man  in  the  old  State  thinks  he  is  "award  of  the  Na 
tion,"  same  as  the  old  pension  bums.  I  think  it 
would  be  cheaper  to  put  'em  all  on  a  pension  roll 


The  South  Coming  to  the  Front.  209 

than  to  keep  up  this  Protecktion  system,  which  is 
hourly  impoverishin  and  robbin  the  oncet  productive 
South.  If  this  elecktion,  which  the  Yanks  are  snick- 
erin  over  so  much,  has  any  meanin  it  is  that  the 
Democrats  must  see  in  it  a  rebuke  for  their  going  so 
slow.  Failure  to  execute  pledges  is  always  disaster- 
ous.  If  we  had  got  our  Free  Trade  machine  a  run- 
nin  the  State  of  Pennsylvania  would  not  have  dared 
to  vote  as  it  did  Tuesday.  But  to  halifax  with  Penn 
sylvania,  anyhow. 

*  *  * 

There  is  considrable  chafin  in  Southern  circles 
about  a  speech  made  by  old  Abe  Hewitt  in  New 
York  on  the  occasion  of  the  celebration  of  the  birth 
day  of  that  great  Virginia  Statesman,  George  Wash 
ington.  This  man  Hewitt  never  was  no  friend  of  the 
South.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  him  Tilden  would  have 
been  President  in  1877  and  the  South  would  have 
got  its  rights  about  ten  years  before  it  did.  Our 
people  here  say  that  Hewitt  is  crazy,  that  he  never 
told  the  truth,  that  he  is  an  old  Protecktion  goldbug 
and  that  he  had  contracts  durin  the  war  to  furnish 
gun  carriages  for  the  Union  army.  He  has  always 
hated  the  South.  I've  heard  a  hundred  Southern 
gentlemen  denounce  him  to-day  and  I  think  he  will 
be  posted  before  Sunday.  Every  Southern  State 
ought  to  proclaim  such  an  infemous  old  slanderer  an 
outlaw  and  put  a  price  on  his  hoary  head.  I'm  sur 
prised  at  the  Southern  Society  in  New  York  listenin 
to  such  a  vitooperative  old  slanderer.  Why  wasn't 
he  dragged  down  off  the  platform  and  stomped? 
What  sort  of  sneaks  is  the  Southern  Society  of  New 
York  made  up  of  ?  A  lot  of  money-grabbin  specu 
lators,  I'll  warrant.  Wouldn't  give  a  dam  a  thousand 
for  Southern  men  unless  they  have  the  old  stock  in 
'em.  I  mean  the  old  aristocratic  fightin  stock, 
14 


2IO  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I've  just  made  out  my  first  report  as  Chairman  of 
the  Southern  Relief  Fund.  With  the  assistance  of 
Tolliver  I've  raised  and  disburst  $237.80.  With  this 
we  supplied  funds  to  48  needy  persons,  sendin  six  of 
'em  home,  buryin  two  and  takin  $25  for  myself  and 
$25  for  Tolliver.  I  think  this  is  a  good  showin. 
The  most  remarkable  thing  to  me  is  that  not  a 
cussed  one  of  these  office-seekers  wants  to  go  home. 
They  live  on  here  from  day  to  day  in  hope  because 
they  had  all  heard  stories  about  fellers  that  have 
staid  here  two  years  and  then  got  nice  offices.  After 
a  man  has  been  here  for  a  year  borin  his  Senators 
and  his  member  they  get  together  and  go  to  the 
President  and  demand  a  place  for  the  poor  devil  just 
to  get  rid  of  him.  That's  the  game  that  a  good 
many  of  our  Southern  boys  are  playin.  Besides,  a 
heap  of  the  first  batch  of  Counsels  sent  out  will  be 
gettin  drunk  and  disgracin  theirselves  soon  and  there 
will  be  some  vacancies  same  as  there  was  in  the 
China  case  of  my  cousin  Hamp.  Hoge.  Of  course 
these  vacancies  has  got  to  be  filled. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — You  will  notis  that  General  Joe  Shelby,  the 
great  Yankee  scalper,  was  confirmed  as  slick  as 
grease  the  other  day.  I've  just  wrote  a  letter  of 
congratulation  to  the  gay  old  swordsman  and  I'm 
goin  up  to  Delaware  with  some  friends  on  Saturday 
to  see  a  lot  of  niggers  whipped.  Delaware  is  one 
State  in  this  aggregation  of  sovereign  States  thataint 
ashamed  to  keep  a  whippin  post  for  niggers.  It 
works  well,  too,  and  I'm  goin  to  report  in  favor  of  it 
for  Alabama. 


CALAMITY   OVERTAKES  THE   MAJOR. 


HIS  POKER  ROOM  CLOSES  UP  IN  CONSEQUENCE  OF 
HARD  TIMES— THE  PRESIDENT'S  ALLEGED  HUNT 
ING  EXCURSION— COLONEL  DUNBAR'S  NEW  PAR 
TY— ANOTHER  SALOON  BRAWL— HOMINY  HALL 
AND  ITS  VICISSITUDES. 


\L 


"  WE  CLINCHED  AN  HE  THROWED  ME." 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  March  9. 

This  has  been  a  sort  of  distressin  week  for   me. 
For  some  time  back  business  has  been  very  dull  in 

(211) 


The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

my  poker  room,  owin  to  the  general  financeal  depres 
sion.  My  game  has  catered  specially  to  members  of 
Congress  but  sense  the  Senatorial  gamblin  game  was 
opened  I  have  felt  the  competition  keenly.  Men 
that  uset  to  drop  into  my  place  almost  every  even- 
in  and  take  a  hack  at  draw  are  now  nosin  around 
tickers  all  day  and  rubbin  their  sore  spots  at  night. 
This  week  the  gamblin  on  shugar  up  in  the  Senate 
knockt  me  out,  and  Mose  Hampton,  my  pardner,  al 
though  a  mulattoe,  is  a  sharp  business  man,  he 
swore  that  he  wouldn't  pay  rent  any  longer  and  so 
we  closed  down.  We  haven't  cleared  rent  for  two 
weeks  and  I  owe  Mose  $100  borrowed  money.  This 
blow  falls  heavy  on  me  for  as  long  as  I  had  a  reglar 
business  here  I  had  a  sort  of  standin  with  the  Demo 
crats.  What  makes  me  cussed  mad  is  that  all  these 
hard  times  that  folks  is  whinin  about  is  dew  entirely 
to  the  stupidity  of  our  people  in  Congress — I  mean 
our  Southern  people  who  are  responsible  for  legisla 
tion.  Of  course  the  new  Tariff  bill  was  expected  to 
to  knock  the  eye  out  of  the  North  and  split  the  Rob 
ber  Barens  up  the  back,  but  there  was  no  use  to  make 
the.  South  suffer  any  more  than  it  has  for  the  past  25 
years.  If  we  had  past  the  law  to  start  the  State 
banks  and  had  paid  off  even  a  sheer  of  the  Southern 
War  Claims  the  folks  down  in  our  secktion  would 
have  been  eatin  lark  pie  by  this  time.  But  between 
the  wild  hogs  and  the  cowardly  lunk-heads  up  in  the 
Capitol  we  are  all  bein  drove  to  destitution  and  be 
dam  to  us.  Personally  I  don't  care  no  more  for  the 
growlin  up  North  than  an  owl  cares  for  a  green  per 
simmon.  That's  music  in  my  old  years,  but  our  pol 
icy  is  to  lift  up  the  South  and  skin  the  Yankees 
and  we  haven't  carried  it  out — thanks  to  Crisp  and 
Wilson  and  old  Cleveland. 


Calamity  Overtakes  the  Major.  213 

Speakin  about  Cleveland,  it  is  a  pity  this  here  man 
is  so  regardless  of  things  that  are  goin  on  around 
him.  By  puttin  himself  square  at  the  head  of  the 
Southern  element — all  there  is  of  the  Democrat 
party — he  might  have  had  things  a  hummin  now, 
but  he  just  wraps  himself  up  in  his  exclusive  togy, 
draws  his  salary,  bosses  his  Cabinet,  consults  nobody 
and  acts  like  a  man  who  has  a  cancer  and  don't  ex 
pect  to  live  but  about  six  weeks.  The  goin  off  down 
South  on  a  Government  vessel  and  the  talk  about  his 
shootin  a  swan  and  a  cuckoo  and  a  bear  and  gray 
goose  is  all  rot  and  rubbish.  Everybody  knows 
here  in  Washington  that  he  took  the  trip  in  order  to 
drink  up  a  gallon  or  two  of  whisky  where  nobody 
could  smell  his  breath  but  Gresham  and  the  hands 
on  the  boat.  I  have  said  before  that  if  Grover  would 
keep  a  dekanter  on  his  sideboard  at  home  and  take 
his  licker  like  a  gentleman  right  along  daily  every 
body  would  respeckt  him.  Nobody  expects  a  Dem 
ocrat  to  be  doin  his  drinkin  under  the  bed,  or  behind 
the  door,  or  out  in  the  hay  mow.  That's  the  New 
England  style,  but  Democrats  despise  a  white-livered 
sneak.  But  Cleveland  was  born  a  Presbyterian  and 
he  can't  get  over  it.  I  feel  just  as  sorry  for  a  man 
who  suffers  from  Presbyterianism  as  I  do  for  a  man 
that  surfers  from  roomatism.  The  difference  is  that 
you  can  cure  roomatism,  but  you  cant  cure  the  other 
thing.  Hypockrasy  is  killin  our  party.  We  don't 
come  right  out  from  behind  the  haystack  and  say 
what  we  mean  and  what  we  are  goin  to  do.  Just 
look  at  them  skunks  up  in  the  House  passin 
that  Pension  bill  the  other  day — votin  away  $151,- 
000,000  to  the  old  skins  and  frauds  of  the  Union 
Army  of  marauders !  Not  five  members  from  the 
South  that  voted  for  that  bill  that  didn't  know  they 
was  misrepresentin  their  constitooents.  One  half  of 


214  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

the  amount  would  have  been  fifty  per  cent,  too 
much  but  the  cowardly  Congressmen  seem  bent  on 
goin  back  on  every  pledge  made  by  the  Democratic 
party.  If  they  keep  on  I'll  be  cust  if  we  don't  lose 
two  or  three  Southern  States  next  election. 
•*  •*  * 

I  met  here  this  week  for  the  first  time  Colonel 
Jay  Durham,  a  noble  Kaintuckian  whose  father 
introduced  the  first  Durham  bull  into  Kaintucky, 
and  who  organized  two  years  ago  the  P.  F.  O.  N. 
party,  which  means  the  Pay  for  Our  Niggers  Party. 
Colonel  Jay  resides  here  and  he  is  a  newspaper 
corespondent.  From  what  he  said  to  me  I  think  I 
could  get  the  nomination  of  his  party  for  President. 
I  can't  quite  agree  with  his  policy.  He  is  ahead  of 
the  hounds,  so  to  utter.  Only  a  few  people  com 
paratively  in  the  South  owned  niggers  before  the 
War  but  nearly  everybody  has  a  claim  against  the 
Yankees  for  war  damages.  If  they  haven't  got  one 
they  can  cussed  easy  get  up  one.  What  we  want  is 
pay  for  fence-rails,  straw,  chickens,  cotton,  horses, 
provisions  of  all  kinds,  mules,  harness,  bacon,  burned 
houses,  barns  and  such  like.  That  will  put  money 
in  everybody's  clothes.  The  pay  for  niggers  will 
come  in  due  time  when  the  Supream  Court  declairs 
the  infernal  war  unconstitootional.  Colonel  Durham 
is  a  fine  lookin,  stalwart  man  and  he  comes  of  good 
Kaintucky  stock — Durham  stock — and  he  didn't 
lose  a  solitary  nig  by  the  war,  He  is  just  fightin 
for  principle  and  I  wish  him  well.  At  the  same 
time  I  would  advise  him  to  go  slow, 
•x-  •*  # 

Referrin  to  fightin  I've  been  at  it  again.  I  was 
promenadin  the  Avenoo  the  other  evenin  in  company 
with  a  old  school  gentleman,  Colonel  Cotesworth 
Pinckney,  of  South  Caroleena,  when,  feelin  a  little 


Calamity  Overtakes  the  Major.  21$ 

faint,  I  invited  him  to  step  into  Driver's  to  sip  a 
toddy.  He  done  so  with  becoming  elegance  and 
grace  and  while  we  was  quaffin  our  drinks  I  was  forced 
to  overhear  the  conversation  of  a  groop  of  men  at 
the  bar  which  grated  severely  on  my  hearin.  They 
was  denouncin  the  Southern  Brigadiers  and  talkin 
about  Senators  Vest  and  Gorman  and  others  for  havin 
made  considerable  money  out  of  theshiftin  of  shugar. 
Their  gab  annoyed  me  severely  so  I  finally  walked 
up  to  em  and  said :  "  I  infer,  sirs,  that  there  is  some 
dissatisfaction  among  the  Yankees  of  this  country 
about  the  way  things  are  bein  managed  here  in 
Washington.  If  that  is  so  they  have  their  remedy. 
I  had  the  honour  to  draw  a  sword  in  defense  of  the 
South  in  the  last  war  and  I  am  ready  to  draw  again." 
At  that  one  of  the  gang — a  young  hulk  weighin  forty 
pounds  more  than  me — sneerinly  said  :  "  Why,  you 
old  black  swamp  yallerhammer,  I'll  bet  §10  that  if 
you  ever  drawed  a  sword  you  drawed  it  in  a  lottery." 
Quick  as  lightnin  I  let  him  have  it,  but  he  ducked  his 
head  and  I  landed  on  top  of  his  coca  nut.  We 
clinched  and  he  throwed  me.  Colonel  P.  rushed  up 
to  my  relief,  but  before  he  could  get  his  gun  out  he 
was  intercepted  by  the  gang  and  injured.  Seein  the 
situation  I  hewmiliatingly  ast  for  quarter  and  the  af 
fair  was  stopt,  but  not  until  my  right  eye  was  discol 
ored.  As  there  was  no  gentleman  in  the  party  I 
couldn't  challenge  anybody,  but  I  handed  my  assail 
ant  my  card  and  informed  him  that  I  would  see  him 
again.  The  villenous  blaguard  remarked  that  if  I 
thought  it  would  help  me  to  see  any  better  he  would 
present  me  with  a  whole  pair  of  goggles.  I  have 
made  up  my  mind  to  have  no  more  bar  room  alter 
cations,  especially  with  trash  that  I  cannot  invite  to 
the  field  of  Honour. 


216  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I'm  disgusted  with  hearin  our  folks  here  talkin 
about  takin  up  some  popler  Western  Democrat  for 
President  next  time.  What's  the  matter  with  a 
Southern  man  ?  Isn't  it  time  to  recognize  the  fact 
that  the  Southern  Democracy  does  the  electin  of 
Democratic  Presidents?  How  about  some  such 
popler  man  as  old  Bill  Gates,  of  our  State,  or  Wade 
Hampton  or  General  Lee's  son,  who  married  the  rich 
King  Cyarter's  daughter  over  in  Virginia  tother  day  ? 
How  about  Representative  Elisha  Meredith,  the  gal 
lant  Virginian  (he  was  born  in  Alabama,  though), 
who  shook  his  fist  under  under  the  nose  of  Funk,  the 
Illinois  skunk,  the  tother  day  and  made  him  squat? 
There's  a  risin  statesman,  that  Meredith — the  soul 
of  honour.  Poor  man,  he  represents  the  districk 
right  across  the  river  and  he  has  a  tough  time  of  it, 
because  his  constitooents  can  walk  into  town  and  de 
mand  offices  of  him.  He  told  me  that  he  has  had  as 
many  as  five  hundred  yahoos  here  lookin  for  Gov 
ernment  jobs  in  one  day.  You  can  tell  his  gang  from 
Barnes  Compton's.  You  know  Barnes  represents 
the  Maryland  district  that  butts  up  agin  the  Capitol. 
The  clay  over  in  his  districk  is  red,  while  in  Mere 
dith's  districk  it  is  yaller.  All  you've  got  to  do  is  to 
look  at  the  color  of  the  mud  on  the  hoofs  of  the 
droves  of  hungry-lookin  fellers  that  hang  around  the 
Capitol  halls  to  tell  which  man  they're  after — Comp- 
ton  or  Meredith.  Elisha  lives  in  Alexander  and  he 
seldom  goes  home  on  account  of  the  office-seekers. 
Last  week  he  was  hidin  in  a  boardin  house  down  by 
the  Navy  Yard.  He's  entitled  to  consideration  be 
cause  lots  of  the  M.  C.'s  here  save  their  salaries  and 
live  off  their  mileage  and  Meredith  hasn't  got 
no  mileage.  He  still  thinks  that  Funk  called  him  a 
liar  last  week  and  he'll  lick  him  yet  if  he  catches 
him  in  a  Southern  crowd.  It's  about  time  for  some 


Calamity  Overtakes  the  Major.  217 

Southern  gentleman  to  take  a  horsewhip  and  dust 
the  trousers  of  some  inselent  Northern  Congressman. 


Among  other  woes  that  have  attacted  me  this 
week  is  the  partial  collapse  of  our  boardin  house, 
Hominy  Hall.  I  introdooced  to  the  Widow  Toombs 
a  young  man  who  accosted  me  in  the  Metropolitan 
Hotel,  and  introdooced  himself  as  the  son  of  Con 
gressman  Leonidas  Livingston,  of  Georgia.  He  said 
he  had  come  on  ta  take  a  clerkship  up  in  the  Capi 
tol,  and  as  I  knowed  that  nearly  all  the  Democrat 
Congressmen  had  secured  places  for  their  sons, 
daughters,  nephews  and  wives,  I  didn't  bother  to  en 
quire,  but  just  introdooced  him.  Well,  he  was  a 
thief.  He  stole  night  before  last  a  lot  of  spoons  and 
an  old  family  shugar  bowl  and  tongs  and  a  watch 
from  one  of  the  boarders.  The  Lord  knows  how 
we'll  get  along  now.  The  old  woman  gives  us  cab 
bage  and  corn  beef  three  times  a  week  now  and  liver 
for  breakfast.  Every  man  in  the  house  is  from  three 
to  six  weeks  behind,  and  there  are  signs  of  closin  up 
and  a  red  flag.  The  first  day  I  see  sour  krout  on  the 
table  I  skip.  If  the  worst  comes  to  the  worst  I  can 
camp  out,  for  the  weather  is  growin  spring-like. 

#•  *  #• 

I  was  chattin  about  Hawayan  matters  last  evenin 
with  a  naval  officer — a  Kaintucky  gentleman,  too — 
who  said  he  never  liked  old  Jim  Blount  after  he  saw 
him  take  a  drink  of  whiskey  out  of  a  bottle  without 
removin  his  cud  of  tobacker.  That  made  me  snicker. 
Why,  down  our  way  that's  regarded  as  an  accomplish 
ment.  I've  seen  a  dozen  Southern  members  of  Con 
gress  do  that  in  the  Metropolitan  bar,  and  I  know  a 
member  from  our  State  that  can  sleep  with  a  toback 
er  cud  in  his  mouth  and  snore  like  a  callyope.  A 


218  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

man  down  our  way  who  doesn't  take  a  dram  and  a 
chaw  before  breakfast  is  a  pore  shote. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — My  son  Plantagenet  writes  me  that  he  is  in 
trouble  again.  He  traded  horses  about  two  weeks 
ago  with  Charlemagne,  the  oldest  son  of  Major  Jo- 
siah  Hamestring,  and  discovered  afterward  that  the 
horse  which  he  got  had  a  snake  in  his  left  eye  and  a 
weak  hind  hock.  He  felt  cheated,  and  meetin  Char 
ley  up  at  the  Root,  he  had  words.  It  ain't  settled 
who  drawed  first,  but  Plan  thinks  he  can  make  out  a 
case  of  self  defense.  Hamestring's  boy  got  a  lead 
pill  in  the  chest  and  lost  a  part  of  his  jawbone.  He 
will  be  lucky  if  he  is  able  to  get  to  the  polls  next  Fall. 
Plantagenet  is  out  on  bail  and  he  writes  that  he  would 
like  to  put  in  ten  acres  of  corn  this  Spring  in  the  field 
back  of  the  barn. 


THE  SENATE  AND  THE  SEIGNORAGE. 


WHY  THE  BLAND  BILL  PLEASES — MAJOR  RICKETTS 
AND  THE  RETREAT  OF  THE  DEMOCRATIC  PARTY— 
THE  CONSPIRACY  TO  RUIN  A  KENTUCKY  STATES 
MAN—NEED  OF  A  CONGRESSIONAL  GOLD  CURE 

ESTABLISHMENT. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  March  16. 

Politics  has  been  duller  than  a  alligator  swamp  this 
week.  Mr.  Eland's  bill  on  silver,  which  I  don't  quite 
understand,  has  gone  through.  I  know  it's  a  good, 
square  Southern  measure  and  it  will  give  us  more 
money  but  I  supose  that  the  Robber  Barens  will 
make  old  Bowels  up  in  the  White  House  veto  it.  If 
he  does  he  will  be  deader  politikally  than  Jewlius 
Cesar's  hoss  in  about  fifteen  minits.  Already  them 
Wall  street  wolves  are  howlin  and  it  wouldn't  sup- 
prise  me  a  bit  if  old  Grover  does  just  what  they  want 
him  to  do.  The  Lord  help  him  if  he  does.  We  of 
the  South  want  that  signorage  silver  turned  into 
good  money  and  we  want  it  quick.  It's  been  rustin 
there  in  the  old  Treasury  about  long  enough.  If 
we  can  coin  it  at  once  there's  a  chance  that  we'll 
have  money  in  our  secktion  to  move  crops  with.  I'm 
told  that  sence  he  returned  from  his  duck  hunt — or 
from  "  chasin  the  duck,"  as  the  boys  say — Cleveland 
is  meaner  and  selfisher  than  ever.  He's  got  to  the 
point  now  where  if  he  had  two  nice  red  apples  he'd 
eat  one  and  keep  the  other  hisself.  There's  some 
satisfaction  in  knowin  that  his  health  ain't  tip  top. 
But  that's  simply  the  satisfaction  that  a  man  whose 

(219) 


22O  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

had  boils  feels  when  he  hears  of  a  boil  on  another 
man's  neck.     There's  nothin  in  that. 
•*  *  #• 

Old  Major  Rodney  Ricketts,  of  Accomack  County, 
Virginia,  who  is  here  to  get  pay  for  a  barn  and  forty 
head  of  hogs  and  cattle  that  he  lost  durin  the  war 
(also  a  thousand  dollars  worth  of  fence  rails),  is  stew- 
pendously  discouraged  about  the  outlook  for  the 
Democrat  party  in  next  election.  Old  Rod — who 
drinks  hard — says  that  it  looks  to  him  that  the  party 
was  demoralized  in  the  North  and  West  and  a-re- 
treatin  faster  than  old  Hunter  when  he  got  out  of 
Virginia  in  the  fall  of  sixty-four.  He  says  the  gettin 
to  the  rair  reminds  him  of  the  story  that  General 
Gordon,  of  Geaujah,  tells  about  an  incedent  that  he 
seen  in  one  of  the  battles  in  Northern  Virginia.  The 
General  had  rode  back  to  see  about  somethin,  and  as 
he  slowly  come  back  toards  the  front  he  seen  a  long- 
legged  North  Caroliny  soldier  a  jumpin  to  the  rair 
like  a  skeered  jack  rabit.  He  hollered  to  him,  "  Here, 
soldier,  what  are  you  runnin  for?''  The  skedadler 
just  give  him  one  wild  looked  and  shouted :  "  Hell, 
Gineral,  I'm  runnin  simply  because  I  can't  fly  !  "  Old 
Rod  says  that  the  Democrats  up  North  are  just  flyin 
in  every  direction  and  he  thinks  we've  gone  a  leetle 
bit  too  fur  on  the  tariff  question.  I  cheered  him  up 
by  showin  him  the  returns  from  New  Jersey  local 
elections  which  I  found  in  a  newspaper  this  week. 
These  elections  show  that  the  State  is  still  Demo 
cratic  and  that  it  is  solid  for  tariff  reform.  Rod  said 
that  New  Jersey  was  no  gage  to  go  by,  for  it  was  the 
only  Confedrate  State  in  the  North  durin  the  war. 
He  said  New  Jersey  voted  the  Democrat  ticket 
right  through  and  never  flickered  till  the  idiot  Dem 
ocrats  put  old  Horrors  Greely  up  for  President.  He 
said  he'd  like  to  bet  that  New  Jersey  would  be  votin 


The  Senate  and  the  Seignorage.  221 

the  Democrat  ticket  fifteen  years  after  Mississippi 
had  been  captured  by  the  Republicans. 
*  -x-  * 

The  infernal  conspirators  who  are  roastin  and  tryin 
to  ruin  the  distinguished  Southern  statesman,  Colo 
nel  Brackenridge,  are  havin  a  good  time  this  week 
but  there  will  be  a  day  of  vengence.  I'm  only  sorry 
that  the  woman  in  this  case  is  a  Kaintuckian.  If 
she  was  only  a  Yankee  we  could  show  up  the  whole 
thing  as  a  conspiracy  on  the  part  of  the  dirty  Yan 
kees.  But  it's  a  conspiracy  just  the  same.  I  think 
Brackenridge  is  comin  out  all  right.  At  the  same 
time  he's  such  a  religious  crank  that  it's  hard  to  stick 
up  for  him.  I  thought  there  was  goin  to  be  some 
fun  when  the  lawyers  got  into  a  row  the  other  day 
but  the  thing  petered  out.  Down  South  a  case  like 
this,  if  it  ever  got  to  court  at  all,  would  be  wound  up 
with  a  shootin  match  between  the  lawyers  and  the 
principals  and  the  Jedge  would  be  lucky  if  he  didn't 
get  pinked  hisself.  That  would  settle  it  and  ther 
would  be  no  more  heard  of  it.  I  was  a-defendin 
Billy  Brackenridge  in  the  Metropolitan  bar-room  the 
other  evenin  and  tellin  what  a  good  man  and  noble 
Confederate  soldier  he  was,  when  a  cream-faced  Yan 
kee  spoke  up  and  said  that  he'd  tell  a  story  that 
would  express  his  sentiments.  He  said  two  old 
farmers  up  in  his  State  of  Maine  lived  nabors  to 
gether  for  forty  year  and  the  two  families  was  just 
like  one.  Boys  and  girls  was  raised  and  schooled 
together.  One  Sunday  mornin  old  Seth  Pettingill, 
which  was  the  name  of  one,  was  settin  and  sunnin 
hisself  on  a  fence  when  old  Jethro  Bingham,  his  na- 
bor,  come  walking  through  the  medder  lookin  very 
sad.  Comin  up  to  Seth  the  usual  greetins  was  ex 
changed  when  old  B.  said :  "  Seth  you  and  me  has 
been  nabors  for  a  good  many  years  and  our  families 


222  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

has  never  had  no  trouble.  Now,  you  know  that  boy 
Silas  of  yourn  has  been  courtin  my  girl  Mary  Ann 
pretty  steady  for  two  years.  Well,  I've  come  to  tell 
you  that  he  has  deceived  and  betrayed  her."  "  Je- 
whillikens  !  "  said  old  Pettingill,  "you  don't  tell  me? 
Well,  I  ain't  the  least  bit  supprised.  He's  a  durned 
keerlessboy;  he  broke  our  rake  yisterday."  And 
the  Yank  went  on  to  say  that  whatever  else  might 
be  said  about  Brackenridge  it  would  have  to  be  ad 
mitted  that  he  was  keerless  when  it  come  to  dealins 
with  the  fair  sext.  I  admitted  that  and  said  that 
moreover  he  might  be  said  to  be  reckless  but  I 
showed  him  how  Dannel  Webster  and  Bonyparte  and 
the  Sultan  of  Turkey  and  President  Cleveland  and 
thousands  of  distinguished  men  had  been  subjeckted 
to  the  same  criticism.  I  find  that  its  Brackenridge's 
hypocrasy  that  makes  it  hard  to  defend  him.  Nobody 
but  us  old  soldiers  wants  to  forgive  him  for  that.  I 
can  forgive  a  Confedrate  soldier  for  anything  except 
votin  the  Republican  ticket  and  that's  one  crime 
that  the  Brackenridges  don't  commit  mutch. 
*  -x-  -x- 

The  hard  times  is  still  onto  me.  Old  Mrs. 
Toombs  has  raised  the  price  of  board  a  dollar  a  week 
at  Hominy  Hall.  She  got  old  Judge  Fairfax  Carter 
to  make  the  sad  announcement  at  breakfast  Monday 
mornin.  The  devotion  of  that  grand  old  man  to 
Hominy  Hall  is  very  touchin,  but  as  he  hasn't  paid 
but  very  little  board  durin  the  past  six  months  the 
raise  don't  bother  him  mutch.  We've  got  in  two 
more  tabel  boarders  and  there  is  a  sort  of  "  God- 
bless-our-home "  air  about  the  place  now.  I  was 
forced  to  sell  my  two  game  cocks  this  week — all  I 
had  left  (one  of  em  was  killed  by  a  low-bred  nigger 
chicken  belongin  to  a  Dutch  saloon-keeper  here  that 
I  fout  last  Saturday  night).  Lem  Tolliver  sold  em 


The  Senate  and  the  Seignorage.  223 

to  old  Shadbelly  Dunwoody,  the  whisky  man,  in 
Alexander,  for  $5  a  piece  whilst  I'll  take  my  oath 
the  pair  was  worth  $25.  But  the  worst  thing  about 
it  all  is  that  I've  been  forced  to  go  cappin  for  a  faro 
bank  here  on  a  per  centage.  The  place  is  run  by  a 
chap  from  Tennessee  who  was  a  Captain  under  Pat 
Cleburne,  and  he  has  a  warm  side  for  old  Confeds. 
He  thought  I  could  steer  in  a  good  deal  of  Southern 
trade  and  I  think  I  can.  The  evenin  after  I  made 
the  arrangement  I  got  a  young  clerk  in  Hoke  Smith's 
office  to  stake  me  with  $15  and  I  went  up  and  played 
on  the  shares.  They  skinned  me  in  exactly  twenty 
minutes  and  when  I  ast  the  dealer  for  my  per  cent- 
age  he  appeared  dazed  and  wanted  to  know  what  I 
meant.  I  said :  "  Don't  I  git  a  commission  on  all 
money  won  from  suckers  that  I  steer  in  ?  Well,  I 
steered  myself  up  against  this  game,  and  I  want  my 
per  centage."  This  led  to  high  words,  but  it  was 
settled  by  the  dealer  simply  lendin  me  five  on  per 
sonal  account.  I've  been  speakin  to  the  Sergent-at- 
Arms  of  the  House,  and  he  thinks  he  can  give  me  a 
little  job  up  there,  where  I  will  be  a  sort  of  custodian 
of  spit-boxes.  The  place  don't  amount  to  mutch  but 
it  won't  interfere  with  my  gamblin  work,  and  it's 
plain  to  me  that  we  ain't  goin  to  get  any  decisive 
action  on  War  Claims  this  session — thanks  to  Mr. 
Grover  Cleveland,  the  traitor  to  our  Cause. 
•K-  *  •* 

I  want  to  say  that  I  think  it  would  pay  the  Gov 
ernment  right  well  to  start  here  a  little  Congressional 
Gold  Cure  establishment.  I  never  saw  so  much  lushin 
as  I  see  on  the  Democratic  side  of  the  House.  We 
have  from  fifteen  to  thirty  men  drunk  here  all  the 
time,  and  it's  a  gay  day  we  don't  have  four  or  five 
men  in  the  alcohol  department  of  Providence  Hospi 
tal.  Some  of  our  Southern  members  have  been 


224  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

jagged  since  the  session  opened.  It  wouldn't  cost 
much  to  add  a  small  Keely  department  to  the  Marine 
Hospital,  which  is  in  old  Ben  Butler's  house,  near  the 
Capitol.  I  wouldn't  mind  runnin  it  myself.  It's  so 
close  and  handy  to  the  House  end  that  the  votes  of 
members  under  treatment  could  be  taken  without 
trouble.  I  tell  you  now  that  if  somethin  isn't  done, 
we'll  lose  six  or  eight  good  Democrat  members  be 
fore  the  first  of  July.  I  dred  the  approach  of  hot 
weather.  Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — Sim  Driscoll  writes  me  that  my  postmaster, 
Mirabeau  Clay,  is  still  blowin  in  all  the  money  he  gets 
for  postage  stamps,  and  he  wants  a  receiver  appointed 
for  the  office.  That  nigger,  Sippio  Judson,  who  I 
had  turned  out  of  the  postoffice  to  make  a  place  for 
Clay,  wasn't  short  a  cent,  and  that's  what  makes  it 
embarassin.  Lycurgus  Smoot  and  Driscoll  have 
three  times  passed  the  hat  to  raise  money  to  straighten 
out  Clay's  accounts.  I  think  I'll  have  him  fired  out 
and  have  my  son  Oglethorpe  appointed.  I've  wrote 
Driscoll  to  go  over  and  tell  my  son  Plantagenet  to 
give  him  one  of  my  Queen  Bess  fox  terrier  pups. 
Sim  is  crazy  on  dogs  and  one  of  these  pups — the 
best  bred  dogs  in  Alabama — will  fix  his  inflooence 
for  us  on  the  postoffice. 


STARTING  THE  STEVENSON  BOOM. 


THE  MAJOR  S  CANDIDATE  FOR  PRESIDENT — HIS  SON 
APPOINTED  P.  M.  AT  BRIAR  ROOT — THE  MARRIAGE 
OF  MISS  TOOMBS — A  FAMOUS  TEXAN  RECALLED— 
SYMPATHY  FOR  COLONEL  BRECKENRIDGE. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON  CITY,  March  23. 

I  had  a  little  informal  meetin  of  Southern  gentle 
men  in  the  dinin  room  of  Hominy  Hall  nite  before 
last  to  discuss  the  next  Presidency.  Judge  Fairfax 
Carter  acted  as  a  sort  of  chairman,  and  we  had  with 
us  Captain  Bushrod  Huger,  Major  Houston,  Pow- 
hatan  Spottswood,  of  Virginia,  and  a  half  dozen 
square-toed  men  from  various  secktions  of  the  South. 
I  had  a  gallon  of  good  whiskey  that  Mose  Hampton 
kindly  let  me  have,  and  there  was  good  feelin  all 
around.  Judge  Carter  made  us  a  little  address  in 
which  he  said  that  it  had  pained  him  intentsly  to 
give  up  his  faith  in  Cleveland,  which  he  had  regarded 
at  one  time  as  the  Moses  of  the  South.  But,  he 
said,  it  was  plain  now  that  Cleveland  had  allied  him 
self  with  the  Money  Power,  that  the  Rober  Barens 
had  him  by  the  umbilicuss  and  that  the  South  had 
nothin  to  expect  from  him  aside  from  the  offices  it 
had  already  bagged.  He  went  on  to  state  in  his 
courtly,  polished  way  how  our  Southern  War  Claims 
had  been  ignored  by  Congress  simply  because  it  was 
known  that  Cleveland  was  indifferent  to  em  ;  how 
our  demand  for  State  bank  currency,  though  in 
dorsed  by  the  Chicago  platform,  had  been  ignomini- 
15  (225) 


226  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

ously  rejected  at  Cleveland's  demand  ;  how  he  had 
defeated  free  silver;  how  that  he  had  done  all  that 
he  could  to  thwart  a  Free  Trade  measure  ;  how  he 
had  insulted  the  highest-toned  and  chivalrous  gen 
tlemen  of  the  South,  and  how  he  was  now  gettin 
ready,  at  the  demand  of  the  Eastern  goldbugs,  to 
veto  our  Signorage  bill  which  would  have  give  us 
more  money  at  oncet.  He  damd  old  Cleveland  up 
hill  and  down  dale  and  declared  that  the  time  had 
come  for  an  alliance  between  the  Democrats  of  the 
South  and  the  West.  His  sentiments  was  loudly 
applauded  and  every  gentlemen  present  filled  his 
glass  and  drunk  to  the  new  alliance.  Bein  called  on 
I  indorsed  every  word  the  Judge  said  and  proceeded 
to  skin  the  White  House  hog  alive.  I  briefly  com 
pared  what  we  of  the  South  had  expected  of  Cleve 
land  with  what  we  had  really  got,  and  I  told  em 
that  we  was  like  the  man  that  went  out  to  get  wool 
and  come  home  with  his  head  shaved.  I  said  that 
the  time  had  come  for  the  South  to  put  up  its  can 
didate  for  President  and  compel  the  Northern  dough 
face  Democrats  to  accept  him.  I  said  that  my 
choice  had  been  Gen.  Gordon,  of  Geaujah,  but  that 
he  had  weakened  hisself  by  lecturin  around  the 
country  and  wavin  the  Stars  and  Stripes  on  the 
stage  up  North.  I  said  we  must  put  up  a  fighter 
like  Col.  Bill  Gates  of  my  State — a  genuine  Confed 
erate.  I  showed  how  we  could  carry  the  South,  and 
with  a  Western  man  on  for  Vice-President  and  the 
right  kind  of  platform  we  could  scoop  the  entire 
Populis  vote  of  the  West. 

One  or  two  gentlemen  endorsed  my  views  but 
Judge  Carter  said  that  the  logical  successor  to  Cleve 
land  was  Vice-President  Adlai  Stevenson.  He  spoke 
of  his  Southern  birth  and  his  thorough  sympathy 
with  the  South  both  endurin  and  sence  the  war.  He 


Starting  the  Stevenson  Boom. 

said  that  he  couldn't  be  more  of  a  Southern  gentle 
man  if  he  had  been  cradled  in  South  Caroleena  and 
nurtured  in  Virginia.  He  pointed  out  his  greenback 
record  which  demonstrated  that  he  was  with  the 
South  in  the  universal  demand  for  more  money. 
He  went  over  his  Free  Trade  record  which  was 
good.  He  showed  how  he  had  been  snubbed  by 
Cleveland,  how  he  had  ast  for  offices  for  twenty-five 
members  of  the  Ewing  family  and  had  only  got  six. 
He  said  the  South  owed  it  to  its  transplanted  son 
to  vindicate  him.  He  said  that  while  Adlai  would  be 
credited  to-Illinoy  he  was  just  as  much  of  a  South 
erner  as  Wade  Hampton.  He  thought  the  ticket 
ought  to  be  Stevenson  and  Gates.  The  suggestion 
met  with  loud  approval.  We  all  took  a  drink  on  it 
and  it  was  decided  to  invite  General  Stevenson  to  a 
little  dinner  at  an  early  day.  It  done  me  good  to 
hear  the  denunciation  of  old  Cleveland  at  this  little 
gatherin.  His  hog's  ears  must  have  burnt  that  nite. 
Sence  the  meetin  I  have  talked  to  numerous  South 
ern  representatives  and  they  all  heartily  endorse 
Stevenson  and  Gates.  We've  got  the  thing  agoin 
and  it's  a  winner,  mind  you.  I  believe  in  startin  in 
early  in  these  matters. 

*  •*•  * 

I  went  right  to  work  last  week  and  had  my  son 
Oglethorpe  appointed  postmaster  at  Briar  Root  in 
place  of  Mirabeau  Clay.  The  change  was  made  at 
oncet  but  this  mornin  Driscoll  wired  me  a  telegraph 
message  that  Clay  was  drunk  and  that  he  had  two  of 
the  ornery  Kincaid  boys  and  old  Jim  Anderson,  who 
served  two  years  in  the  penitentiary  for  horse  stealin, 
in  his  place  with  the  doors  and  windows  barred,  all 
armed,  and  swearin  that  they  won't  give  up  the  of 
fice.  This  is  a  nice  pickel.  If  the  soundrels  have 
whiskey  enough — and,  of  course  they  wouldn't  un- 


228  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

dertake  this  sort  of  a  dido  without  at  least  three  gal 
lons  in  stock — they'll  all  be  paralized  and  helpless  by 
tomorrer.  I  dispatched  Sim  to  send  in  to  Tuskeegee 
for  the  U.  S.  Marshal  to  settle  Clay's  hash.  I  hate 
them  Federal  officers  but  they  are  useful  at  times. 
I  hope  this  business  will  be  kept  quiet  for  if  it  gets 
out  it'll  hurt  me  here  as  to  what  little  inflooence  I 
have.  I'll  bet  a  hundred  to  ten  that  if  Clay  bothers 
either  of  my  boys  about  his  being  chounced  out  of 
the  postoffice  the  angel  orchestry  in  new  Jerusalem 
will  be  reinforced  by  a  very  abel  base  fiddler  before 
this  month  runs  out.  I  flatter  my  old  self  that  I've 
raised  them  boys  like  gentlemen  and  the  man  that 
gets  the  best  of  them  when  they're  lookin  on  will 
have  no  trouble  about  gettin  a  faverable  job  in  a 
dime  museum.  Mebby  Clay  will  wait  and  take  it  out 
of  me.  If  so,  I'll  be  obliged.  I  knowed  his  old 
daddy,  who  was  shot  at  Shiloh,  and  his  grandfather, 
who  owned  the  famous  race  horse  Tallyhooter,  and 
who  won  $300  on  a  cock  fight  in  Mobile  in  1845. 
He's  related  to  the  fightin  Rhett  family  of  S.  C,  but 
he  knows  what  to  expect  when  he  goes  up  against 
me.  If  he  realizes  the  value  of  good  health  he'll 
keep  his  hands  off  both  me  and  my  boys.  The 
trouble  with  Clay  is  that  he  couldn't  stand  prosper 
ity.  I  think  his  granddaddy  died  givin  a  snake  show 
down  in  Talladega  durin  court  week.  Clay's  appe 
tite  for  whiskey  has  increased  terrible  sence  he  begun 
lickin  postage  stamps  for  the  Government. 

-*  *  * 

Another  calamity  has  overtook  us  at  Hominy  Hall. 
The  daughter  of  our  landlady,  Miss  Georgiana  Vir 
ginia  Toombs,  has  been  surrepticiously  married  to  a 
goodfornothin  young  man  named  Cadmus  Pettigrew, 
from  S.  C.  He  is  a  clerk  in  Hoke  Smith's  depart 
ment  and  while  he  comes  of  good  family  stock  he  is 


Starting  the  Stevenson  Boom.  229 

as  poor  as  a  Japanese  tinker.  He  has  a  salary  of 
$800  a  year  and  it  takes  that  to  keep  him  in  cigaroots 
and  hair  oil.  I've  been  expectin  somethin  of  this 
kind  for  the  past  three  months,  for  I've  seen  him  and 
Virgie  quite  frequent  snugglin  softly  together  like  on 
the  parlor  sofa  with  the  gas  turned  down  to  the  neigh 
borhood  of  zero.  This  pimple-facet  scrub  will  now  be 
dumped  down  on  the  boardin  house,  free  of  charge, 
and  that's  about  what  he  inveigeled  the  sweet  mag 
nolia  of  our  home  for.  The  widow  is  about  dis- 
trackted,  but  she  says  she'll  make  the  best  of  it.  I 
give  the  young  man  a  piece  of  my  mind  this  mornin 
and  he  had  the  impudence  to  say  that  they  lynched 
a  man  down  in  his  State  the  other  day  for  tryin  to 
attend  to  other  people's  business  without  a  license. 
Georgie  will  make  him  a  good  wife,  but  her  prospects 
would  have  been  improved  if  she  had  waited  for  warm 
weather  and  follered  off  a  circus. 


I  had  the  nigger  luck  to  hold  an  eighth  interest  in 
a  lottery  ticket  which  netted  me  $125  in  the  last 
drawin.  This  put  me  right  on  my  feet  financeally, 
and  I  am  once  more  in  the  runnin,  head  up,  tail  up 
and  feet  a-crackin.  What  a  blessin  a  well  conducted 
lottery  is  to  the  people,  and  yet  a  lot  of  old  sneaks 
are  everlastinly  squawkin  about  them  and  tryin  to 
suppress  them.  If  I  can  open  up  a  little  headquar 
ters  place  here  for  the  Stevenson-Oates  movement 
with  this  little  surplus  capital  I  now  have,  I  can  pick 
up  some  contributions  and  by  actin  as  secretary  I 
can  rake  off  enough  so  that  I  wont  be  compelled  to 
accept  that  job  of  Spittune  Cleaner  which  the  Sar- 
gent-of-Arms  of  the  House  has  offered  me.  It  pains 
me  to  think  about  gettin  down  to  that. 


230  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

This  reminds  me  that  I  met  here  this  week  Colonel 
Fitzhew,  of  Texas,  who  used  to  be  Doorkeeper 
of  the  House  along  somewhere  in  the  sixties.  He 
wrote  a  letter  to  a  friend  down  at  home  tellin  how  he 
was  whoopin  up  things  and  he  said  in  it  that  he  was 
a  biger  man  than  old  Grant.  Well  he  was,  but  it 
just  shows  what  a  cowardly  lot  of  curs  there  was  in 
the  Democrat  House  then,  just  as  there  is  now,  and 
dam  me  if  they  didn't  turn  him  out  of  his  office. 
You  can't  hardly  believe  that  sech  a  thing  ever  hap 
pened  but  it  did.  By  gracious,  a  Southern  man 
could  stand  up  here  now  and  abuse  old  Grant  from 
Boston  to  Belize  and  nobody  would  object  much. 
Colonel  Fitzhew  is  here  askin  for  a  place  as  Chief  of 
Division  of  the  Treasury  and  I  am  told  he  has  a  lead 
pipe  cinch.  I  hope  he'll  land  for  he's  been  a  badly 

abused  man. 

*  -x-  * 

It  touches  me  deeply  to  see  how  Colonel  Bracken- 
ridge  is  bein  tortured  in  court  this  week,  but  he'll  get 
a  virdick  in  his  favor  or  a  standoff  or  I'm  a  army 
mule.  You  can  bet  that  there's  at  least  one  chival- 
rick  soul  on  that  jury  who  knows  what  it  is  to  be  a 
victim  of  a  designin  woman  and  who  knows  when  it's 
time  for  real  men  to  stan  together.  Poor  Bracken- 
ridge  has  been  punished  too  much  for  his  little  peck- 
adillo,  as  Judge  Carter  puts  it.  He  must  feel  like  an 
old  nigger  preacher  we  had  down  with  us  who  said 
in  a  sermon  one  Sunday  :  "  I  tells  ye,  brederin,  I  am 
a  man  of  speriance  an  I  say  to  you  that  sin  ain't  sat- 
isfyin — no  it  ain't  satisfyin." 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 


CLEVELAND'S  LATEST  VETO. 


DENOUNCED  AS  A  TRAITOR  TO  THE  SOUTH — THE 
STEVENSON  MOVEMENT  GETS  A  FRESH  IMPULSE- 
SAD  SACRIFICIAL  TALE  OF  A  SOUTHERN  WAR 
CLAIM  —  HOLDOVER  REPUBLICANS  IN  THE  DE 
PARTMENTS  DENOUNCED. 


MAJAH,  THAT  WAS  A  GREAT  EFFORT  OF  YOURN. 


HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  March  31. 

I  must  say  that  I  don't  know  mutch  more  about 
this  here  Signorage  bill  that  old  Spermacity  up  in 
the  White  House  has  vetoed  than  a  groundhog  knows 

(231) 


232  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

about  shoemakin,  but  I  want  to  say  that  this  veto 
has  put  the  finishin  touch  on  Clevelandism.  From 
the  time  this  old,  ungrateful  rhinocerass  entered  the 
White  House  the  second  time — thanks  to  the  votes 
of  the  Solid  South — he  has  done  nothin  but  chaw  up 
and  spit  out  the  Checago  platform.  He  has  treated 
the  people  of  the  South  and  West  as  though  they 
was  a  lot  of  beggars.  He  has  give  'em  a  few  offices, 
it  is  true,  but  he  haint  stood  up  and  maintained  a 
single  great  Democrat  prinsiple.  From  the  very 
jump  he  has  shown  that  he  was  the  tool  of  the  Money 
Power  and  in  sympathy  with  the  infernal  Rober  Bar- 
ens.  We  of  the  South  and  West  wanted  this  Signo- 
rage  bill  to  become  a  law.  It  would  have  give  us 
some  more  money.  That  was  enough  for  the  Wall 
street  thieves.  They  begun  to  howl  and  old  Cleve 
land  accepted,  as  usual,  their  dicktation.  I  never 
heard  a  man  cust  as  much  by  representatives  of  the 
South  sence  old  Ben  Butler's  day.  I  believe,  begad, 
that  if  Cleveland  was  up  for  President  to-day  he 
wouldn't  get  as  many  votes  as  the  Beast  got  in  the 
South  in  1884.  My  people  will  be  hot  when  they 
hear  of  this  last  blow  at  the  hands  of  the  old  Buffalo 
traitor.  I  hate  to  use  this  word,  but  Judge  Fairfax 
Carter  and  all  of  us  agree  that  this  is  the  only  thing 
to  do.  We've  got  to  treat  Cleveland  as  a  traitorous 
dog  to  the  prinsiples  of  Democracy.  It  would  be  a 
good  slap  in  the  face  to  pass  the  bill  in  the  House 
over  his  veto  and  then  raise  the  black  flag  on  him. 
He'll  get  no  quarter  from  the  South  from  this  time 
on.  I  think  we  have  bagged  about  all  the  patronage 
that  we  are  goin  to  get  and  we  can  afford  to  cut  loose 
now  and  fight  him  to  the  finish.  I'm  so  cussed  mad 
about  this  thing  that  I've  made  up  my  mind  that  if 
ever  General  Coxey's  army  reaches  here  I'm  goin  to 
get  on  a  horse  and  go  out  and  receive  'em.  I'll  vol- 


Cleveland's  Latest  Veto.  233 

unteer  as  an  aid  on  the  General's  staff,  and  I'll  be 
proud  to  lead  the  boys  up  to  the  White  House  and 
give  old  Grovy  a  serenade.  We  want  a  demonstra 
tion  here  of  some  kind  to  wake  the  servants  of  the 
Money  Power  up  and  give  'em  an  idee  of  what  the 
people  are  thinkin  about.  I  wish  I  had  gone  into 
the  movement.  I'll  bet  I  could  have  brought  up 
25,000  good  men  from  the  South  who'd  have  made 
this  town  echo  with  an  old  rebel  yell  that  would  have 
made  the  cowardly  Democrat  leaders  trembel  in  their 
socks.  If  Coxy's  scheme  works  I  ain't  so  certain  but 
what  I'll  give  em  a  call  from  the  discontented  South 


Of  course  this  late  performance  on  the  part  of  old 
Cleveland  has  been  butter  on  the  griddle  of  our 
Stevenson  movement.  I  have  already  collected  some 
cash  and  have  got  a  place  for  headquarters  estab 
lished  in  F  street.  I  have  selected  a  young  man 
named  Calhoun  Randolph  Barnwell,  from  Cheraw, 
S.  C.,  to  act  as  secretary.  He  is  a  brilliant  writer 
and  highly  edducated,  but  he  haint  had  no  employ 
ment  sence  he  wrote  tickets  for  a  bookmaker  on  the 
Ivy  City  track.  I  was  gettin  things  in  shape  early 
in  the  week  when  I  was  called  on  to  arbitrate  a 
question  of  honour  between  two  of  our  foremost 
Southern  gentlemen.  It  seems  like  they  was  playin 
single-handed  poker  in  a  room  in  the  Metropolitan 
Hotel  when  a  nigger  waiter  boy  told  'em  that  the 
bar-keeper  would  like  to  have  pay  for  the  drinks  al 
ready  consumed,  the  bill  amountin  to  $37  and  some 
cents.  One  of  the  gentlemen,  Colonel  Drane,  of 
Virginia,  knockt  the  boy  down  and  kickt  him  out  of 
the  room.  Colonel  Kershaw,  of  Geaujah,  who  mar 
ried  the  daughter  of  old  General  Rawson,  whose 
three-year-old  Tecumsy  made  the  record  on  the 
Metaire  track  in  New  Orleans  in  1859  and  who  shot 


234  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

Bill  Seeds,  the  gambler,  for  tryin  to  bribe  his  jockey, 
said  that  it  warnt  the  gentlemanly  thing  to  lick  the 
nigger  when  Drane  ought  to  have  gone  down  and 
killed  the  bar-keeper.  This  led  to  a  altercation,  both 
men  bein  dead  game.  They  first  talked  about  goin 
out  and  it  was  finally  agreed  to  leave  the  matter  to 
me.  I  desided  that  Drane  done  wrong,  as  a  South 
ern  gentleman,  but  he  kickt  on  the  decision  till  I  got 
the  bar-keeper  and  the  nigger  boy  to  'apologize  and 
in  that  way  the  whole  thing  was  smoothed  over. 
Major  Cloot,  of  Arkansaw,  droppin  in,  we  started  a 
game  of  draw.  This  was  Tuesday  afternoon  and  we 
didn't  quit  playin  till  the  next  day  at  4  P.  M.  The 
kitty  took  in  $97  and  when  I  got  out  of  there  I  had 
$4,  which  was  was  about  twicet  as  much  as  any  other 
man  in  the  party  had.  It  was  a  death  struggle  for 
me  to  save  my  underdose  in  that  sientifick  game.  I 
started  out  to  say  that  it  was  this  eppesode  that  in 
terfered  with  my  political  work  but  it  is  safe  to  say 
that  the  Stevenson  movement  is  whoopin  right  along. 
I  haven't  talked  to  a  Southern  man  who  doesn't 
think  favorable.  I  am  told  that  Adlai  hisself  pre 
tends  to  think  the  movement  premature  but  I  expect 
to  get  $100  out  of  him  before  another  week  rolls 
around.  *  *  * 

I  haven't  got  much  of  a  head  for  jokes  but  I  can 
enjoy  a  good  thing  now  and  then  even  though  I  get 
the  worst  of  it.  I  was  in  at  Schoomaker's  drinkin 
emporium  last  night  and  I  had  steam  up.  Bein  sur 
rounded  by  a  groop  of  Southern  gentlemen,  I  cut 
loose  on  Cleveland  and  before  I  knowed  it  I  was 
makin  a  set  speech  which  attrackted  the  attention  of 
everybody  in  the  place.  When  I  finished  with  a  big 
blast  of  sulpher  there  was  considerable  applause.  A 
fellow,  evidently  one  of  our  secktion,  but  to  which  I 
had  not  been  introdpoced,  stept  up  to  me,  and  says 


Cleveland's  Latest  Veto.  235 

he  :  "  Majah,  that  was  a  great  effort  of  yourn.  You 
are  really  a  rippin  fine  orator,  but  I'm  goin  to  norate 
you  a  little  story  that  Governor  O'Ferall,  over  in  Vir 
ginia,  peddels.  He  says  an  ole  nigger  in  his  State 
was  travellin  on  foot  one  evenin  in  the  mountains  in 
the  western  part  of  the  State  when  night  come  on, 
and  it  was  soon  so  dark  he  couldn't  see  the  road.  A 
tremendous  storm  arose  and  the  nigger  soon  lost  his 
way.  When  the  flashes  of  lightnin  would  brighten 
things  up  for  him  he'd  get  out  of  the  brambles  and 
find  his  way  again.  The  claps  of  thunder  was  terri 
ble.  Finally  the  nigger,  who  could  only  see  to  move 
when  the  lightnin  flashed,  begun  to  pray.  He  didn't 
think  to  pray  for  the  storm  to  cease.  He  just  said  : 
'  Oh,  Lordalmity,  help  dis  poh  nigger.  Give  him  mo 
light  and  less  noise.' '''  I  want  to  say  that  the  boys 
smiled  and  I  treated,  but  they  didn't  get  any  more 
lightnin  out  of  me  that  evenin. 

*  *  # 

I  seen  a  pitiable  sight  here  this  week.  A  man 
named  Dalton,  from  near  Savanny,  Ga.,  had  his 
place  ript  up  by  Sherman's  mersenary  thieves  in 
1865  and  he's  been  here  about  two  months  with  his 
claim.  It  amounted  to  $50,000  and  was  all  proved 
up,  reglar — cotton,  fence  rails,  bacon,  mules,  game 
chickens,  wagons,  bed  close  and  a  English  bulldog 
valued  at  $100.  Dalton  was  away  with  the  Confed 
erate  army  when  the  raid  was  made  but  he  estab 
lished  his  loyalty.  He  thought  that  all  he'd  have  to 
do  with  a  Southern  Democrat  Congress  would  be  to 
hand  in  his  bill  and  get  a  check.  Well,  bein  broke 
and  unable  to  borrer  any  more  he  sold  his  claim 
yesterday  to  a  Government  clerk  here  for  $300  cash  ! 
I  seen  the  transaction,  and  by  the  souls  of  the  gal 
lant  Southrons  that  fell  in  the  Cause  I  was  never  so 
conspickuously  mad  and  heartpained  in  my  whole 


236  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

life.  I  can't  trust  myself  to  discuss  the  matter. 
And  to  think  that  we  havn't  got  an  ex-Confederate 
Representative  up  in  that  half-drunk,  half-crazy, 
cowardly  House  that  dare  speak  up  for  the  right  and 
such  scenes  as  this  bein  enakted  right  under  their 
noses !  By  Jewpiter,  I  feel  like  gettin  a  couple  of 
pistols  and  takin  to  the  road ! 

•*  •*  * 

Things  are  quiet  in  and  around  the  Brier  Root 
postoffice.  My  son,  who  is  now  P.  M.,  writes  me 
that  he  is  in  possession  of  the  ranch  and  runnin  it 
on  business  principles.  Mirabeau  Clay  and  his 
crowd,  after  bein  drunk  in  the  place  for  nearly  three 
days,  surrendered.  He  give  Ogle  some  of  his  slack 
and  the  boy  knockt  him  down  and  kickt  three  of  his 
ribs  loose.  He  wont  be  out  of  the  house  for  a 
month.  There's  considrable  feelin  in  the  neighbor 
hood  against  me  but  I  guess  it'll  keep  till  I  get  home. 
Clay's  family  is  married  into  nearly  every  family  in 
the  township  except  ours  and  he  has  no  less  than 
fifty  cousins  of  one  kind  and  another  and  some  of 
em  are  wild  hogs,  you  bet.  But  they'll  cool  off  in 
time.  Ogle  says  that  the  P.  O.  aint  worth  over  $40 
a  year  and  that  if  he  isn't  aloud  to  sell  liquor  and 
segars  in  the  place  he'll  throw  the  thing  up  for  he 
can't  spare  so  much  time  from  the  plantation. 
•&  -x-  -x- 

The  conduct  of  that  man  Tom  Reed  up  in  the 
House  has  become  unbearable.  The  idea  that  he 
can  cavort  around  the  House  as  he  does  when  we 
have  seventy-six  ex-Confederate  soldiers  there — to 
say  nothin  "of  twenty-five  or  thirty  ex-Confederate 
door-tenders  and  sergeant-at-arms — is  hewmiliatin. 
I  wonder  that  he  hasn't  been  thrown  out  one  of  the 
south  windows  ear  this.  I  think  Meredith,  of  Alex 
ander,  will  lick  him  before  the  session  is  over,  He 


Cleveland's  Latest   Veto.  237 

seems  to  be  a  fightin  man  of  the  old  Southern 
school  but  you  can't  tell.  The  bray  of  a  jackass  is 
more  terrifyin  to  a  man  that  never  heard  it  before 
than  the  howl  of  a  tiger.  I  think,  though,  that 
Meredith  is  due  to  wallop  a  dam  Yankee  before  the 
weather  gets  hot. 

#  *  # 

I  was  much  astonished  and  disgusted  to-day  to 
learn  that  are  still  about  800  Republican  clerks  in 
the  departments  here  that  could  be  kickt  out  if  our 
people  wanted  to  kick  'em.  And  many  of  these 
blagards  was  in  the  Yankee  army  and  helped  to 
despoil  us.  This  shows  how  we  have  been  betrayed 
by  the  Administration  in  which  we  placed  our  full 
faith.  We  have  Southern  gentlemen  waitin  for  rec 
ognition  here  who  haven't  a  change  of  shirts  and 
who  have  lived  on  saloon  lunch  crackers,  pickt  up 
around  town,  till  they  cant  blow  their  noses  with 
their  fingers  without  raisin  a  cloud  of  cracker  dust. 
But  as  long  as  Cleveland  has  turkey  stuffed  with 
oysters  what  does. he  care?  The  ignomineous  and 
foresworn  son  of  a  journeyman  soul  saver ! 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S.— The  gallant  Colonel  Brackenridge  is  bearin 
up  noble  under  the  base  conspiracy  set  up  by  the 
Yankees  to  annoy  him.  The  saddest  feature  of  this 
infemous  attempt  to  embarass  and  slander  a 
Southern  gentleman  is  that  they  have  been  able  to 
find  a  Kentucky  woman  unpatriotic  enough  to  lend 
herself  to  the  scheme.  I  am  glad  to  know  that  when 
she  tried  to  shoot  the  Colonel  he  stole  her  pistol. 
That  was  a  game  thing. 


THE  RHODE  ISLAND  ELECTION. 


IT  IS  REGARDED  AS  A  REBUKE  TO  THE  FALSE  AD 
MINISTRATION  —  THE  WHISKEY  TROUBLES  IN 
SOUTH  CAROLINA — THE  FIGHTING  EDGEFIELD 
DISTRICT — A  GEORGIA  WAR  HORSE — THE  STEVEN 
SON  CAMPAIGN  GOING  ON  FAMOUSLY. 

HOMINY  HALL, 
WASHINGTON,  April  6. 

There  is  considerable  rejoicin  here  this  week  in 
Republican  sircles  over  the  apparent  upsettin  of  the 
Democratic  apple  cart  in  Road  Island,  or  Rogues' 
Island.  I  don't  care  a  owl's  hoot  about  this  thing 
for  I  attach  no  wait  to  the  affair,  in  view  of  all  the 
circumstances.  At  the  same  time  I  must  say  that 
this  thing  has  caused  me  to  tilt  the  bottle  more  than 
usual  this  week.  I  regard  the  result  of  the  election 
in  Rode  Island  as  one  more  rebuke  for  the  ring-tailed 
Democrat  leaders  who  pledged  theirselves  to  wipe 
out  the  inniquitous  Tariff  aad  who  ought  to  have 
done  it  the  first  month  of  the  session  of  Congress. 
Their  failure  to  carry  out  the  promicis  made  has  in- 
sensed  the  people.  I  believe  that  Road  Island  to 
day  is  as  good  a  Democratic  State  as  Maryland,  but 
the  people  up  there,  as  well  as  down  in  my  secktion, 
are  disgusted  with  the  shilly-shallying  of  their  Con 
gress,  which  now  seems  to  have  been  bought  up 
completely  by  the  Money  Power  and  the  Rober 
Baren  gold  bugs  of  Wall  street.  I  wisht  a  few  of  us 
had  thought  of  Coxey's  idee  about  three  months  ago 
and  had  brought  up  about  50,000  men  in  a  solid 
(238) 


The  Rhode  Island  Election.  239 

army  from  the  South  to  demand  from  Congress  the 
wipin  out  of  the  Tariff,  the  issuin  of  more  money  and 
the  payment  of  Southern  War  Claims,  to  say  nothin 
about  the  cuttin  down  of  Yankee  pensions.  A  week 
would  have  done  the  business.  It  may  be  necessary 
for  the  South  to  do  somethin  of  this  kind  yet.  It 
looks  as  though  we  wouldn't  get  our  legislation  in 
any  other  way,  though  the  whole  country,  only  a  little 
over  a  year  ago,  said  we  was  to  have  it.  And  we 
would  have  had  it,  too,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  trea 
son  of  Grover  Cleveland.  That  big  fat  man  should 
never  be  fergive  for  he  obtained  his  second  term 
under  false  pretenses.  He  is  a  meaner  skunk  than 
Benedick  Arnold,  and  he  will  be  in  big  luck  if  he 
isn't  impeeched  and  hung.  When  this  here  Tom-tit 
Congress  feels  the  anger  of  the  people  its  goin  to 
move  and  the  man  who  is  goin  to  get  crushed,  the 
first  two  letters  of  his  name  is  G.  C.  Mark  my  pre- 

dicktion  ! 

*•  *  * 

I  wish  I  had  been  with  the  boys  down  in  South 
Caroleena  this  week.  What  a  singen  time  they've 
had  of  it.  I'm  surprised  that  the  whole  State  don't 
rise  up  and  put  a  stop  to  the  interference  with  the 
whisky  business.  To  think  of  Ben  Tillman,  as  good 
a  Confederate  as  fought  in  our  war  for  Independens, 
making  a  blue-nosed  monkey  of  hisself  in  this  mat 
ter  !  There  never  was  such  game  cocks  on  earth  as 
them  South  Carolina  boys.  Why,  up  in  the  Edgefield 
district  a  stranger  couldn't  show  his  nose  there  before 
the  war  without  runnin  the  risk  of  bein  shot  for  not 
havin  his  hair  cut  just  right.  Fightin  !  Why,  dam 
it,  they  get  up  pic-nics  there  now  just  to  shoot  off 
matches  between  neighbors  that  havn't  been  friendly 
and  the  boys  that  ain't  mixed  up  lay  bets  on  the 
outcome.  I  was  talkin  to  old  Col.  Pedee  in  the  Met- 


240  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

ropolitan  barroom  about  that  great  fightin  secktion 
last  night.  He  is  a  South  Carolenian,  married  into 
the  Pickens  family,  and  he  is  proud  of  his  warlike 
State.  He  told  a  story  which  I  enjoyed.  He  said 
that  the  fighters  in  the  Edgefield  district  had  what 
they  called  the  "  Twelve  Gospels  of  Edgefield  " — 
that  is,  a  six-shooter  on  each  hip  and  that  a  Evan- 
gelis  that  didn't  have  his  gospels  with  him  down 
there  day  or  night  was  a  sickly  sort  of  person  and  not 
expected  to  live  long.  He  said  that  when  his  ridge- 
ment  went  into  the  fight  at  Gains  Mills  he  noticed 
that  Bill  Booker,  the  color-bearer,  was  dodgin  Yan 
kee  bullets  like  a  duck  in  a  hail  storm.  Bill  acted 
real  shameful  though  he  didn't  show  his  white 
feather.  He  had  supposed  Bill  to  be  the  gamest 
man  in  the  ridgement.  In  the  evenin,  after  the  shindy 
he  spoke  to  Bill  about  his  duckin  business  an  Bill 
simply  said,  "  Ef  I  hadn't  dodged,  Majah,  some  of 
them  Yanks  might  have  killed  me."  He  simply  re 
marked  to  William  that  as  a  soldier  he  should  perform 
his  duty  to  his  country  heroically,  and  be  prepared 
at  all  times  to  meet  his  fate.  "  Why,  Majah,"  said 
Bill,  "  I  come  from  the  Edgefield  district,  and  by 
gawd,  I  come  into  this  here  war  to  keep  from  gettin 

shot ! " 

*  *  * 

My  old  friend  and  war-hoss,  Gen.  Clem.  Evans,  is 
makin  a  hot  fight  for  Governor  down  in  Geaujah. 
The  General  was  wounded  three  times  durin  the  war 
and  he's  makin  his  race  squarely  on  his  Confederate 
record.  That's  what  I  like  to  see.  Some  of  the 
ginny  pigs  up  North  is  squeakin,  but  the  more  they 
objeck  the  more  votes  Clem  will  have.  No  man 
should  be  elected  to  an  office  worth  $500  a  year  in 
our  secktion  who  didn't  do  military  service  for  the 
glorious  Confederacy.  We  can't  pension  our  old 


The  Rhode  Island  Election.  241 

heroes,  but  we  can  give  them  the  offices.  Gen. 
Evans  denounces  as  poltroons  the  white-livered 
Northerners  who  are  opposed  to  his  policy  of  runnin 
on  his  war  record.  I  never  see  a  dozen  Yankees  that 
want  poltroons  anyway.  They  had  to  hire  Irishmen 
and  Dutchmen  to  do  their  fightin  in  the  war.  Every 
body  is  poltroons  who  object  to  Southern  gentlemen 
bein  proud  of  their  war  record.  I  can  tell  a  poltroon 
a  mile  off,  and  I'll  bet  Gen.  Evans  can,  too.  We 
don't  have  em  in  the  South,  thank  God.  I  don't  be 
lieve  a  poltroon  could  live  on  the  glorious  soil  of  the 
South  or  breath  its  pure  and  upliftin  air.  If  he  hap 
pens  to  be  born  that  way  he  certainly  wouldn't  reach 
his  full  growth — not  with  us.  I  think  from  what  I 
hear,  that  by  comin  out  boldly  on  his  Confederate 
war  record,  and  defyin  the  Northern  poltroon,  Gen 
eral  Evans  will  be  elected  unanimous.  I  wouldn't 
give  much  for  the  house  and  barn  of  the  man  that 
votes  agin  him.  The  General  has  a  watch  charm 
made  out  of  the  shin-bone  of  a  Yankee  soldier  that 
he  chopt  up  with  a  bowie  knife  at  Malvern  Hill  and 
he  keeps  it  right  at  the  front — wears  it  when  he 
preaches  a  Methody  sermon.  He  is  religious,  but 
he's  as  game  a  man  as  ever  broke  into  a  smoke  house. 
*  *  * 

The  boys  down  at  home  sent  me  a  nice  little  pres 
ent  the  other  day.  What  do  you  think  it  was?  Why, 
about  20  pounds  of  real,  ole-fashioned  Alabama  jole  ! 
They  dont  have  jole  any  place  on  earth  but  in  the 
South'  and  there's  no  place  in  the  South  for  it  like 
our  part  of  Alabama.  Its  the  way  we  smoke  it.  We 
had  a  treat  in  Hominy  Hall  when  that  jole  got  here. 
But  the  greens  around  this  secktion  are  not  as  good 
as  our  home  greens,  though  we  sent  over  to  Virginia 
and  got  'em.  The  greens  here  dont  get  the  sunshine 
that  our  greens  get,  What  a  blessin  it  is  to  live  in 
II 


242  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

the  South,  where  the  Lord  has  showered  his  favers 
on  everything.  I'd  give  a  dollar  right  now  for  a  nip 
of  mint  from  that  old  bed  right  behind  my  spring- 
house  ! 

*  *  * 

I  am  managin  to  get  enough  funds  to  keep  the 
Adlai  Stevenson  Headquarters  open.  A  couple  of 
poker  tables  in  the  back  room  helps  to  bring  the 
Southern  boys  around,  and  the  movement  to  make 
Adlai  the  next  President  is  goin  right  along.  I  had 
one  of  Adlai's  old  lithografs  in  the  front  window  in 
the  early  part  of  the  week  labeled  "'Our  Next  Presi 
dent—A  Man  that  Wont  Renig."  One  of  Ad's 
friends  come  down  and  said  that  the  Vice  President 
hoped  that  I  would  foredraw  it  for  the  reason  that 
he  couldn't  get  near  enough  to  the  White  House 
fence  now  to  hand  a  red  apple  through  to  the  old 
Presidential  hog,  and  he  was  afraid  that  if  Cleveland 
heard  of  this  he'd  give  orders  to  the  police  to  keep 
him  on  the  east  side  of  Fourteenth  street.  He  said 
that  Adlai  didn't  care  so  much  for  hisself,  but  he 
hoped  to  get  one  more  office  for  a  member  of  the 
Ewing  family.  That's  always  the  way  with  these 
pennyroyal  statesmen.  I'll  make  that  man  Stevenson 
President  if  he'll  only  keep  his  nerve  stiff  and  let  it 
be  known  that  he  doesn't  care  a  continental  for  old 
Cleveland  and  the  Rober  Barens  that  own  him. 
•x-  •*  # 

There's  more  trouble  about  that  P.  O.  down  at 
Brier  Root.  Ogle  writes  that  Mirabeau  Clay  wouldn't 
allow  niggers  to  get  their  mail  in  the  P.  O.  He 
throwed  all  their  letters  and  papers  into  a  store-box 
in  front  of  the  office  and  they  sent  a  black  boy  up 
to  get  'em  in  a  bag  and  take  'em  to  a  sort  of  post- 
office  where  they  was  distributed.  The  niggers 
complained  to  .the  Department  ^nd  the  P.  has, 


The  Rhode  Island  Election.  243 

ordered  this  business  to  stop,  insistin  that  the  law 
does  not  recognise  color  in  the  postel  service.  Ogie 
threatens  to  resign  if  he  has  to  wait  on  niggers.  I 
wrote  him  to-day  to  hire  a  nigger  boy  that  can  read 
and  write  to  help  him  handle  the  nigger  mail.  If  he 
reads  and  writes  well  he'll  be  great  assistance  to 
Ogle,  who  was  too  sick  and  too  fond  of  huntin  when 
a  boy  to  go  to  school.  Nice  Democrat  P.  O.  man 
agement  we  have  here  in  Washington  under  big- 
bellied  Bissell,  who  doesn't  know  no  more  about  the 
needs  and  feelins  of  the  South  than  a  Jew-billed 
cockytoo. 

•K  *  # 

I  have  no  heart  to  discuss  the  Brackenridge  case 
for  the  sufferens  of  that  good  man  distress  me.  He 
is  bound  to  come  out  clear  and  whole  and  better 
than  he  ever  was.  I  hear  that  his  sad  experience 
has  indooced  the  members  of  the  House  to  organize 
a  Society  for  the  Protection  of  Aged  Congressmen 
from  Syrens.  Judge  Holman,  of  Indianny,  is  Presi 
dent.  Between  the  persecution  of  this  great  South 
erner,  Brackenridge,  and  the  fact  that  Cleveland  has 
appointed  a  dirty,  greasy,  hoss-lipped  nigger  from 
Kansas  as  Recorder  of  Deeds  in  this  city  makes  me 
feel  like  pronouncin  a  funeral  oration  over  the  Dem 
ocrat  party  or  enlistin  in  General  Coxey's  army  of 
decayed  gentlemen.  But  the  Democrat  party  is  like 
Canady  thistles — it  can  not  be  put  down.  It  is  as 
blessed  as  the  man  that  setteth  on  a  red-hot  stove 
and  who  shall  rise  again. 

Yours  truly, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 

P.  S. — A  letter  from  Plantagenet  says  his  two- 
year  olc}  that  he  traded  out  of  Gen.  Hempstea<J'§ 


244  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

son  when  he  was  drunk  is  a  great  hopper  and  he's 
goin  to  enter  him  for  the  Sour  Mash  Cup  at  the 
Tuskeegee  races  this  fall.  He  calls  the  colt  Center 
Shot.  I  know  his  strain  and  it  is  good.  He's  by 
Brass  Cartridge  and  he  by  Self-Cocker,  out  of  Rapid 
Fire.  We  generally  manage  to  have  a  good  runnin 
hoss  on  our  plantation. 


SAD  CASE  OF  COL.  BRECKENRIDGE. 


THE  MAJOR  HEARS  THE  FORENSIC  ADDRESS  OF  A 
GREAT  KENTUCKY  BARRISTER — THE  VERDICT 
PAINS  HIM — HOW  TWO  SOUTHERN  VETERANS  OB 
TAINED  A  DRINK— SENATOR  HILL'S  ATTITUDE  DE 
PLORED. 

HOMINY  HALL. 
WASHINGTON,  D.  C,  April  14. 

I  made  a  sharp  point  of  bein  on  hand  last  Tues 
day  to  hear  Colonel  Phil.  Thompson's  oration  in  the 
Brackenridge  case.  It  was  refreshin  to  hear  him  do 
up  that  Pollard  girl  in  old  Kaintucky  style.  Lem 
Tolliver,  who  was  with  me,  said  it  was  the  first 
thing  he'd  heard  in  months  to  make  him  feel  at 
home.  Colonel  Phil,  stood  up  like  a  man  and  not 
only  denounced  the  nasty  woman  with  Southern 
ferver,  but  he  throwed  Colonel  Brackenridge  right 
onto  the  manhood  of  the  jury.  He  come  right  out 
and  said  that  every  real  man  had  been  in  just  such 
scrapes  and  he  made  it  clear  that  it  was  the  duty  of 
all  genuine  men  to  stand  together  in  matters  of  this 
kind.  I  heard  some  men  sayin  after  the  speech 
that  Colonel  Phil,  oughtn't  to  have  said  that  it  was 
better  for  a  young  woman  to  take  up  with  a  nice, 
intellectooal  statesman  of  distincktion  than  to 
marry  a  common,  ornery  clodhopper.  But  that's 
sound  Kaintuck  doctrine  and  I'd  like  to  see  it  put  in 
the  next  Democrat  platform  in  that  State.  The 
dressin  down  that  Phil,  give  that  brazen  Pollard 
will  last  her  for  some  time.  I  hear  this  woman,  who 
is  a  disgrace  to  the  Blue  Grass  State,  has  a  big 

(245) 


246  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

brother.  Why  he  don't  call  Phil,  out  or  why  Brack- 
enridge's  fightin  son  Deshay  haint  shot  him  is 
more  than  I  can  understand  but  you  can  bet  there'll 
be  music  when  this  trial  is  over.  I  don't  suppose 
there  is  a  prominent  statesman  in  this  town  that 
hasn't  been  in  a  dozen  tangle  ups  with  designin 
women  and  yet  everybody's  heavin  stones  at  Brack- 
enridge.  The  taller-faced  Yankees  are  all  tickled 
because  they  think  that  this  business  has  injured 
the  Colonel.  It  hasn't  hurt  a  hair  on  his  head  and 
I'll  bet  he  will  be  in  the  Senate  before  five  years. 
Southern  people  don't  lay  much  stress  on  matters  of 
this  kind.  They  expect  it  among  high-toned,  intel- 
lectooal  gentlemen  in  publick  life  and  they  are  right 
to  do  so.  I've  had  some  experience  myself  in  a 
small  way  and  I  know  that  a  man  always  stands  to 
get  the  worst  of  it.  I  was  the  first  man  to  shake 
Phil.  Thompson's  hand  after  he  got  through  his 
speech  and  we  went  across  the  street  and  took  a 
drink.  His  address  has  put  him  at  the  front  of  the 
bar  and  it  is  at  the  front  of  the  bar  that  I  usually  see 

him. 

*  *  * 

We've  had  here  in  Washington  since  last  August 
two  remarkable  gentlemen,  Colonel  Darius  Hawkins, 
from  Mississippi,  and  Major  Tecumsey  Dodger,  from 
Arkansaw.  They  both  come  on  here  to  get  counsel- 
ships,  and  have  long  been  familiar  in  the  ranks  of  the 
army  of  the  Unemployed.  They  knowed  each  other 
in  Kirby  Smith's  command,  and  they  have  been  seen 
together,  walking  about  arm  in  arm  every  day  for 
nine  months.  They  was  fairly  well  dressed  when 
they  got  here,  but  day  by  day,  as  their  hopes  have 
sunk  and  their  funds  have  got  lower  and  lower,  they 
have  become  seedier  and  shabbier.  They  used  to  be 
good  customers  at  my  lunch  table  when  my  poker 


Sad  Case  of  Col.  Breckenridge.  247 

parlor  was  in  blast.  It  has  been  real  pitiful  to  see 
em  of  late,  slowly  walkin  about  the  streets,  with  their 
arms  locked  together  for  mutooal  support  like  the 
United-we-stand  pictur  on  the  seal  of  Kaintucky, 
peepin  into  saloons  to  see  if  there  was  anybody  in 
side  that  would  treat.  They  always  talked  gravely 
together,  these  victims  of  old  traitor  Cleveland,  and 
the  dignity  they  put  on  got  pathetiker  and  patheti- 
ker  as  their  shoes  wore  out.  I  was  in  at  Shoemaker's 
the  other  afternoon  and  I  witnessed  a  scene  that 
touched  me  deeply.  The  Colonel  and  the  Major 
come  slowly  in  and  seein  no  show  to  be  treated  got 
off  in  a  corner  of  the  front  room  and  fisht  around  in 
their  pockets  for  some  change.  Together  they  man 
aged  to  scrape  up  pennies  enough  for  a  fifteen-cent 
drink.  The  Colonel  took  the  pot,  and  drawin  on  his 
lile  thread  glove  he  advanced  to  the  bar  with  the 
Major  on  one  arm  and  his  cane  under  the  other. 
Leanin  careless  like  up  agin  the  rail  he  said  rather 
proud :  "  Have  a  drink,  Majah  ?  "  "  No,  I  thank 
ye,  Colonel,  little  too  early  in  the  mawnin  for  me." 
"  Well,  give  me  some  of  your  best  whiskey,"  said  the 
Colonel  to  the  bar-keeper,  at  the  same  time  layin 
down  his  collection  of  pennies.  The  bottle  and  the 
glass  was  passed  to  him  and  pourin  out  a  tumblerfull 
he  swallowed  about  half  the  contents  and  smacked 
his  lips.  "  By  gracious,"  he  said  to  the  Major,  "  you've 
made  a  mistake  in  not  joinin  me ;  that's  glorious 
whiskey ;  best  I've  found  in  town  ;  just  taste  it." 
Passing  the  glass  to  the  Major  the  old  man  took  it 
and  drained  the  last  drop.  "  Right  you  are,  Colonel. 
That's  a  fine  article  of  licker,  sah."  Then  they 
locked  arms  and  majestickally  strode  out  together. 
The  bar-keeper  simply  looked  at  'em  and  whistlin 
softly  said,  "  Well,  that's  new."  These  heart-rendin 
scenes  I  am  witness  to  about  a  dozen  times  a  day. 


248  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

I  only  wisht  old  Cleveland  knowed  what  it  was   to 
have  to  work  for  a  drink  that  way.     Perhaps   he'd 
have  some  compassion  in  his  bouls. 
*  *  * 

That  worthless  young  Cadmus  Pettigrew,  who 
married  dear  Miss  Georgiana  Virginia  Toombs,  and 
who  has  been  camped  here  in  Hominy  Hall  ever 
sense,  has  not  only  not  paid  a  cent  of  board,  but  he 
has  been  invitin  a  lot  of  scabby  young  Southern 
clerks  in  to  dinner  every  day  just  to  show  off.  The 
poor  old  widow  spoke  to  me  about  the  cussed  impo 
sition  and  ast  me  to  speak  to  the  ninnyhammer  about 
it.  As  I  am  not  interested  in  seein  this  boardin 
house  collapse,  I  took  him  into  the  parlor  yesterday 
and  remonstrated  with  him.  He  got  frisky  and  be 
gun  to  cuss  me  for  interferin  in  family  affairs.  I  slapt 
his  face  and  he  started  to  pull  his  gun.  I  knockt  him 
down  and  kickt  him  out  into  the  street,  and  do  you 
believe,  I  had  all  I  could  do  to  keep  his  wife  from 
tarin  my  little  fringe  of  hair  off  the  back  of  my  neck. 
This  lovely  girl  that  uset  to  write  poetry  about  me 
raved  like  a  she  tiger,  and  it  busied  her  ma  mighty 
sharply  to  keep  her  from  hittin  me  with  a  yaller  spit- 
tune.  The  old  woman  was  quite  angry  with  me,  too, 
and  its  no  sure  thing  that  I  won't  have  to  leave  the 
house  myself.  Judge  Fairfax  Carter  is  intercedin 
for  me,  and  he  has  considerable  influence  with  the 
old  lady,  though  he  is  behind  one  hundred  dollars  on 
board.  This  unfortunate  brawl  has  upset  the  dignity 
of  the  Hall  very  much.  This  afternoon  young  Petti- 
grew  sent  me  a  challenge  by  one  of  his  young  cub 
clerks,  and  I  would  have  pulled  his  snout  if  it  hadn't 
been  that  I  always  respeck  the  Code.  I  told  the  sec 
ond  that  I  would  submit  the  matter  to  a  Court  of 
Honour,  and  if  they  don't  accept  I'll  slap  both  of 
their  jaws  the  first  time  I  meet  them.  I  want  no 


Sad  Case  of  Col.  Breckenridge.  249 

bigad   nonsense.     It's  bad  enough  to   put  up  with 
hard  grub  without  bein  insulted  for  doin  just  right. 
We    have    had    liver    for   breakfast    three   straight 
mornins,  and  that's  a  dreadful  bad  sign. 
•*  #  # 

I  went  up  to  the  Senate  to  hear  Dave  Hill's  speech 
and  was  sorry  for  it.  Nothin  that  I  have  heard  since 
I've  been  in  Washington  has  so  pained  and  shocked 
me.  As  he  went  on  to  criticize  the  Income  tax  and 
throw  cold  water  on  the  whole  Wilson  bill  I  could 
hardly  restrain  myself  from  throwin  Senatorial  court 
esy  to  the  devil,  and  denouncin  the  New  York  Sena 
tor  from  my  seat  in  the  gallery.  I  never  was  so 
Jehovally  mad  in  the  whole  course  of  my  natural 
life.  My  first  impulse  was  to  accost  Mr.  Hill  as  he 
passed  out  of  the  Senate  and  publicly  twist  his  years, 
but  when  he  pitched  into  Mr.  Falstaff  up  in  the 
White  House,  I  softened  at  oncet  and  decided  to 
spare  him  the  hewmiliation  that  I  had  stored  up  for 
him.  I  am  glad  to  know  that  I  am  not  the  only  man 
who  felt  wronged  and  insulted  by  this  shameful 
speech.  I  heard  that  a  very  distinguished  Southern 
Congressman,  whose  name  I  withhold  for  the  present, 
is  so  thoroughly  outraged  that  he  has  carefully  laid 
his  plans  to  pick  a  quarrel  with  Senator  Hill  with  a 
view  to  bodily  chastizin  him  for  his  utterances. 
There  is  no  doubt  that  David  has  earned  a  good 
lickin  for  this  unfriendly  attitude  toward  the  South, 
and  he  will  have  to  move  softly  or  he  will  get  it.  Our 
boys  are  not  in  a  mood  to  stand  any  foolishness.  This 
split  in  the  Senate  is  bad  for  us.  I  feel  like  repeatin 
a  story  that  Senator  George  Vest  tells  on  an  old  chap 
in  his  State.  This  old  rooster,  President  of  a  bank 
up  at  Lexington,  and  the  hardest  old  Democrat  in 
the  State,  was  travellin  in  a  stage  coach  when  it  was 
held  up  by  Jesse  and  Frank  James.  When  he  was 


250  The  Major  in  Washington  City. 

standin  in  the  road  with  the  other  passengers,  holdin 
his  hands  up  to  heaven,  Jesse  proceeded  to  help  his- 
self  to  the  fine  watch  that  the  Odd  Fellows  had  pre 
sented  him  with.  With  tears  in  his  eyes,  the  old  man 
said  to  the  bandits:  "Boys,  your  gwyne  too  far. 
This  thing  has  got  to  stop,  or  begawd  the  Dim- 
mycrats  will  lose  this  State."  I  merely  hint  this  to 
Dave  from  a  Democrat  standpoint. 


I  have  the  news  from  Brier  Root  to-day  that  Dris- 
coll  and  the  boys,  at  my  sudgestion,  has  organized  an 
Adlai  Stevenson  Club.  This  is  the  first  club  to  or 
ganize  in  behalf  of  Ad.  and  it's  a  large  point  in  my 
favor.  I'll  go  up  and  tell  the  V.  P.  about  it  and  in 
the  event  of  his  election  to  the  Presidency  you  bet 
your  socks  it'll  be  a  likely  rooster  that  gets  in  a  claim 
ahead  of  mine.  Through  the  kindness  of  one  of  our 
Southern  Congressmen  I  have  just  been  appointed 
agent  in  this  city  for  the  Louisiana  Lottery,  now 
moved  to  South  America  by  way  of  Florida.  I  have 
to  do  business  on  the  dead  sneak  but  if  I  hustle  I 
can  make  a  hundred  a  month  easy  on  commission. 
This,  with  the  little  money  that  is  comin  to  me  for 
the  Stevenson  movement,  sets  me  up  in  Easy  street 
again,  for  I  want  to  say  that  it's  an  unprosperous 
week  that  I  don't  catch  onto  enough  at  poker  to  keep 
the  linin  in  my  stummack. 

*  *  * 

I  see  by  the  little  elections  up  North  that  the  in 
dignant  Democrats  are  still  continuin  to  rebuke  and 
punch  their  party  for  not  carryin  out  the  pledges 
made  in  Checago.  If  we  had  knocked  hell  out  of  the 
tariff,  paid  the  Southern  War  Claims  and  started  up 
the  State  banks  the  Republican  party  wouldn't  have 
been  heard  of  this  year.  The  people  wont  stand 


Sad  Case  of  Col.  Breckenridge.  251 

foolin.  When  they  feel  cheated  they  just  rip  things. 
Our  Congressmen  are  beginnin  to  see  a  light  and  it 
ain't  too  late  to  do  something,  even  if  old  Cleveland 
has  turned  his  back  on  the  South  which  made  him. 

Very  truly  yours, 

RANDOLPH  GORE  HAMPTON. 

(Late  Major  C.  S.  A.) 
*  •*  •* 

P.  S. — As  I  close  this  epistol  I  hear  that  the  Brack- 
enridge  Jury  has  give  that  Jezebel  woman  $15,000. 
This  is  sickenin.  In  Kaintucky  or  any  decent  South 
ern  State  this  critter  would  of  been  sent  to  jail.  Well 
Brack,  will  never  pay  a  cent  and  we'll  all  turn  to  now 
and  re-eleckt  him  to  Congress  with  an  old  Confeder 
ate  whoop.  That'll  teach  the  dirty  Yankees  who  are 
behind  this  persecution,  a  little  lesson. 


KICKED  HENRY  SBYJGFS 

ROMANTIC    NOVELS. 


Published  in  the  United  States,  England,  an 
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Italian,  and  Swedish. 


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